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Is that thrill enough for you, dear? "My wife is a liar and I hate her. I once knew a girl named Elaine, Says Kristel to Rudi, "You Argumentative Miss Louise Bong I'm sure that if women were strapping, A pretty young lady named Joy, I'm such a liar! This you will see By Beauty, a Beast can be pleased, There once was a maiden so jealous When a shrew sued her mate (who was rich) Hear the tale of my loves unrequited There once was a girl who played drums, Connoiseuer, if allowed, of fine tail, Oh, it's nice to be awfully rich, If you go in the kitchen with Delia, If I were his long-suffering wife, Dear Robin, come home -- all's forgiven. (Editor Deex to Robin K. Willoughby who's pissed somehow)
A violent old girl of Tobago Her demeaning his manhood, though droll, She shouts at me, (telling-it-straight tricks,) She will stroll on the sidewalks of Rochester He was drownin' his sorrows in beer, A woman I greatly admire, A bastard I'm not, but a bitch; A henpecked old man of Lucerne, The day had barely begun There once was a girl from Bologna, I bedded the sweet Clementine A girl who just couldn't be cuter A stern warning, since you're new on the scene: There was this young girl they call Aurrie My least favorite occurrance in spring There was a young lady called Jean The promises sworn to when wooing There was an old maid named Mehitabel Jim had a few screws loose, A burglar named Willy O'Bangeller Poor Sweetie's been left all alone; Oh Erm, how I love you! Please note: In my time I've washed and I dried, "Forever", the woman did say, Look at her and you'd want to screw, I look around in this big mess ...That what I do is steal you mail. A slinky young woman in Foley When she wants me I'd better be there, Oh, why is my love unrequited? A dancer seduced Andalusia. A hard-to-please female named Rose The thing about women, behold, There's a lovely young lady in Ealing, You ask if we want a huge cock? The demons controlling Irene Cheri, a fatherly word: Don't mess with the girls of the Congo; I once loved a woman, and listen; There was a young lady called Chrissie, So your mother-in-law is a giver -- From Queensbury there came a Garret, A delectable woman in Fyffe Lipstick is a wonderful invention I've had a bad day, I confess. (PMS - pre-menstrual syndrome)
There was an old lady named Blake Musicians received from a page There once was a nubile young whore A lady marine in the war
We do aim to please men in here.
We aim at their butts
Or maybe their nuts,
Or sometimes we tackle their gear.
--- Anon
She says I'm a nasty dictator.
But I'm here to tell you
Allegations ain't true...
She's just a big mean alligator.
--- Observer
When we met, she did naught but complain.
I'm too hot; I'm too cold;
He's too young; you're too old;
I don't like going out in the rain.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
May browse wherever you do,
You may get an appetite
When you're out every night,
But always you're eating Chez Nous!"
--- Tim Main
Was contentious the living day long.
Being opinionated,
She never debated.
She, not always right, was not wrong.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0507
With lips that were constantly flapping,
And omitted their paint,
And forgot how to faint,
The men would be constantly yapping.
--- Limber Limericks
Was a favorite with all of the boys.
Also known as Hell Bitch,
I could not tell you which
Boy she must have annoyed.
--- Anon
As finally the truth comes from me --
John, I still love you,
No one's above you,
And forgiving is how you must be.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And its heart can forever be seized.
But as most of us know,
Who have been through a row,
The Beauty can also be Beast!
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0408
She lost the good will of the fellas,
And became an old maid
Of the crankiest grade,
At least so the chroniclers tell us.
--- Verses From Nam P0605
For lambasting her dog with a switch,
The Judge of the court,
So the papers report,
Asked her, "Which of you two is the bitch?"
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
And then that which led to troth plighted.
It's not easy to tell
Which led to more hell,
In a life which by both has been blighted.
--- Laurence Perrine P9307
Who flirted with Canadians.
Things would get risky
If they got too frisky,
For then she would break all their thumbs.
--- Carson
I ogle, when able, young quail.
But my wife is no fool;
She enforces one rule:
You can look all you like, BUT NO BRAILLE!"
--- John Miller 0018
And to pander each feminine itch.
It's well worth being called
By the men you've enthralled,
"That scheming, unfaithful, cold bitch!"
--- G1860
Beware, for she's certain to feel ya.
She'll fondle your rump,
Then carve off a lump.
The ointment takes ages to heal ya.
--- Bill Wall
I'd cut off his balls with a knife.
There'd be cause to rejoice
At the sound of his voice,
When he hit the high notes of his life.
--- Ann Smith
As for me, I'm repentant and shriven.
I'd wear ash and sack cloth
To undo what's been wroth
For without you, life ain't worth livin'.
--- Arthur Deex P8802
Was known as a vicious virago;
When they said to her, "Why?"
She screamed in reply,
"It's through this here plaguey lumbago!"
--- Langford Reed (Bibby)
Was rancorous past all control.
And the outcome of which,
Quelled his passionate itch,
More than perjury done to his soul.
--- Bob Giandomenico
To do dishes, (washing-the-plate tricks,)
No more do I crave,
For I am her slave,
And she is my sweet dominatrix.
--- Dirruk
And whisper to men, "Buenos noches, sir."
As they pivot about
With their tongues hanging out,
She will laugh as she watches their crotches stir.
--- Hugh Oliver A088A
'Cause he'd been dumped by his girlfriend named Leah.
She'd called him a nut;
He called her a slut,
And stuffed his pecker in her ear.
--- Anon
Whose children I wanted to sire,
She phoned yesterday
Saying she's gone away,
With a chap whose been lighting her fire.
--- Anon
The title I've held and of which
I am very proud.
And in any crowd,
I know where I'll find my small niche.
--- Anon
No peace in his life could discern.
When his bitchy wife died,
He cremated her hide,
But he still heard her shouts from the urn.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2895
When the angry mad bitches had fun.
Instead of sprays with water,
One ungrateful daughter
Shot bullets from her Gatling gun.
--- Anon
If you fucked her, she thought she'd own ya'.
But most men would say,
"Hey, thanks for the lay.
So long Bitch! Nice to have known ya'."
--- MrMalo
And thought I was doing just fine.
Then she said something shoddy,
"You've got a great body,
But sadly, my dear, I mean mine!"
--- SFA
Loved her cowboy and his six shooter.
But one day she dumped him
For a plumber named Jim
When he did her with his Roto-Rooter!
--- Writerman T9710
Keep your hands off our broads; they are mean.
They are part of our treasure;
Ignoring this measure
Will be tough like you never have seen.
--- Anon
And men on the net were her quarry.
She met this guy Jack,
Who cared not that she's cracked,
But I bet you some day he'll be sorry.
--- Anon
Is my pendulum-type of mood swing.
My hormones are raging!
Will this end with aging?
Don't tell me it's just a "girl thing."
--- Randy K
This is file frl
Who was always so horrid and mean.
One day she awoke
And found it a joke,
To be kind, always willing and keen!
--- Diane Oakley
(Unwittingly billing and cooing)
Can come back to haunt you
(Relentlessly taunt you)
When answered by words like, "I'm suing!"
--- R J Winkler P8405
With an attitude so inhospitable,
That the men who would woo her
Grew fewer and fewer --
For marriage they found her unfittable.
--- Michael F Ellis
So he made a dead-end excuse.
To get back in my favor,
My resolve doesn't waver;
I'd still like to kick his caboose.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Said, "Cash, or your wife! Man, I'll mangle her,
And rape her! Quick! -- Which?"
I said, "Rape the bitch,
And I'll suck off your prick if you strangle her."
--- Clement Wood GO746
His lady ditched him on the phone.
That just means he's free
For someone like me,
Just waiting for seeds to be sown.
--- Anon
I'll buy you a brand new fur coat,
Because you're so gentle
And untempermental...
Now please, dear, let go of my throat.
--- Anon
And other things helpful I've tried
To help bedroom lust.
That really went bust;
I found that the other half lied.
--- Anon
"For I am not one who would stray."
She said it six times
But I know her crimes,
And that cheating whore's going to pay.
--- Uncle Beer
Until your cock was black and blue.
But that wouldn't be smart,
Her box smells like a fart,
And she has temperment of a shrew!
--- Irving Schlobotkovitz
And doing so causes me stress.
Looks like it's all mine,
So I must decline
To make a big show and confess...
--- Marlene Lewis
If it was all cash, then the trail
Might lead right to me,
But checks? No, you see
I would rather steal your male.
--- Marlene Lewis
Avowed she belonged to me solely,
But I found she went out
With a big roustabout,
A tackle, a guard, and a goalie.
--- Alsops Foibles
To kiss and to stroke her fair hair.
'Cause if I am not.
She can be a real snot,
And run off to that prick in Au Claire!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And why are my hopes blighted?
I'd guide well a wife
For the rest of her life,
But by her, all my virtues are slighted.
--- Laurence Perrine P9307
Hard or flaccid, she wouldn't refuse ya.
With a clickity-clack,
She'd snap at your sack,
And stomp on your bone to abuse ya.
--- Anon
Regretted whatever men chose:
If she got it up front,
Smack dab in the cunt,
She'd long for the anus or nose.
--- Armand Singer
Don't ever mention they are old.
Don't nag about weight,
Don't say "masturbate",
'Cause they instantly turn over cold.
--- Anon
Who is very pretty and appealing.
But lovers beware
Of this lady fair;
She's devoid of all passion and feeling.
--- Robert Hunt t
I hope this does not cause you shock,
But we don't need two,
For we've already you,
And we don't even want you, dumb schlock!
--- Anon
Had started when she was a teen;
They'd made her a witch,
And a volatile bitch;
Obnoxious, unruly, obscene.
--- Cap'n Bean
Your rudeness to men is absurd.
You laugh at our dicks,
No chances of licks,
Little girls should be obscene and not heard.
--- Anon
They know what is right and what's wrong-o!
They may use a knife
On the pride of your life,
And use it to beat on their bongo.
--- John E Maywood
Her affection went into remission.
Her job was in sales,
Her heart hard as nails;
For she could only love on commission.
--- Paul Ford
Who was known as a kissable missie.
A young man dressed so neatly
Was demolished completely,
When she stared, and she mouthed, "You're a sissy!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Gives you grief that flows like a river!
Does she dissect your life
In front of your wife?
Don't sweat it -- just smile and outlive her.
--- Robbi
Who remarkably looked like a ferret.
He only got laid
When his girlfriend got paid.
It was an ugly scene, I swear it!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Reached out for a very large knife,
And that was my cue
As to what I should do,
So I got up and ran for my life.
--- Alsops Foibles
For women to attract our attention.
Helps distinguish them more
From the pitbull next door,
When they get that pre-menstrual tension.
--- Anon a
I've been overcome with such stress!
If you only knew
Quite what I've been through,
I'm sure that you'd have PMS.
--- Star TP9806
Who never her man did forsake.
Through foul weather and fair
He was free from despair,
For she pointed out every mistake.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2451
A note by the court's wise old sage:
Try not to be seen,
For we fear that our queen
Is suffering pre-minstrel rage.
--- Anon
Who laid every soldier she saw.
But she thought it obscene
To bed down a Marine:
She was rotten -- rotten to the Corps!
--- Clifford M Christ G1886
Was an over-achiever they swore.
The brass she screwed heavily
From taps until reveille,
But was rotten, they say, to the corps.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8901
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