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There was a young lady from Whence, Said a sweet young Tolousian floozie, There's a waitress in Jackpot, Nevada, A girl, Stephanie, known just as Steve, There was a young lady named Red, And then there was the girl from Anton Without much ado, in it went; Now when I saw your post on the board, It's one of my favorite vices Flo rented my barn's smallest stall She was judged by a jury of peers -- Just one bounce paid all of her rent? Look closer and you would have found She noticed my bulging marquee My Japanese lover in bed She gave me a withering look; A proper young lady named Sally That Katie next door is a snob; There was a young woman named Maud A chocolate chippie named Rose Remember, when you're feeling randy, A voluptuous maid of St. Jacques An Olympian lass of Gaspe A popular lady was Marge; I once met a woman named Fricker, There once was a girl named Churl, And what about chicks that just lay I'm proud to announce that this male I think of the night I was wed A gal must be sweating in beads A girl from the best of society Something else I think you might ponda', A lady realtor of Kent On the road when I'm harried and frayed, You may think I'm really quite crass Lord Peter of Buckingham here; Get on your knees, if you please I need you to take my whole rod Then take that tongue of yours and lick Oh, baby, give me what I need It lusts for your honey suckle; Trust a female to be so contrary, We'll ride devoid of perverse horror, Now I know how you'd come to your kinks; But a saint I'd detest! If you start Oh please don't vibrato alone; A pretty gymnast from The Lakes, The servant was serving his tea, An innocent maiden named Dove To his unwilling girl friend, Miss Dove, Said a sweet young coed from Purdue, There was a young girl of renown, There's a maid in a hotel in Wheeling, I've heard all you gals talking sexy, A chambermaid works very hard With men she is quite the go-getter; I once knew a girl from Redding, There once was a woman from France, There once was a lad from New York There once was a cute chambermaid; A young man from a lofty sierra An oversexed bunny named Blanding The two daughters of Lord Herbert Harrison "I would love," said the lady of Oregon, Said a sweet young Toulousian floozie, Floozie flooded the streets of Toulouse
Whose morals gave some folks offence.
They were heard to exclaim,
"Oh, fie on you; shame!
We're incensed, so from Whence, get thee hence."
--- Michael Gartner P8605
"With men I just ain't been too choosy;
When I dock with a cock,
Then I rock till I drop,
And I come out all woozy and juicy".
--- Anon
Who once dated Eric Estrada.
She isn't a stripper,
But boy, if you tip her,
She'll give you the whole enchilada!
--- John E Mayhood P9805
Not yet seventeen but naive.
She'd go out with a boy,
She'd simper, and be coy;
She was wearing her heart on her sleeve.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who was plain as could be, so they said.
But her boyfriends were plenty,
From age sixteen to twenty,
For she sure was a hot one in bed.
--- Al Chaplin P0303
Who all the guys would rant-on;
She spreads her legs
If a man begs;
Afterwards, she would put her pants-on.
--- Anon
And soon all my bullets were spent.
She laid on her back
And took all the flak,
Then said it's in lieu of her rent.
--- Anon
When it hit me I tripped on a cord.
If that is the way
To make the renters pay,
Then I think I'll become a landlord.
--- Anon
Because of the gals it entices.
But now I'm hell-bent
On raising my rent
To offset high property prices.
--- SFA
To live in, but paid not at all.
Except, uh, "in trade,"
But, jeeze, when she laid,
You'd thought she had leased Taj Mahal!
--- Travis Brasell
Sent to debtor's prison for years.
It just isn't fair
That she should be sent there,
'Cause you were the one in arrears.
--- Ericka
That surely can't be what you meant!
One screw's not enough
Unless she's hot stuff.
It's that or she's renting a tent.
--- Marlene Lewis
Her squatting had left me spellbound.
The judge didn't mind
Me sneaking behind,
To check that her assets were sound.
--- SFA
And quickly did move in on me.
For too many nights
She enjoyed squatters rights,
Forgetting to pay me my fee.
--- SFA
Tried to teach me her culture. Instead
All I wanted to do
Was to have a good screw.
"Can we try origami", I said.
--- Peter Wilkins
"Are you stupid?" she shouted, and took
Out my stiffie to fold
It in double. I told
Her, "I take it you don't want a fook?"
--- Peter Wilkins
Attended a big hippie rally.
She found out a lot
About liquor and pot,
And learned how to dilly and dally.
--- Limber Limericks
She thinks I'm a foul-minded slob.
"I'm not!" I protest,
As I leer at her chest,
And imagine her sucking by knob.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who found herself now and then floored --
Or bedded, or chaired,
Or top of the staired --
Oh well, it's the life of a bawd.
--- Isaac Asimov
Has plenty of dese, also dose;
She shares her huge goodies
With Jakes, Bills, and Woodys,
And Peters and Jimmys and Joes.
--- Armand Singer
A bit of cash might come in handy.
Many others have learned
That cash isn't spurned;
It works better than flowers or candy!
--- Anon
Was betopped with a generous stack;
And her front clearly meant
That she sportingly spent
A good time of her life on her back.
--- Hugh Oliver 41a
Was acknowledged a sumptuous lay.
And with never a fee;
"Be divested," said she,
"Of my amateur status -- no way!"
--- Keith MacMillan 35b
Her number of suitors was large.
One young caller polite
Said, "Are you free tonight?"
She said, "Darling, you know I don't charge."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0259
Who wore not a thing 'neath her knicker.
And ne'er a brassiere
Was she ever near,
So 'twas easy and quicker to dick her!
--- Mike M TP9804
On my cock she would sometimes twirl.
I've spread open her oyster
And entered her cloister,
But I still haven't found me a pearl.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
There, as you try to engage them in play
With you on the sofa.
They're just like a loaf-a
Bread, left on the shelf for a day.
--- Cubby
Would never eat bread that is stale.
The chicks I admire
Are those who perspire
When ridden real hard 'gainst the rail.
--- Cubby
And damn nearly wrecked a brass bed.
I gave it my all;
Pushed her through the wall...
Made damp by the sweat that we shed.
--- Cubby
For me to attend to her needs.
But lately, I've found
The harder I pound,
They no longer sweat but they bleeds.
--- Cubby
Wasn't noted at all for sobriety.
Her sexual bent
She'd suspend part of Lent --
And that's the extent of her piety.
--- Isaac Asimov
I work with a girl I'm quite fonda'.
If she would only do
What her gyne says to,
I'd call her my slave and not Rhonda.
--- Oddo Von Schlong T9801
Was bearing a house sign, "For Rent."
A handsome young joker
Attempted to poke her --
Quite pleasant, but not what she meant.
--- Hugh Oliver A120B
This is file fsl
I've found one motel makes the grade.
Their Jacuzzi's nice,
But better with spice,
So they throw in a nude chamber maid.
--- TuttaGioia
But I'm saving my piece of ass
For a gray haired old fart
With millions for a start;
Till I find him, I'm raisin' my glass.
--- Anon
I have hundreds of millions, my dear;
And my parts are still workin'
Enough for a firkin',
So give me your cute little rear.
--- Anon
And I'll come up behind you and squeeze.
My dick in your muff;
Today I'll play rough,
'Cause I'm horny, so please do not tease.
--- Anon
Deep up inside of your bod.
So that my big choad
Can explode his load
And I can scream out, "Oh, my god!"
--- Anon
Every inch of my throbbing dick,
And feel how the veins
In his long neck strain
As he comes in large bursts, so quick.
--- Anon
And I promise your hungers to feed.
I'm ready to play
Your sweet organ today,
And my tongue is dripping with greed.
--- Anon
Grab your belt, unhitch the buckle.
Unbutton your pants
And get ready to dance,
As I give you a nice long tongue fuckle.
--- Anon
Dominatrix to the Virgin Mary!
On a chaste mission,
So our 1st position
I think ought to be missionary.
--- Anon
Away from Sodom and Gomorrah.
But expect no slushy
Sweet drippingly mushy
Lame jokeless lims from me, Begorrah!
--- Anon
It's those Rome-Irish-Catholic links:
The more rigid the rules,
The more eager one drools,
And the better the worse that stuff stinks.
--- Anon
Oozing out stuff for, say, alt-dot-art,
I'll be gone in a jiffy;
I do like a good stiffie;
And a chew and a thumb in some part.
--- Anon
Let me watch as you whimper and moan.
Better still, let me do you
And thoroughly screw you,
And fill you with muscle and bone.
--- Anon
Did contortions that gave men the shakes.
She had a great yen
To do it again,
But only with physical rakes.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The butler was spreading the brie,
And the sexy French maid
Was in the bed, getting laid,
By their master, who shouted, "Oui, Oui!"
--- Cap'n Bean P9912
With young Mr. Push fell in love.
But encountered much trouble
With a sore bursted bubble,
When said Mr. Push, came to shove.
--- Armand E Singer 23Aa
Came the rich Mr. Push, bringing love;
Said her shrewd mother, "Honey,
Simply think of the money;
Just give in when Push comes to shove!"
--- Armand E Singer 23
"I shouldn't have sex, sir, with you.
You are in a warm niche
That's reserved for the rich,
So please put it back when you're through."
--- Isaac Asimov
Who'd been had by most men in the town.
Her morals were loose,
As the bowels of a goose,
And her eyes were a sad rectum-brown.
--- G0171
Whose service can be quite appealing.
If you give her good tips,
She'll sit on your hips,
And simultaneously dust off the ceiling.
--- Ed Bick
From studs to Oedipus Rexy.
Do you really perform,
Or just follow the norm
Of just teasing us to apoplexy.
--- S C Saint
In the chambers when madam's on guard,
But works a lot faster
At serving her master,
When madam is out in the yard.
--- Limber Limericks
The less I know, sometimes the better.
But often she shares
Details of affairs;
I stiffen while she gets much wetter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had to use rubber for bedding.
She get so much action,
(Minor legal infraction)
She needs something that will not be shredding.
--- MrMalo
Could be had for a song and a dance.
Those with no beat
And two left feet,
Parlez-voused her out of her pants.
--- Prsnut
Who decided he wanted to pork
The pretty young maid
Whose thighs, they were splayed,
And was always out tempting the stork.
--- Mimi
We met at a penny arcade.
Ten men undertook
A crack at her nook.
I would say she was quite overlaid.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Found sex both a puzzle and terror.
But he met with a lass
In a similar pass;
They both learned -- by trial and by error.
--- Isaac Asimov
For payoff is most undemanding.
She says, "I well know
Sex is used to make dough,
But I'd lose all my amateur standing."
--- Grand Prix Lim 261
Show the odiousness of comparison;
While the older sips port
With a Yank from the fort,
Her young sister is friends with the garrison.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
"To revert to professional whoregon,
Were it not that my spouse
Would disown me, the louse;
A conclusion I take to be foregone."
--- Keith MacMillan A099A
"With men, I ain't choosy. Do you see?
When I dock with a cock,
Then I rock till I drop,
And come out all woozie and juicy."
--- Dohpaz
With the juice of her snatch and caboose.
A river of cream
Smelling strongly of bream,
Slimed the gendarmes with lecherous mousse!
--- Randog
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