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Please, now don't you be blue; I seduced my boss on a ruse; Some advice: If you're going to pitch There was a young woman in Mass, I'm reading and thinking "How quaint", A lassie that laddies called Regan There was an old lady named Fry, Natasha the teenage slapper A termagant woman named Dionne, (termagant - spitefull, shrewish woman)
My life has been far from a gem! A pussy-whipped love slave named Pettit, You loved me, then left me alone I guess I'll make this short and sweet, Said a fisherman fishing in Michigan: Though huntin' and shootin' appals, Okay, shall we cut to the chase? That Isabelle ain't got much taste, Now life with our Kate's a real drag Women! You can't live without I call her Incredible Hulk, There once was a girl who was uppity There's a dashing young fellow named Dave. Here's a question designed to perplex This lim was about a love past; An uncertain young lady of Fresno, Men, as I grow older, more lecherous! There once was a guy called Nick, She pretended that it was a snake; He pulled out his old forty four He was jailed by the police. Then something went wrong with his head, He got really spooked and he fled. My Ex was a trying old bird. Now that is a helluva stunt; To be sure the old scow was a shit, One stormy night, above decks, It seem to be always my fate I've two next-door neighbors named Kate; Knock Knock! "Hello Kate #1; Knock knock! "Hello Kate #2; Pre-menstrual tensions, alack, There once was a woman called Jerri, Oh, Pat, introduce me, I plead; A young GI on leave searched in vain He asked to sit down with the beast, He got tired of the stubborn old dame, Oh dearest, I say unto thee, But shouldst thou wink at me too I dreamed I was pressed as a witch. Asleep under blanket and quilt, I sleep all alone in the park, Said a bored Chinese housewife named Wong, If he doesn't mind, does it matter? A woman returned from a spree Aunty Em was game for a fight; Sam was pumping so hard, he was fainting; A bored housewife while laid on her back, A friend took us home in his lorry; I met her in Athens (that's Greece). My wife's lost her sex drive and stamina. I've been trying to write something dirty, There's still smut in your imagination -- I'm trying but I'm so uninspired... If that is the case, never fear; It seems that poor Gary, your man, There was a beautician named Dave,
I behaved badly, but you were true.
I slept with another
And he was your brother.
The fault goes to me, not to you.
--- Gaila Rae TP9807
He was rich; I had nothing to lose.
So now it's bye bye --
Just one great big lie,
And I'm off on a Caribbean cruise!
--- Michelle
Your hat in the ring of this bitch,
You need better luck;
If you're going to fuck
Around with a self-proclaimed witch.
--- Karen
Who was sometimes a pain in the ass.
But she ceased to bitch,
When she started to stitch,
But I knew that phase would pass.
--- Anon
When she passes herself off as a saint.
She doesn't fool me;
No miracle she.
Re: Cannonization? She ain't.
--- Frank Fazed
Was a tree hugging, card holding Vegan.
She would never massage
A bursting sausage --
But she'd shoot at herself with my Pea Gun!
--- Anon
Whose man was just dirt in her eye.
So his motto, he said,
While his wife slept in bed,
Was to simply let sleeping dogs lie.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2584
Thought she had gone out looking dapper.
But she got quite pissed off
When her friends they all scoffed,
'Cause the tracksuit she wore wasn't Kappa.
--- Anon
On her husband, always would pee on.
She was rich as could be,
So he took it. You see,
He would rather be peed on than peon.
--- Sam Shaffe P8801
The answer in French is spelled 'femme'.
I found women OK
But I must say that they
Fucked me more that I ever fucked them.
--- Writerman
Whose sex itch took little to whet it,
Was made to wash dishes,
Obey his wife's wishes,
And wear see-through dresses to get it.
--- Armand E Singer 705
To rot here, to moan, and to groan.
Well, I'm not one to judge,
And I don't hold a grudge,
But please throw your mother a bone!
--- Richard Lederer P9603a
Since the lady in question beat feet.
It's now moot, so quit bitchin'
And get out of the kitchen,
If you find you just can't take the heat.
--- Anon
"Here comes that sweet little bitch again!"
So he hoisted her anchor,
And spanked her and thanked her,
And went back too exhausted to fish again.
--- G0697
The trophies hung up on the walls
In the bedroom are lovers
Of Lady Carruthers,
Suspended from hooks by their balls.
--- Peter Wilkins
I do hope I won't cause a disgrace!
But sincerely, it brings
To my mind the two things
I don't like about her -- it's her face.
--- Doug Harris P0608
And drug-use has left her disgraced.
And like gals I've known,
It seems that she's prone
To go through life being two-faced.
--- Observer
'Cause she's an incredible nag.
She yells and she screams
And breaks our daydreams
What's worse, she's an ugly old bag!
--- Archie
Them; of that there's no question or doubt.
('Cept the mother-in-law
For there's nothing so sure;
She's a wicked and ugly old trout.)
--- Anon
Because of her beddable bulk.
Such praise on her's lost,
I found to my cost.
She's in an unendable sulk.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And treated her gentlemen, puppety.
Though her sugar was fine
And her crumpets divine,
Such behavior's not everyone's cuppity.
--- Hugh Clary
All the girls think that he is a rave.
But to his chagrin,
When he finally gave in,
They just wanted a sexual slave.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Which I put to my wife about sex:
I asked "Do you enjoy?"
She said, "It's wonderful, Roy!"
The puzzle: Who's Roy, I am Rex!
--- H Myers T9801
We parted our ways none too fast.
Her nagging for shagging
Left my bagging sagging;
That shag hag near wore out my mast.
--- Anon
Who to most propositioners says no.
To a few of the guys
I am told, she replies
With an eager, ambiguous "Yesno!"
--- Keith MacMillan A019D
I find that all women are treacherous!
Just to get in that hole,
You surrender control --
(Of your life and your money?) You betcher ass!
--- Writerman
Who had a forty foot dick!
The lady next door,
Who sure was a whore,
Decided to be a slack prick!
--- Anon
She cut it's head off with a rake!
The man yelled in pain
"You bitch, you're insane!"
And that was all he could take.
--- Anon
And aimed it right at the whore.
There came a boom,
Then she fell to her doom.
That bitchy lady sure was no more!
--- Anon
No one came to his release.
He knocked himself out,
Like a high jumping trout,
But the cops thought he slipped on some grease.
--- Anon
For the lady appeared who was dead!
Then he woke up, the loser.
"That bump was a Doser",
The man at the hospital said.
--- Anon
He fell down the stairs and he bled.
After a really bad day,
Troubles just went away,
For now the poor man he was dead!
--- Anon
(Such hatred my boat in her stirred!)
When I got my new craft
Square cross the aft,
I named it for her -- The Seaward.
--- Irish
This is file fql
You couldn't have been much more blunt.
Wife and boat with the same
Ridiculous name.
(So what is she? Cockboat or punt?)
--- Ericka
And in truth, we just weren't a good fit.
Having piloted both,
I'll take any oath
That the boat had a smaller cockpit.
--- Irish
I think I came 'cross your old Ex.
While draped over the gunwale,
I drilled her old tunnel,
Then heard through the barfing, "Who's next?"
--- H Welchel
To work with a lady named Kate.
And my given karma
To totally disarm her,
Ensures that we often will mate.
--- Archie
One's twenty; one's twenty and eight.
Since both are flirtacious
And roundly curvaceous,
I thought I ask both for a date.
--- Peter Wilkins
You up for a romp in the sun?"
"Fuck off, you old perv!",
She informed me with verve,
As she threatened my pride with a gun.
--- Peter Wilkins
You up for a tumble and screw?"
"Take that, she replied
As she dented my pride
With the tip of her elegant shoe.
--- Peter Wilkins
I guess was the cause of attack.
I know they'll be gagging
Like Hell for a shagging
On Saturday night when I'm back.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who had a temper so scary,
That no man would have her
Except a cadaver
Or maybe a masochist fairy.
--- Pat O'Conner
I'm looking for one of that breed.
Who'll dress up in khaki
And like an Iraqi,
She'll drag me around on a lead.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For a spot to sit down in a train.
He was dead on his feet,
When he spotted a seat
Occupied by a dog -- what a pain.
--- Stephen Ross
But the owner'd not budge in the least.
She said it was rude
And obnoxious and crude
Because the poor dog was deceased.
--- Stephen Ross
Who insulted his Nation and Name.
So he picked up the bitch,
Out the window he pitched,
But he threw the wrong bitch off the train!
--- Stephen Ross
Be careful of maidens like me.
Wilt give thee a wink
And turn in a blink
To run away laughing with glee.
--- Anon
And decide to linger with you.
Your hand would have felt
My chastity belt,
And you'd be missing a finger or two.
--- Anon
I was sent to Hell for a hitch.
They roasted me slow
In Hell there below.
Was this because I'd been a bitch?
--- Marlene
I cooked in the oven I'd built.
I do not need both,
Although I am loath
To admit the heat made me wilt.
--- Marlene
Since I made an innocuous remark
My wife overheard.
(It's really absurd.)
"Gray cats look alike in the dark!"
--- Chris Papa
"I've tried cooking, and sewing, and song,
But the perfect solution,
Though it does take some douchin',
Fornication and such all day long!
--- Armand E Singer 51
That with all sorts of folks she will natter.
At socials and work,
Talk she doesn't shirk.
Does he think she's as mad as a hatter?
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Of shopping that brought her much glee.
When her husband espied
All she bought, he just sighed,
"The best things in wife are not free!"
--- Macsam
To hug trees, she said, was her right.
She climbed out on a limb,
Which looked very slim,
And gave all her neighbors a fright.
--- Libby Corrie
Pristine sheets, perspiration was tainting.
While Becky -- supine,
Said the now famous line:
She said, "Sammy, the ceiling needs painting."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Being rogered and going "Yack! Yack".
She's contstantly groaning,
Which he mistakes for sex moaning,
When she yells, "In the ceiling a crack!".
--- Anon
Now I feel awfully sorry.
I chose the wrong lad;
It made me feel sad,
But I found a good one near the quarry.
--- Anon
She could talk and she never would cease.
It was talk all the time,
But the sex was sublime.
She's a nice conversational piece.
--- Al Willis TP9802
She not only paints nails while I am in 'er --
As my libido accrues,
She calls out the clues
From the crossword of the Bradford Examiner!
--- H Myers TP9806
Or even just remotely flirty.
But my hormones are fried;
My smut must have died,
Or perhaps I've turned into a nerdie!
--- Cheryl
You must give it artificial respiration.
Please don't let it die,
This newsgroup will cry --
You give all of us inspiration.
--- Kaylin
But wait...I know what has transpired!
While abroad, I got lucky
And though it was ducky,
My smutter laid down and retired.
--- Cheryl
When I'm rested, I'll get back in gear.
But he quite wore me out,
(I had no cause to pout)
So for now, I'll just lurk, smirk, and leer.
--- Cheryl
Wore you out, as only men can.
Glad you had a good time,
(Hope you did it in rhyme)
And I bet HE gave you no Spam!
--- Joy
Had a plan for his clients to save.
For describing their screwing,
They got free shampooing;
Screwing Dave, a free permanent wave!
--- Laurence Craft
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