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If he won't come with me, that's fine. He will be most sorry, I'm sure (He's faithless and fickle, that man. Still, Charlie's a pig and a fool. Friday night comes around once more, Booze and drugs? Hurt me too much. I'm so glad I'm out of that race A hooker named Trixie makes light It must have been midnight or more, What's that little girl? Trick or treat? I decided to go trick or treatin'. A homely young fellow named Sumpkin, The kiddies who come trick-or-treating King Fart heard his bell got ding-dong, For every last ghoulie in sight, An ugly old lady named Bitts, Last Halloween night we did meet She never did give me her name; Unless there's another out there I answer the door in bear slippers; Come dear, to the great pumpkin patch It's time now for goblins and witches, This monster you mention, in heat; On Thanksgiving Day I'll be lovin' And as the clock gets close to eight Thanksgiving is here, Lass and Lad -- On Thanksgiving I give much thanks A fellow who lived in the east Along with Thanksgiving turkey, Up on Nelly a fellow from Skivving Stud Henry be one of them mothers My thanksgiving cook is now huffing Said the farmer, while giving a leer, On that day, there were loud exclamations For this Valentine's day give her candy; It's Valentine's that day of love; Truly, I ache for you, Joan. My dear, that's a terrible problem, I'll gladly be your Valentine And now you can join in my line; Oh Sonia, it seem such a waste O, Valentine's day Limericks, At Valentine greetings I curse; So sod it, I'm writing my own I think it would be quite okay (abstinence day you wear white for purity - Jerry Falwell)
I'd pick any day of the year There's many a girl claimed they were chaste, I'll ply you with flowers and sweets, This Valentines I really hate, My options are fast running out; It will be quite painful, of course, I know that you're anyone's, Sandy, Today is the day of romance, I think that I know just the place, My face makes a right comfy chair; Now without my face for to sit on, Today is the feast of St Val, I'm slamming it in you with love, Happy Valentine's Day to you ladies, There once was a man caught off guard Valentine's Day got by me; I'm giving to all you my heart Oh my darling, my sweet Valentine; My Christmas list this year is small; If you do your thing at the mall, Remember, we've Christmas to keep December, December, December,
This year maybe I will take mine
In the South of France,
Just doing love's dance
Without Charlie's annoying whine.
--- Anon
To miss out on the Cote d'Azure
They sun in the nude
And he could be crude
While picking out his boff du jour.
--- Anon
But he does things no one else can.
He has double joints
At interesting points
And tastes just like caramel flan.)
--- Anon
He'll spend two weeks stuck on a stool
In his corner bar,
Where all the men are
Just hiding from wives, as a rule.
--- Anon
And everyone runs for the door.
They've now got to choose
Between sex, drugs, and booze,
For their weekending bachannal chore.
--- Andrew Walker
Sex? Well, I do like a touch.
But what I extol
Is sweet rock and roll --
Just dance, scream, sweat, wiggle and such.
--- H Welchel
And worry about making first base.
Just my pipe and a scotch,
And a lady whose crotch
Is sitting right there on my face.
--- S C Saint a
Of phantoms and Halloween fright.
She turns tricks for treats
With spooks that she meets,
As crotches go bump in the night.
--- Randog
Yet there was a knock on my door.
Now, it's far too late
To play trick or treat, mate,
But a cute blonde stood there -- dial-a-whore!
--- Anon
Well come in, my dear little sweet.
Now take off your clothes,
Adopt this spread pose,
And now feel the size of my meat.
--- Anon
When I knocked, this gal gave me a greetin'.
She said, "Come on in,"
I replied with a grin,
"I must warn you that I haven't eaten."
--- Al Willis TP9806
A kinky, depraved country bumpkin,
Was found in the night,
'Neath a Halloween light,
To be out having sex with a pumpkin.
--- Cap'n Bean P0010
Are in for an interesting greeting.
I scream out A TRICK!
Then whip out my dick,
And fart while I give it a beating!
--- H Welchel
And opened the door to a throng
Of scary exhumed
Ghoulies untombed,
Waiting to smell his fart song!
--- Karen
King Fart's show was such a delight,
The beat and the farts
Go straight to the hearts
Of all ghoulies on Halloween night.
--- Karen
On Halloween, took out her tits;
They tragically sagged
And she screamed like a hag,
And she frightened me out of my wits.
--- Cap'n Bean P0010
In a bar right off of main street.
With scarcely a pattern,
She did jack my lantern;
I found her trick quite a treat!
--- Anon
She used me for her little game.
Not that I'm complainin',
It's just that I'm sayin',
I'd like her to do it again.
--- Anon
Who thinks that they can compare
To the hot burnin' lovin'
Of this mysterious woman,
Who vanished right into thin air.
--- Anon
Give candy to all little nippers.
I'm not so amused
At those who abuse;
Two teenagers dressed up like strippers.
--- Anon
And we'll play in the brambles and thatch.
You'll ride on my broom
And if there is room,
We'll play a great game in your snatch.
--- John Miller
And costumes that keep me in stitches.
While mom and big sisters
Raise big penis blisters,
It's a good thing the kids are not snitches.
--- John Miller
Peeking out of your denims - that's neat.
But what frightens me tru-
Ly's the answer that you
Give to me: Just a trick or real treat?
--- Anon
Each type of food fresh from your oven.
I'll eat lotsa meats
And dessert type treats,
As more than your turkey gets stuffin'
--- Gearhart
I'm starting now to salivate.
Because I am certain
We'll do more than flirtin'
This Thanksgiving Holiday date.
--- Anon
Raise your glass in a toast and be glad
For the health and good cheer
You've had through the year --
And for all the fine fucking you've had!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For blessings of hussies and skanks,
With pussies that spasm,
And I know who has 'em;
The bitches are holed up at Franks!
--- Travis Brasell
Was eating a Thanksgiving feast.
"This turkey is good,"
He announced, "but I would
Still prefer the roast ass of a beast."
--- Cap'n Bean P9911
A Puritan gal quite perky
Offered some extra fun
To an indian son;
His Thanksgiving turned out kinda jerky.
--- Anon
In the midst of his love cried, "That's living!"
Said our Nell, on his isthmus,
"You may think that it's Christmas,
But to me it's a cause for Thanksgiving!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 888
Dig Thanksgiving more than the others --
Thanks the sisters a lot
For their tits and their twat --
And for sharing it all with the brothers.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And puffing while she makes the fluffing,
For two lemon pies,
While spreading her thighs,
Enjoying my Thanksgiving stuffing.
--- Travis
"November is drawing quite near.
I was asked to prepare
The Thanksgiving fare,
And we're having stuffed turkey this year."
--- Murphy
This is file fpm
Of delight, from his friends and relations.
They did not know, of course,
That his special white sauce,
Was produced by his ejaculations.
--- Murphy
Cho-co-lats, pal, she'll think sure are dandy;
Though she may grow a zit
Right above her fat clit;
That's tomorrow; tonight she'll be randy!
--- Anon
So full of hearts, flowers and doves.
But Trojan sales jumped
From out of their slump,
As Cupid sends lust from above.
--- Azul
If you like, I will lower the tone.
So what if your wedded?
I need to be bedded
And cured of this permanent bone.
--- Peter Wilkins
If you truly can't wobble or gobble 'em,
But be happy on Valentine's
When your drinkin' yer Ballantines:
Ya won't have to squabble or bauble 'em!
--- Anon
Tomorrow. If you would be mine.
I'd do you up proud,
But hon, there's a crowd,
And I don't want to wait in that line.
--- Carol
I'm sure we can Valentine fine.
I'm now a new man;
Your number one fan.
For you I have given up kine.
--- Archie
That girlies are more to your taste.
But dammit, my percy
Is needing your mercy,
In achingly imminent haste.
--- Peter Wilkins
We're talking 'bout pussies and pricks,
True ladies I think,
When you offer her dink,
Might leave you right out in the sticks!
--- Anon
I cannot imagine much worse
Than roses and hearts
And a cupid with darts
Or that vacuous saccharine verse.
--- Anon
To Lucy, Amanda and Joan
And maybe some nurses
With far better verses;
That surely won't lower the tone.
--- Anon
To be chaste on Valentine's Day.
But come Valentine's Night,
For me it's alright
To give a nice girl a good lay.
--- Dirruk
"To be chased" by a sweet little dear.
I'd help her keep brave,
And her maidenhead save,
By porking her right up the rear.
--- HMMWV
Until by my todger, were faced.
Then after some fore-
Play, acted the whore,
And weren't in fact quite so strait-laced.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Sweet nothings and diamonds and treats,
Sweetmeats and cakes;
Whatever it takes
To get you there under the sheets.
--- John Miller
And not 'cause I don't have a date.
I could go and pay
A gal for a lay,
But they've upped their hourly rate.
--- Lightbulb
Though really, was there any doubt?
That this Valentine
Old Percy is mine.
(Tiddy Ogg, is she cured of her gout?)
--- Lightbulb
For her, so I'll apply less force.
If that's not cnough,
I'll dive in her muff,
But I worry my voice might get hoarse.
--- Lightbulb
When offered a lemonade shandy.
So Valentine's Day,
Will you come out to play,
If I promise to ply you with brandy?
--- Peter Wilkins
So let's go and dine and then dance
The night away, love,
Beneath stars above;
Somewhere that they don't require pants!
--- Anon
Where you don't even wear bits of lace.
The whole room is bare,
Not even a chair,
So I'll just have to sit on your face.
--- Anon
My tongue licks a part in your hair.
And then I kiss up
To find a b-cup,
As my lips take some sips on your pair.
--- Anon
[Nips hard as I give you a tit-on!]
You'll see a huge stump
Grow up from a lump,
So get on and slide your sweet clit on!
--- Anon
The florist's and candy store's pal.
It costs you the earth,
But maybe it's worth
It, to open the legs of your gal.
--- Anon
My charmingly sweet turtle dove.
On Valentine's Day
I'll thrust all the way
Inside to show what I'm made of!
--- Anon
Whose loins make me hotter than hades;
And, to those who have left,
So deft with a cleft,
That I still have a leak like Euphrates.
--- Anon
When he forgot his Valentine's card.
But his gal had the laugh
When she noticed his staff,
And told him that things could stay hard.
--- Remkle McSabbivy
No wishes from me did girls see;
I feel castigated,
So here's one belated:
"To all girls -- A Happy V.D.!"
--- Anon
Along with the bodily part...
s that throb and get wet,
Which you love to pet
And pierce with your arrow and darts.
--- Anon
Shall we celebrate with some wine?
From the prices list,
Can't afford to get pissed.
Let's forget it -- your place or mine?
--- Tony Burrell
In fact, I don't want much at all.
In me there's no greed,
Just one thing I need:
To fuck all the girls at the mall!
--- Anon
Please, don't do it out in the hall.
While watching you sowing,
Won't look where I'm going.
I'll trip over you and I'll fall.
--- Anon
Because shepherds refused to take sleep;
So, you gals who get presents
Should not speak in 'unpleasants'
About men who stay nightly with sheep!
--- Anon
Makes me just want to dismember
Each flocked Christmas tree,
Each Grinch that I see,
And Ebeneezer's wrinkled old member!
--- Larry M
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