If he won't come with me, that's fine.
This year maybe I will take mine
In the South of France,
Just doing love's dance
Without Charlie's annoying whine.
--- Anon

He will be most sorry, I'm sure
To miss out on the Cote d'Azure
They sun in the nude
And he could be crude
While picking out his boff du jour.
--- Anon

(He's faithless and fickle, that man.
But he does things no one else can.
He has double joints
At interesting points
And tastes just like caramel flan.)
--- Anon

Still, Charlie's a pig and a fool.
He'll spend two weeks stuck on a stool
In his corner bar,
Where all the men are
Just hiding from wives, as a rule.
--- Anon

Friday night comes around once more,
And everyone runs for the door.
They've now got to choose
Between sex, drugs, and booze,
For their weekending bachannal chore.
--- Andrew Walker

Booze and drugs? Hurt me too much.
Sex? Well, I do like a touch.
But what I extol
Is sweet rock and roll --
Just dance, scream, sweat, wiggle and such.
--- H Welchel

I'm so glad I'm out of that race
And worry about making first base.
Just my pipe and a scotch,
And a lady whose crotch
Is sitting right there on my face.
--- S C Saint a

A hooker named Trixie makes light
Of phantoms and Halloween fright.
She turns tricks for treats
With spooks that she meets,
As crotches go bump in the night.
--- Randog

It must have been midnight or more,
Yet there was a knock on my door.
Now, it's far too late
To play trick or treat, mate,
But a cute blonde stood there -- dial-a-whore!
--- Anon

What's that little girl? Trick or treat?
Well come in, my dear little sweet.
Now take off your clothes,
Adopt this spread pose,
And now feel the size of my meat.
--- Anon

I decided to go trick or treatin'.
When I knocked, this gal gave me a greetin'.
She said, "Come on in,"
I replied with a grin,
"I must warn you that I haven't eaten."
--- Al Willis TP9806

A homely young fellow named Sumpkin,
A kinky, depraved country bumpkin,
Was found in the night,
'Neath a Halloween light,
To be out having sex with a pumpkin.
--- Cap'n Bean P0010

The kiddies who come trick-or-treating
Are in for an interesting greeting.
I scream out A TRICK!
Then whip out my dick,
And fart while I give it a beating!
--- H Welchel

King Fart heard his bell got ding-dong,
And opened the door to a throng
Of scary exhumed
Ghoulies untombed,
Waiting to smell his fart song!
--- Karen

For every last ghoulie in sight,
King Fart's show was such a delight,
The beat and the farts
Go straight to the hearts
Of all ghoulies on Halloween night.
--- Karen

An ugly old lady named Bitts,
On Halloween, took out her tits;
They tragically sagged
And she screamed like a hag,
And she frightened me out of my wits.
--- Cap'n Bean P0010

Last Halloween night we did meet
In a bar right off of main street.
With scarcely a pattern,
She did jack my lantern;
I found her trick quite a treat!
--- Anon

She never did give me her name;
She used me for her little game.
Not that I'm complainin',
It's just that I'm sayin',
I'd like her to do it again.
--- Anon

Unless there's another out there
Who thinks that they can compare
To the hot burnin' lovin'
Of this mysterious woman,
Who vanished right into thin air.
--- Anon

I answer the door in bear slippers;
Give candy to all little nippers.
I'm not so amused
At those who abuse;
Two teenagers dressed up like strippers.
--- Anon

Come dear, to the great pumpkin patch
And we'll play in the brambles and thatch.
You'll ride on my broom
And if there is room,
We'll play a great game in your snatch.
--- John Miller

It's time now for goblins and witches,
And costumes that keep me in stitches.
While mom and big sisters
Raise big penis blisters,
It's a good thing the kids are not snitches.
--- John Miller

This monster you mention, in heat;
Peeking out of your denims - that's neat.
But what frightens me tru-
Ly's the answer that you
Give to me: Just a trick or real treat?
--- Anon

On Thanksgiving Day I'll be lovin'
Each type of food fresh from your oven.
I'll eat lotsa meats
And dessert type treats,
As more than your turkey gets stuffin'
--- Gearhart

And as the clock gets close to eight
I'm starting now to salivate.
Because I am certain
We'll do more than flirtin'
This Thanksgiving Holiday date.
--- Anon

Thanksgiving is here, Lass and Lad --
Raise your glass in a toast and be glad
For the health and good cheer
You've had through the year --
And for all the fine fucking you've had!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

On Thanksgiving I give much thanks
For blessings of hussies and skanks,
With pussies that spasm,
And I know who has 'em;
The bitches are holed up at Franks!
--- Travis Brasell

A fellow who lived in the east
Was eating a Thanksgiving feast.
"This turkey is good,"
He announced, "but I would
Still prefer the roast ass of a beast."
--- Cap'n Bean P9911

Along with Thanksgiving turkey,
A Puritan gal quite perky
Offered some extra fun
To an indian son;
His Thanksgiving turned out kinda jerky.
--- Anon

Up on Nelly a fellow from Skivving
In the midst of his love cried, "That's living!"
Said our Nell, on his isthmus,
"You may think that it's Christmas,
But to me it's a cause for Thanksgiving!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 888

Stud Henry be one of them mothers
Dig Thanksgiving more than the others --
Thanks the sisters a lot
For their tits and their twat --
And for sharing it all with the brothers.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My thanksgiving cook is now huffing
And puffing while she makes the fluffing,
For two lemon pies,
While spreading her thighs,
Enjoying my Thanksgiving stuffing.
--- Travis

Said the farmer, while giving a leer,
"November is drawing quite near.
I was asked to prepare
The Thanksgiving fare,
And we're having stuffed turkey this year."
--- Murphy

This is file fpm

On that day, there were loud exclamations
Of delight, from his friends and relations.
They did not know, of course,
That his special white sauce,
Was produced by his ejaculations.
--- Murphy

For this Valentine's day give her candy;
Cho-co-lats, pal, she'll think sure are dandy;
Though she may grow a zit
Right above her fat clit;
That's tomorrow; tonight she'll be randy!
--- Anon

It's Valentine's that day of love;
So full of hearts, flowers and doves.
But Trojan sales jumped
From out of their slump,
As Cupid sends lust from above.
--- Azul

Truly, I ache for you, Joan.
If you like, I will lower the tone.
So what if your wedded?
I need to be bedded
And cured of this permanent bone.
--- Peter Wilkins

My dear, that's a terrible problem,
If you truly can't wobble or gobble 'em,
But be happy on Valentine's
When your drinkin' yer Ballantines:
Ya won't have to squabble or bauble 'em!
--- Anon

I'll gladly be your Valentine
Tomorrow. If you would be mine.
I'd do you up proud,
But hon, there's a crowd,
And I don't want to wait in that line.
--- Carol

And now you can join in my line;
I'm sure we can Valentine fine.
I'm now a new man;
Your number one fan.
For you I have given up kine.
--- Archie

Oh Sonia, it seem such a waste
That girlies are more to your taste.
But dammit, my percy
Is needing your mercy,
In achingly imminent haste.
--- Peter Wilkins

O, Valentine's day Limericks,
We're talking 'bout pussies and pricks,
True ladies I think,
When you offer her dink,
Might leave you right out in the sticks!
--- Anon

At Valentine greetings I curse;
I cannot imagine much worse
Than roses and hearts
And a cupid with darts
Or that vacuous saccharine verse.
--- Anon

So sod it, I'm writing my own
To Lucy, Amanda and Joan
And maybe some nurses
With far better verses;
That surely won't lower the tone.
--- Anon

I think it would be quite okay
To be chaste on Valentine's Day.
But come Valentine's Night,
For me it's alright
To give a nice girl a good lay.

(abstinence day you wear white for purity - Jerry Falwell)
--- Dirruk

I'd pick any day of the year
"To be chased" by a sweet little dear.
I'd help her keep brave,
And her maidenhead save,
By porking her right up the rear.

There's many a girl claimed they were chaste,
Until by my todger, were faced.
Then after some fore-
Play, acted the whore,
And weren't in fact quite so strait-laced.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I'll ply you with flowers and sweets,
Sweet nothings and diamonds and treats,
Sweetmeats and cakes;
Whatever it takes
To get you there under the sheets.
--- John Miller

This Valentines I really hate,
And not 'cause I don't have a date.
I could go and pay
A gal for a lay,
But they've upped their hourly rate.
--- Lightbulb

My options are fast running out;
Though really, was there any doubt?
That this Valentine
Old Percy is mine.
(Tiddy Ogg, is she cured of her gout?)
--- Lightbulb

It will be quite painful, of course,
For her, so I'll apply less force.
If that's not cnough,
I'll dive in her muff,
But I worry my voice might get hoarse.
--- Lightbulb

I know that you're anyone's, Sandy,
When offered a lemonade shandy.
So Valentine's Day,
Will you come out to play,
If I promise to ply you with brandy?
--- Peter Wilkins

Today is the day of romance,
So let's go and dine and then dance
The night away, love,
Beneath stars above;
Somewhere that they don't require pants!
--- Anon

I think that I know just the place,
Where you don't even wear bits of lace.
The whole room is bare,
Not even a chair,
So I'll just have to sit on your face.
--- Anon

My face makes a right comfy chair;
My tongue licks a part in your hair.
And then I kiss up
To find a b-cup,
As my lips take some sips on your pair.
--- Anon

Now without my face for to sit on,
[Nips hard as I give you a tit-on!]
You'll see a huge stump
Grow up from a lump,
So get on and slide your sweet clit on!
--- Anon

Today is the feast of St Val,
The florist's and candy store's pal.
It costs you the earth,
But maybe it's worth
It, to open the legs of your gal.
--- Anon

I'm slamming it in you with love,
My charmingly sweet turtle dove.
On Valentine's Day
I'll thrust all the way
Inside to show what I'm made of!
--- Anon

Happy Valentine's Day to you ladies,
Whose loins make me hotter than hades;
And, to those who have left,
So deft with a cleft,
That I still have a leak like Euphrates.
--- Anon

There once was a man caught off guard
When he forgot his Valentine's card.
But his gal had the laugh
When she noticed his staff,
And told him that things could stay hard.
--- Remkle McSabbivy

Valentine's Day got by me;
No wishes from me did girls see;
I feel castigated,
So here's one belated:
"To all girls -- A Happy V.D.!"
--- Anon

I'm giving to all you my heart
Along with the bodily part...
s that throb and get wet,
Which you love to pet
And pierce with your arrow and darts.
--- Anon

Oh my darling, my sweet Valentine;
Shall we celebrate with some wine?
From the prices list,
Can't afford to get pissed.
Let's forget it -- your place or mine?
--- Tony Burrell

My Christmas list this year is small;
In fact, I don't want much at all.
In me there's no greed,
Just one thing I need:
To fuck all the girls at the mall!
--- Anon

If you do your thing at the mall,
Please, don't do it out in the hall.
While watching you sowing,
Won't look where I'm going.
I'll trip over you and I'll fall.
--- Anon

Remember, we've Christmas to keep
Because shepherds refused to take sleep;
So, you gals who get presents
Should not speak in 'unpleasants'
About men who stay nightly with sheep!
--- Anon

December, December, December,
Makes me just want to dismember
Each flocked Christmas tree,
Each Grinch that I see,
And Ebeneezer's wrinkled old member!
--- Larry M