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My Christmas tree, fragrant and plump,
Stands proudly on its massive stump;
And my Christmas fire
Now makes me perspire,
As I pump my Christmas whore's rump!
--- Anon

My dearest, my sweet boy so fair!
A partridge at home in a pear
Tree! I just love you...
Thank heaven above, too...
With you, it has answered my prayer.
--- Tutta Gioia

Two turtledoves! Oh how sweet!
A billing and cooing dear treat...
My thanks and my love
To you, my own dove...
By your gifts, I am swept off my feet!
--- Tutta Gioia

Really my love, you're too kind.
The French Hens arrived and I signed
For these feathery three.
You're too good to me.
Your largesse just boggles the mind.
--- Tutta Gioia

Four calling Birds? They are cute,
But, my pet, you have won your love-suit
I'm really all yours,
But I have other chores
And ten birds all 'round sure pollute.
--- Tutta Gioia

Dear Heart! You sent birds as hors d'oeuvres!
But my sweet...your financial reserves?
These five golden rings
A wealth of joy brings,
Soothing my squawked at raw nerves.
--- Tutta Gioia

On my porch I found six geese a-laying!
Birds again! John are you playing
A juvenile game?
Nervous breakdown your aim?
The poop and the noise are dismaying.
--- Tutta Gioia

In my pool, seven swans all a-swimming...
My filter all clogged from poop-skimming!
Twenty three birds
All squirting turds...
With avian shit, my life's brimming!
--- Tutta Gioia

Just what in the hell do I do
With these cows and their teat-pulling crew?
An octet of maids
Just angling for AIDS
As they prattle 'bout who they'll next screw!
--- Tutta Gioia

Pipers with pipes? You shithead!
Pie-piped the eight maids in my bed...
While the ninth piper waited,
He viciously mated
With the fowl, leaving six of them dead!
--- Tutta Gioia

"Ladies" you call them? These sluts?
With pipers' priaps up their butts?
I've nine back-door whores
Spread out on all fours,
While the tenth, with the maids, works on nuts!
--- Tutta Gioia

Your balls I will bind with wet cords
For sending these sex-obsessed lords;
A-leaping and lunging,
Their phalluses plunging
Into birds, into cows, into bawds!
--- Tutta Gioia

Dear Sir: Please be advised, Mr. Green,
We represent Agnes Steen
Whom you've driven insane
With your brutal campaign
Of harrassment, depraved and obscene.
--- Tutta Gioia

Those auto-sexed fiddlers you sent
Maniacally fiddled then spent
Twelve gallons or more
All over her floor...
She slipped and she fell...You'll repent!
--- Tutta Gioia

Still, I hope you have a nice time
And your holiday is sublime.
I hope you don't freeze it,
'Fore ever I sees it,
'Cause, wherever, that may be a crime!
--- Anon

At Christmas we hang sprigs of wattle,
While drinking cold beer from a bottle;
And then us guys race
'Cause, whoever's first place,
Is given the chicken to throttle.
--- David Miller Q

Since merry's the order of the day,
There's not much for me to say.
But to wish one and all:
Stand bright and tall,
And enjoy every Christmas lay.
--- Esther

We gay boys can make Christmas merry!
In ways that some folks think are scary;
A phallic symbol in lights,
Big elves dressed in tights,
With all cheeks red and quite hairy!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

We gay boys can make Christmas merry!
He's Joe, that's Doc and I'm Terry.
I don't really mock
When Joe puts cock in Doc,
But I can't resist calling him "Fairy"!
--- FCA

Christmas! There's turkey and duck
And juicy spring lamb, with some luck;
We're all feeling Mary
(Who might still be cherry)
-- There's so many good things to eat!
--- John Miller

Break out the booze, sing a song;
Christmas is near, not too long.
Perhaps I'll get kissed
By a chap who's not pissed
To have me play around with his dong.

The presents are under the tree,
And yet there is not one for me.
I don't ask for much;
A card, rose, or such.
Merry fucking Christmas to me!
--- Anon

We gay boys can make Christmas merry!
We're Santa's elves, Chaz, Screech, and Perry.
The work we don't mind
When we screw from behind;
We never popped any girl's cherry!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

To all of you guys here, I'll blow
A kiss from 'neath my mistletoe.
And for the new year
I'll spread my good cheer,
And not once accept any dough.
--- Carol

Hope this Christmas will bring you joy,
And that you get at least one new toy,
That when you assemble,
It just might resemble
That cute well-hung neighborhood boy.
--- Carol

For Christmas, I nothing deserve;
Get nothing for being a perv.
Take Santa's reindeer,
Get into their rear,
And deliver the ace I can serve.
--- Anon

By the time I am done with the buck,
Their navigational skills will suck.
Poor Santa'll be lost
But at extra cost,
I might just give him a fuck
--- Anon

For Christmas, a positive lim?
You appear depressingly prim.
I'd much rather screw
Some totty like you,
Assuming you have a tight quim.
--- Anon

I hope you will be "in the 'pink'"
And not in the brown or the stink.
As New Year approaches,
I don't wish you roaches,
Just good fucking, great food, and drink.
--- Anon

On Christmas Eve night, gather 'round
My hearth where it's warm and my hound
Enjoys a good scratch
Of her itching snatch;
'Tis where tales of love can be found.
--- Travis Brasell

For instance, you'll hear the love story
Of Jane and the night she sang "Glory,
The Angels Ascended"
When her twat descended
On Vicar McShaw's 'hunky-dory.'
--- Travis Brasell

And what would Yule be without telling
Why AJL's ladies start yelling
When AJL's guys
Are squeezed by their thighs;
(A clue: Has to do with what's swelling.)
--- Travis Brasell

All ladies and gents who are able
Can act out their own Christmas fable,
Until light of day,
In mangers of hay,
Out under the star o'er my stable.
--- Travis Brasell

This is file fom

Ask no more of stories: "Who has'em?"
'Tis by my warm fireside, you'll spasm
With laughter from yarns
I've spun in my barns,
That deal with -- you guessed it -- orgasm!
--- Travis Brasell

We gay boys can make Christmas merry!
With our big nuts so hairy.
We will both butt fuck
Till we both bust a nut;
You should try it -- it's not scary.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A faithful parishioner, Fred,
Was humping some girl he'd misled.
Preferring to miss mass
Because it was Christmas,
And open his presents in bed.
--- Armand E Singer 486

My 'wish' list this Christmas is small;
I just want some pussy, that's all.
From ninety rich ladies
Who each own Mercedes,
Who'll spend on me, scads at the mall!
--- Travis Brasell

I understand wanting the muff
Of ninety-odd women with stuff;
But if all of you are
Going to ride in one car,
You had better be dressed in the buff!
--- Brian

But now, my holiday mood
Grows large when I think of that brood
Of 'ninety-ish' girls
In their diamonds and pearls
And Mercedes, with me driving nude!
--- Travis Brasell

Now if you're a limerick sage,
With this thing I can't quite engage;
Your strange predilection
For such a connection --
Is ninety the number or age?
--- Tiddy Ogg

Maiden Veronica's plight
Was caused by a terrible fight
Between her love true
And a barbarian who,
In the field left no holey knight.
--- Anon

This story is true, please believe,
This girl, so as not to concieve,
Would stick to sex, oral,
In liaisons immoral...
They called her, of course, kiss-mast Eve.
--- Anon

I'm wishing you holiday joy
With your favorite girl or sweet boy.
But as for myself,
From Santa's workshelf,
I'm gonna pick me a man-toy!
--- Anon

A girl by the name of Remember
Would keep a nice man till December.
Then if she was miffed
For lack of a gift,
Would sear the nice man to an ember.
--- Paul Waterman

My wife once subscribed to McCalls
And read how to deck out the halls.
She went Christmas shopping,
Said to a clerk mopping,
"I heard that you have big red balls?"
--- Anon

The clerk did not know what to do,
But thought for a moment or two.
He then unzipped his pants
And said after a glance,
"Small balls...but they have a red hue!"
--- Anon

As Christmas approaches, I say:
Dear Santa, just send me a lay
From one of the males,
Whose limerick tales
I've missed since I've been long away.
--- P Statio Nuts

On counting the crotches being kneaded,
It seems that your plea is being heeded.
So give me a call
And we'll have a ball,
If none of these pricks have succeeded.
--- Anon

If your not spreading good cheer and it's free,
Then come here and sit on my knee.
Let's play Santa Claus;
You'll love it because
The best toy I've got's, part of me.
--- Carol

As the Christmas season draws near,
I want to wish all my friends in here;
Tis the season to be in Holly
Or maybe it was Polly
Oh Well! I am spreading Christmas cheer.
--- Anon

This Christmas I wanted to take,
A vacation; I need a break,
From cold weather, shopping,
And relatives popping,
In and out...oh how my feet ache!
--- Carol

And so I called Jon on the phone,
To see if he'd make me a loan.
He sent me some dough,
But wouldn't you know,
There's strings attached...right to his bone.
--- Anon

And what is dear Jon's interest rate?
How often does he get to mate?
My interest-free loan
May not make you moan,
But surely will make him irate.
--- SFA

Jon's interest is rated quite high,
And compounded daily; that's why
My high interest loan
Always gets a moan,
As payments trickle down my thigh.
--- Carol

Sweet Carol makes my interest rise
(Especially the bit 'twixt my thighs).
Her clitoral collateral
Gets my briefs all splatteral,
And causes returns of great size.
--- Jon Gearhart

Christmas dinner went with a swing;
Grandpa choked on a small bit of wing.
He said he felt quite a turd,
'Cause he had stuffed the bird;
Burnt his knob 'cause the bird was roasting.
--- Anon

Christmas is coming! Way hey!
What new can we give on this day?
There's vibrating knickers
To give Granny titters,
And make the old lady feel gay.
--- Tony Burrell

Well, it is the right time for sharing,
Forgiving, forgetting, gift bearing.
So this Christmas Day
I wish you a lay;
Your virginal hymens' a'tearing.
--- Anon

I've written a holiday song;
I'll sing it -- it won't take too long:
"Oh, Christmas is coming...
[This measure's for humming...]
....As slow as this gal on my dong!"
--- Anon

How nice that you took time to write,
A holiday song; what delight!
You're so versatile;
In that Dixie style,
You can hum(p) Christmas Carol's all night.
--- Anon

'Twas the night before Christmas in Dixie
And Travis was down with young Trixie.
She was whistling and humming,
While Travis was cumming,
Inside the mouth of that sweet pixie.
--- Anon

But she was too slow for his liking;
He needed a blond headed Viking.
So he made a call
And said "Come visit y'all!"
And Christmas Carol came quickly biking.
--- Anon

She brought along Jon and who else?
The AJL guys and the gals
And they had orgasms
That left them in spasms
Well into the new year -- what pals!
--- Anon

I now have some news that is cool:
Today they have cancelled all school!
So stay home, lie in bed...
Did you do as I said?
April Fool, April Fool, April Fool.
--- Prof M-G TP9804

Beltane is pagan desire (Scots May Day)
Made flesh: as the flames travel higher,
The May Queen parades
From the tall colonnades,
With her drummers and maids by the fire.
--- Rory Ewins

Happy Cinco de Mayo, today!
I will celebrate this holiday
When I make love tonight;
I will screw with delight
And will give an orgasmic Ole!
--- Travis Brasell

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