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On her birthday, a girl from Dunbarton A thoughtful young fellow named Clem A liberated woman named Cora There was a young person of Mullion, A modern young lady called Honey, A sensible man known as Guy, There was a young fellow in Denver, But this I can say of you girls, They walked arm in arm down the aisle; A starry-eyed starlet named Charlotte She was cute, she was sweet and petite, She was cute, she was sweet and petite; She was old, she was sick and was grey, She fluttered her eyelashes sweetly; Your wallet I found, Tiddy dear, I will, if you give me a chance, Girls of beauty, to say just the least, A sporting young co-ed named Stacy, "It's Sunday and time for a shag", He sat there in bed turning pages "Haha!" said his wife, "You can't do it. "And what if I do that for you?" "My dearest, I'm ninety years old; "I'll sit here and watch as you crank At twenty, the girls would say "No!" The girl told the lawyer, "Let's net us I've decided to look for a fellow; I want a kind man who will care, I like to go traveling each year, It pains me that I am still looking There once was a damsel quite middling, A lusty blond bombshell named Dwire, "I'm beat," said a fellow named Fry, There were two young ladies named Pakenham, The widow appeared to be grieving, Poor Peter, a fellow from Fleet, A Gladys whose nickname was Glad, Well, I like it simple and straight My wife is a glorious lay, A fragrant old lady name Wells When I feel that itch start to call me, The owner was heard to vociferate: With a girl, in about '63, I know a girl named Jamie R., Wanted: a new type of man; The daughter of old preacher Brown, There once was a saucy young lass, There once was a lady got Knighted The girl that Joe loves simply must Her eyes, they did sparkle with glee; The sheikh's only daughter, called Di, (verb should be lay - McW)
There was a young girl of Navarre, The virginal nature of Donner Lady Pym, when asked, would she be chaste, There was a young lady in tune Said the young and athletic Miss Berry, The lumberman's daughter, they say, She said, "I remember the days (Frito-lay potato chips in U.S.)
The neighbor's security light Another young lady named Munger There once was a girl from Kentucky, From Penobscot in Maine to Grant's Pass, When your hormones are running amuck, There was a young girl from Peru, There's a question designed to perplex: At a picnic at Gramercy Park,
Received in the post, a large carton.
It contained a big cake
From which burst a rich sheik --
The very thing she'd set her heart on!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Once picked a rose from a stem.
He gave it to Alice,
Who said without malice,
"I'd rather have cash or a gem."
--- Anon
Thinks wedlock a male-devised horror.
It's sub rosa screwing
That everyone's doing --
And she prefers richer to poorer!
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
Intent upon marrying bullion;
By some horrible fluke,
She jilted a duke,
And had to elope with a scullion.
--- Penguin Dictionary P2005
Married for love -- she loved money!
Her man told her one day,
Their bills they could not pay.
She packed up and thought it not funny.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
One day asked his young bride, Miss Vi,
When she would be stopping
Her impulsive shopping,
And she said that she would, buy and buy.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8311 A
Whose girl said he always could send her,
But she didn't mean sex,
She meant diamonds or checks,
Or a Rolls-Royce, which wouldn't offend her.
--- Warrick Elrod
Who extract from us diamonds and pearls,
You are slow to re-buff,
When we're eating your muff,
Or our manhood is wedged 'twixt your curls.
--- Tim Fisher
His ears couldn't hold back his smile;
But gone was his laughter
A year or two after --
She'd spent the last cent of his pile.
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
Said: "Hollywood! Home of the harlot,
Where cute split-tail bitches
Take a quick ride to riches,
If their sins are sufficiently scarlet!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 945 G0547
I assured her that I'd be discreet.
But I woke in the morn
With my credit cards gone;
Left me naught but the spot on the sheet.
--- Anon
I assured her that I'd be discreet.
But I woke in the morn
With my credit cards gone,
And naught but a spot on the sheet.
--- Joe Long
I said, "What the Heck! I'm not gay!"
But on screwing her thrice,
My dud cheque's refused twice;
When she left, found she'd pilfered my pay.
--- Anon
We slipped from the party discreetly;
Then at the first chance,
Put her hand in my pants,
And fled with my wallet most fleetly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was empty of money, I fear.
I feel very sad
That you were not "had".
My sympathy, it is sincere.
--- Bonnie
Put your wallet back into your pants.
If you give a wink,
I quickly will think
Of talents to share with your lance.
--- Bonnie
What they add to men's lives is the yeast.
We love her, although
She keeps kneading the dough,
And inviting strange men to her feast.
--- John E Mayhood P0407
Whose taste in clothes runs to things lacy,
Likes beautiful horses,
As well as new Porsches.
No wonder she's thought of as racy.
--- Macsam
Thought old Bill as he looked at the hag
He had married last year
And decided, "No fear;
I'll just look at my favorite mag."
--- Peter Wilkins
Of girlies undressing in stages;
But naught stirred below
In his jimjams although
He kept cranking his dongle for ages.
--- Peter Wilkins
You're limp as a lump of wet suet."
Said Bill, "Yes indeed;
But your help I might need
For it's weeks, nay it's months since you blew it."
--- Peter Wilkins
She said beating his dong black and blue
With a chainsaw and whip;
"I will not even grip
It. I can't stand the sight of your goo."
--- Peter Wilkins
I need suction to stop growing cold."
"But I need nothing penile",
She said, "You're too senile;
I married you merely for gold."
--- Peter Wilkins
Up your dongle all Sunday; go wank
'Til you gasp your last breath
And then after your death,
I shall smile all the way to the bank."
--- Peter Wilkins
At thirty, I got the heave-ho.
At forty and fifty,
They thought I was nifty;
At sixty, they look for cash flow.
--- Al Willis
Enough so the jerk won't forget us!
I said I'd cohabit;
He fucked like a rabbit--
And now I want half of his lettuce!"
--- Fritz Wonnacott Playboy
Don't care if he's white, black, or yellow,
But his daddy must toil
For a living, in oil,
To give me a life that is mellow!
--- Jean Fox
As together our life we will share.
So come, get in touch;
It's surely not much
To ask of a millionaire.
--- Tiddy Ogg A
To places both far and near.
This summer I'll be bumming
'Round a town they call Cumming. (small town in Iowa, USA)
The girls there are easy, I hear.
--- Gearhart
For a female to help with the cooking;
Who responds with affection
At each new erection --
Now there's an act that's worth booking!
--- Writerman
Whose interests soared above piddling.
She loved masturbation,
Adored titillation,
And fucking and screwing and diddling.
--- G2168
Whose loins burn with carnal desire,
Is so hot to trot
And show what she's got,
She now touts her stats in a flyer.
--- Armand E Singer P9902
"I can't even lick my girl's thigh.
I don't mean to deride her
But she's much like a spider,
For she's constantly after my fly.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0162
This is file fkl
Who often let Harry and Jack in 'em.
And when they were through,
For something to do,
They would finger their cunts and start whackin' 'em.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But after the wake, she'd be leaving
With a widower, Ray,
Who she'd lusted to lay;
Her demeanor was highly deceiving.
--- Cap'n Bean P0312
Was misunderstood and thought sweet.
But his dreams were infested
With giant big-breasted
Young maidens, all after his meat.
--- Lucy
Had manners terribly bad.
Her language was bawdy,
Her clothing too gaudy,
And Gladys could always be had.
--- William K Alsop Jr
With Elsbeth the new farmers maid.
In the soft springy hay
Any time of the day,
She is willing by me to get laid.
--- Dirruk
She'll take it in any old way.
You may bugger and French her,
Or fuck her and drench her
Hot womb with your genital spray.
--- Clement Wood G0739
Said life with no man is two hells.
So she said, "I'll go look ;
And I'll find me a schnook,
And I don't care how badly he smells."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0777
How I yearn for a man who will ball me.
A dick is so right;
My pussy is tight.
My day can then end feeling balmy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"She's not on the menu to titillate!"
But she always says "Yes!"
That horny waitress.
So the Oysters were not nearly all I ate.
--- Ogni Gioia
I went for the Beatles to see.
She was very charming,
But her lust was alarming;
She pretty near raped little me.
--- Anon
Whose lifestyle's a little bizzare.
She will not wear hats,
And she's nuts about cats,
And her bedroom door's always ajar.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Not a plain old Tom, John, or Dan,
With a skull not so thick
And a big honking dick
So to please me like no other can!
--- H Myers
From a place they called New Fredrickstown,
Was quite prim in the pew,
But the town folk all knew
If you'd blow in her ear, she'd go down.
--- Bob Birch
Whom none of the sailors could pass.
She'd board every ship
And her skirts up she'd flip,
And their gang-planks she'd let board her ass.
--- Straydog
And the rite got her highly excited,
So she snatched her a boy
'Cause she wanted a toy,
And the squire had a sword that delighted.
--- Debi
Have a large and a resilent bust,
A blouse that is sheer,
A generous rear,
And a very low threshold of lust.
--- Isaac Asimov A
Transfixed 'twixt me navel and knee.
I asked her "What's wrong?"
She said: "Honey, I long
For that bulge where your manhood should be."
--- Anon
Loves by day to ride camels and lie
Every night with her dozens
Of brothers and cousins;
No wonder she's shaped like a Y.
--- Anon
Who was frightfully fond of a tar.
When she followed him over
From Calais to Dover,
Her friends cried, "That's going too far!"
--- Anon
Had for many long years been a goner.
When asked why she screwed,
She replied, "Gratitude,
Politeness -- and just 'cause I wanner.
--- Isaac Asimov
Screamed, "Yes!", with great gusto anad haste.
But the vicar's pleased smile
Would have faded the while,
Had he known that she thought he said 'chased.'
--- Warrick Elrod a
With every fine phase of the moon.
When squeezed 'twixt her knees,
It looked like head cheese,
The site of which then made her swoon.
--- Arden
When asked why she's always so merry,
"I take part is all sorts
Of amateur sports,
But my favorite is losing my cherry."
--- Ceejay
Appeared somewhat splintered away,
For her motto, she said,
When she climbed into bed,
Was to let the chips fall where they may.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0753
When you had such charming ways.
When you were a stud,
Instead of a spud,
And chips weren't the only lays."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Shined into my bedroom last night.
That means some lil' bimbo
Just climbed in his window,
And gave my poor neighbor a fright.
--- Marlene Lewis
Said, "Since I've been fifteen or younger,
I've relished a poke
From a nice naked smoke.
It's perfect for clitoris hunger."
--- G0704
If you date her, you're sure to get lucky.
He thighs won't stay shut,
Not to mention her butt.
And all she can say is "Come fuck me!"
--- Richard Long
One finds many a girl in the grass,
Donating for free
What undoubtedly she
Could exchange for hard cash, on her ass.
--- G1800
And your panties feel twisted and stuck,
Then how do you deal
With the heat that you feel,
If there's no one around you can fuck?
--- Anon
Who badly wanted a screw.
She tried a broom-handle,
The end of a candle,
But a man is what she ought to do.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When a woman asks "Do you want sex?"
That's kind of like askin'
"Does Robbins know Baskin"
Or "Do you know a Slinky can flex?"
--- Wildman T9711
She was had by an evil old snark.
She cried, "How uncouth!
But to tell you the truth,
I really came out for a lark..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 309
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