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It's cold and dark as the night, It's damned near to Christmas again; Biology Student Fong Lee, calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, ...
In November, there's Christmas decor, Each Christmas the city's a flurry Away with this holiday spirit! There was a young reindeer named Nate, Sometimes we think we've been had; The day of Christmas is near, "The Gift of the Magi" hoped we'd be glad Christmas shopping's a thing I begrudge, Amid this dire, poetic blight, A cynical fellow named Lear For you, happy Christmas and all; The shops are all stuffed, all the shelves We are filled every morning when light, (puzzle answer - stockings)
There once was a man from Atlanta At Christmas a tenor name Harold For those here who don't celebrate As with you, we love decor new-fangled, Every Who down in Whoville could lynch; For Klistmas an Isuzu for you Christmas is growing quite near One thing which gives Santa Clause cheer Christmas Eve and I'm lying in bed (reference to classic Chas Adams cartoon? - McW)
And really, I'm nothing like Carrie, Old Santa somewhat of a stranger? Some say Xmas is simply a farce; (Norwegian - stas = festivity, mas = fuss)
"Christmas Eve," I said to my spouse, Before my small children are grown, There's nothing that can compare It must have been quarter past three To whomever you happen to be: For my young'uns Christmas has come; December, a holiday cheerest; Our turkey's baked, our goose is cooked; The mess from the yard's in the street The women are commonly rare, (So sayeth Santa's elves - McW)
A left-winger named Rudolph de Vere, The seasons are starting to fly There once was a grumpy old geezer, Sign Christmas cards and mail them today, He works hard for his money; he earns it! At the mall, park a mile from the door, With Christmas just six months away Hark! Do I hear Yule bells ringing? Merry Christmas, Ho-Ho, and Good Cheer; St. Nicolas said, "It's a drag; If you try to get men to achieve When on-line web sites will deceive -- To shepherds in fields as they lay, Entertaining the in-laws, they say Good advice sounds like nagging to me, Christmas is finally coming! In the dark dismal days of Dec. With a scarce two days till the event, Yes, Christmas is really sublime. Especially for me and mine, personally: The whole problem with Christmas is gifts; Even the items we keep It's supposed to be Jesus's birthday If giving a gift's all it takes Now things that are very much dearer First we start out with a tree -- Then Dad and Mom have a fight Mommy takes us to the mall, And, it is just as I feared --
Fires heat houses just right.
Soft sprinkles of snow,
Sprinkle and glow.
Christmas lights twinkle sweet light.
--- Tobassco T9707
Time for that bloody French Hen
Or two in a tree...
Oh, how I would pee
All over the Season's pitchmen!
--- Tutta Gioia
Vacationed last month by the sea.
While out on a lark,
He spied a dead shark,
Whose stomach contents included five golden rings, four
--- Dean Hannotte
Always more than they'd put up before.
I think that's too early,
And that almost surely,
For most of the public, a bore.
--- Ryan
Of aimlessly, scurrying hurry.
There's much consternation,
Disorganization,
Frustration and bad-tempered worry.
--- Peter Wilkins
Merry Christmas? I don't want to hear it!
You buy gifts till your broke;
What you get back's a joke.
I don't so much hate it as fear it!
--- Ogden Nield
Who at Christmas would procrastinate.
"I'll buy presents tomorrow,"
He'd say to his sorrow,
For Christmas by Easter's too late.
--- Christine Brim
But this year has not been so bad.
So from Juarez to Chihuahua,
We, Pappa and Mamma,
Wish you "Feliz Navidad."
--- Ed Wolfert P8212
And it fills our hearts full of cheer.
With lights that are glowing;
Everywhere it is snowing,
And children looking for reindeer.
--- Wayne W
About the gift's, hair and the watch of the lad.
O Henry gave us a lift
"It's the thought, not the gift.
Here's your comb, here's your chain, don't be sad."
--- Norm Brust
When traffic's snarled and won't budge.
I really could use a nap,
But I have gifts to wrap,
Then make Christmans cookies and fudge.
--- Kaylin
We'd like to offer sheerful light,
To illuminate faces,
During break from the races,
"Happy Christmas to all; Good Night!"
--- Daniel Ford
Refused to ring in the New Year:
"I do not like Christmas,
Much less the week's isthmus
Between them," he notes with a sneer.
--- Armand Singer
I am here to answer your call.
Whatever you wish,
You delectable dish,
Is yours, so now go have a ball.
--- Archie
Filled with gifts by Santa's wee elves.
Pick-pockets abound,
Shop lifters all 'round.
Merry Christmas, please help yourselves!
--- Tony Brasell
And emptied again every night.
But once a year,
As children cheer,
It's reversed, for a holiday delight.
--- The Limerick Book P8512
Who wanted some presents from Santa.
But after a beast
Of a holiday feast,
All he wanted was precious Mylanta.
--- Keith Gilman P0201
Would bring, lest his voice be imperiled
When he hit a high note,
Hot towels for his throat,
If it started to snow while he caroled.
--- Cyber Geezer
Christmas, then let me relate
A non-denomonation
Free celebration
Generic greeting -- INGRATE!
--- Anon
Such as trees from which lights aren't dangled.
Then a Epiphany,
We're glad to set free
From dealing with light strings all tangled.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0412
They await with their rope on a winch.
There's a noose to pull tight
Any hour of the night...
Better hope they all doze off, huh, Grinch?
--- Prof M-G T9712
We wish, or a nice Subaru;
Or, if you live in Dakota,
A new, shiny Toyota,
And a "Velly Melly Klisu-massu."
--- Ed Wolfert P8212
And I'm full of holiday cheer
I'd like to take time
To wish all in kind
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
--- Anon
Is eating Saltines with his beer.
And so in December
His colleagues remember
To wish him Merry Crispness each year.
--- A N Wilkins P8412
With big gaping holes in my head.
While elsewhere in town
Gentle snowflakes came down;
At my place it rained molten lead.
--- Dirruk
And not in the least bit as scary,
Can we have a truce,
Suspend this abuse,
And I'll wish you a Christmas Merry?
--- Anon
You say your Yule spirit's in danger?
Well smile anyway,
Let the kids have their day,
And don't be a dog in the manger.
--- John K Roberts P9212
Some say Xmas is fun with its stas;
I must clean, I must bake,
There's no time for a break:
Happy Xmas, mas, mas, mas, mas, mas ....
--- Sandy Lunoe P8412
"And no mouse stirs at all in this house,
Not under the tree,
Nor anywhere...See?"
Says she, "So your traps worked...you louse."
--- John K Roberts P9212
Like seed each Christmas is sown.
At prayer I confess,
"These days may God bless,"
For I'll miss them once they are gone.
--- Bruce
With Christmas, and what we find there:
For adults, peace and joy;
For the kids, a new toy.
It's the time of the year when we share.
--- Frank Spectra
But for some reason, sleep escaped me.
Some hot water, some herbs
I'm no longer perterbed
Just one sip... Oh! Christmas Tea!
--- Anon
No Christmas card this year from me!
I choose not to send 'em;
That's my new addendum!
Scratch my name off your list? Please feel free!
--- Ogden Nield
This is file fjm
They've been having all sorts of fun,
While I sat here writing,
I heard little fighting,
As they open their gifts one by one.
--- Robyn
The idea: to keep family nearest,
With gifts for all,
Some big and some small,
Guarantees the presence of our dearest.
--- John Little
The terminal's crowded, passage booked.
Our Christmas, 'twould seem
We've run out of steam,
But we're ready, with naught overlooked.
--- Meps N Barry
For pickup, piled wide, up eight feet.
Done with that, sweeping, raking,
Cleaning, shopping and baking;
We'll send cards next year; now we're beat.
--- Meps N Barry
But of girl elves, we have our share.
But when it is chilly,
A nice reindeer filly
Is warmer and moister in there.
--- SantyClz
Tries to forecast the weather around here.
To my wife he's a fool,
But I respond as a rule,
"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!"
--- FCA T9712
With such speed, they are passing me by.
Today at the mall,
The sign in the hall
Said, "Christmas Sale Starts in July!"
--- Travis Brasell
Who went by the name Ebeneezer.
He was nobody's stooge;
He was just an old Scrooge,
And he kept his poor clerk in a freezer.
--- Diane Christian
And the presents that go far away;
But not finished, oh no,
I've a costume to sew
For my son for the new Christmas play.
--- Kaylin
Buys a gift for his wife, but she spurns it.
It'll be the wrong size,
Or it won't match her eyes,
And I'll bet you a buck she returns it!
--- Ogden Nield
Wait in line for an hour, or more --
All those gifts, try to find
Without losing your mind --
Then it's off to the grocery store.
--- Kaylin
We must start our shopping today;
Let's all of us hurry
And flurry and scurry,
To get in the holiday fray.
--- Anon
And Choirs beginning their singing?
Now wait! I am wrong,
It is only the song
Of six million cash registers dinging.
--- John K Roberts P9212
I'm afraid that it's that time of year
When a good Jewish boy
Makes a fool of us Goy,
And we buy till it comes up to here.
--- John Miller 0169
Every Christmas Eve I start to sag.
To stay focused, on track,
I do knock a few back.
By Christmas Morn I'm in the bag."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9609 a
All their shopping for gifts, I believe
You don't need many days...
If you really want praise,
Any REAL man will start Christmas Eve.
--- Limerick Man T9801
Delivering not by Xmas Eve,
We now know who to blame.
Among his words of fame
Were, "Oh, what tangled webs we weave..."
--- Irving Superior
I once heard our good pastor say,
"I've heard angels sing.
Thus I to you bring,
Tearful chidings this good Christmas Day."
--- Laurence Perrine P9410
is Yule the American way.
But those big throngs of kin,
I love them most when
They stay in their homes, far away.
--- Bruce
And is wasted therefore as you see.
I said, "Dear I will do it.
I'll get around to it.
By July I'll pitch our Christmas tree."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9606
The drummer boy has started drumming.
The presents unwrapped;
We have finally sat,
For the turkey dinner is coming.
--- Anon T9710
It is always a joy to rem.
That, come Christmas Day,
You'll have (Hip hooray!)
A turkey trussed up to dism.
--- Harold C Bibby
In my list I've just made a small dent.
There's no time for bopping,
We've got to get shopping!
Ask again when I've got it all spent.
--- Jeanie
But I think I'll commit a small crime:
Because time flies so fast,
I've decided at last
To write cards for two years at a time!!!
--- Sandy P8801
To be just as happy as can be.
Chocolate kisses everywhere;
Smiling health beyond compare;
And tickets that win a huge lottery.
--- Anon
We have to exchange them in shifts.
We never keep track
Of what stores should take back,
Versus what should go straight to the thrifts.
--- Prof M-G T9712
Will be sold off at garage sales cheap,
To be bought by folks who'll
Give us back them next Yule,
To provision our next thrift-store heap.
--- Prof M-G T9712
And the happiest time on our earth-day.
But just take my advice
Lest you're caught in a vice;
It's a run up to "milking your purse-day".
--- Nawahl Razak
To make people love you, it makes
For many a shallow
Young girl and a fellow;
Don't fall for it, for heaven's sakes.
--- Nawahl Razak
Are the crafts that are bringing you nearer.
Imagination
And a little creation
Do make messages very much clearer.
--- Nawahl Razak
But it's always crooked as can be --
It makes Mon and Dad fuss,
Causes Daddy to cuss,
And when it falls, they blame it on me!
--- Kaylin
Because half of the lights do not light.
Dad tries, but no use,
Now he's blown a fuse!
So he cusses some more -- what a sight!
--- Kaylin
But the baby is starting to bawl.
In long lines we dance --
I just peed my pants,
'Cause the bathroom is way down the hall!
--- Kaylin
Just who is this creep with the beard?
Makes me sit on his knee
While he's fondling me.
I think that this fat guy is weird!
--- Kaylin
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