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They say this is a season of mirth,
When we celebrate a child's birth.
But with all the stress,
It's just one big mess --
No goodwill, and no peace on Earth!
--- Kaylin

Three months before Christmas, they flock;
Those shoppers who shove, push and knock,
While spending their wages
In holiday rages.
The real war is not in Iraq!
--- Travis Brasell

It seem that some folks have to dash
To shop to spend all of their cash,
But January's sales
I find, never fails
To help you get more for your stash.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Naa gaar tanken dit englene dro
dengang folet ble bedt om aa tro
paa fred her paa jord.
Og gleden var stor,
Iallfall en dag eller to.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9301

A heavenly host had its fill,
Saying peace on all earth, and good will;
All said Glory to God
And peace to applaud.
For a day or two, weapons were still.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9301

Come sit by me while I blink bonnily,
I'll warm you so hey nonny nonnily...
And at Christmas time,
With someone I rhyme,
Who leaves lots of gifts so wantonily.
--- Tutta Gioia

So, who's the fat guy by my fire?
All in all, my behavior's been dire.
No gifts for me,
Though I'll sit on his knee
And laugh at his funny attire.
--- Karen

I'm sorry that you have been bad...
Naughtiness with some young lad?
Guess I will help you!
Let's look up that old flue...
'E's there!...Kris Kringle, by gad!
--- Tutta Gioia

If you come to my house you will see,
Out front there's a great Christmas tree.
Green needles, it's got 'em,
And down at the bottom,
That's where my big dog likes to pee.
--- Chris Papa

Soon there'll be a new pup beneath;
He's coming with our Christmas wreath.
Today as I hose,
He first licked my nose,
Then bit it with little rat teeth.
--- Chris Papa

"Bright Helios" is the new pup's name.
A big one for his tiny frame.
But as he grows bigger,
And gnaws more pain trigger,
I'll bite him right back, all the same.
--- Chris Papa

Our Dobies have all been quite sweet;
Their temperment cannot be beat.
And so I expect
He'll just be perfect,
Quite right for a real Christmas treat.
--- Chris Papa

We rejoice and celebrate Christmas,
Approaching our great year-end isthmus.
As sands do run out,
And little kids pout,
When Mom has said, "Let's clean up this mess!"
--- Daniel Ford

This morning's stockings filled with goodies,
Like candies, apples, and black hoodies,
Will please all the young
The old and unsung;
Again heroes dreaming of woodies.
--- Daniel Ford

Special time filled with joy to the brim,
December, a blithe synonym;
Grand holiday season,
With hope beyond reason,
Rejoicing the sweet cherubim.
--- Joel D Ash P0501

The gaiety deep in one's heart,
Surrounded by Santa Claus art;
All revelry glowing,
The laughter bestowing,
Warm feelings that mirth can impart.
--- Joel D Ash P0501

Your loved ones and friends drawing near,
All festive, exuding bright cheer;
Wreathed in glad smiles,
Celebration beguiles,
Contemplation of one more good year.
--- Joel D Ash P0501

The spirit of giving expands,
Satisfaction from kind helping hands;
Gifts of love are exchanged,
Future joys are arranged,
Fond endearments a child understands.
--- Joel D Ash P0501

Family dinners when closeness prevails,
The toasting, goodwill, and cocktails;
Eat, Drink, and be merry,
Desserts laced with sherry,
Exuberance good for what ails.
--- Joel D Ash P0501

Optimism and promise ascendant,
The New Year with blessings impendent;
Renewal auspicious,
All portents propitious,
With faith in the future transcendent.
--- Joel D Ash P0501

Merry Christmas and Happy Yule,
The time of the year for renewal;
Of each resolution,
Ignored in execution;
The ones who persist thought the fool.
--- Tobias Ware

We make resolutions to seem
To be, to others, the cream
Of the "do gooder" set.
Well, I've not met one yet
Who keeps a resolution. They dream.
--- Tobias Ware

To the ones who persist in their quest,
I take my hat off, you're the best
Of a rare, dying breed.
May your fortunes exceed
The goals you're pursuing with zest.
--- Tobias Ware

I smiled but my face began cracking.
The Grinch, I'm afraid, was attacking,
And try as I might,
It would not go right.
The spirit, this year, was just lacking.
--- Frank Fazed

The guy in the sleigh has departed,
His HO HO HO just half started.
To add to the stress,
His deer left a mess,
The big day was done 'fore it started.
--- Frank Fazed

I shot Rudolph right through the ear.
I'm eating venison, drinking beer.
The Grinch joined the feast,
But it was the least
I could do, since I'm short on cheer.
--- Frank Fazed

Now rather than say Bah Humbug,
Before burned out lights I unplug,
I'll try one more time,
To do it in rhyme,
Merry Christmas to all, here's a hug.
--- Kaylin Brandon

Outside is a layer of white.
Inside are trees with lights bright.
Warm with our friends,
Welcome all with big grins,
And genuine feelings of delight.
--- Anon

The turkey is stuffed and ready;
The house full of good smells heady;
Cookies and pies galore
Baked by hands junior,
Who are waiting for Santa already.
--- Anon

I take this little time to say
May good things come your way
This holiday spirit
You have to admit
Would be nice to have everyday
--- Anon

Have a safe and a happy holiday,
Keep strife and bad feelings at bay.
Love to you all
From one with a drawl,
And I'll toast with a new Beaujolais.
--- Anon

Why would a partridge want to sit
In a nice pear tree, just to twit?
Would he go near a pear,
Was he chased there by bear?
Did he have to run -- lickety-split?
--- William K Alsop Jr

Two turtledoves loudly sing Noel
And a Happy New Year as well.
On the pear tree they cuddle
And against chill they huddle.
Listen to their calling voices swell!
--- William K Alsop Jr

This is file gim

The three French hens can lay eggs too,
If there's a rooster for them to woo.
Then we could have eggs fried,
Poached, shirred, sunny-side,
Or at Easter Time, paint them all blue.
--- William K Alsop Jr

On another limb of the pear tree,
Perch four calling birds, not three.
We don't know who or why,
Their squawking fills the sky.
That they'd shut up, is my fervent plea.
--- William K Alsop Jr

The first four gifts were just for the birds,
But five golden rings! I've no words
To give thanks for the mess,
And I must confess,
I thought I'd be buried in turds.
--- William K Alsop Jr

What shall she do with six honkers?
The noise alone will drive her bonkers.
She put them on the ship
For an East River trip,
And dropped them all off down at Yonkers.
--- William K Alsop Jr

When seven swans swam into view,
I swan -- she knew not what to do.
She gasped, shed a tear,
And shouted: "Out of here!"
And cooked up a nice swan perloo.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Eight milking maids require a dorm,
And eight cows, a barn to keep warm.
She needed lots of money
For the things from her honey,
So she called him up and raised a storm.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Instead, he sent nine ladies dancing.
It was some fun to watch them all prancing.
They brought no funds nor food.
The situation was not good.
It was the purse that required enhancing.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Then ten lords leapt upon the scene;
They counted lasses seventeen.
They leapt again, indeed
On ladies without heed,
So the scene became somewhat obscene.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Eleven pipers arrived a "wheeze",
As they gave all their pipes a squeeze.
When they saw this spectacle,
Depravity pinnacle,
This caused all their squeezes to freeze.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Six geese honking, and four birds calling;
The noise was, without doubt, appalling.
She was then led away
To the nut-house to stay,
Which shows gifts may not oft be enthralling.
--- William K Alsop Jr

The holiday season did swing;
We did that "white elephant" thing.
I got a good gift
That gave me a lift.
It's some kind of dicky-do sling.
--- Marty

I don't have a use for it now.
But I do anticipate how
It will come in handy
If I find a dandy
Good fellow whom God did endow.
--- Marty

I think I will have an affair,
The problem is, no one is there
To whom I appeal.
Don't know how you feel.
Can I lure you into my lair?
--- Marty

You can show me just how it's done,
'Cause people won't let me have fun.
They're overprotective.
They hired a detective
Who just flipped his phaser on stun!
--- Marty

I must clean the house, trim the tree,
Decorate the yard for neighbors to see.
I tired of hustle-bustle,
I can't move a muscle,
I sure wish there were two of me!
--- Kaylin

I think my poor mom's going crazy;
Her vision distracted and hazy.
She must be eccentric;
She thinks she's electric;
She told Aunty she's DC & AC.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501

Some girls like to swing it both ways;
Changing partners on alternate days.
Tuesday, Thursday it's men;
Saturday's, yet again;
The remainders, it's women they lay.
--- Anon

The unscrupulous King of Oman
Likes to rummage in drawers when he can;
What he's after, in there,
Is enveloped in hair --
Be their occupant woman or man.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8407

An easily-pleased sex fiend of Troy
Says, "A virgin's perhaps my big joy,
But at time unavailable,
I take anything tailable,
Even down to a flat-bottomed boy."
--- Grand Prix Lim 359

Said a certain young fellow from Texas,
"You can't dream how extremely it vexes
My mother that I,
However I try,
Stay attracted to both of the sexes."
--- Isaac Asimov

My Charlie's insulting again;
I asked him who, what, where, and when?
And is she a blond?
How did he respond?
"Brunette. By the way, his name's Glen."
--- Marlene Lewis

If you, I'd give Charlie the boot;
Replace him with somebody cute,
Who isn't afraid
To be properly laid,
And only has shit up his chute.
--- John Miller

But what else, I ask, could a Yank
Have stewing up there that's so rank.
Five pounds of beef jerky,
He gobbled cold turkey,
When marriage #3 went and sank.
--- John Miller

But Charlie is my Sugar Daddy!
And he sometimes is quite the lad; he
Can tumble so sweet
And then kiss my feet,
So who is the chick that is glad? ME!
--- Marlene Lewis

There once was a guy named Paul
Who picked up chicks at the mall.
One day he got high,
And picked up a guy
And got some nice head in the stall!
--- Andrew Silva

Said a gabby old queer in Saint-Lo:
"We sophisticates bugger and blow.
Women just bore me,
I need men to gore me--
I'm a bit of bisexual, you know."
--- G1040

Quiff, quahog, and whiskey
Were the passions at Point Zabriskie.
Not to mention some boys,
A few lesbian joys--
Salubrious, silly, but risky.
--- G2552

A strange sort of guy just dropped by
And told me outright he was bi;
When asking for work,
He started to jerk,
Then came as he went saying, "Bye!"
--- Anon

A perverted young fellow named Mike
Went on a long nature hike.
He perved him a bear,
A wolf and a hare,
Then two hikers, a queer and a dyke!
--- Blowcephus TP9802

Bill came from the old land of cotton,
Where old times there have not been forgotten.
Told the Pentagon, well,
Don't ask and don't tell,
On the fairies and dykes, if you got 'em.
--- Marsha Magee

A bisexual guy on my street
Says his lifestyle just can't be beat.
He likes girls and boys,
He has so much choice,
'Cause all that he meets, he can eat!
--- Wildman T9712

There once was a woman named Shawn,
Who could do with a twat or a dong.
She wasn't nit-picky
'Bout who gave her a hicky,
Or whose nimble probe banged her gong.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An androgyne swinger named Utz
(You gotta admit he has guts)
Refused by some dame,
He changes his aim,
And checks out consenting male butts.
--- Armand Singer


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