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He took to the road in a rental; I've been driving some months with an "L"; (learner) When I have my hair done, I look great. As I drove I heard a loud horn blast It's quite clear they are accident prone, There was a young lady of Fleet The fellows at Ford, a fair co., Said the potentate, gross and despotic, A farmer near Detroit was called Pop, My husband brought home an Explorer.... My car stopped amid squeals of tire; Bill enjoyed his new Bronco and would An Officer said, "Where's the fire?" These two flies have a '69 Ford, So Ford has lost millions of bucks; Ford Motors has a problem so dire; She isn't at all, an indecorous doll, I bought a restored Shelby Ford "What this country needs," Henry roared, A sadistic wife of Glashule, A reckless cab driver named Kent With key in ignition, I'm thwarted. A mechanic who misunderstood, There was an old crusty mechanic I can fix it; no prob. It's a snap, "Oh hi, my new Rolls is such junk, (Hunk towing in Florida for women drivers 2002)
Just because my car will not start, And what is your problem, pray tell; I cannot afford a new car; Well cars are like people, I fear; A new one won't do, I'm afraid -- A racer that's sporty and sleek, A new alternator installed. You'll find that if one thing goes wrong, Okay! We will tinker with it! Your auto with breath that is bad, Today in my house I am stuck, Yes, Kmart sells one super axle; He told me three weeks it will take, "Miss Goodwrench, it's been quite a thrill, The mechanic shop has a new hire Miss Goodwrench said, giving a nod, The details of car maintenance You want to look under my hood? With your old Dodge, it requires repair; It just hits on "seven", it's true, Your Dodge needs a tune-up, you say? I don't want to cause any trouble; Ms Goodwench is the name of my shop. Pull back those double-doors darlin'; It can'b be much better'n that! Your tune up will not be complete A fly-by-night phoney, you're not. I admit you've got it looking spiffy, While I'm fixin up the old Pacer, At night while his friends drink in bars, Hubcaps! They're common as berries! My cars hubcaps, I can't seem to keep. For six hundred years at St Ives At a bar this guy got pretty rowdy It had snowed, and the man in the drift, Mr Jones bought a Hummer real quick, Bill's '66 Mustang is quite nifty; To all you who are making the bucks, Willy's cash was just not up to snuff; There once was a worrisome daddy, Cataracts, Rincons, and Rexus,
Not used to a sports continental.
He was driving at speed,
With a small map to read;
His damage was basically dental.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
My teacher quite often would yell.
If you drive in that way,
Not the way that I say,
To pass you will need a witches spell!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Assignations I then instigate.
To get to them, I drive,
So feel thrilled and alive,
As I weave along the Interstate.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9609
From a guy behind coming up fast.
My car isn't slow!
But he knew how to GO!
And he winked and he waved as he passed.....
Whether chauffeuring or driving alone.
They're primping or drinking
Or eating, not thinking,
And smoking, while on the cell phone.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0010
Drove UP on a DOWN one-way street.
When they hooted and called,
She said, quite enthralled,
"Such friendly folk I seldom meet."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Reject lots of cars, but don't do.
They sensibly lodge 'em
At fairgrounds (think dodge 'em)
And warn all the kids not to bo.
--- David A Brooks
"My tastes are more rich than exotic.
I've always adored
Making love in a Ford
Because I am auto-erotic.
--- M O Rank G0561
Who'd work hard in his fields till he'd drop.
One day said, "Oh good Lord
I will call Henry Ford
And sell him my entire bumper crop."
--- Tom Patton P0409
I cried with amazement and horror,
"So you thought it was cute
To buy a new Ute?
Leaving us thousands the poorer!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The policeman asked, "Where's the fire?"
"Sir, I may be speeding
But Ford's recall I'm heeding
Before I'm consumed in a pyre."
--- Tom Patton P9607
Drive much faster that he knew he should.
And when Trooper McGuire
Said, "OK, where's the fire?"
Bill said, "Wait! Let me open the hood!"
--- William N Nesbit P9607
As my Ford was about to expire.
While a hot spark ignition
Is an old Ford tradition,
A car's not a funeral pyre.
--- Tom Patton P9607
And two offspring that they can't afford.
The fenders are dented,
The dash is cemented,
And the bumper says "Maggots on Board!"
--- Al Willis
It seems that their company sucks.
Their flashy new cars
Are no longer stars.
They could try making squeegies for ducks.
--- Anon
Recalled eight million cars, faulty wire.
Sales of the Lincoln
Are really sinkin'
And even Gerald Ford caught on fire.
--- Tom Patton P9607
And she's too much alive to be bored.
She'll possibly park
In the moonlight or dark,
In the rear seat of your Ford.
--- VOL 5
I guess I just got really bored
With creeping all day
In that fucking Hundai,
So I floored that damn Ford and I soared!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Is not a new Rolls or a Cord,
But a factory clone
That a poor man can own,
And that you and I can -- a Ford!"
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim
In oil boiled her husband. 'Twas cruel.
She said, "In my car,
This mix will go far,
For he'll be of some use. The old fuel!"
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
Owns a taxi that's just one big dent.
But when you are inside,
You enjoy the ride --
He's cut his rate twenty percent.
--- Lims For Year - 01
My DieHard, I fear, has departed.
For it would appear
I have no amp here.
Dead battery? Don't get me started!
--- Anon
Used his dipstick to prop up the hood,
While he fixed an old wreck.
Then he did an oil check...
Now his head hurts far more than it should.
--- Prof M-G TP9807
Whose manners were fierce and tyrannic.
Dull headlights would glare
At his furious stare,
And dead engines turn over in panic!
--- N M Bodecker P8911
Said the bloke, "The distributor cap
Is just loose, so don't panic."
What a charming mechanic
Altogether a promising chap.
--- Rory Ewins Q
I know it won't start...send a hunk
Right now with his wrecker
And speedo-dressed pecker;
And one who has plenty of spunk!"
--- Travis Brasell
Does not mean that I have the heart
To get a new car.
It is better by far
That my car and I do not part
--- Marlene
Is your bolide not feeling well?
Is it through old age
Or just heavy usage,
And is it too knackered to sell?
--- Frank
This one has already gone far.
According to lore,
It still should go more;
Has not reached the hundred thou bar.
--- Marlene
We don't all go on year to year.
Some die in our youth;
Others old and uncouth,
So save up and get some new gear.
--- Frank
This style is no longer made.
A cute little box
Does not attract jocks;
Into the background it does fade.
--- Marlene
Will get the attention you seek.
Just take my advice;
Don't even think twice,
'Cause time's passing on as I speak.
--- Frank
Still no good, they said when I called.
Emissions don't check;
Why drive this old wreck?
With attitude I'm not enthralled.
--- Marlene
This is file exl
Another fault soon comes along.
It is called wear and tear,
And frankly, my dear,
You're better off saying "So long!"
--- Frank
They are trying to make sure the fit
To state emissions rules.
If they tweak the tools,
My auto tonight I would get.
--- Marlene
Is a tale that is really quite sad.
But try not to wilt,
Get your engine rebuilt,
And grow old with a sweet smelling lad.
--- Frank
Because of that mechanic, the schmuck.
Who's looking for a part,
(I'm sure at Kmart)
Do they sell axles there for a truck?
--- Anon
It's easy to order by faxle;
Don't get in a panic,
Just tell that mechanic
To haul the thing home on his baxle.
--- Anon
To get the right model and make.
So he'll lend me a scooter,
'Cause I'm a commuter;
Now I've got one big migraine headache.
--- Anon
And I know I'll remember this 'til..."
"Oh, well don't lose your rod,
Since you're blowing your wad,"
She said, "Now I have to give you the bill."
--- Anon
In Miss Goodwrench, a cute ball of fire.
"When rubber meets road,
Please don't blow your load,
'Cause I'm really just talking 'bout tires."
--- Tom Accousti
"Your nipipindoodledum rod
Is clogged in the middle.
So if I just diddle...
Whoops! Now you've just blown your damn rod!"
--- Travis Brasell
Should never be ceded to chance.
My wife instructs me
Which I pass on for free:
Don't wipe the dipstick on your pants.
--- VOL 6
I see that I've misunderstood!
To view my old Dodge,
Come 'round my garage;
I'll give you a ride then, butt good!
--- Cyber Wizard
It needs regular tune ups, are you aware?
On the rack it must go,
Before I can know
If it's in need of trained intensive care.
--- Jenni Saqua
And "tune-ups"? The turn of a screw.
If you crank up the rachet,
In hopes you may cache it,
Well you might one ICU.
--- Cyber Wizard
A turn of the screwdriver, eh?
I better mention,
I'll check your suspension,
And your balance, too, by the way.
--- Jenni Saqua
For that screw I will purr on the double.
You're in for some yocks
When you feel my shocks,
And balance? I'm off half a bubble.
--- Cyber Wizard
You've heard "...in the shop, till you drop?"
I've all the right tools
And know all the rules;
Of my skills, they all say I'm tiptop.
--- Jenni Saqua
I'm pullin' around my old Marlin. (AMC)
Just pull out that tube
And give it a lube;
We'll soon have no strength to be snarlin'.
--- Cyber Wizard
I'll get you there in nothing flat.
With you tipping Topper,
My gasket will pop. Er,
Could you do with a new thermostat?
--- Jenni Saqua
Till your engine's purring real sweet.
Revved up just so,
It's rearing to go.
Timing's critical, it mustn't overheat.
--- Cyber Wizard
I thought that my wad had been shot,
Just buying that wreck.
But look here now. Heck!
My rod isn't all that is hot.
--- Jenni Saqua
And did it for me in a jiffy.
The purring! The shine!
That old sixty-nine
Is starting to make me feel nifty!
--- Cyber Wizard
Chicks got loose; we had a chaser.
Eva left with a trucker
Who was eager to fucker,
So I'll polish the car with a 'raser!
--- Anon
John's out on the street 'neath the stars.
To get cash he's kneeling
And skillfully stealing
The hubcaps off all of their cars.
--- David Miller
I've quit picking pockets on ferrys.
To the orchard I go
With Jane, Sue and Flo.
I'd rather be stealing ripe cherries!
--- John Miller
Mine are constantly grabbed as I sleep.
But that hubcap link's broken;
Know where else, for a token,
I can buy some used hubcaps for cheap?
--- James
The valiant Old Bridge still survives
Traffic's battering ram.
But who cares a damn?
If it crumbles - then so will St Ives!
--- Miss M Tyrell
And started to hassle a Saudi.
In raced in, discreet,
Threw the guy in the street,
And the Saudi bloke gave me an Audi.
--- Anon
Flagged her down and asked for a lift.
They sat in her Bentley.
She fondled him gently,
And the lift that he'd asked for was swift!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Though the thought of the price made him sick.
It was big. It was long.
And it made him feel strong,
And made up for the size of his dick
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
He restored it without being thrifty.
When asked to endorse
A product, of course,
What else would he use but "Slick 50".
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Yet regardless, your attitude sucks.
May your Beemer be caught
In a big parking lot,
On the highway, surrounded by trucks!
--- Jim Wiggins
What a Cad! A lack made friendship tough;
Since we could not af-Ford,
To be seen in ac-Cord,
We g-Nashed gears, and drove off in a Huff.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8511
Describing his car-loving laddie,
"He's not just psychotic,
But autoerotic --
He creams his jeans in my Caddy."
--- David Miller
And other such words can perplex us.
Though the question electic
In an Asian dialectic,
Such automobile types form the nexus!
--- Anon
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