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I had an old Chevrolet Shove-it (Chevette) A sprightly young fellow named Jay "At your age," declared Mr. Clay, A tight-fisted satyr named Ray An amorous lady named White My brother and I had some fun "Though his Chevy's a little bit rusted, I, yesterday, saw Mr. Levy; I test drove a Corvette today, There once was a fellow named Brett, The beauties I had were a bevy; There was a young lady named May, I went on another hiatus you see; I tried out the stereo, it rocks; While driving toward Amarillo, An impatient young driver named Ray For years I've been puzzled and striving The traffic's increasingly thick; Moonstruck drivers will never take care. Sometimes I pretend I'm U.K. I've read limericks from people who This summer to England I'll flit Scared of driving in England? Don't fear. Whenever I drive in the town Ahead of me the road leads on; Crank up the radio, girl! The Feds want to crack down on anger; There is a young speed-freak named Sharon, (Formula One racing team - McW)
A formula driver named Reid, He took the car for an test run; When you're driving fast in the Grand Prix, Perhaps, if you'd exit your hovel, "I hate those French drivers," said Lance; A car on a side street I spy, Some thoughts on the problem of traffic From conformist history ample, In the Falklands, without a rehearsal, The Argentines drive on the right, Although Argentina lost in that war, Though at home, Brit soldiers ride horses, 'Twas on the M3, 'round near Book, You've guessed what appeared in my sight, The speed cop walked over to shoot "...The body of my wife, Eileen" They search; all is clear. "It's all bleeding The car salesman was heard to say, There was a young driver from Calais, There was a motorist called Sally, Once a chap with a headache called Lee Now I'm not too pure, it is true; There was a young man named Irving A reckless young man from Winona There once was a young man named Otto They all drive like they are berserk. I'm staring at my new abode, Miss Goodwrench said, "Shove it in...park! I'm driving about in the snow, A friend of a friend that I know, There once was a corner whereat Then the City decided to post We loved the new stoppage. But wait! Now they're gone, All-way stops and my mind. A confused driving student, one night, There was an old man from Spokane, There was a young girl called Tamar, There was a young lawyer named Kane,
Whose noise you could not hear above it.
When driving at fifty,
It got pretty iffy;
There was not a way I could love it.
--- Karen
Screwed a girl in his car every day.
His aims weren't base,
He just wanted to place
The 'lay' in his old Chevrolet.
--- Isaac Asimov
"I'd have driven my dad's Chevrolet
And been glad of the chance
Without this song and dance
On what bumper stickers might say."
--- A N Wilkins P8502
Asked a lady if she'd play for pay.
When she named a fair price,
He responded "No dice."
So she peed in his new Chevrolet.
--- Theo Heller P9203
Went out in a Chevy one night.
She was fucked by young Brinkage,
But she fouled up his linkage,
And it gave him a pull to the right.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0380
In Dad's Chevy, which led to this pun:
"Dad, let me explain,
The SUN made that stain..."
And Dad said, "I know. But which son?"
--- Anon
I think Bill is a guy to be trusted."
When a friend asked her why,
"It's his seatbelts," said Vi.
"They don't have to be readjusted."
--- A N Wilkins P8502
He'd replaced all the springs in his Chevy.
The reason, you see,
'Least it's what he told me:
His dates have been all very heavy.
--- Cap'n Bean P9809
And listened to the salesman say:
"Oh yes, it is true,
This car's really you."
And I began thinking that way.
--- Ericka
Loved a girl in a shiny Corvette.
We know it's absurd
But the last that we heard
They hadn't untangled them yet.
--- Anon A
Some breasts were small, most were heavy.
I picked their sweet cherries,
Those virginal berries;
Ah, memories of my old chevy.
--- Travis Brasell
Who was taking a ride in her sleigh.
She ran out of snow;
Her sleigh wouldn't go.
Now her horse pulls an old Chevrolet.
--- Smiley Scrooge
'Twas shopping for a sleek S.U.V.
It's a Chevy Suburban,
With a blue velvet curtain;
Now all I need's some warm company.
--- Anon
But I'd rather be trying the shocks;
With a pretty young lass,
With one hand on her ass,
And the other entwined in her locks.
--- Anon
Sleep-driving was his peccadillo.
The trip was so boring,
He found himself snoring
Without benefit of a pillow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Would get stuck in the traffic each day.
So to make matters nice,
He installed a device
Which yelled, "Get the Fuck out of my way!"
--- Albin Chaplin P0105
To know why car-stickers are thriving.
I just passed a Ford
That said, "Baby on board",
And I found that the baby was driving.
--- Archie
The road is amazingly slick.
If only they'd go,
I'd speed up and show
How my car is amazingly quick.
--- Matthew Montchalin
On the road they will give you a scare.
They are never alone
As they talk on the phone,
At the same time they're combing their hair.
--- Tom Patton P0007
And drive down the road the wrong way.
I get gestures quite graphic
From oncoming traffic --
It's clear they don't know how to play.
--- Ericka
Drive on the right just like you.
If you come over here,
Have nothing to fear.
Drive straight down the middle, like I do.
--- Bob Hunt
And I don't like their driving one bit;
So, I'll take the bus
And avoid all the fuss
Of learning to drive like a Brit!
--- ROE
They will drive on the right by next year.
After planning for ages,
They will do it in stages --
Starting with trucks first, I hear.
--- Mike Dale
I never can put my foot down.
They drive nose to tail
At the pace of a snail;
I always come home with a frown.
--- Frank
Black night, bright stars and a song.
The freedom to go;
No one to say whoa.
I think I will drive until dawn.
--- Azul
Make that old highway uncurl.
Faster than light,
Driving all night,
Give your new car a good whirl.
--- Karen
Road kill from a slight fender banger.
Those whackos that beep
When I'm driving asleep,
Get pissed if I give them the fanger!
--- Anon
Who drives like an earth-bound Red Baron.
On her way to the shops,
She emergency stops,
Ever dreaming of joining McLaren.
--- Chris Young
Left the grid at very high speed.
In his most recent race,
I'm afraid he lost face;
He hit gravel because of his greed.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
At the wheel it felt like lots of fun.
At one hundred plus
With no tremor or fuss,
He travelled like a shot from a gun!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
You don't know what the outcome will be.
If you're into a spin,
Then some trouble you're in;
You could wind up in eternity,
--- Arthur Pattaffy
With mitts, boots, and a shovel.
Be a man, look alive,
And shovel your drive.
Your waistline won't grow, but her love'll.
--- Bent Pedals
"Three times they near killed me in France."
But his wife replied,
"Just put it aside,
And give those nice folks one more chance."
--- Observer
This is file eyl
Fast pulls in front of me. Why?
I've been going 60,
But now I'm at 50.
Rude folks can't let fast folks pass by!
--- Phil T
In other locales geographic:
Right-driving touring
Amid left-driving chauffeuring,
May result in an end that's too graphic.
--- Anon
Of trend-setters suffering a trample,
The Argentines
In the Isles Malvines,
May serve as a perfect example.
--- Res Ipsa
The Argentines ordered reversal
Of the driving direction,
Without allowing objection
From the resident left-driving denizal.
--- Anon
As any new-worlder just might.
But the British residents
Suffered car accidents,
Under Argentine tanks in the night.
--- Anon
The motorists crushed, lost far more.
The left-driving Brits,
'Mid right-driving twits,
Were flattened and ground into gore.
--- Anon
'Round Windsor and Piccadilly courses.
While there, please go on the left,
Lest we be bereft
Of a rhymer underfoot of the forces.
--- Anon
A glance at my speedo I took.
One hundred and nine
Eats the miles up fine;
But then in the mirror I look.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A white car with flashing blue light.
Pulled to the curb,
Preparing to burb-
Le excuses pathetic and trite.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His spiel: 'Guess you think it was cute.
Your licence?" and rash-
Ly I said, "In the dash,
With the gun, and you'll find in the boot..."
--- Tiddy Ogg
The Officer turns yellow, then green.
He yells in his bleeper:
"Help, Constable Dnieper!"
In no time there's scores on the scene.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Empty!" yells Dnieper, conceeding.
He stands, face afire.
Says I, "He's a liar.
The next thing he'll say, I've been speeding!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Joe, test drive this new car today!"
So that day in June,
Joe left around noon,
And test-drove that car until May.
--- Travis Brasell
While during the Rome-Turin rally,
Felt his head reel
And lost grip of the wheel.
Chamber Music? - I'm in the Po Valley!
--- J M Hudson
Who was not known to much dilly-dally.
She entered for fun,
And finally won
The Winter Monte Carlo Rally.
--- Anon
Took his car for a drive by the sea,
And returned without pain.
Said his wife, "Please explain"...
"I had Mot'rin and water," said he!
--- Peter Wilkins
I've said many a word shaded blue.
But you won't get very far,
Cutting me off in my car,
I'll tell you, "Get Fucked" for it, too.
--- Anon
Whose driving consisted of swerving.
While scratching an itch,
He drove down a ditch.
Now all find his driving unnerving.
--- Anon
Took part in a race at Daytona.
An ill-starred first round
Made him leave the ground
As Daytona's prime organ doner.
--- Rudolf Ammann
Who had more time to loaf than he'd otto.
He went for a spiel
In his ottomobile,
As you'd think Otto ot in his otto.
--- Princeton Tiger P0007
There was one particular jerk
Who passed on the right,
Then sped out of sight.
I'll see him tomorrow at work.
--- Marlene
Which from miles away, I have towed.
Because I'm a sailor,
This large boxy trailer
Does not inspire much of an ode.
--- Anon
Oh yes!...That's it!...Ohhh!...What a spark!
Your shaft is now seated,
Though quite overheated...
The head is well into it's mark!
--- Travis Brasell
As the winds of the winter doth blow,
On a slippery night,
When I steer to the right,
But left is the way that I go.
--- Cap'n Bean P0504
While out driving, quite angry did grow.
"Those drivers all suck,
Drive like old people fuck,
Extremely sloppy and slooooow!"
--- Jeanie
You'd approach while you grasped at you hat.
For there was vegetaion
Or earth from one station
To the other, and yes, that was that.
--- Liam na Beag
All-way Stops. So with warnings to boast,
Traffic stopped as it should
And then went when it could.
All hail to the City! A toast!
--- Liam na Beag
We had yet to hear from the State.
For they own the street,
And they thought it not meet
To have posted the signs there, of late.
--- Liam na Beag
The State took them all, and I find
No reason at hand
To say why, in this land,
One would jeopardize life in that kind.
--- Liam na Beag
Made a left by mistake at the light.
Then she turned left twice more
With intent to be sure;
For she knew that three wrongs make a right.
--- Rory Ewins
Who always hogged the fast lane.
His problem though,
Was he went too slow,
And drove other drivers insane.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Whose daddy gave her a new car.
No fun she'd derive;
She'd no license to drive,
'Til she learns, she'll not get very far.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Whose driving stayed in the fast lane.
After a day in court,
With tension he's fraught;
His speeding relaxes his brain!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
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