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A Chinese man said, while blinking, I fear that I may have mispoke; A taxicab driver named Becker A dumb PR fellow named Jim, That sexy LeBaron convertible, We all heard of Chrysler's new styles, (Chrysler scandal - execs using new cars speedo disconnect)
I was born in the year of the Dragon. A cautious young fellow named Lodge, For Sale: '85 2-dr Dodge Omni, Exotic B.C. sound terrific to me, The night was all moonlit and starry, On a date went the Rani Pakari, Forty's a wonderful age. (Rhubarb has a red Miata - McW)
"What's an 'autocrat', dad", inquired Jay, I knew that my boss was a heel (A friend Jim Bodrero actually owned one early 1960's - McW)
Will Bill leave his girl friend named Wanda, "I've a hot itchy nooky," Miss Wyke Dear Punkin, you just heard me bad: He had none but his ego to thank, There's a dealership down there where we go A parking attendant named Bud I once had a car called a Kaiser My next big sedan was a Fraser, Said a girl, "See that big fellow yonder? Italians love Paganini, A dashing young fellow from Andover The Discovery Award just may go He lacked "class", if you know what I mean. A curious lady named Davis A young fellow who drove a Mercedes, Historically, up through the eighties, A man in a Mercedes-Benz Though a cheerful young swinger named Lucien Now you claim that you brought us the car? When Rover and I drive the Benz, I met a man sumped in a heap (MG going out of business 2005)
I once had a new MGB -- If that weren't enough, that same night "We're just making out, nothing bad. Those Brits, on their face, would wear woad. Yes, Archie, that's near enough fair; One can of course rhyme Mitsubishi A person can rhyme Mitsubishi: I worked once for that Mitsubishi; While driving my new Mitsubishi, A likeable waiter at Starbucks Miss Dew Droppe who owns The Gift Shoppe (strop - to sharpen razor on leather strap? - McW)
The Latin poet Horace For many miles my Volks did roam, In the back of my '65 Olds, As slowly my story unfolds, That rattletrap fucking Peugeot! In Canada, Margaret Trudeau There once was a fellow named Hodges, (Rotary - a luncheon club in the U.S.)
Joe opens the door to his Porsche; Sports Cars thought the debate was over, Rolls Royces are lovely, I say; Making love in a Austin's demanding. A brand new groom and his bride, There was an old fellow named Joe Dear Santa, If I had my choice, "I promise I'll marry you, Joyce. An upper-class lady named Joyce He stands there, and calls for baksheesh, He stands on the corner to beg; These Japanese cars are a crock.
(Which got his eye doctor to thinkin')
"My Cataracts bad,
Which makes me quite sad,
I'd prefer a Rexus or Rincon."
--- Anon
I'd not meant an obfuscate smoke.
The man was Chinese,
Was not discussing disease,
It was of three types of cars that he spoke.
--- Anon
Was killed when he crashed his old Checker;
His body was hauled
By the hearse that got called;
The Checker was towed by a wrecker.
--- Cap'n Bean P0201
Whose future with Chrysler looks grim,
Wastes his days playing soccer,
Simply loathes Iacocca,
And drives a new Ford with gold trim.
--- Armand E Singer 704
Has drivers with habits pervertable,
Attracts the slickest hotrods,
Automotive He-Gods.
They're looking for something de-skirtable!
--- Anon
From Lee's ballyhoo, and time trials.
But what we don't know
Is how far they go,
Before they recorded the miles.
--- Gifford Wherry
I probably should not be braggin'
Luck second to Snake,
I know it's not fake
Cause I own a lil' Civic Wagon!
--- Anon
Had seat belts installed in his Dodge.
When his date was strapped in,
He committed a sin
Without even leaving the garage.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'ConnerA
New snows, gd shape, 2-tone(teal/hominy)
V gd winter car,
Mileage rated ****,
Autographed on hood by Geo Romney.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8703
A cabin or chalet or lodge;
A furnished crevasse
In Kicking Horse Pass,
With a piece of paved road for my Dodge.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As I cruised the road in my Ferrari.
An Indian dude
Gave the finger, how rude,
So I laughed at his ugly wife's sari.
--- Anon
In an over-sexed fellow's Ferrari.
She came home the next day,
With her charms on display,
Through a great jagged rip in her sari.
--- Anon
You'll offer advice like a sage.
But if you should doubt
Old libido's clout,
A Ferrari in RED is the rage.
--- Frank Spectra a
And his father responded, "They say
That is government, son,
An autocrat's one
Who rules strictly by Fiat today."
--- A N Wilkins P8403
When I captured a really big deal.
A new car...Surprise!
I stood rubbing my eyes.
He'd bought me a Goggomobile.
--- Anon
'Cause she gave him this offer to ponder?
"If you want me to hump,
Your old car you must dump,"
But he really is fonder of Honda.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0512Q
Told the trucker she'd met on the pike.
"That's a shame," said the lout
"But you must point it out.
Foreign cars to me all look alike."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8907
An actress from "Cats" I once had.
I gave her great head,
But what exactly I said:
Was I once drove a hot Jaguar -- mad.
--- Irish
As his Hummer he drove to the bank.
Signed the form with a groan
For a small mortgage loan,
For the money to fill up his tank.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0512Q
To buy cars, we can drive to Oswego,
On one tank of gas;
And also, alas,
They sell hummers to a supersized ego.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0406
Spent his free time in pulling his pud
In an unoccupied Jag
With a new girlie mag,
Leaving the seats all covered with crud.
--- Anon
Which often went off like a geyser.
But my wife, 'twas a shame
I could not do the same--
But once in a while, I'd surprise her!
--- Norm Storer P9203
And it was a keen as a razor;
I got so inspired
That I never got tired:
My performance would truly amazer!
--- Norm Storer P9203
Of him I just couldn't be fonder.
He may have flat feet
And a voice like a bleat,
But he drives such a super Lagonda."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Puccini and Signor Rossini;
But lately I've found
They're more thrilled by the sound
Of an expertly tuned Lamborghini.
--- Ron Rubin a
Was driving too fast in a Land Rover;
He hit a big rock
With a crunch and a sock,
And tumbled off foot over hand over.
--- Alsops Foibles
To fair Sandy from San Diego.
She's discovered that sex is
More fun in a Lexus --
And today she's discovered she's prego!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
His choices were cheap and obscene.
His home and his clothes
Were the dregs, Heaven knows,
And his car? A limburgerzine!
--- Jane D Hughes P9203
Used to make threatening phone calls to Avis.
She'd pretend to be mad,
And ask if they had
Any cars called Lucinda or Mavis.
--- Michael Palin
Was a terrible lech with the ladies.
What with all his misleading,
He had raptures exceeding,
But he died--and went straight down to Hades.
--- Isaac Asimov
Doctor's Benzes would impress the ladies.
HMO rules absurd,
Make docs envy the bird
Which can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
--- Res Ipsa
Says he would just like to make friends
With some women's thighs,
Though not of my size,
So, I don't know what he intends.
--- Anon
Thinks sex is a grand institution.
When tired of young ladies,
He gets in his Mercedes,
And practices auto-pollution.
--- Norm Storer
This is file ewl
Now you have gone way too far!
It is my contention
This European invention
Made Daimler-Benz the original star.
--- Bob Mornington
He hangs out his tongue in the winds.
I tried it once, too,
And as the air blew,
I felt we were naught if not twins!
--- Anon
Who'd bought an MG just last week.
"Do you think," came his words,
"It will still attract birds?"
"Of course," I said, "It's stil going 'cheep'."
--- Jarmo
But there's not enough room, you'll agree,
To maneuver one's dick
So the damn shifter stick
Went into her snatch 'stead of me.
--- John Miller
We both got a terrible fright,
When her foot by mistake
Came down on the brake
And a cop came to check out the light.
--- John Miller
Wouldn't you do the same as a lad?
He patted his gun,
Suggesting I run.
Turned out that the cop was her dad!
--- John Miller
They eat, for fun, in the Hole Toad.
And invented the "Mini" --
The car was quite "winny",
Though based on the size of their choad.
--- SFA
My own sample isn't too rare.
The length of my dong
Like that car's, ten feet long.
Just you ask my favorite broodmare.
--- Tiddy Ogg
(Excuse me, I'm sneezing) with dishy;
Or Deborah's middle
(When given a diddle)
Exceedingly squishy and fishy.
--- Anon
The secret ingredient's vichy-
Ssoise soup. It's a cinch!
(Of course, in a pinch,
You can substitute something more quichey.)
--- Brian Belge
I met there a gal who looked dishy.
But withdrawing the drawers
Of the whore reavealed sores
And lesions; I've smelled none more fishy.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I waved at an old Maharishi.
But the Hindu, my word!
Thought I gave him the bird,
And returned me the gesture in specie.
--- Hugh Clary
Got richer than Croesus from barbucks.
And by saving his cash
Bought a classic--a Nash;
Full funded with what he called car bucks.
--- Armand Singer
Drives 'round town in an old Nash jaloppe.
Since she's accident prone,
It's a big hard hat zone,
For not every close shave is by strop.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Said to his girlfriend Doris,
"Let Judas Iscariot
Have my old chariot.
I'm buying myself a new Morris."
--- Anon
All covered with bright, shiny chrome.
The day that she died,
I wept and I cried,
Now she's parked at the old Volk's home.
--- Lims For Year - 01
Hoping we neither catch colds,
We strip down real quick,
She sucks on my dick,
While I hungrily lick her pink folds.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I find I'm attracted to scolds,
For they usually succumb
To a quart of cheap rum,
And a ride in my '58 Olds.
--- Norm Storer P9203
That's the fourth of its gaskets to blow!
With grapes French can cope;
With cars it's no soap;
They should stick to Cointreau and Bordeaux!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Went out with a dashing new beau.
It was not his physique
That made her grow weak--
But his high-powered purple Peugeot.
--- Norm Storer P9203
Who drove only Plymouths and Dodges.
They were somewhat passe
On the Champs Elysee,
But admired by Rotary lodges.
--- Stargazer
The babes go ballistic of coursch.
It bespeaks of amour
And reactions impure;
No need for resorting to forsche.
--- Armand Singer
Until enters the big white Range Rover;
With a huge V8 roar
And the slam of a door,
One can drive from Brazil to Hannover.
--- Revor
I got a new one yesterday.
My lover's so rich
(Though he calls me his bitch)
I'm ever so glad that I'm gay!
--- Anon
And worse if you try it while standing.
For screwing, my choice
Is a 4-door Rolls Royce,
Though it adds to the cost of philandering.
--- Theo Heller P9203
Set out on their honeymoon ride.
The car of their choice
Was a purple Rolls-Royce,
Driven by a chauffeur named Clyde.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who had a Rolls-Royce now to show.
For so long he did strive
So that he might arrive,
Whereas now he had no place to go.
--- Albin Chaplin
Please bring me that lady named Joyce.
I promise to be good;
Wrap her up, if you would.
Either her or a brand new Rolls Royce.
--- Jim Loy
But please stay away from those boys.
I'll marry you soon,
And we'll then honeymoon,
If your dowry includes a Rolls Royce."
--- Al Willis P9711
Rode around in a silver Rolls-Royce.
There were people about
But she never looked out;
Viewing commoners was just not her choice.
--- Warrick Elrod
With a mangy old dog on a leash.
And when day is o'er,
He'll unlock the door
And drive off in his Rolls Royce Corniche.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The poor guy ain't got but one leg.
For food he will work!
At day's end the jerk
Just pulls of and stows his fake peg.
--- Marlene Lewis
You're better off going in hock
For the auto of choice,
The Cornich, by Rolls Royce,
Where you just hear the "Twitch of your Cock."
--- Theo Heller P9203
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