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A limericks writer named Bob
Had wished he could buy a new Saab,
But all he could get
Was a rusty Chevette,
Because writing's a low paying job.
--- Cap'n Bean P0303

Bank Manager is such a snob
(The car that he drives is a Saab).
Oh, yes, I do know
He proclaims it so:
His car license plate -- it reads "SNAAB"
--- Anon

I've a classic super-charged Studebaker;
She's kept factory true, I'm no faker.
Shirt-less men come to gawk
At my Golden Hawk!
Do you wonder now, just why I take her?
--- Anon

The Japanese care are economical.
All Yugoslavian cars are comical.
BMWs are smart.
Renaults fall apart.
Which make my Studebaker phenomical.
--- Harry Rubin P9203

In an accident highly bizarre,
Lamont had been leaving the bar,
In his trusty old Lark,
Which ignited a spark,
That consumed both Lamont and his car.
--- Cap'n Bean P0506

A hotrod racer named Jake
Undertook to overtake a Studebake.
But a truck on a curve
Alas, did not swerve.
Now Jake is overtook by the undertake.
--- Donald Dow

It was after the Second World War
That a guy said, "I'll build a new car."
Detroit said of Tucker,
"That uppity fucker
Must be stopped before he goes too far."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9203

The stripper's pet Boa constrictor
Would purr like a cat as it licked her.
It once bit her fan
And an innocent man,
In the back of an old Vauxhall Victor.
--- Bill Wall

Volkswagens really are neat;
You see lots of them on the street.
But I really believe,
If you want to conceive,
Other cars have a better back seat!
--- Anon

A Volkswagen owner named Clete,
Once dated a nympho in heat.
She gave so much action,
She put him in traction,
And he cried, "What a screwy back seat!"
--- Larry Wilde

With pride my new beau was aglow,
With purchase of his new Volvo.
He called it his "Vulva"
Which pissed off his mama,
But which got my juices to flow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The Volvo wagon's seats do fold,
Minimizing the strain on joints old;
There's chance of friggin'
There in the riggin',
Though I fear my partner's not sold.
--- Daniel Ford

A young biology teacher, Miss Teal,
Fired questions at pupils with zeal.
"Do girls have a willy?"
"No, a vulva," said Billy.
"It's named for an automobile!"
--- H Myers TP9802

"In Texas our ranch runs quite far,
And I'll bet you a fancy cigar,
I can drive for twelve hours
And that land is still ours."
And I said, "I once had such a car."
--- Al Willis

A woman who called herself Dottie
Got a ride in a classic Bugatti,
'Till the driver, Sir Dar,
Threw her out of his car,
When she started to go to the potty.
--- Cap'n Bean P0402

The previous owners are they
Who owned the car I bought today,
The meter of which
Has a reversal switch.
Their burial fee I'll defray.
--- Irving Superior P9311

With his car in repair, Mr. Stoner
Had been driving around an old loner;
The thing was a fright,
But it shook him just right,
And it gave him a sizable boner.
--- Cap'n Bean P0308

There was an old man of Belle River
Who rode in an old-fashioned flivver.
But to crank it took force
So he purchased a horse,
And it wan't so hard on his liver.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2442

At his age, he now wants a used car,
Which is asking for trouble, by far.
Gigantic tires
And amplifiers,
No windows, doors always ajar.
--- Annie Jay

There was a young man named Izzy,
Who bought an old beat-up Tin Lizzie.
The car struck a cow
And it will not go now,
And it made the cow's milk turn all fizzy.
--- Reminisce P9310

In Model T days farmer Prout
Kept a sticky mudhole on the route
Between Springfield and Ware
And made more than his share,
By towing stuck motorists out.
--- A N Wilkins P8701

Henry Ford drove out in his fliver
'Til he came to the banks of a river.
Then Ford in his Ford
Found a ford he could ford,
And Ford crossed with nary a quiver.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0305

An auto mechanic named Hank
Had to start his old car with a crank.
A mild curse and a whack
Damaged his lower back;
To push was like pushing a tank.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

When it quit in a back country spot,
The garageman we finally got
Observed with some force,
"If this was a horse,
In this fix, it'd have to be shot."
--- A N Wilkins P8709

I know of one amorous putz
Who'd screw his best girl in his Stutz;
He employed the rear seat
To have room for his feet,
His head, plus her boobs, and their butts.
--- Armand Singer P2006

My Sedan did sputter and fume.
My friends thought it was an heirloom.
When it finally did die,
Its soul went sky high.
But its body is in a Khartoum.
--- Anon

There once was a man named Steve
Who over a dead car did grieve.
So much gas did it guzzle,
It's really a puzzle
Why its loss to Steve's a peeve.
--- Chris Anderson

A gent drove from Boston, MA,
In an auto that could hardly PA.
As it strained up a hill,
He stopped dead and still,
As if he had run out of GA.
--- Anon

I drive much too fast and too few
Miles, but I like my cars new.
'Cause I don't like to think
What is that stink
From a previous owner's spew.
--- Karen

But I drive them for years and years
And I do have some growing fears,
That Nicky did get
My old piece of shit,
In which I drank too many beers.
--- Karen

A Don Juan once purchased a Ford
And bragged that he frequently scored,
But whom could he lay
In an old Model A --
A crate even whores have abhorred?
--- Norm Storer P9203

My jalopy -- I couldn't be prouder,
So I took it to repair at Al Howder.
He said, "The brakes are kaput --
Cost an arm and a foot --
So instead, I have made your horn louder.
--- H Myers TP9804

My car -- an older edition --
Started leaking without my permission.
It was always at night
And the fluid was white.
Diagnosis: nocturnal emission.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This is file evl

If you have got an old wreck,
I do hope you paid with a check.
Driving like Nigel Mansel,
You may want to cancel,
Before you end breaking your neck.
--- Bob Mornington

A silly old man of Nantucket
Withdrew all the cash from his bucket,
And spent every cent
For a clunker that went:
"Ta-pucketa-pucketa-pucket."
--- Cyber Geezer

The good old days -- the rumble seat
With sex an acrobatic feat.
And as you hump
A sudden bump
May make re-entry incomplete. (Makes you rhythm miss a beat)
--- Irving Superior P9203

Her guy was a romantic dreamer.
His ears would spout steam when he'd ream her.
She called him "Hot Stanley"
And thought him so manly
He was known as the first Stanley Steamer.
--- Theo Heller P9203

When out in my old Stanley Steamer,
My girl was a sexual schemer.
When the boiler got hot,
She would play with her twat--
Till I could pull over and cream her.
--- Norm Storer P9203

A driver at Indy named Butts
Was crossing the line in his Stutz.
He thought it was neat
To stand on the seat
But the flag got him right in the nuts.
--- David Miller

Before I go fill up the tank,
I must first finance it at my bank.
My debts make me dizzy.
Should I sell my Tin Lizzie?
If this keeps up I'll just walk the plank.
--- Tom Patton P0609

I knew an old lady from Ghent,
Who worried about money she spent.
One day in a tizzy,
She bought a Tin Lizzie,
With bumpers all battered and bent.
--- Anon

A simple mechanic named Giles
Succumbed to a young lady's wiles.
Though her chassis looked fair,
It showed signs of great wear --
It was driven for too many miles.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0168

I'm so ticked off I can hardly speak,
'Cause my car has a bad oil leak --
And I'm sure you can guess
The cause of my distress --
The warranty expired last week!
--- Anon

When a Prussian car can't go vroom
And is scheduled to meet final doom,
It's much worse than that
If the tires are flat;
It ends up in a Junkers wreck room.
--- Tom Patton P0007

A baron, Sir Percival Wentley,
He screwed with his mistress so gently,
As his chauffer looked on,
In a park in Ceylon,
In the back of his '52 Bentley.
--- Cap'n Bean P0306

"Since sex," said a fellow named Barr,
"Is a driving force, it seems bizarre,
With this fast-moving breed
Which worships pure speed,
That so much takes place in a parked car."
--- A N Wilkins P8511a

After driving across half the state,
Kate had a big bang on a date...
She sighed, "I don't fail
To enjoy a guy's tail,
But after coming, it's the going, I hate!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 682

There was a young husband named Dan
Who bought his dear wife a new van,
And they often would park
In the lane after dark.
What a truly romantic young man!
--- David Finley

A maiden not lacking in pride
Went out with her beau for a ride.
She said, "Tell me, Joe,
How far do you go?"
"As far as you'll let me," he cried.
--- Cliff Scheiner P9409A

Thoughts of trysts that are BUCOLIC,
May be ruined by eating garlic.
Forget the back seat,
Just remain in heat,
Then cool with a treat alcoholic.
--- Jack Franklin

Some social indiscretions are
Both occupants -- back seat of car;
Thefts from five and ten;
Window peeping men;
The hayloft and your first cigar.
--- Irving Superior P9804

The cab driver, Billy, was cunning;
His line with the ladies was stunning.
Every gal fare he'd meet,
He'd screw on the back seat,
And always left the meter running.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0308

"My wife would great pleasure derive
Making love in our auto," said Clive.
"She says it's such a treat,
Balling in the back seat.
Problem is, she expects me to drive."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9203a

It's a matter to take time to muse on,
That dollies who diddle in Tucson
Prefer it in beds...
For the whim's in their heads,
It's more fun than in cars with their shoes on!
--- Grand Prix Lim 909

A genial new bride in Bryn Mawr
Averred, "Sex in a bed is by far
Ahead of back alleys,
Wet haystacks in valleys.
And almost as good as a car..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 656 a

A cousin who lives in Schenectady,
Figures rather dejectedly,
That a girl with her feet
In the passenger seat,
Is worth two in the city directory.
--- VOL 6

A provoking young girl from Bryn Mawr,
When seduced in the back of a car,
To a gentleman said,
"It's not much as a bed,
But it's better than standing, by far."
--- Keith MacMillan A101B

A wealthy mortician named Phil,
Got it on with a lady named Lil,
On a soft leather seat,
At the end of the street,
In the back of his Brougham DeVille.
--- Cap'n Bean P0406

She lost cash when she bought above par;
She lost cases she tried at the bar;
But she'll frankly admit
She enjoyed losing IT
In the bumpy back seat of a car.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9701a

"Let's make love here in your Ferrari,"
Said Fred to his girl who said, "Sorry,
I will fuck today
My gearshift named "Ray"
Then suck the chrome off my hitch "Maury."
--- Anon

There was a hot rodder named Dutch
Who steered his way to his girl's hutch.
But he said to her, "Dear,
I can't get into gear
For it seems I can't break from your clutch."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0126

How often it's firmly been said
That love should be made in a bed;
This leaves me bereaved,
For I was conceived
In the back of a pickup instead.
--- Anon

Junior's sex in my auto must stop.
Or my son must locate a new prop.
It is a convertible,
And what's disconcertible
Are the high-heel holes thrust through the top.
--- G0192A

She said to her boyfriend, "Good Lord!
It's one thing to screw in a Ford.
But not in a race
With six cops giving chase,
And us out on this thin running-board.
--- Theo Heller P9203a

I can't carry a tune in a bucket,
So a duet we will have to forget.
Don't ask me to sing;
I just want a quick fling;
Let's try having sex in your 'vette.
--- Anon

A senior from Harvard named Darren,
Got it on with a coed named Sharon,
On a warm summer night
With the moon glowing bright,
As they screwed in her daddy's LeBaron.
--- Cap'n Bean P0406

An eager young hot-rod named Shifty,
Said "Dear, I've a new way that's nifty!"
With one hand on the wheel
And the gas with his heel,
He then had her while cruising at fifty.
--- Albin Chaplin


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