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Young Liz from Cadiz has the biz The diet, she said, kept her slim; Mrs Claus put St Nick on a diet It seems from my father's side, The best way I know how to diet, She couldn't resist food a bit. There was a right pair from South Yorks, A little old man -- name of Taylor -- He got out his R. Simmons "Deal" Eat french fries and burgers galore, The menu at Wendy's includes Here's a burger idea quite bold: Some men try to keep up their vigour There was a food faddist named Luntz A two-twenty-two pounder, Nate, We're all on the new Atkins Diet. Said the diet book authors, "We thank Low carb dieters share a neurosis Rubenesque ladies, eye-stoppers, Since my diet is strict at each meal, A pretty young girl named Corrina, Next time in the pub, when it's quiet, "Since you thinned down soon after you met her, The fat girl threw over her diet. There was an old girl from Cucamonger, An historical scholar confirms If doubtful on whether to diet, A corpulent broad at the beach, In the U.K. we buy fish and chips, Dr Atkins espoused a new diet Dr Atkins, you're driving me nuts. Dr Atkins, oh my what a fraud; The Drinking Man's Diet's a hit. I don't mean to get anyone miffed, There was a young lady named Wigger I know a young lady, Miss Pym, The food industry's been very clever, On diets, a notice to all-- A trim little lady from Pinner I've got a sister called Melly, A woman named Isabel Crimp I once had a teacher named Pat A fellow who lived in Sardinia, As best-selling experts, the band There was a young lady named Skinner I went on a low fat diet THIS summer, I found I was increasing in girth; Remember, be careful, decrease You ladies are all very quiet; Along comes another new diet, If you're stumped on which diet to eat, A reason that some are obese If losing weight is your aim, then go diet; Abstention means no onion dips. A fat woman by the name of Mears A maid who was trim but well-fed He recommended a diet. When a gorgeous young creature named Hatter Said the gorgeous and slender young lass There once was a fellow named Rex; Our mouths we seem never to shut; Her Weight-Watcher diet she found The saying, "You Are What You Eat" There was a twat-licker named Parr Good manners do guests ABROGATE, The cheese she got out of her twat, "Phhhhhpp!! Oh my, pardon me, Mam!
Of making us gentlemen fizz;
For down on her knees
She would teasingly squeeze
'Til we sprayed her with litres of jizz.
--- Peter Wilkins
But when she was full to the brim,
She'd lie on the bed
With her legs widely spread
And invite us to fill up her quim.
--- Peter Wilkins
That would've made St Francis cry; it
Consisted of beans
And two cans of sardines
And she wouldn't allow him to fry it.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402
Come the genes that cause me pride.
My sisters must watch,
And their diets not botch --
On my mom's side, they are a bit wide.
--- Sue Johnson
Is to always say, "Broil it" or "Fry it."
Eat all you want
With some Red Sauce Piquant,
And then throw it all up! You should try it.
--- Theo Heller P9504
And fat? She was dying of it.
She cried, "I'll be bound
When food is around,
You must see I am tied to be fit.
--- Laurence Perrine P9504
Who like their cured ham and roast porks.
Now they've been reborn,
And it's tofu and corn,
That they stick on the end of their forks.
--- Chris Young
Lost his new asthmatic inhaler.
On seeing her knees
He could only wheeze,
"I guess that I won't ever nail'er."
--- Anon
To deal himself out his last meal,
"These diets are killers --
They're not food, just fillers."
Well, honey, I know how you feel!
--- Anon
While the reaper is pounding my door.
Don't tell me to diet,
I've already tried it,
And tried it and tried it some more.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Some items for altering moods.
There's burgers and fries
And soft drinks and pies,
And even some new finger foods!
--- Anon
At the White House fast food will be sold.
You can jog through to dine
As you're reading the sign,
"We had millions of Whoppers", now told.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
By working their muscle groups bigger.
Then home they all zoom
And promptly consume
A half-dozen donuts -- Go figure!
--- Alex Heydon P0401
Whose theory on foods brought forth grunts.
For his treatise complete
Showed you are what you eat,
Which is obvious, for some men are cunts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1276
His diet has kept up to date;
Losing one pound a day
From the first of May,
And ending December the Eight.
--- Irving Superior P8402
For losing weight you should try it!
No carbs, nothing sweet,
But it's all right to eat
Your steak tartar or you can fry it.
--- Lynn Mostafa
All you gullible folks who'd be lank.
Your body's not tighter,
Your wallet is lighter,
And we laugh all the way to the bank."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9504
Causing some of them to be ferocious.
Some like Sally and Seth
Have developed bad breath,
Due to their self-inflicted ketosis.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0410
Become so, as fierce fast food shoppers.
With good health ignoring,
They go on adoring
Their daily 'Big Macs' and wide "Whoppers".
--- Chris Papa
I've begun to enjoy how I feel.
Exercise tapes, food labs,
Tightened my buns and abs,
But my wrinkled skin sags a great deal.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9504
Tried a diet to make herself leaner.
Then at long last,
She ended her fast,
But she's so thin that nobody's seen her.
--- Jim Campey
This may get a laugh, why not try it?
"My old fat cat Kim,
I want to get slim,
But using the new Catkins diet.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Having gone on a diet to get her,
Why didn't you wed
The Lady?" He said,
Once thin, I thought I could do better."
--- A N Wilkins P8402
She said, "If I'm fated to die, it
Is best to be gay
And have fun on the weigh.
If I get a white shroud, I shall dye it."
--- Laurence Perrine P8402
Who figured that she'd look much younger
If she ate only salad.
The end of this ballad?
Predictably, she died of hunger.
--- Rudolf Ammann
That when Charles V once came to terms
With the need to lose weight,
He agreed on a date
For beginning the Diet of Worms.
--- A N Wilkins P9504
If thinking to "yes or no", try it.
Think blood pressure/weight
May mean Pearly Gate,
And surely you don't want to die yet.
--- Irving Superior P9504
Overheard what Doc Atkins would preach
And she thought, "I can quit
All my starch, but oh shit!
How I need my detergent and bleach!"
--- Don Moore
Which are no good at all for the hips.
If you think that's not nice,
Take your doctor's advice.
Do not let what he lists pass your lips.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
So popular, thousands would try it.
Carbohydrates? No way!
And yet fats are okay.
As for me, I still say I don't buy it.
--- Anon
See, I like girls with very big butts;
They're all a size 2,
Thanks mostly to you,
And I think you're a carbo-free putz!
--- Mark Levy
He convinced my wife she was too broad;
So she gave up french fries
And reduced both her thighs,
Then ran off with my gardener, Claude!
--- Mark Levy
Just pour down the booze till you split.
Eat plenty hors d'oeuvres
To steady your nerves.
No weight loss, but you won't give a shit.
--- Theo M Heller P9504
This is file epm
But, are body parts starting to shift?
If your main goal
Is weight control,
Never eat more than you can lift!
--- Ron Sartain
Who ate like a bird for her figure.
From the size of her turd,
I'm afraid that the bird
Was an elephant bird or much bigger.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1238
Who wants her waistline to be slim.
She diets and starves --
And she'll split in two halves
If she goes on this way. Ain't it grim?
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Our bad eating habits to sever;
It's low fat or fat-free
And all low calorie.
So how come we're fatter than ever?
--- John Miller
Your shadow will then be more small.
If this you should hate,
High heels compensate.
Your shadow will then be more tall.
--- Irving Superior P9504
Announced she was on to a winner.
"For most of my meals
I consume jellied eels,
And these make my waist even thinner."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
She went on a diet of Jelly.
She ate it all day
And wasted away,
But it sure flattened out her belly.
--- Anon
Attempted a diet of shrimp,
But ingesting so much,
Using butter and such,
She fattened right up like a blimp.
--- Cap'n Bean
Who thought that she was much too fat.
Her diet put fight in her
Which made her more frightener;
I'd rather have fatty Pat back.
--- Anon
Once went on a diet to get skinnier.
His scheme worked so well
That, I'm happy to tell,
He's no longer rotund but quite linear.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Of diet book writers command
Authorial fees
As large as they please,
For they live off the fat of the land.
--- A N Wilkins P9504
Who honestly wished to be thinner.
But all through the day
The one thing she would say
Was, "Lord, how I long for my dinner!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
I thought it would be a "Bummer",
Fifteen pounds disappeared,
And I still drink some beer,
I should have started LAST summer.
--- Anon
To my friends this caused lots of mirth.
I went on winter breaks;
Gave up wines, gave up steaks;
I lost inches at these times of re-birth,
--- Arthur Pattaffy
All gorging on sugar and grease.
For thoughtless ingestion
Increases digestion
And certainly makes one obese!
--- R J Winkler P8402
As for me, I get fierce when I diet.
When I'm fighting the fat,
I get mean as a rat,
Then I'm out on the streets causing riot!
--- Jean Fox
And of course, I just have to try it.
So I part with my dough,
But the pounds never go;
"Oh waiter, More chicken, and fry it!"
--- Renwa (G Wherry?) TP9806
As you're chomping away on your meat,
A burger and fries
Are not the best buys
In reducing the size of your seat.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Is found in the fact they increase
Ingestion of sweets,
Rich gravy and meats,
Forgetting their "pigging" should cease!
--- R J Winkler P8402
When out shopping, don't try to buy it.
When will power says no,
Your waistline will go.
You still like your food? So don't try it.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Abstention means no 'tater chips.
Abstention means
No pork with beans.
Abstention means your pants still zip.
--- Irving Superior P9708
Dieted to her husband's cheers.
When the fat was all gone,
She continued on,
Until she was reduced to tears.
--- Tom Patton P9504
Explained how her weight had been shed.
Every night without fail,
Her intake she'd curtail,
To a sausage and two eggs in bed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2382
It worked -- I cannot deny it.
Now curvey and sweet,
When I walk down the street,
I invariably set off a riot.
--- Laurence Perrine P8402
Started growing increasingly fatter,
She did so well at
Her dieting that
There's no place now, where we can pat her.
--- A N Wilkins P8402
(Who never did lack for a pass)
"I eat fibre that's crude
But not much other food
To maintain my cute little ass."
--- Thomas G Keller P9504
All meat he most surely rejects.
He lives just on herbs;
His appetite curbs
And slimmer and trimmer he gets.
--- Bernard Gluck
Shoveling food in, Oh! such a glut.
Less equals more,
Our bodies do store,
The intake's increase 'stead of cut.
--- John Miller
Was dismal in spite of the sound
Of the glamorous ads
From dollar-wise lads,
Who gained whene'er she lost a pound.
--- Elaine Watson
Has wisdom that people repeat;
Whoever thinks thin
Ought soon to begin
Avoiding that snack or this treat.
--- R J Winkler P8402
Who sometimes with assholes would spar.
One hole he did lick
With shit an inch thick-
He had gone, it seems, one bridge too far.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1285
By blowing their nose on the plate
That holds dinner fine,
Or spit in fine wine,
Though others it helps to lose weight.
--- Chris Papa
Reminded her husband of snot.
But he didn't mind;
He mixed it with rind
And added to soup until caught.
--- Douglas Anderson
But I've just swallowed a rotten clam,
And am proving [cheese squeezin']
The principle, Fartesian."
"What's that?" "I stink therefore I am!"
--- Anon
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