There was a young fellow named Scott
Who found the great thrill that he sought.
A whore was festooned
With sores, and she swooned,
So he ate all the scabs off her twat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1294

"What a terrible cafe!" cried Joan.
"Though I don't, as a rule, like to moan.
In my soup there's a fly;
All the cake's old and dry,
And the meat pies walked in on their own!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Doesn't it seem rather suspicious
That any food labeled nutritious,
Is so hard to chew
And tastes just like glue,
While the awful stuff is so delicious?
--- Lynn Mostafa

The way that you chew isn't charming;
It's bestial, barbaric, disarming.
Chops unstoppable;
Mess unmoppable;
Ravening, raging, alarming.
--- Heather McCabe

The dish was revolting and gross;
Unfathomably wretched at most.
The guests were offended;
Offense was intended,
Till one beat the chef comatose.
--- Heather McCabe

Horny young bulls in Petroff,
Had no cows with whom to get off.
They couldn't stand waiting,
Began masturbating:
The invention of Beef Strokingoff.
--- Mark

Do you know that hotel in Peru
Which has bogies on its menu?
Brushed thinly with oil
Then brought to the boil
And served as a thin sort of stew.
--- Anon

There once was a Yale man named Mose,
Who went around picking his nose.
He'd savor each booger,
Sometimes adding sugar,
Or cheese that he dug from his toes.
--- David Miller

A hungry young lady named Suggs
Was seen eating summertime bugs.
When asked for the reason
She said, "In this season
I like them much better than slugs."
--- Limber Limericks

An old nasty fucker named Duke
Made a dumb bet on a fluke.
Alas, in defeat,
He sat down to eat
Two gallons of buzzard puke!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old cook named Mary;
Her kitchen technique is quite scary.
She cooks carrots and pees
In the same pot. Oh Please!
The whole thing is unsanitary.
--- John Dohner P8809

A cheap retail merchant named Pease
Invented the concept of sleaze.
He'd scrape off his smegma
Dilute it with phlegma,
And label the stuff Cottage Cheese.
--- Armand E Singer 756

There was an old waddy named Stamp,
Sole slinger of hash for the camp;
His fare was God-awful,
Right close to unlawful;
He couldn't boil shit for a tramp.
--- Armand E Singer 489

Sam has taken too much abuse
For his fetish involving cous-cous.
He's tried cooking goose
And even some moose,
Finally settling on eating refuse.
--- Anon

There was a young man known as Royce,
Who took an emetic by choice.
He was fed, quite by chance,
Half the crotch of the pants
Of a girl who kept crablice for toys.
--- L0794

It seems that a Miss Delehanty,
Whose morals are putrid and scanty,
Picked crabs from a fellow,
Which she put in lime jello,
And fed with great glee to her auntie.

(lime Jello is Mormon gourmet dessert - McW)
--- G1493

A young jewish boy named Gish,
Used to jack off in a knish.
And he'd thrust his thin cock
In a barrel of lox,
Making a cream sauce for the fish.
--- Anon

There was an old whore from Old Delhi
Who retired and opened a deli.
She sold to the queers
What she'd saved up for years,
Cum jelly and pube vermicelli
--- Archie

There was an old lady named Mott
Who lived on the cheese from her twat,
Snot from her nose,
Jam from her toes,
And the Devil Almighty knows what.
--- G1504

Pete Piper dills pickles so slow,
From cucumbers tossed to and fro;
He makes them get fatter
When he adds the batter:
Some stuff that he calls the "dill dough!"
--- Travis Brasell

Having picked out a whore from the group,
He asked her for douche-water soup.
Cried the girl in surprise,
"You damned fetish guys
Make my ass so damn tired, I could poop!"
--- G1499

A man on the isle of Great Thatch
Kept a woman diseased in the snatch.
By her breasts she was hung,
And down poured the mung--
He was heard to exclaim, "Down the hatch!"
--- G1498

It's a really good ice cold beverage;
Very much better than average.
Good old Dr. Pepper,
A real high-stepper,
And part of our southern heritage.
--- Anon

I think that I've caught a bug,
As a pain in my gut gives a tug.
On the loo I am sitting
Straining and shitting;
That's the last time that I eat a slug!
--- Funny Bone

A pervert by name De La Renta,
Not satisfied eating polenta,
Went early one morn
Where babies are born
To munch on some woman's placenta.
--- Armand E Singer 915

An unsqueamish man, Percy Lee,
Said, "Worms are a godsend to me.
They're marvelous grub!
I'm as fat as a tub.
I eat them with ketchup for tea."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

There once was a baker of Nottingham,
Who in making eclairs would put snot in 'em.
When he ran out of snot (He inserted the turds)
He would, like as not, (Of various birds,)
Take his pecker and jack off a shot in 'em.

(And tickled dog's dicks 'till they shot in 'em.)
--- L0788

There's a tasteless French chef named Raoul
(He has colleagues that call him a fool)
Who serves barbecued antelope
With half-rotted canteloupe,
In a sauce of hot elephant stool.
--- Armand E Singer 773

A most renowned chef is George Bird;
To fault his creations, absurd;
But to cite one example,
There's no way I'll sample
His cream sauce on elephant turd.
--- Armand E Singer 808

A crazy young baker of pies,
Will always includes a surprise.
The plump raisins you see
Are just likely to be
A cupful of juicy horse flies.
--- Bob Birch P0410

Have you heard of my old friend Slim?
Bought a second-hand fridge on a whim;
But he better beware...
'Coz there's food in there,
That's been growing much longer than him.
--- David Miller

A student of stinks, Polly Ester,
Was quite an ingenious jester;
One day, from old waste,
She made a foul taste
To mix with her tutor's ingesta.
--- Harold C Bibby

The cheese in a virgin's vagina
Is a delicacy prized in old China.
But the fresh Gorgonzola
Scraped from around her asshole-ah,
Is generally considered much finer.
--- Dee Skusting

This is file eom

You can bake a great cake of old scabs,
Used Band-Aids, dried boogers, and crabs.
A dash of toe-grit,
Then frost it with shit,
Applied very gently in dabs.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a poor girl of the street,
In trash cans she found things to eat.
Though she had garbage stew
And smelled like horse doodoo,
Yet demanded it taste semi-sweet.
--- James

I've asked my dear ladyfriend Bridget
To check on that thing in my fridge. It
Has been there a year
And it's mouldy I fear;
It's so awful I can't bear to squidge it.
--- Anon

Waiter, this soup has a smell
Reminiscent of brimstone from hell.
The taste is as foul
As a decomposed owl,
And it looks like green slime as well.
--- Anon

Here's a very neat thing you can do;
Put something obscene in the stew.
It'll be quite a sight.
Just don't take a bite,
But hold on to your nose and say "peu!"
--- Wssdotjava

A man of odd tastes, Mr Walton,
Would always eat mutton with malt on.
He had cheese in his coffee,
And soap with his toffee,
And spoonfuls of honey with salt on.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

While giving the pantry a forage,
The only food found was some porridge.
The rats and the mice
Must have thought it was nice,
But I found it really quite horridge!
--- Archie

I do like my food, that is true,
But there's things I'd not put in a stew;
Like insects or mice,
As they're not very nice,
But with nowt else, then it'll do.
--- Anon

While dozing, a fellow named Scott
Had illusions of eating a twat.
But when he arose,
He was picking his nose,
And he found himself eating the snot.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1293

Although rodents and fowl are quite nice,
I thought I could offer advice.
For a wonderful dish,
Mix up children and fish,
And season with handfuls of lice.
--- Stephen Hann

A Scotsman I know loves his kippers
If they've spent overnight in his slippers.
But he's equally taken
By rashers of bacon
When served on the bellies of strippers.
--- Anon

Last century Madame Dessu
(Dietician) invented a stew
That was good for the bowels;
She used sanitary towels
Every month to concoct a ragout.
--- Peter Wilkins

Why is it that folks make a fuss
When'er I squeeze spots on the bus?
I do it in silence
With minimal violence,
And always lick up the stray pus.
--- Jarmo

I just made a thing, tastes like poop;
Called 'carrot and coriander soup'.
It was a nasty old brew
And went straight down the loo;
I need time now please to regroup.
--- Anon

You and your tastes, we have heard
Are not only weird, but absurd;
Like eating the pets,
Put down, at the vets,
Such as rabbit, dog, even a bird!
--- Anon

'Twas a pizza shop owner named Joe
Whose pasta did make his dick grow.
While forming his pie,
He unzipped his fly,
And emptied his load in the dough.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Was ever a headmaster so cruel,
Who had unruly students at school.
They complained so of hunger,
So he hawked up a lunger
And then had it served in their gruel.
--- Gibbon the Troubadour

An amateur writer named Reese,
Composed an original piece:
"Hailstones from above
Reminded me of
When maggots are fried in hot grease."
--- Al Willis

The formula's secret and strange;
It's cooked on a old-fashioned range,
And makes use of juices
That come from abuses,
Plus hair from a dog with the mange.
--- Anon

There once was a lady from Nottingham,
Who made meat pies and put some snot in 'em.
In addition to this,
She filled them with piss,
And played with the dog 'til he shot in 'em.
--- Martin

This one time at band camp, I did
A thing that I knew was forbid.
There wasn't a flute,
A trumpet or lute;
Just mice, peanut butter and squid.
--- Uncle Beer

A filthy old waiter named Mose
Was visibly picking his nose.
When he asked for the order,
"Two boiled eggs," said the boarder;
"You can't put your finger in those!"
--- Armand E Singer 26

I used to create lovely stews.
The finest ingredients I'd choose.
The intestines of cows,
And the bellies of sows,
It was offal you couldn't refuse.
--- Anon

A newly-wed hopeful named Dunn
Claimed two can live cheaply as one.
But halving his rations,
Sure dampened his passions,
Plus picking through garbage ain't fun.
--- Armand Singer

A lady who lived in Fort Worth
Lived on vomitted pig's afterbirth.
This raw-sewage eater
Would dine on excreta,
Which she gobbled with ill-concealed mirth!
--- Moony TP9802

A lady with pimply complexion
Made a living from this imperfection,
By expressing the juice
From her zits to produce
A meringue-like and piquant confection.
--- John Sandler P9108a

There was a young fellow of Perth,
The nastiest bastard on earth.
When his wife was confined
He pulled down the blind,
And ate up the whole afterbirth.
--- L0789

While soaking in bubbles and oils,
My ex-wife started popping some boils.
And suddenly willing
To eat the creme filling,
She exclaimed, "It sure beats Mom's trefoils!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man named McNabs,
Who lived on pox-pickings and scabs.
If he got sick on the spew,
Which he often would do,
His wife's monthly blood brought the son of a bitch through.
--- G1502

A mouse pudding would contain mice,
And a louse pudding must contain lice.
So please tell to me,
Why shouldn't it be
That there's rats in a pudding called rice.
--- Anon

In Dixie we have a big thrill
When it comes to Friday night's meal;
We hunt all that day
Down by the highway
And then feast upon the road-kill!
--- Anon

Road kill, a taste that's acquired,
Is less good if not quite expired.
For it then tends to bite
'Til the oven door's tight.
It much easier when they've been tired. (tyred?)
--- Dan Parslow

Ain't nothin as slick as the skin
Of chickens been cured in a tin,
With fatback and 'tater
And rotten tomater.
And top that, you know where it's been.
--- Anon