There was a young fellow named Scott "What a terrible cafe!" cried Joan. Doesn't it seem rather suspicious The way that you chew isn't charming; The dish was revolting and gross; Horny young bulls in Petroff, Do you know that hotel in Peru There once was a Yale man named Mose, A hungry young lady named Suggs An old nasty fucker named Duke There was an old cook named Mary; A cheap retail merchant named Pease There was an old waddy named Stamp, Sam has taken too much abuse There was a young man known as Royce, It seems that a Miss Delehanty, (lime Jello is Mormon gourmet dessert - McW)
A young jewish boy named Gish, There was an old whore from Old Delhi There was an old lady named Mott Pete Piper dills pickles so slow, Having picked out a whore from the group, A man on the isle of Great Thatch It's a really good ice cold beverage; I think that I've caught a bug, A pervert by name De La Renta, An unsqueamish man, Percy Lee, There once was a baker of Nottingham, (And tickled dog's dicks 'till they shot in 'em.)
There's a tasteless French chef named Raoul A most renowned chef is George Bird; A crazy young baker of pies, Have you heard of my old friend Slim? A student of stinks, Polly Ester, The cheese in a virgin's vagina
This is file eom
You can bake a great cake of old scabs, There was a poor girl of the street, I've asked my dear ladyfriend Bridget Waiter, this soup has a smell Here's a very neat thing you can do; A man of odd tastes, Mr Walton, While giving the pantry a forage, I do like my food, that is true, While dozing, a fellow named Scott Although rodents and fowl are quite nice, A Scotsman I know loves his kippers Last century Madame Dessu Why is it that folks make a fuss I just made a thing, tastes like poop; You and your tastes, we have heard 'Twas a pizza shop owner named Joe Was ever a headmaster so cruel, An amateur writer named Reese, The formula's secret and strange; There once was a lady from Nottingham, This one time at band camp, I did A filthy old waiter named Mose I used to create lovely stews. A newly-wed hopeful named Dunn A lady who lived in Fort Worth A lady with pimply complexion There was a young fellow of Perth, While soaking in bubbles and oils, There was a young man named McNabs, A mouse pudding would contain mice, In Dixie we have a big thrill Road kill, a taste that's acquired, Ain't nothin as slick as the skin
Who found the great thrill that he sought.
A whore was festooned
With sores, and she swooned,
So he ate all the scabs off her twat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1294
"Though I don't, as a rule, like to moan.
In my soup there's a fly;
All the cake's old and dry,
And the meat pies walked in on their own!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
That any food labeled nutritious,
Is so hard to chew
And tastes just like glue,
While the awful stuff is so delicious?
--- Lynn Mostafa
It's bestial, barbaric, disarming.
Chops unstoppable;
Mess unmoppable;
Ravening, raging, alarming.
--- Heather McCabe
Unfathomably wretched at most.
The guests were offended;
Offense was intended,
Till one beat the chef comatose.
--- Heather McCabe
Had no cows with whom to get off.
They couldn't stand waiting,
Began masturbating:
The invention of Beef Strokingoff.
--- Mark
Which has bogies on its menu?
Brushed thinly with oil
Then brought to the boil
And served as a thin sort of stew.
--- Anon
Who went around picking his nose.
He'd savor each booger,
Sometimes adding sugar,
Or cheese that he dug from his toes.
--- David Miller
Was seen eating summertime bugs.
When asked for the reason
She said, "In this season
I like them much better than slugs."
--- Limber Limericks
Made a dumb bet on a fluke.
Alas, in defeat,
He sat down to eat
Two gallons of buzzard puke!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Her kitchen technique is quite scary.
She cooks carrots and pees
In the same pot. Oh Please!
The whole thing is unsanitary.
--- John Dohner P8809
Invented the concept of sleaze.
He'd scrape off his smegma
Dilute it with phlegma,
And label the stuff Cottage Cheese.
--- Armand E Singer 756
Sole slinger of hash for the camp;
His fare was God-awful,
Right close to unlawful;
He couldn't boil shit for a tramp.
--- Armand E Singer 489
For his fetish involving cous-cous.
He's tried cooking goose
And even some moose,
Finally settling on eating refuse.
--- Anon
Who took an emetic by choice.
He was fed, quite by chance,
Half the crotch of the pants
Of a girl who kept crablice for toys.
--- L0794
Whose morals are putrid and scanty,
Picked crabs from a fellow,
Which she put in lime jello,
And fed with great glee to her auntie.
--- G1493
Used to jack off in a knish.
And he'd thrust his thin cock
In a barrel of lox,
Making a cream sauce for the fish.
--- Anon
Who retired and opened a deli.
She sold to the queers
What she'd saved up for years,
Cum jelly and pube vermicelli
--- Archie
Who lived on the cheese from her twat,
Snot from her nose,
Jam from her toes,
And the Devil Almighty knows what.
--- G1504
From cucumbers tossed to and fro;
He makes them get fatter
When he adds the batter:
Some stuff that he calls the "dill dough!"
--- Travis Brasell
He asked her for douche-water soup.
Cried the girl in surprise,
"You damned fetish guys
Make my ass so damn tired, I could poop!"
--- G1499
Kept a woman diseased in the snatch.
By her breasts she was hung,
And down poured the mung--
He was heard to exclaim, "Down the hatch!"
--- G1498
Very much better than average.
Good old Dr. Pepper,
A real high-stepper,
And part of our southern heritage.
--- Anon
As a pain in my gut gives a tug.
On the loo I am sitting
Straining and shitting;
That's the last time that I eat a slug!
--- Funny Bone
Not satisfied eating polenta,
Went early one morn
Where babies are born
To munch on some woman's placenta.
--- Armand E Singer 915
Said, "Worms are a godsend to me.
They're marvelous grub!
I'm as fat as a tub.
I eat them with ketchup for tea."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who in making eclairs would put snot in 'em.
When he ran out of snot (He inserted the turds)
He would, like as not, (Of various birds,)
Take his pecker and jack off a shot in 'em.
--- L0788
(He has colleagues that call him a fool)
Who serves barbecued antelope
With half-rotted canteloupe,
In a sauce of hot elephant stool.
--- Armand E Singer 773
To fault his creations, absurd;
But to cite one example,
There's no way I'll sample
His cream sauce on elephant turd.
--- Armand E Singer 808
Will always includes a surprise.
The plump raisins you see
Are just likely to be
A cupful of juicy horse flies.
--- Bob Birch P0410
Bought a second-hand fridge on a whim;
But he better beware...
'Coz there's food in there,
That's been growing much longer than him.
--- David Miller
Was quite an ingenious jester;
One day, from old waste,
She made a foul taste
To mix with her tutor's ingesta.
--- Harold C Bibby
Is a delicacy prized in old China.
But the fresh Gorgonzola
Scraped from around her asshole-ah,
Is generally considered much finer.
--- Dee Skusting
Used Band-Aids, dried boogers, and crabs.
A dash of toe-grit,
Then frost it with shit,
Applied very gently in dabs.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In trash cans she found things to eat.
Though she had garbage stew
And smelled like horse doodoo,
Yet demanded it taste semi-sweet.
--- James
To check on that thing in my fridge. It
Has been there a year
And it's mouldy I fear;
It's so awful I can't bear to squidge it.
--- Anon
Reminiscent of brimstone from hell.
The taste is as foul
As a decomposed owl,
And it looks like green slime as well.
--- Anon
Put something obscene in the stew.
It'll be quite a sight.
Just don't take a bite,
But hold on to your nose and say "peu!"
--- Wssdotjava
Would always eat mutton with malt on.
He had cheese in his coffee,
And soap with his toffee,
And spoonfuls of honey with salt on.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
The only food found was some porridge.
The rats and the mice
Must have thought it was nice,
But I found it really quite horridge!
--- Archie
But there's things I'd not put in a stew;
Like insects or mice,
As they're not very nice,
But with nowt else, then it'll do.
--- Anon
Had illusions of eating a twat.
But when he arose,
He was picking his nose,
And he found himself eating the snot.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1293
I thought I could offer advice.
For a wonderful dish,
Mix up children and fish,
And season with handfuls of lice.
--- Stephen Hann
If they've spent overnight in his slippers.
But he's equally taken
By rashers of bacon
When served on the bellies of strippers.
--- Anon
(Dietician) invented a stew
That was good for the bowels;
She used sanitary towels
Every month to concoct a ragout.
--- Peter Wilkins
When'er I squeeze spots on the bus?
I do it in silence
With minimal violence,
And always lick up the stray pus.
--- Jarmo
Called 'carrot and coriander soup'.
It was a nasty old brew
And went straight down the loo;
I need time now please to regroup.
--- Anon
Are not only weird, but absurd;
Like eating the pets,
Put down, at the vets,
Such as rabbit, dog, even a bird!
--- Anon
Whose pasta did make his dick grow.
While forming his pie,
He unzipped his fly,
And emptied his load in the dough.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had unruly students at school.
They complained so of hunger,
So he hawked up a lunger
And then had it served in their gruel.
--- Gibbon the Troubadour
Composed an original piece:
"Hailstones from above
Reminded me of
When maggots are fried in hot grease."
--- Al Willis
It's cooked on a old-fashioned range,
And makes use of juices
That come from abuses,
Plus hair from a dog with the mange.
--- Anon
Who made meat pies and put some snot in 'em.
In addition to this,
She filled them with piss,
And played with the dog 'til he shot in 'em.
--- Martin
A thing that I knew was forbid.
There wasn't a flute,
A trumpet or lute;
Just mice, peanut butter and squid.
--- Uncle Beer
Was visibly picking his nose.
When he asked for the order,
"Two boiled eggs," said the boarder;
"You can't put your finger in those!"
--- Armand E Singer 26
The finest ingredients I'd choose.
The intestines of cows,
And the bellies of sows,
It was offal you couldn't refuse.
--- Anon
Claimed two can live cheaply as one.
But halving his rations,
Sure dampened his passions,
Plus picking through garbage ain't fun.
--- Armand Singer
Lived on vomitted pig's afterbirth.
This raw-sewage eater
Would dine on excreta,
Which she gobbled with ill-concealed mirth!
--- Moony TP9802
Made a living from this imperfection,
By expressing the juice
From her zits to produce
A meringue-like and piquant confection.
--- John Sandler P9108a
The nastiest bastard on earth.
When his wife was confined
He pulled down the blind,
And ate up the whole afterbirth.
--- L0789
My ex-wife started popping some boils.
And suddenly willing
To eat the creme filling,
She exclaimed, "It sure beats Mom's trefoils!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who lived on pox-pickings and scabs.
If he got sick on the spew,
Which he often would do,
His wife's monthly blood brought the son of a bitch through.
--- G1502
And a louse pudding must contain lice.
So please tell to me,
Why shouldn't it be
That there's rats in a pudding called rice.
--- Anon
When it comes to Friday night's meal;
We hunt all that day
Down by the highway
And then feast upon the road-kill!
--- Anon
Is less good if not quite expired.
For it then tends to bite
'Til the oven door's tight.
It much easier when they've been tired. (tyred?)
--- Dan Parslow
Of chickens been cured in a tin,
With fatback and 'tater
And rotten tomater.
And top that, you know where it's been.
--- Anon