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It happens, a type of fast truckers All Union truck drivers agree, A trucker by the name of McBired, There was a young trucker named Bryerder, There was an old trucker named Bryan, There's a wild sight I frequently see; Said the truck driver, shifting to high, Wow! A Peterbilt! Bob, that's great! Oh dear! Oh god! You sweet Mabel! To get far more bang for your buck, In the dawning of prehistory There was a young man named Murray, A farmer hauling apples first class, There is a young lady named Holly, And down by the corner Quickmart, "Hop in for a ride and a drink; "Directions you give me and steer, She climbed in and Willy did start, The ride was not smooth but quite rough; The story goes not too much farther; In Rome a young lady named Harriet There was an old lady named Harriet A smart Roman madam named Harriet A farmer who bought a new tractor A promising young engineer Of beer he'd drink more than a flagon, There is a math teacher named Rundle, With this thought I most readily part: Old St. Nick does work the easy way; While working as town council clerk, An ex-stagecoach mechanic named Jack Over the river and through the woods There was a young farmer named Murray Oil companies are crooks, here's the proof: A young sulky driver named Morse I asked farmer Jones "Why so wide, he A persuasive young bunny named Baker, A haughty young woman named Gold, She was riding that bike in Hoboken Said haggard old tart, Anne-Marie, On that haggard old tart I just bent Said his virginal bride to McNary, We all know they love to be humped, A gifted old man from Darjeeling, A transplanting surgeon named Barry, "I'm a virgin, of course," sighed the bride. Bill thought that when he married Mary A certain young sheik I'm not namin', There was a young lady of Bhore, There was a young fellow named Simon An obedient young lady named Hinches There was a young girl of Spitzbergen, Blessed Mary, once harlot, did seek Maggie is such a sad sack of shit My wife has decided that she In lands where virginity matters, They're having an auction today "You're used!" cried the husband complaining, No longer a virgin, Miss Wise, The bride went up the aisle My brother is sexually frustrated; Being stabbed isn't much fun, Said Junior to Mother, "What's new?" In my schooldays, when I was thirteen, I stood there, she undid her blouse, I pushed my face into her mound, Disappointed she told me "You're mean,
Are apt to play hikers for suckers.
And some such truck drivers
Appear as muff divers,
And simply are rotten as fuckers.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9305
For Safety, Rules one, two, and three.
Hitchhikers pass by.
Do not DUI.
When napping, first turn off the key.
--- Irving Superior P8906
Had a young whore that he hired
To fuck when not trucking.
But trucking plus fucking,
Got him so fucking tired he got fired.
--- L0998
Who met a good harlot and hired her
To fuck between trucks.
But to truck between fucks,
Made him tireder and tireder and tireder.
--- G1751
Who drove heavy loads to Cairnryan.
From there, going afloat
On the north Irish boat,
But his load he kept a sharp eye on.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Semis speeding in line, one, two, three.
At Daytona Race Track
It's called "drafting." Alack,
On the Interstate, it's lunacy.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P2006
And stroking his passenger's thigh,
"Inside my valise,
Are some rubbers and grease.
Let's open them up, bye and bye."
--- Anon
At the truck stop near Merced, I'll wait.
There I'll wigwag my bumpers;
We'll cause quite a rumpus,
While in your cosy bunk I'll get laid.
--- Anon
With you, I think I am able.
Let's do some making
Out, that ain't faking;
The ride, like horses in the Queen's stable.
--- Anon
Go to Mabel, she's built like a truck.
When she shifts to high gear,
She instills in men fear,
That they'll never survive that great fuck.
--- Anon
The wheel arrived quite suddenly.
With two and a horse,
We are mobile of course.
This is art with a capital C.
--- Anon
Who made love to his girl in a surrey.
She started to sigh,
But someone walked by,
So he buttoned his pants in a hurry.
--- L1492
His donkey reached out for some grass.
This man's trousers did rend
And the whole thing did end
With his applecart over his ass.
--- Albin Chaplin
Whose disposition is listed as jolly.
If she goes to the mall
She'll get into a brawl;
She's a menace when pushing a trolley.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Poor Willy was trying his art;
Coming on to some ladies,
Though he had no Mercedes,
He did have some beer in his cart.
--- Matthew Montchalin
The beer, once it's opened, will stink.
The cart goes quite fast;
You know it's a blast;
I run way too fast just to think."
--- Matthew Montchalin
And I will push hard without fear.
I have lots of nerve
And know how to swerve.
Good sense I obtain from my beer."
--- Matthew Montchalin
He breathed in a bit at the mart.
She drank a good swig,
He pushed at his rig,
And downhill he rolled the old cart.
--- Matthew Montchalin
He knew not how much was enough.
His path was disturbed,
(A pebble perturbed
The wheel of the cart by the bluff.)
--- Matthew Montchalin
The moral you see, is "Push Harder".
Beer made Willy run;
He had lots of fun,
And his girlfriend turned into a martyr.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Was roped by a man with a lariat.
They say 'twas Ben-Hur,
Who screwed her, the cur,
As he rode at full speed in his chariot.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0708
Who bought a most marvelous chariot.
But alas, she forgot
That a horse, she had not,
So she ended up having to carry it.
--- Graham Lester
Bought her girls a luxurious chariot
To make house-calls, she said,
With a portable bed,
Using Harriet's chariot to carry it.
--- Norm Storer
Soon found he had purchased an actor:
When he tried to go straight
She went like an 8,
And she went like a 5 when he backed her.
--- Limber Limericks
Pursues his experiments here.
His flying pumpkin
Has been plagued by a spin,
And will never be purchased by Lear.
--- VOL 11
Then climb on a horse-driven wagon.
"Yee-ha!" he would shout
As he galloped about,
While explaining it gave him a jag on.
--- Anon
Who ties up his books in a bundle.
It's too heavy he feels,
So he's put it on wheels,
Now Rundle his bundle can trundle.
--- Amanda Chew
When I saw my first ancient ox cart,
I was somewhat bemused
And with joy much infused,
To think, this was once "state of the art".
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0900
In a year he performs just one day.
On Christmas night,
The traffic is light,
Driving his eight reindeer sleigh.
--- Tom Patton P9609
I once met a fellow named Burke,
Who drove the snow plow.
I asked the man how,
In winter, he got in to work.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said, "My new walking-frame must go back!
It will not suffice;
For such a high price,
I'd expect it to have a gun rack."
--- David Miller
To grandmother's house we go.
The weather is rotten
And we have gotten
Stuck in the fucking snow.
--- Anon
Who took his girl out in a surrey.
He said, "We are undone,
There's no room to have fun."
She said, "Show me, for I'm from Missouri."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0272
This is file epl
Our fuel price has gone through the roof.
If it goes any higher,
(You may think me a liar)
We'll end up travelling on hoof.
--- Anon
Was thrown as he rounded the course.
So he rode for awhile
In the hospital aisle
In a wheelchair attached to a horse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2711
Had made his new tractor." Replied he,
"I need a two seat-ah
Because when I meet a
Nice gal, I will want herbicide me."
--- Anon
Convinced the first twenty to make her.
They had each, so she said,
Gotten her maidenhead,
And the idiots believed her, the faker!
--- Grand Prix Lim 274
Oft bragged that she'd never been rolled.
But her story was blown,
When her assets were shown,
In a sleazy mag's new centerfold.
--- Anon
When the pokin' took place -- I ain't jokin'.
'Twarn't no bike built for two,
With a boy for to screw...
But a dildo, sans seat -- I have spoken.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
"I charge an additional fee;
The doc sews me up
After every tup,
So a born-again virgin I be!
--- Peter Wilkins
My blade. Couldn't pierce her tight vent.
Scissors snipped that old witch's
Industrial stitches.
By George, now she's properly rent!
--- RanDog
"I've saved myself just for you, Harry."
But to his chagrin,
When he screwed his way in,
He found there were seeds in her cherry.
--- Anon
And many a man's been gazumped.
They think they've found gold,
Until they are told,
Their claim had already been jumped.
--- Anon
Read sweet Susie's tea leaves, revealing
The quite sordid facts
Of various acts,
The pious young fraud was concealing.
--- John Ciardi
His specialty - GET A NEW CHERRY.
(He gets them from sheep
While they are asleep)
And makes honeymooners more merry.
--- Irving Superior P9503
"You're the first, you can say that with pride."
But the groom was revolted,
His pride badly jolted,
When he found a man's wristwatch inside.
--- John Miller 0096
He'd start out by popping her cherry...
Alas for that guy
THAT day was long by...
And was hubby sore at her!...VERY!
--- Grand Prix Lim 685
Asked a flapper he thought he was tamin',
"Have you your maidenhead?"
"Don't be foolish", she said.
"I still have the box that it came in."
--- L0880
Who was courted by gallants galore.
Their ardent protestin'
She found interestin',
And she ended her life as a virgin.
--- L0812
Who tried to discover a hymen.
But he found every girl
Had relinquished her pearl,
In exchange for a solitaire diamond.
--- L0894
Was not at all bad in the clinches.
Her ma she'd obey,
Not to go all the way,
So for years she took only five inches.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2108a
Whose people all thought her a virgin,
'Till they found her in bed,
With her quim very red,
And the head of a kid just emergin'.
--- L0897
To be cleansed in a manner unique.
Holy Ghost fucked her, then
Made her virgin again.
I can show you his very technique.
--- Albin Chaplin P9012a
That no one will tickle her tit.
It would make her so glad
To be had by a lad,
Her drawers cream at the mere thought of it.
--- L0893
Is too good for a man such as me.
So such is my fate,
I lie down, masturbate,
While she retros her virginity.
--- Anon
And lack of little red smatters
On wedding bed
Can mean the bride's head.
They THIMBLERIG requisite spatters.
--- Elois
Just to sell her virtue away.
They'll all bid like fools,
Caressing their tools,
Not knowing that she is passe.
--- Anon
"No virgin could give such a draining.
Mere up and down thrust
Could be natural lust,
But that side-to-side action shows training!"
--- Anon
Arranged for a marriage disguise:
It was surgical art
That refurbished her part,
By constructing a tissue of lies.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
In traditional virginal style.
But they say she was nary
An innocent cherry,
But a whore from the banks of the Nile.
--- L0804
With a woman, he never has mated,
But around them he'll sniff,
And his dick will go stiff,
Perhaps I should get him castrated.
--- Anon
And to others this shouldn't be done,
But with an umbrella last week,
My brother, out, did freak;
I'm lucky he had not a gun.
--- Anon
Said Mother to Junior, "Curfew.
It is quite impolite
To stay out past midnight,
You may bid the young lady adieu!"
--- Observer
To a tumble-down hut by the green,
I went in trepidation
And anticipation,
To a meeting I'd arranged with Irene.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I was nervous, but very aroused,
She reached out her hand,
Just below my waist-band,
And murmured "You are well endowed."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Her sweet little treasure I'd found.
She tore my pants free,
Crying "Lay down with me!" ...
But I'd finished 'fore I reached the ground.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'll not come again to this scene."
And tomorrow don't stare,
In class, and beware
To call me Miss Jones, not Irene."
--- Tiddy Ogg
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