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I dreamt I was riding a train As you rode the Siberian Express, A mysterious beauty was she, I don't want to make too much fuss Today I go back to the city; [Remember her? Gorgeous young Jane? And Doris, I swear, truth to tell, Now Carmen's old butch matador, Commuting is always a pain I was crammed in the tiniest seat For one of those terrible hours Romantic? Not half!! But I woke Before I could I ask her just why, We're sorry this train is so late; I'm sorry this train isn't stopping We're sorry this journey is slow. The train is much shorter than planned, As clicketty-clack went the train And now she's addicted to trains A travelling girl named Lorraine Miss Lorraine was quite a star, The train that they call the Express Its tracks were laid down with precision The yak herd that influenced the lass A lady from old Hackensack, (for Mack Trucks)
Cutsie Blanche used to work at a branch There once was a man named Stan, 'Tis the custom in Castelamorrie, A trailer rig driver, we've learned, There once was a gal with some luck; With suburbans and Jeeps I am bored: In the mud, the ice or the snow, A trucker whose first name was Fred, The gargantuan SUV My friends, a disaster has struck; "The defendant herin is a truck, (part of a court order returning a truck to pot growers)
There once was a surfer named Buck The glory of truck driver, Gray; Award winning truck driver, Gray. A driver of dump trucks is Gray. A business-type truck driver, Gray, Near Boston, his lawyer told Gray, The judge said to truck driver Gray, Near Denver is truck driver Gray. No longer will truck driver Gray, A little old man from St Paul, The season has been a real bummer; I sound like a bitter old crank; She played on my crank like a fife, Jimmy Hoffa, a trucker ungentle, A doctor in far Abyssinia, There once was a pretty young lass, On the carpark was written "max height"; You know what best rhymes with Tom Tucker, His dad was an oaf and a sucker Most morticians in order to ease There was a young driver named Lori; Truck drivers once were kind and sane; When his pecker had started to wilt, There once was a trucker named Gouch A young man once perceived a felt need On the ice, cried a trucker named Mac, The mourners in bleak cavalcade While fucking his girl on a quilt, An interstate trucker named Thad The papers grouse about 4x4's;
Through tunnels again and again;
And the rock of the rails
Made me leave behind trails
Of come from Siberia to Spain.
--- Anon
Through tunnels of love, let me guess,
That you weren't alone,
Playing with your bone,
Your companion a Russian Princess.
--- Anon
While indulging your fantasy.
Every dream came true,
Knowing just what to do,
Rocking over each hill and valley.
--- Anon
but I get the same thing on the bus
Pauses at a red light
Make me cry with delight
For reasons I will not discuss!
--- Anon
No working from home, what a pity.
I hope on the train
I'll be sitting with Jane,
Who's forever caressing her clitty.
--- Anon
She's addicted to riding by train
For the rhythm delights her
And hugely excites her;
She orgasms time and again.]
--- Anon
Tried a cigar there as well;
Put the hot end in first,
Then boy, how she cursed,
"Bejaysus, 'tis hotter than hell!"
--- Anon
Was French, and he said "Je t'adore.
Please come dear, with me,
By train, to Paree,
Carmen, to the gare du Nord."
--- Anon
But this morning was more of a strain.
Cancellations were made
And my train was delayed
For an hour and a half yet again.
--- Anon
Of a cattle-truck train and the heat,
Condensation and sound
Made my head ache and pound;
I got cramp in my bum-cheeks and feet.
--- Anon
I dozed fitfully, dreaming of flowers;
Roses, Petals and Maisies
Sweet Kittens and Daisies
And dark secret moist-laden bowers.
--- Anon
To find Gertrude (a bag-faced old joke)
Sitting opposite glaring
At what I was wearing;
I feared she might give me a poke.
--- Anon
I looked down and I noticed my fly
Was unzipped, gaping wide;
So no wonder the dried-
Up old harridan gave me the eye.
--- Anon
It should have been here before eight.
The wrong sort of rain
Is delaying your train,
So you'll just have to suffer and wait.
--- Peter Wilkins
For boarding or even off-dropping.
The driver got lost
In the fog and the frost
(But I think we've just trundled through Wapping).
--- Peter Wilkins
The lighting is merely a glow.
The heating's defunct
And the toilets are gunked,
And the buffet shut ages ago.
--- Peter Wilkins
And most of you have to stand;
Apologies too
For not stopping at Crewe...
Will you please have your tickets at hand.
--- Peter Wilkins
Over points, it affected Miss Jane
In mysterious ways,
For she left in a daze
With a highly embarrassing stain.
--- Peter Wilkins
To relieve her frustrations and pains;
And the faster their speed,
The more urgent her need,
And the more satisfaction she gains.
--- Peter Wilkins
Liked doing it best on a train.
The rails as they pass
Would jiggle her ass,
From Tulsa to Caribou, Maine.
--- MrMalo
With railroad men, near and far.
From Tulsa to Maine,
Not one did complain,
When they went to the dining car.
--- Kaylin
Was always the one to redress
Any time lags incurred
While riding a herd
Of yaks for a girl to impress.
--- Anon
To minimize wheel wear attrition:
The clackety-clack
Of a train on the track
Was silenced by conscious decision.
--- Anon
Was fueled 'most entirely on grass.
While running beside
The train, if they died,
Were buried right up to their ass.
--- Anon
When needing a libidious snack,
Would wave down a trucker,
And get him to fuck her,
And then call it a Big Mack Attack!
--- VOL 11
Of a multispread corporate ranch.
When she rode in by truck,
She'd submit to a fuck,
So that truckers lined up to cart Blanche.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who drove a delivery van.
He picked up a chick
Who then sucked his dick,
And he said that I'll come when I can.
--- Anon
To fuck in the back of a lorry.
The chassis and springs
Are like woodwinds and strings
In the midst of a musical soiree.
--- G0034
Struck a pole, and his truck, overturned;
He survived the hard crash,
But was fried in a flash,
When his trailer ignited and burned.
--- Cap'n Bean P0101
She invited a man for some duck.
After dinner to a bed
They went and she said,
"Move over"; they fell off the truck.
--- Laura S Baxterlection
I'll get an Excursion from Ford.
Only thing it can't pass
Is a place that sells gas.
Wins - hands down - the road bully award.
--- Ellen Goodman's column
My truck will never need a tow.
In 4-wheel drive,
She's always alive.
Doesn't drink beer, she's a wino.
--- Anon
Had fantasies filing his head.
When he should have been truckin',
His mind was on fuckin';
No more truckin' or fuckin', Fred's dead!
--- Bob Birch P0107
This is file eql
Does nothing so moderately.
Those guzzling crates
Ignore interest rates,
As they drive you into bankruptcy.
--- Timothy Torkildson
I can't believe my bad luck.
My girl's up and left --
Left me quite bereft --
And what's worse, she took off in my truck!
--- Mike Dale
The vehicle type is pick-up.
Alleged by a fed
To be found in a bed
Of marijuana, caught in the muck."
--- Judge Ken Wangelin P8510
Who drove a huge 20-ton truck.
He said, "It's no lark
If you're trying to park,
But it's great when you want to fuck."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"I'm monarch of all I survey.
If downward I glance,
Volkwagens are ants,
And heaven's not too far away."
--- IRVING sUPERIOR P8906
NO tail-gating inches away.
NO mid-finger raise.
NO withering gaze.
NO 'stupid jerk' ever did bray.
--- Irving Superior P8906
He picks-up and drops-off all day.
From nightmares he jumps
"I'm down in the dumps,"
Then drops off to sleep right away.
--- Irving Superior P8906
To hitchhiking lasses would say,
"It's ten cents a mile
So after a while,
Advise me when I've earned a lay."
--- Irving Superior P8906
"At ten cents a mile from L. A.,
Inflation, et cet,
I'm willing to bet
She owes you one half of a lay."
--- Irving Superior P8906
"In judging one half of a lay,
A difficult task.
'Which half', you'll soon ask,
So why not drive back to L. A.?
--- Irving Superior P8906
He's nearing four-fifths of his lay.
He's feeling hard-pressed.
He's tearing her dress.
He's pleading the fifth right away.
--- Irving Superior P8906
To hitchhiking lasses not say,
"It's ten cents a mile."
Instead he will smile,
"It's twenty cents as of today."
--- Irving Superior P8906
Who drove a rig on the long haul,
Said "Gals love a truck.
It brings me good luck --
While on the road, I have a ball!"
I had sex only once the whole summer.
Then that witch told them all
That my pecker's too small.
So, I'll just have to buy me a Hummer.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
For this you have GM to thank.
In your Hummer you'll hide,
As you're quaking inside,
When I roll down your street in my tank.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
The top open wider than life.
The big rig beside
Went into a slide -
While jacking he did a jack-knife!
--- Anon
Now rests on a shelf continental.
Since the Mafia, God bless 'em
Took time to undress 'em,
His identity's based on things dental.
--- Arthur Deex P8906
"From the grave I can't possibly win ya;
I'm frightfully sorry.
But the wheel of that lorry
Has made such a big abyss in ya.
--- Langford Reed
With scrape marks along her sweet ass.
She was getting a tan
On top of a van,
And missed the sign "Low Underpass."
--- Bob Birch P0301
The road in was really a sight.
If the place was all maxes,
We are all paying his taxes.
It deserved to be closed every night.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
A long-distance hauler, a trucker;
In towns just one night
He lays 'em all right --
That transient and mobile old fucker.
--- Armand E Singer P0102
For ladies; but mama had luck, her
Cad husband died
And now she takes pride
That her son is a real mother's trucker.
--- John Miller
Those who've lost family to STDs, (sexually transmitted
Now use for transportation diseases)
In their solemn rotation,
No more Limos, solely SUVs.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0309
She's forever saying I'm sorry.
While driving a truck
She ran out of luck,
And finished up, upside down, in a quarry.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Obeyed most laws, did not complain.
That once noble knight,
No longer polite,
Scares those who risk HIS passing lane.
--- Gerald Bosacker
The old trucker felt little guilt,
But gave his truck line
To his wife Clementine,
And got him a new Peterbilt. (brand of trucks)
--- John Miller
As a driver this guy was no slouch.
A clean slate he compiled,
Once avoiding a child;
He pulled out and fell off the couch.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8906a
And from pure altruism, not greed,
Proceeded con brio
And fashioned a Reo,
Although few have much truck with that breed.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9203
"Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack!"
Eighteen wheels left the ground,
And the cab spun around,
And the trailer flipped front end to back!
--- Bob Birch P0010
Are gathered to bury a maid,
Who had the ill luck
To be hit by a truck
And then scraped from the road with a spade.
--- Beelzebub
She told me she'd concede her guilt,
In wishing his wienie
Was not quite so teeny,
But soon he would have a Peterbuilt.
--- Hugh Clary
Looked lke an insensitive cad
when he wrote on his truck
"Sue Smith's a great fuck."
But the truth is, she paid for the ad.
--- Michael Weinstein P9208a
Two tons with an engine that roars.
They cause chaos at schools;
Mothers threatening duels.
They're for use amongst heather and gorse.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
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