My sphincter is flaccid and vast.
I've ruined its tone with a blast
So monstrous and ugly,
What once passed quite snugly,
Can now not be pinched when it's cast.
--- Anon

A champion farter named Pete
Displayed a most powerful feat:
He allowed one to rip,
Before getting a grip,
And it blew him right off the seat!
--- Cap'n Bean P9912

In Tacoma a girl named Ramona
Let a fart with such fetid aroma,
That her panties corroded,
Her asshole exploded--
But it won her a Fine Arts diploma.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1440

May I also say this in parting,
In order to cure him of farting,
Put a match to his rear;
Slip his ass into gear,
Then you can just take him Go-karting.
--- Anon

Now darling, it's time that you noted
Your flatulence makes me so bloated.
One prick, and l'll blow,
Away I will go,
For gone with the wind, I'd have floated.
--- Anon

There once was a man from Antarctica,
Who walked all around and then fartica.
One day he was messing
With a lighter, I'm guessing;
Now he is missing some male partica.
--- Toolman

That loose-boweled liar, Renard;
For him I have little regard.
He'll foul the whole room
With turds that go boom,
And claim that it's just a petard.

(petard = little fart - McW)
--- Armand Singer

Oh baby it would have been good,
But pines are a very soft wood.
Thought you like an oak,
That'd make me near choke,
Perhaps I just misunderstood.
--- Anon

I thought she was one fartless doll;
I spied her in the shower stall.
She'd held them all in;
My God, what a din!
The first one knocked paint from the wall!
--- H Peeper a

Behold, all you limmers, the art
Of standing out proudly, with heart!
To loose such a prize,
Olympic in size --
Just sniff that magnificent fart!
--- Marlene Lewis

I once made burritos and rice
So filled with hot peppers and spice,
My bunghole caught fire
And burned like a pyre,
And spewed liquid napalm-like sheiss.
--- Allen Wolverton

My shorts and my pants turned to vapor;
My woman screamed like when I rape her.
The ceiling and walls
Bore flaming wet balls,
That burned throught the plaster and paper.
--- Allen Wolverton

I ran from my home into town,
Buck naked from shirt-tails on down --
A house-razing mower --
A human flame-thrower --
Igniting the world all around.
--- Allen Wolverton

The wailing of housewives and sirens,
The roaring of engines (yes, fire ones)
Soon rose to a din --
A soundtrack for sin.
I turned and beheld my environs.
--- Allen Wolverton

A putrid and smoking black mound,
My suburb had burned to the ground.
So scorched was my rump,
Most trees were but stump;
Of birdsong, there wasn't a sound.
--- Allen Wolverton

The streets now, instead of macadam,
Appeared as cane syrup gone baddum.
It's aggregate smelted,
The alphalt had melted,
So hot was the wind of my flatum.
--- Allen Wolverton

My swollen eyes, red but agog,
Wept tears, as a caustic green fog
In banks quite immense,
Began to condense.
The country grew hushed, like a bog.
--- Allen Wolverton

Although my Penultimate Blast,
My pride in the fart soon did pass.
As distant dogs wheezed,
I fell to my knees --
The scorched Earth was breathing its last.
--- Allen Wolverton

When spicing your lunch toward the drastic,
Remember my colon gone spastic.
Then learn from this sonnet
And hold the Scotch Bonnet,
Lest bunghole erupt pyroclastic.
--- Allen Wolverton

That south-of-the-border cuisine,
Makes one dash like mad to the latrine,
Where graffiti are sparse;
Gas from many an arse,
Kills the roaches and coats the walls green.
--- Allen Wolverton

The fireworks last night were a smash,
But some of the food was such trash--
I passed wind in the dark
Then heard someone remark,
"I heard the NOISE but where's the FLASH?"
--- John Miller 0055 a

'Twas a crusty old sailor named Art,
Who let out the world's biggest fart.
He tried to restrict her;
It went off the Richter,
And cause the Red Sea to repart.
--- Garold Amadon

There was a young man from Cape Grace,
Who blew a fart out into space.
With gravity's attraction
And Einstein's reaction,
It returned and spat shit in his face.
--- Lims For Year - 01

Nelson, Milhouse, and Bart
Had competition for the loudest fart.
Bart did a squeaker,
Milhouse a reeker,
And Nelson blew his trousers apart.
--- Anon

Oh, have you met "weel-rounded" Janet?
Her arse is as big as a planet.
Her fart's sonic boom
Will clear any room,
And riot police buy and can it.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Oh Tiddy, your rhymes are quite famous,
But this one just borders on heinous.
You say that Janet
Has an ass like a planet.
Surely, you can't mean Uranus.
--- Jonners

There was a young girl from LaPlata,
Who was widely renowned as a farter.
Her deafening reports
At the Argentine Sports,
Maked her much in demand as a starter.
--- L0710

At sea, Captain Thomas B Trip,
A powerful fart he let rip;
The force of the blast
Broke the hull and the mast,
And the captain went down with his ship.
--- Cap'n Bean P0503

A diet of biscuits and beans
Can become an explosive of means.
And that may be why
When old cowboys die,
They find only tatters of jeans.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

There was a young lady from Sale
Whose farting would cause a strong gale.
But when she had beans
Or a bowl of greens,
It came to ten on beaufort scale.
--- Anon

On the beach, away from the crowd,
I farted most painfully loud.
It frightened the frail,
Topped the Richter Scale,
And is one fart of which I am proud.
--- Funny Bone a

Reminds me of sexy Elaine
Whose flatulence caused me great pain.
Each time that we'd start,
She'd unleash a fart
That blew my nuts clear to my brain.
--- Anon

In a restaurant with veteran Pete Murray,
He demolished a vindaloo curry!
Then came a great roar
That rattle the floor,
And laid waste to vast areas of Surrey.
--- Bill Wall

This is file eim

There was a young fellow from Stroud
Who could fart unbelievably loud.
When he let go a big 'un,
Dogs were deafened in Wigan,
And the windowpanes splintered in Oudh.
--- G2524

Now, Lord knows they can't do so well
As us gals for making things smell.
We know all those rules
Were made for them fools,
But they'll still probably all go to hell!
--- Anon

A flatulent bimbo named Huntz
Has garlicky breath that affronts.
Whenever she sneezes
The most noxious breezes
Are wafted out both ends at once.
--- Armand E Singer 203A

In winter we nestle like spoons,
His crotch pressed against my moons.
One night from my ass
Passed such fearsome, harsh gas,
That I fear he'll be bald til June!
--- Anon

There was a young man of Rangoon,
Who farted and filled a balloon.
The balloon went so high,
It stuck in the sky,
And stank out the Man in the Moon.

(Published 1879)
--- L0734

The Duchess once asked with a wink,
"Pray tell me, sir, Why do farts stink?"
I quickly replied
With a smile very wide,
"For the benefit of the deaf, I think!"
--- Ali Chingali

There once was a juicy young tart
Who could not compress even in part.
If you gave her a poke,
While she gagged or choked,
She'd let out a big smelly fart.
--- The Bird

On the throne of repose I did strain
But did from excretion refrain.
Though the call sure was felt,
Only foul air was smelt;
Seems my quarter was spent all in vain.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young lad named Vito,
Who ate way too many burrito,
That filled up his ass
With a most pungent gas,
And blew out the back of his speedo.
--- Anon

He reached down and spread his cheeks wide,
To let loose the gas trapped inside.
The stuff was so hot
And so foul with rot,
It blistered two-thirds of his hide.
--- Anon

I ate frozen yogurt today,
And now there's the devil to pay.
With a bad case of gas
Coming out of my ass,
And a smell that could blow you away.
--- Pikelmemister TP9806

There was an old fellow called Neville;
I'm telling you straight, on the level,
He'd a gut like a keg,
And one gamey leg,
And his feet smell like farts from the devil.
--- Vic

A loose-boweled diva named Mott
Was already famed as a tot.
But her odorous farts
Cost her too many parts --
Her end was a potter's field plot.
--- Armand E Singer 112

I ate Taco Bell yesterday,
And now I'm afraid I must pay.
With plenty of gas,
And a dripping ass,
I hate when I end up this way.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

She farted a deafening earful
And gave me (I guess) a whole rearful,
While I'm giving her head.
It invaded the bed
With a pungency horribly fearful.
--- Peter Wilkins

Frannie the flatulent granny,
Once fill every nook, niche, and cranny
Of her church with such vapors,
It made all the papers.
"Where's everyone gone?" cried old Frannie.
--- Gene

My first New Year's resolution
To add to my Constitution,
The EPA will back
Corking up my crack,
To save us from the air pollution.
--- Anon

An "alte kacker" named Klartz
Stinks everyone out with his farts.
Posed like "The Thinker,"
He fires off a stinker
To China and more distant parts.
--- G1408

This morning I got up and farted;
Gave a push and my butt cheeks they parted.
Then out came a smell
From the bowels of hell.
Making me wish that I'd never started.
--- Anon

When he lets fly a foul crepitation,
Gassy Gus must create a sensation.
It's worse that just silly --
He's been gorging on chili,
In an effort to gas the whole nation.
--- G1372

She was giving her all to the Pastor
With every technique she could master.
When the beans in his diet
Refused to keep quiet,
And he let out a blaster and gassed her.
--- Amego P0108

A flatulent whore name of Mame,
Broke wind without feelings of shame.
Her farts were so rotten
They were never forgotten,
For she honored each fart with a name.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1215

An old fartsmeller stopped me in Thrace
And said, "Please blow a fart in my face."
"But my farts," I admitted,
"Are not too well shitted.
Could you wait till I fetch my wife, Grace?"
--- Albin Chaplin

There was an old farter named Mel
Who claimed that his farts had no smell.
The doc checked his ass --
Got a whiff of his gas --
And concluded Mel's nose went to hell.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1218

I must say that I haven't the heart
To tell George that he smells like a fart;
Or impart to his wife,
Who's the love of his life,
That she's only a silly old tart.
--- Laurence U

There's an ill-fated courtier named Carter,
Who's renowned far and wide as a farter.
Now he let a whole string
In the face of his king;
He's no longer a Knight of the Garter.
--- Armand E Singer 778

The famed speaker is Ms Adam's Rib;
Plugging NOW, female rights, women's lib.
But the audience sighs
When she tries to disguise
A foul fart that turns into a squib.
--- Armand Singer

In his lab sat old scientist Schmidt,
And a problem reviewed with brows knit.
His own fart to his nose
Smelled as sweet as a rose,
While another man's fart smelled like shit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3009

If it were the key to your heart,
I'd produce the world's biggest fart.
Then it would sure smell!
How charming a spell!
To love me would just be so smart!
--- Anon

Spring Farting's an art for the crazy;
A pastime for those who are lazy
And love to relax,
While mounting attacks
That wilt the new bud and the daisy.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Mel
Who had such a terrible smell,
When he walked, you'd see where
From the crud which was there,
That would hang in the air for a spell.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1217

I fart at her house like a clown.
My neighbor freaks out and breaks down.
Her plants are all wilted.
Her trees are quite tilted.
Her south wall's a shade of light brown.
--- Anon

Farts are, for sure, my best feature.
They were hated by every teacher.
I'd let them in school.
They'd smell like the stool
Of some long-dead, hole-dwelling creature!
--- Gearhart