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My sphincter is flaccid and vast. A champion farter named Pete In Tacoma a girl named Ramona May I also say this in parting, Now darling, it's time that you noted There once was a man from Antarctica, That loose-boweled liar, Renard; (petard = little fart - McW)
Oh baby it would have been good, I thought she was one fartless doll; Behold, all you limmers, the art I once made burritos and rice My shorts and my pants turned to vapor; I ran from my home into town, The wailing of housewives and sirens, A putrid and smoking black mound, The streets now, instead of macadam, My swollen eyes, red but agog, Although my Penultimate Blast, When spicing your lunch toward the drastic, That south-of-the-border cuisine, The fireworks last night were a smash, 'Twas a crusty old sailor named Art, There was a young man from Cape Grace, Nelson, Milhouse, and Bart Oh, have you met "weel-rounded" Janet? Oh Tiddy, your rhymes are quite famous, There was a young girl from LaPlata, At sea, Captain Thomas B Trip, A diet of biscuits and beans There was a young lady from Sale On the beach, away from the crowd, Reminds me of sexy Elaine In a restaurant with veteran Pete Murray, There was a young fellow from Stroud Now, Lord knows they can't do so well A flatulent bimbo named Huntz In winter we nestle like spoons, There was a young man of Rangoon, (Published 1879)
The Duchess once asked with a wink, There once was a juicy young tart On the throne of repose I did strain There was a young lad named Vito, He reached down and spread his cheeks wide, I ate frozen yogurt today, There was an old fellow called Neville; A loose-boweled diva named Mott I ate Taco Bell yesterday, She farted a deafening earful Frannie the flatulent granny, My first New Year's resolution An "alte kacker" named Klartz This morning I got up and farted; When he lets fly a foul crepitation, She was giving her all to the Pastor A flatulent whore name of Mame, An old fartsmeller stopped me in Thrace There was an old farter named Mel I must say that I haven't the heart There's an ill-fated courtier named Carter, The famed speaker is Ms Adam's Rib; In his lab sat old scientist Schmidt, If it were the key to your heart, Spring Farting's an art for the crazy; There was a young fellow named Mel I fart at her house like a clown. Farts are, for sure, my best feature.
I've ruined its tone with a blast
So monstrous and ugly,
What once passed quite snugly,
Can now not be pinched when it's cast.
--- Anon
Displayed a most powerful feat:
He allowed one to rip,
Before getting a grip,
And it blew him right off the seat!
--- Cap'n Bean P9912
Let a fart with such fetid aroma,
That her panties corroded,
Her asshole exploded--
But it won her a Fine Arts diploma.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1440
In order to cure him of farting,
Put a match to his rear;
Slip his ass into gear,
Then you can just take him Go-karting.
--- Anon
Your flatulence makes me so bloated.
One prick, and l'll blow,
Away I will go,
For gone with the wind, I'd have floated.
--- Anon
Who walked all around and then fartica.
One day he was messing
With a lighter, I'm guessing;
Now he is missing some male partica.
--- Toolman
For him I have little regard.
He'll foul the whole room
With turds that go boom,
And claim that it's just a petard.
--- Armand Singer
But pines are a very soft wood.
Thought you like an oak,
That'd make me near choke,
Perhaps I just misunderstood.
--- Anon
I spied her in the shower stall.
She'd held them all in;
My God, what a din!
The first one knocked paint from the wall!
--- H Peeper a
Of standing out proudly, with heart!
To loose such a prize,
Olympic in size --
Just sniff that magnificent fart!
--- Marlene Lewis
So filled with hot peppers and spice,
My bunghole caught fire
And burned like a pyre,
And spewed liquid napalm-like sheiss.
--- Allen Wolverton
My woman screamed like when I rape her.
The ceiling and walls
Bore flaming wet balls,
That burned throught the plaster and paper.
--- Allen Wolverton
Buck naked from shirt-tails on down --
A house-razing mower --
A human flame-thrower --
Igniting the world all around.
--- Allen Wolverton
The roaring of engines (yes, fire ones)
Soon rose to a din --
A soundtrack for sin.
I turned and beheld my environs.
--- Allen Wolverton
My suburb had burned to the ground.
So scorched was my rump,
Most trees were but stump;
Of birdsong, there wasn't a sound.
--- Allen Wolverton
Appeared as cane syrup gone baddum.
It's aggregate smelted,
The alphalt had melted,
So hot was the wind of my flatum.
--- Allen Wolverton
Wept tears, as a caustic green fog
In banks quite immense,
Began to condense.
The country grew hushed, like a bog.
--- Allen Wolverton
My pride in the fart soon did pass.
As distant dogs wheezed,
I fell to my knees --
The scorched Earth was breathing its last.
--- Allen Wolverton
Remember my colon gone spastic.
Then learn from this sonnet
And hold the Scotch Bonnet,
Lest bunghole erupt pyroclastic.
--- Allen Wolverton
Makes one dash like mad to the latrine,
Where graffiti are sparse;
Gas from many an arse,
Kills the roaches and coats the walls green.
--- Allen Wolverton
But some of the food was such trash--
I passed wind in the dark
Then heard someone remark,
"I heard the NOISE but where's the FLASH?"
--- John Miller 0055 a
Who let out the world's biggest fart.
He tried to restrict her;
It went off the Richter,
And cause the Red Sea to repart.
--- Garold Amadon
Who blew a fart out into space.
With gravity's attraction
And Einstein's reaction,
It returned and spat shit in his face.
--- Lims For Year - 01
Had competition for the loudest fart.
Bart did a squeaker,
Milhouse a reeker,
And Nelson blew his trousers apart.
--- Anon
Her arse is as big as a planet.
Her fart's sonic boom
Will clear any room,
And riot police buy and can it.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But this one just borders on heinous.
You say that Janet
Has an ass like a planet.
Surely, you can't mean Uranus.
--- Jonners
Who was widely renowned as a farter.
Her deafening reports
At the Argentine Sports,
Maked her much in demand as a starter.
--- L0710
A powerful fart he let rip;
The force of the blast
Broke the hull and the mast,
And the captain went down with his ship.
--- Cap'n Bean P0503
Can become an explosive of means.
And that may be why
When old cowboys die,
They find only tatters of jeans.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Whose farting would cause a strong gale.
But when she had beans
Or a bowl of greens,
It came to ten on beaufort scale.
--- Anon
I farted most painfully loud.
It frightened the frail,
Topped the Richter Scale,
And is one fart of which I am proud.
--- Funny Bone a
Whose flatulence caused me great pain.
Each time that we'd start,
She'd unleash a fart
That blew my nuts clear to my brain.
--- Anon
He demolished a vindaloo curry!
Then came a great roar
That rattle the floor,
And laid waste to vast areas of Surrey.
--- Bill Wall
This is file eim
Who could fart unbelievably loud.
When he let go a big 'un,
Dogs were deafened in Wigan,
And the windowpanes splintered in Oudh.
--- G2524
As us gals for making things smell.
We know all those rules
Were made for them fools,
But they'll still probably all go to hell!
--- Anon
Has garlicky breath that affronts.
Whenever she sneezes
The most noxious breezes
Are wafted out both ends at once.
--- Armand E Singer 203A
His crotch pressed against my moons.
One night from my ass
Passed such fearsome, harsh gas,
That I fear he'll be bald til June!
--- Anon
Who farted and filled a balloon.
The balloon went so high,
It stuck in the sky,
And stank out the Man in the Moon.
--- L0734
"Pray tell me, sir, Why do farts stink?"
I quickly replied
With a smile very wide,
"For the benefit of the deaf, I think!"
--- Ali Chingali
Who could not compress even in part.
If you gave her a poke,
While she gagged or choked,
She'd let out a big smelly fart.
--- The Bird
But did from excretion refrain.
Though the call sure was felt,
Only foul air was smelt;
Seems my quarter was spent all in vain.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who ate way too many burrito,
That filled up his ass
With a most pungent gas,
And blew out the back of his speedo.
--- Anon
To let loose the gas trapped inside.
The stuff was so hot
And so foul with rot,
It blistered two-thirds of his hide.
--- Anon
And now there's the devil to pay.
With a bad case of gas
Coming out of my ass,
And a smell that could blow you away.
--- Pikelmemister TP9806
I'm telling you straight, on the level,
He'd a gut like a keg,
And one gamey leg,
And his feet smell like farts from the devil.
--- Vic
Was already famed as a tot.
But her odorous farts
Cost her too many parts --
Her end was a potter's field plot.
--- Armand E Singer 112
And now I'm afraid I must pay.
With plenty of gas,
And a dripping ass,
I hate when I end up this way.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And gave me (I guess) a whole rearful,
While I'm giving her head.
It invaded the bed
With a pungency horribly fearful.
--- Peter Wilkins
Once fill every nook, niche, and cranny
Of her church with such vapors,
It made all the papers.
"Where's everyone gone?" cried old Frannie.
--- Gene
To add to my Constitution,
The EPA will back
Corking up my crack,
To save us from the air pollution.
--- Anon
Stinks everyone out with his farts.
Posed like "The Thinker,"
He fires off a stinker
To China and more distant parts.
--- G1408
Gave a push and my butt cheeks they parted.
Then out came a smell
From the bowels of hell.
Making me wish that I'd never started.
--- Anon
Gassy Gus must create a sensation.
It's worse that just silly --
He's been gorging on chili,
In an effort to gas the whole nation.
--- G1372
With every technique she could master.
When the beans in his diet
Refused to keep quiet,
And he let out a blaster and gassed her.
--- Amego P0108
Broke wind without feelings of shame.
Her farts were so rotten
They were never forgotten,
For she honored each fart with a name.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1215
And said, "Please blow a fart in my face."
"But my farts," I admitted,
"Are not too well shitted.
Could you wait till I fetch my wife, Grace?"
--- Albin Chaplin
Who claimed that his farts had no smell.
The doc checked his ass --
Got a whiff of his gas --
And concluded Mel's nose went to hell.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1218
To tell George that he smells like a fart;
Or impart to his wife,
Who's the love of his life,
That she's only a silly old tart.
--- Laurence U
Who's renowned far and wide as a farter.
Now he let a whole string
In the face of his king;
He's no longer a Knight of the Garter.
--- Armand E Singer 778
Plugging NOW, female rights, women's lib.
But the audience sighs
When she tries to disguise
A foul fart that turns into a squib.
--- Armand Singer
And a problem reviewed with brows knit.
His own fart to his nose
Smelled as sweet as a rose,
While another man's fart smelled like shit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3009
I'd produce the world's biggest fart.
Then it would sure smell!
How charming a spell!
To love me would just be so smart!
--- Anon
A pastime for those who are lazy
And love to relax,
While mounting attacks
That wilt the new bud and the daisy.
--- Anon
Who had such a terrible smell,
When he walked, you'd see where
From the crud which was there,
That would hang in the air for a spell.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1217
My neighbor freaks out and breaks down.
Her plants are all wilted.
Her trees are quite tilted.
Her south wall's a shade of light brown.
--- Anon
They were hated by every teacher.
I'd let them in school.
They'd smell like the stool
Of some long-dead, hole-dwelling creature!
--- Gearhart
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