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A discerning young fellow named Rickwid The gourmets in dining take part A flatulent fellow while idle, I've numbered my farts one and all, Now here's an example of "smarts!" My name is King Fart and I've blown My farts have been known to do harm The governor hired me to void The storms that blew through were so ghastly; A flatulent actor named Barton There was a young man from St Marten There was an old roue of Chartes It's a custom in some foreign parts It's a very complex and profound About farting, I see you're a maven, I'm concerned for the folks that love farts; A flatulent shyster named Ray, An Archaeologist lifted a tarp, I busted a sweet one today. She thought he was thinking out loud; Them mind-farts are wonderful boons, A movement once rose 'mongst the masses, I can't smell a thing. Am I dead? Myself, I'm the quieter kind, I really could not give a hoot Yes, farting's the best of the sports; The worst kind of fart, I'll admit, There was an old monk monasterial, A flatulent artist named Bart, A theatrical M.A. The OSHA inspector named Bart A phoney pop-artist named Hart He announced, "I'm the world's greates master; When the energy cut really starts, Beans, the food for the best gas, I once knew a chap called Jon Gearhart, As Jon let rip, I cheered it so! I once knew a girl with some class; A prizewinning tarter, Lacoste, Begged a flatulent husband named Glass, A clever young fellow named Durbin Geology of oil and gas: A schist-rift cracks open and then Well, thanks for the wishes, King Fart. Farting, it goes without saying, I cannot tell lies; I'm afraid A flatulent fellow named Snite My fanny's a real work of art Colonel H., that wily rapscallion On farting I must make amends; There once was a fellow named Bart A prostitute living in Queens Most people do think it is crass Forgive me dear father, I've sinned; A flatulent floozy named Dinah A lady with fine cheeks was Rootes; On Sunday, the bishop in a lurch, There once was a very young tart, An English weight-lifter named Brown A flatulent Cockney named Billy From his hospital bed reports Dan: Beans are a hell of a deal; There was an old man from St. Kitts, A WOWSER I knew from "down under" I am glad that your problem is sorted I'm eating ten pounds of raw bass, Charlotte was known for her gas,
Said, "Chili is one dish I'll stick wid.
For there's quite an art
To predicting which fart
Will be gas, and which one will be liquid."
--- G1442
And together enjoy the chefs art.
But farting is fun,
So when eating is done,
They should gather together to fart.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1221
Decided to give a recital.
It's cacophonous theme,
Gained him little esteem,
And "Farce With The Arts" was it's title.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0512Q
From the large right down to the small.
Some you can't hear,
And some are quite clear,
But the worst peel the paint off the wall.
--- Anon
I have hired him (I hope he soon starts),
To work for my crew
Down at the old zoo;
His job will be holding their farts!
--- Anon
'Bout everything I cannot bone.
I've been busy squeezin'
(This hurricane season)
The mightiest blasts ever known.
--- Anon
And cause population alarm.
If harnessed for good,
Perhaps these farts could
Disperse a large tropical storm.
--- Anon
And save Carolina from Floyd.
I blasted with might
All day and all night,
But just ended up with a 'rrhoid.
--- Anon
We thank you King Fart, it were vastly
Much worse but for you
And the farts that you blew;
They were more than a little bit gassedly.
--- Anon
Had a lifestyle exceedingly Spartan.
Till a playwright one day
Wrote a well-received play,
With a part in which Barton could fart in.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who saved all his odors from farten.
If it passed through his crack,
It went into a sack;
And mistakes were all kept in a carton.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had to stoop over to fart.
He'd oft burst his britches,
Which put folks in stitches,
But proved most inspiring to Sartre.
--- G1369
To say "Bless you" when somebody farts.
But they've learned those who sneeze
Are a source of disease,
So they prudently cut out their hearts.
--- Graham Lester
Eloquent language of sound.
The highs and the lows,
The emotional throws,
It's no wonder King Fart has been crowned.
--- Karen
But Latin is not your safe haven.
If you want to rhyme "flatus"
It should sound like "grate us";
Forgive me if this sounds like ravin'.
--- Barbara
They write words 'bout the oldest of arts.
They spend their time thinkin'
'Bout all that is stinkin';
No wonder they've lost all their smarts!
--- Anon
Wondered just how to fill up his day.
"I'm tremendously proud
Of my black methane cloud,
But it drives all the ladies away."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And said, "God! it smells like dead carp!
Was it some kind of cube
Or a dump of old food?"
Above, Ray smiled, strumming his harp.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But no one was near. Oh, dismay.
But Kay down the street
Cried "Bruce! Zat yo feet?"
You could say that fart had a cachet.
--- Anon
It sounds like farts; looks like a cloud.
When he gets to thinking,
The place starts to stinking;
Of such mighty thoughts he's quite proud.
--- Anon
Like stinky ripe fluffy balloons.
They're fine for this crass art,
And just like the ass-fart,
Invisible - 'cept in cartoons.
--- Anon
To travel about with bare asses.
At true lovers' parting,
The best form was farting,
With buttocks immersed in molasses.
--- L0722
I just can't believe what he said!
Not one single fart!
Did Cupid's fleet dart
Hit our H in the heart or the head?
--- Anon
Never claiming the odor was mine.
But in truth, they have scent
(From my personal bent)
That is much like a rose from a vine.
--- Anon
If you do or you don't let a poot.
Just watch your direction,
Angle of deflection,
So the soot only gets on your suit.
--- Anon
I love long, echoing, wet reports
And the gurgling fine smell
And the range, but I tell
You, I keep getting holes in my shorts.
--- Anon
Is instead of gas, you get shit.
And it is not funny
When the shit is all runny,
Soaking into the chair where you sit.
--- Anon
Whose farts were so pure and ethereal,
That a panel of judges
Passed wind on the smudges,
And they judged him Olympic material.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1219
On canvas, he blew a great fart,
Producing a stain
In the outline of Maine,
But the critics opposed, "Is it art?"
--- Cap'n Bean
Was told by the C.P.,
"By their prodigal smell,
You are, I can tell,
An eminent Bl.F."
--- Jerry Nordal P0409
A rectum observed, split apart.
So he wrote a directive:
"On The Asshole Protective,"
Which depicted the shape of a fart.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1189
In a jug kept a large purple fart.
He said, "Yes, I did it,
But it ain't right to kid it,
Who are you to say it ain't Art?"
--- G1399
At farting there's no greater blaster!"
And she caught not a whiff,
Though quite hard she did sniff;
She found he had blown it right past her!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file djm
Any self-propelled bike beats the charts;
There's proof in the files
Of gas for five miles
From a cabbage and eight proper farts.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8402
The air is so warm out your ass,
Scenting the room
With sewers in bloom.
I've not met the bean I can't passsssss......
--- Karen
Who could, in strict time, from his rear, fart.
His guffs, he'd morse-code `em,
Like some human modem,
His sphincter-control was just sheer art!
--- Anon
His arse-cheeks can trumpet from "Go!".
It's a damn shame, we knew,
He'd each time follow-through,
Call: "Oh dear Christ! Curses, man! No!"
--- Anon
She only ate grapes in a glass.
If the grapes were too tart,
She'd then start to fart,
And grape seeds would shoot from her ass!
--- DJ Ineritia
Made a bet that his fart could be tossed
Five feet from his sandal,
To extinguish a candle,
But he shit on the candle and lost,
--- Albin Chaplin
Whose own wife stuffed a bung in his ass,
"Please, I'd really much liefer
Fart a squib or a weefer,
Than to chance all that buildup of gas."
--- Armand E Singer 182a
Invented a novel gas turbine.
But the thing would not start
Until primed with a fart --
A procedure both foul and disturbin'.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2556
That was an exciting old class!
Stratigraphic trap
And all of that crap;
But, teacher -- How does the gas pass?
--- Anon
The natural gas from within
Blows into the sky,
But dammit all! Hie!
There's no one to light it again!
--- Anon
We'll now let the parties all start.
And Yule for you means
Some extra baked beans --
Your farting is surely an art.
--- Anon
Be it loud yelling and braying,
Or a quiet too-toot
From the end of a poot,
Is a must with some swinging and swaying.
--- Arkeylimepieden
You've corrupted that innocent maid.
Will you teach her to blast a
Much vaster fart faster,
And master the tricks of the trade?
--- Anon
At farting was terribly bright.
He blended his art,
His belch with his fart,
But the timing was never quite right.
--- G2509
'Cause by spreading my legs wide apart,
And thrusting my hips
To purse up it's lips,
I can fill it with air and then fart
--- Anon a
While leading his troops from his stallion,
Had won his mens hearts
With a barrage of farts,
That routed the foe's best battalion.
--- Anon
On what does a good fart depend?
A silent but odious?
Or a PAAARRP most melodious?
Or one that comes out at both ends?
--- Anon
Who let a 300 decibel fart.
It toppled some trees,
Put the town on its knees,
And he had to be hauled in a cart.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Had a terrible passion for beans.
Her Johns would depart
When she started to fart,
Through a gaping big hole in her jeans.
--- Norma Pain
To make noisy emissions of gas.
They tolerate burps
But condemn the perps,
Who deliver a blast from the ass.
--- Anon
That curry I ate gave me wind;
Caused the candles to lurch
As I came through the church,
But instead of atoning, I grinned.
--- Anon
Said, "No pecker shall prod my vagina!"
But, seduced to a screw,
Her arse, when she blew,
Propelled Dinah across Carolina.
--- G1377
Her leotards warded off brutes.
She put them on double
And kept out of trouble,
But farted and blew off her boots.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1384
After eating a pound of spoiled perch,
Emitted a blast
In the middle of mass,
That blew out all the candles in church!
--- Richard Long
Who felt that she needed a fart.
So she stepped outside
Thinking she'd hide,
And blew over a horse and a cart.
--- Anon
Attempted a record -- the clown.
He lifted and farted;
Elastic then parted.
They laughed as his trousers fell down.
--- Anon
Could fart like a two-year-old filly.
He did it so well
That he soon blew to hell,
Every shithouse in old Piccadily.
--- G1355
It's not only shit hits the fan.
There I was on the toilet,
Straining hugely to soil it,
When hot gas blew the side off the can."
--- Armand Singer
They're cheap, and they make a great meal.
In addition to that,
They won't make you fat,
Though they might blow out your rear seal.
--- Anon
Who was troubled with galloping shits.
One morning at last,
He let loose a blast
That tore his old asshole to bits.
--- G1447
Was prone to intestinal thunder.
Once during the night,
So bad was his plight,
He shattered a brand new "gazunder". (chamber pot)
--- Frank
And it's damn good to see you resorted
To an old fashioned fart
To take it apart;
Take care, and don't get deported.
--- Anon
With motor oil, petrol, some grass,
And beans a la mode.
I expect to explode,
'Cause I've got a cork up my ass.
--- H Welchel
Which on occasion, she'd silently pass.
But when she let one rip,
It would shake the whole ship,
And knock those nearby on their ass.
--- Stan
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