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By second grade kids called him Stinky In his youth he had friends very few Around the whole country he goes He pursued her for almost a year Said Stinky, "I must take a stand As he lay on her cot with the whore Though he worked on the twentieth floor So he quit the embarrassing job 'Neath his feet he let grow no grass He had only his own self to blame As they lowered him into the ground An unstable fellow named Cass There once was a lady who'd sinned, A chemist inventor named Hartz At a bar in the Bronx a young monk There once was a man from Koblenz, There was an old hag named Van Cleef, (must have been an SBD - McW)
A non-smoking student named Hartz Bewails a heart patient named Weeks A petite housewife named Babette Depressed is that costive old Strind; There once was a woman named Kass, There was a young gal from Burbank. Alone in his pink padded-cell, There was an old person of Iskier, There once was an elf from Bombay; Don Ventouso, a stout troubadour So gently I place my soft hand Millennial trick, really fine: A crepitant cutie named Puckett A farter who lived in Rangoon There once was a man name of Bart, A gifted musician named Lorne There once was a chink name of Ming, A young woman of very large parts, I once lost a bet to a Shriner, A musical lady from Bude A vulgar young fellow called Janus That flatulent farter McGee At the court of the Duke of Verona, There once was a fellow named Beers The gamest young chick in Chicago, There was a young man from Rangoon, (With the force of a raging typhoon.)
This lady, without any class, Beans, beans, the musical fruit, (I learned this about 1942 in Woodland, Calif - McW)
There once was a man from Rangoon; There once was a Gabonese pygmy, Though the Maestro's contention was that A composer of marches, Gide Pere It adds a sweet tone and some class, The fart you should try to extrude, A musical fellow from Ayr A hooker who ate amicotti There was a young chap from Newcastle, There was a young girl from Korea A flatulent nun of Hawaii, I've read all these limericks symphonic, Beg pardon, I do stand corrected, An exciting young poet named Keats A flugelhorn player named Bartz There once was a guy with an art There was an old kraut from Berlin A certain young lady named Rowell, An aspiring young lady named Root A gifted musician called Amos There was a young man from Biloxi, (Moxie - Eastern soft drink, Roxy - famous movie theater)
They thought his affliction was kinky
By third grade he found
He produced smell and sound
When somebody pulled on his pinky
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
The whole town his affliction they knew
He went weekly to mass
But because of the gas
In church, Stinky had his own pew
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
And brought his long search to a close
When near Long Island Sound
He finally found
A girl with a non-working nose
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
She dismissed him with nary a tear
"Although I can't smell
I hear very well
You must find one like me who can't hear"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
I'm tired making love to my hand
A hooker I'll find
I'll find one who's kind
My sex life will not be so bland"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
Stinky let out a half-muffled roar
When they finished the act
She displayed lack of tact
Said the whore, named Lenore, "Never more"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
Poor stinky was hurt to the core
When told in a note
By unanimous vote
"You can't ride the lift any more"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
Got away from the mean heartless mob
"I'll find a new way
To earn a day's pay"
His dignity they couldn't rob
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
Put a flexible tube up his ass
He farts into a tank
Lucky stars he can thank
'Cause he sells it as natural gas
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
He stood near a small open flame
He let one get loose
It cooked Stinky's goose
The explosion had ended the game
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
With only two mourners around
His sister and brother
Said one to the other
"I can still hear a faint farting sound"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
Was racked by eruptions of gas;
A glottal explosion
From gastric corrosion,
Which followed loud farts from his ass.
--- Armand Singer
Who said as her abdomen thinned,
"By my unsullied honor,
I'm not the madonna!
My baby has gone with the wind."
--- L0985
Stopped odors from underarm parts,
And he's now on the brink
Of producing a drink,
Which imparts a fine flavor to farts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1206
Drank twenty six beers and was drunk.
Then he raped a young lass
And he kept passing gas,
So into a coma she sunk.
--- Barbara Cunningham P9506
Who detested a room full of vents.
But when he did eat
A meal with no meat,
He died from his own flatulence.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was constantly passing a queef.
One day at the farm,
And meaning no harm,
She killed a whole herd of beef.
--- Anon
Penned a thesis for Doctor of Arts.
He proved in his studies
That none of his buddies
Could get cancer from smelling his farts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2611
Who well knows just whereof he speaks:
"They've patched up one artery
With skin from my fartery,
And now I ooze gas till it reeks."
--- Armand Singer
For a week only ate cassoulet.
This created a vapor
That peeled the wallpaper,
And scorched the fur off her pet.
--- Anon
It's almost as if he had sinned;
With girls its post partum --
With him its post fartum --
The best he can do is break wind.
--- Armand E Singer P0202
Who had such terrible gas;
She grunted and strained,
In such awful pain,
And pried a fart out of her ass!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had three holes where she stank.
One was for fuckin';
One was for fartin'.
The third was for ventin' the tank.
--- Anon
Dave farts and then savors the smell;
It's all very grouse
As in the nuthouse,
The nurses and shrinks treat him well.
--- David Miller
Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier;
He danced hornpipes and jigs,
And ate thousands of figs,
Making passing gas riskier and riskier.
--- Edwardian Leer 023 P9306
Strange instruments he sometimes would play.
He once stuck a flute
Right up his cazoot,
And blew tunes all night and all day.
--- Ananya
Wrote bad cansos; his singing was poor.
But by mastering the art
Of the audible fart,
He was able to book a long tour.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Just over the head of his gland.
Erupting a fart
Quite musically tart,
His butt thinks it is a brass band.
--- Anon
Serve piquant bean dip with the wine.
When thousand year ends,
Both you and your friends
Peal forth FLATULENT "Auld Lang Syne".
--- Maggie
Loves to fart in B-flat in a bucket.
This rare sphincter tune
Get her cheers in Rangoon,
But a fast trip to jail in Nantucket.
--- G1439
With his asshole could blow a fine tune.
He played with perfection
A Mozart selection
By farting the part for bassoon.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1224
Who perfected the Beethoven fart.
When told "Oh, God, Hell,
It creates such a smell!"
He said "Well that's tough, 'cause it's art!"
--- Anon
Was jammed in the ass with a horn.
He ate beans and started;
The whole night he farted;
And blew taps from midnight till morn.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1213
This is file eem
Who could cover his farts with a sing.
He would carry a tune,
Till the frogs would swoon,
Then hop up and blow an o-ring.
--- Anon
Got her kicks from musical farts.
She wrecked the solution
To air pollution
With selections of Brahms and Mozart's.
--- Tom Patton
Of a sumptuous meal in a diner,
When he showed he could fart
The complete cello part,
Of a Bach minuet in D minor.
--- Anon
During sex could perform a prelude;
With organ-pumped air
She had such a flair.
And farted a Chopin Etude.
--- Anon
Could fart Claire du Lune through his anus.
He may think it's smart
And call it an art,
But I think young Janus is heinous.
--- Michael Horgan
Was as gassy as humans can be.
He delighted his friends
With duets from both ends,
But he goofed on "Oh Promise Me!"
--- G2412
Two cornetti would sound a canzona,
Every time the fair Duke
Had to pass wind or puke.
While he shat, they would play the ciaconna.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose farts were a joy to the ears;
Melodic and sweet,
With a danceable beat,
But their stench would reduce you to tears.
--- Cap'n Bean P0407
A student of music called Margo,
Is able to fart
A sizeable part
Of the theme song from "Doctor Zhivago".
--- Michael Horgan
Whose farts could be heard to the moon.
When you'd least expect'em,
They'd boom from his rectum,
Like the roar of a double bassoon.
--- L0733
Made music come out of her ass.
It wasn't enough
Farting lieder and stuff,
But Ave Maria, at Mass?
--- Anon
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot,
The better you feel,
So I eat beans at every meal.
--- G1391
From his butt, he could play quite a tune.
At the end of each show,
He would really let go
With an exclamatory BARROOOMMMM!!!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Who made music of loud borborygmi.
He'd pour out his soul,
With stomach control,
In such ballads as "Eleanor Rigby".
--- Anon
New Wave music was right where it's at,
There was strong opposition
To his composition,
"Concerto for Fart in B-flat."
--- John Miller 0148
Lacked a tune with a strong martial air,
But a soup full of beans
Soon provided the means,
So he named it his "Fart Militaire."
--- Armand E Singer 592
That few in the world can surpass.
A musician mondo,
I can toot a rondo,
Whenever I choose to pass gas.
--- Chris Papa
A thing both offensive and rude.
It should come from the bum;
Like a tune, it should hum;
And the best come from figs that are stewed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Would whistle his favorite aire
With his anus, while farting,
Leaving listeners darting
For exits and gasping for air.
--- John Sandler P9112
One night as she sat on her potty,
Contemplated with glee
The sound of her pee,
And the musical boom from her body.
--- Larry Wilde
Who could squash himself up like a parcel.
And in that position
Would give a rendition,
Of 'God Save the Queen' through his arsell.
--- Anon
Who like sticking flutes up her rear.
After eating escargots
She could fart Handel's "Largo,"
And encore with "Ave Maria."
--- G2392
One Easter eve supped on papaya;
Then honored the Passover,
By turning her ass over,
And obliging with Handel's Messiah.
--- L1680
Regarding this gaseous philharmonic --
To my highly trained ear,
It's easy to hear --
You could all use a good high colonic!
--- Kaylin
Because I had never inspected
Those musical shorts,
From where loud reports
Left everyone, laughter infected.
--- Anon
Was renowned for his dare-devil feats.
He'd dance and he'd sing
Then fart "God Save The King".
He was very well paid for repeats.
--- Bill Wall
Blew notes that resounded like farts;
'Twas a passion ingrained,
And a skill he attained
While attending a school for the arts.
--- Cap'n Bean
For a most peculiar fart.
It was just so long
He called it a song,
And got it in on the chart.
--- Anon
Whose daughter was ugly as sin.
But the dear girl, Siglinde.
On request could pass wind
And play excerpts from Lohengrin.
--- William N Nesbit P9804
Had a musical vent to her bowel.
With a good plate of beans
Tucked under her jeans,
She could play "To a Wild Rose" by MacDowell.
--- L1730A
Longed to master the art of the flute.
This exceeded her means
So she settled for beans,
Since she knew they would make her astute.
--- Russ Roth P9212a
In musical circles was famous,
For it's novel, you know,
To be able to blow
Such melodious tunes through one's anus.
--- Michael Horgan
Whose bowels responded to Moxie.
Drinking glass after glass,
He would tune up his ass,
Till he played like the band at the Roxy.
--- G1356
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