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Two morons got high on jet fuel. With grief I'm not terribly filled, Those fellows were very inventive; Those four little kids from South Park With his gerbil stuffed deep up his ass, "Good Heavens!" said Anne to her man; An old Cajun cook, name of Fass, When well queezed the man-fat just drips My dear, where are you, sweetheart? My house is a ramblin' wreck; You'll have to ask about the scent -- Let sheets form a tent, tall and tight. Did you know your flame-thrower might Now I think I'll need a sweater; Sometimes we have to get burned, I'll take off the asbestos glove True Love? I know it quite well -- A partner without any heart, Now let me be clear as a bell; I once made a movie of sorts They taught me in chemistry class, I know know it just may be true, Perhaps it's a matter of diet, Glory to farts and to men! If you wish to ignite your own gas, While soaking away yardwork's pain I reached for the lighter (propane), There once was a nasty buffoon, When the blackout undoubtedly starts, A flatulent fellow named Crane When you are chock full of beans, A curious fellow named Blatch Methane doth make the heat blow, Be you Anglo or Negro or Jewish, You think I can't fart with the best? Nothing is sweet as the art "Farting well's not a light task," says U. I once knew a buck naked lass, Said a hairless young fellow named Carter, A veteran DJ named Mark Each time that I parp in my shorts, A biology student named Cass He passed her right out of her class, You've left on the oven a bit; Admittedly, there is an art I had me some chili last night, A teacher in chemistry class There once was a man named Dooper, At parties I've burned lots of gas A fart-lighting hunter named Gleeson, Just lit me a burner, so loud, For new energy Carter is looking, There was an old bastard named Ted My brother's name is Martin; There was a young lady named Nell, There was a young lady named Nell, The famous last words of George Hyde, I once knew a lady named Barbie La Fart, A lovely lass once held a fart No! That's not funny! You beast! That well-bred young debutante Thrush, Her abdomen grew rather tender (similar to Seven Old Ladies bawdy song - McW)
There was an old fellow named Eric, An insane inventor named Martz There was an old shopper in Dallas, There was a young man named Martin; By birth the kid's troubles had started.
Next day when they tried to pass stool,
Both of them farted,
Then quickly departed
And landed in old Istanbul.
--- Ogni Gioia
For those queers who were much more than thrilled
By a high-octane fart.
But here's the sad part:
The poor little gerbil was killed!
--- John Miller
The wild furry feel was incentive.
For thrills, which they crave,
It most certainly gave
New meaning to 'anal retentive'.
--- Frank Fazed
Like it when Cartman farts.
Flames and gas
Shoot from his ass,
And Kenny ignites from the sparks.
--- H Welchel
Poor Bruce felt that he must pass some gas;
With a flic of his bic,
Roomate Tom was just sick
At the flaming hairball that Bruce passed!
--- Anon A
"So you've listened and proved that you can
Put the toilet seat down."
Muttered he with a frown,
"Guess it's only a flash in the pan."
--- Peter Wilkins
Would spice up his gumbo with gas.
He'd hoist it and split it,
But once the stove lit it
And rendered some fat from his ass.
--- Anon
In globules from off of the tips
Of old Fass's piles;
At each cupful he smiles
As it joins with the fat cooking chips.
--- Anon
I surely could use a hot fart,
Right beneath the sheet
To provide us some heat --
My furnace has fallen apart!
--- Marty
The bills are a pain in the neck.
When it does fall down,
Hope that I'm out of town.
Insurers can mail me the cheque!
--- Marty
Like when all through the night they've been pent.
But hydrogen gas
Expelled from my ass,
When lit, burns the stench at the vent.
--- H Welchel
We'll make us some natural gaslight.
The powers shut off,
But who gives a boff?
The warm glow of farts fills the night.
--- H Welchel
Cause our tent of sheets to ignite?
The house has burned down;
Let's go into town
And get a motel for the night.
--- Marlene
H was such a go-getter;
His farts burned too hot
(But what a sex-pot!)
Won't do it again, I know better.
--- Marlene
Before some little lesson is learned.
What we've learned here tonight
Is not to ignite,
Those gasses which H has returned!
--- Kaylin
'Cause push has somehow come to shove!
All those who would thwart
A romantic fart,
Will never know the burn of True Love!
--- H Welchel
I know of love's sight, sound, and smell;
Don't care what you say --
Romantic? NO WAY!
Farts under the covers are hell!
--- Jayne
Will give you no warning, then start
To fart under the covers,
No longer sweet lovers?
He'll spit in the air and then fart..
--- Jayne
I don't like that skanky tent-smell.
I just like to flame
The ass of a dame.
She's welcome to blow me as well.
--- H Welchel
With five lovely lady cohorts.
We strained all at once,
And singed a few cunts.
By God, they were jolly good sports!
--- H Welchel
That methane and hydrogen gas
Both burn a light blue.
So if this is true,
Telling which is a pain in the ass.
--- John Miller
That hydrogen burns baby blue.
I'll refute my lass
And french-fry her ass,
If blue flames are all I can spew.
--- H Welchel
That yellow incited this riot.
Some chloride salt
Is probably at fault;
Nothing to do now but try it.
--- H Welchel
I'm blasting out orange ones again!
Perhaps it's the hue
Of port barbecue,
Or maybe that half pint of gin!
--- H Welchel
In a mud-bath, immerse your old ass;
Bubbles slowly ascend;
Give you time 'nuff to bend
Down to light up swamp fireballs with class!
--- Anon
(A hot tub's what helps me maintain)
I pinched off a blast --
My mate was aghast!
So I went and did it again!
--- Anon
For I could no longer contain
A dreadful big blast.
With rumbles it passed,
But fire on the water don't stain....
--- Anon
Who farted into a balloon.
He tied it all off
And set it aloft.
He shot it and it went BAROOM!
--- H Welchel
I will summon two corpulent tarts;
Feed them cabbage and leeks
Till the atmosphere reeks,
And contentedly light all their farts.
--- Don Moore P0105
Who stood too close to a flame;
His shirt went KABOOM!
As he ran 'round the room,
Then jumped in a sewerage drain.
--- Helen Dowd
And ready to flick whilst you leans,
Position your Bic
Away from your dick,
And keep on your shorts and your jeans.
--- H Welchel
Tried igniting his fart with a match.
His cock got blown off,
But the blast left a trough
He was able to use as a snatch.
--- Lims For Year - 01
While hydrogen adds an orange glow.
And esters of rot
Add stench quite a lot --
Lighting one gives quite a show.
--- H Welchel
This is file efm
Most farts burn decidedly bluish.
And if lit at the source,
Burns your asshole, of course,
Which can make you decidedly shrewish.
--- John Miller
Come on and put me to the test.
I'll tell lots of lies
And light up the skies;
We'll have us an auto-fart fest
--- Anon
Of burning the gas of a fart.
The crimsons! The yellows!
The laughter of fellows!
Be still my felicitous heart!
--- H Welchel
"It is if you know what to do;
You simply take aim
At a spark or a flame;
You can fart and make light of it too!"
--- Anon
Who said, "Hydrogen's fartdom's main gas."
She swung from the door hinge
While burning them orange,
Chromatograph wired to her ass.
--- John York
Who today is a little bit smarter,
"Don't light up your smoke
Behind that old bloke
Who is known as the 'Methane Gas Farter'."
--- Anon
Likes farting on air for a lark.
At home, he's no brighter;
He plays with a lighter,
And crouches alone in the dark.
--- Chris Young
I could fill and send you two quarts
Of bottled bum fumes
Till your gas-plant resumes.
How much would you pay for it, sports?
--- Anon
Dared to light off a flatus in class.
As the flames sputtered out
She exclaimed with a shout,
"Oh professor, you say I won't pass?"
--- Anon
On finding her internal gas
Explosive and bad.
(Right after he had
Explored with his willie, her ass.)
--- Anon
The odor alerts you to it.
A safety concern,
The stink's meant to burn.
It's clear that farts, too, should be lit.
--- H Welchel
Of lighting the gas in a fart.
To make it BAROOM,
Just fill a balloon.
This will save your sweet underpart.
--- H Welchel
With limas and corn -- a delight.
The SBD fumes (silent but deadly)
Cleared twenty-five rooms;
Thank god I began to ignite.
--- H Welchel
Gave a talk on combustible gas.
He scarfed down some beans
And pulled down his jeans,
Then held up a match to his ass.
--- Anon
Who one night in a drunken stupor,
Put a light to his ass
While releasing his gas,
And shot a flame from his pooper.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As blitzed girls, they lighted my ass...
All that fuel wasted
While me wholly pasted
If only I'd saved it, alas.
--- Anon
One cold autumn day, for no reason,
Polluted the fall air,
Thus singeing some ball hair,
Reminding him: ducks were in season.
--- Anon
It dropped all the jaws in the crowd,
Of post-Christmas shoppers
And pre-teeny boppers.
Of this I am nothing but proud.
--- Anon
And the best brains in science he's booking.
They will study their charts
To devise richer farts,
As a fuel source for heating and cooking.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2167
Who smoked and who farted in bed.
He went up in flame
From his anal methane;
Nothing left but his ugly old head.
--- King
His diet makes him keep fartin'.
I am sure one night
His ass will ignite,
And from this world he will be departin'.
--- Funny Bone
Whose panty hose stunk like all hell.
For when she passed gas,
It gushed from her ass,
And caused knees and ankles to swell.
--- Anon
Whose panties were holey as hell.
She complained, "When I fart,
My shoes fall apart,
And my ankles occasionally swell."
--- G1430
Suggest to me somebody lied:
I can swear that a fart
On the poor fellow's part,
Was all that we heard as he died.
--- Armand Singer
Whose consumption of beans was a known work-of-art.
She tooted all night,
With all of her might,
Till once great fart split her bottom apart.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So long that it started to smart.
It blew out her cunny,
Which wasn't too funny.
The surgeon, though, laughed in his heart.
--- Anon
That gas had expanded like yeast
It does not amuse
Since a spark from a fuse
Blew up two interns at least!
--- Anon
Said, "Damn it, you lout, will you hush?
Undue borborygmus (stomach rumblings)
Is one of those stigmas
That ought to make any man blush!"
--- Armand E Singer 426
As the gas pains began to distend her.
She gave a great gasp,
When a strained corset clasp
Got caught in her feminine gender.
--- Anon
Whose breath made those near him choleric.
He produced a hiatus,
In crowds, with his flatus.
He's a one-man disease, atmospheric.
--- Isaac Asimov
Can stop odor from underarm parts.
He has pussies de-stunk,
And a potion that's drunk
To impart a high flavor to farts.
--- G1425
Whose doctor practiced with malice.
He warned the old gent:
"You eat beans, you'll vent,
And your esophagus develop a callus!"
--- Anon
He was so full of wind, he kept fartin'.
Filming his ass in slow-mo',
Wouldn't you just know,
His bum cheeks were constantly partin'.
--- P Copeman
With his mom in position -- legs parted,
The doctor and nurses
Emit muted curses;
As he entered the world, the kid farted.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0509
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