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A crafty old bugler of Rheims,
Would feast upon coconut creams,
And fart a toccata,
Or a Mozart sonata,
On seventeenth-century themes.
--- G1441

There was a young lady of France,
Supposed to play at a dance.
She ate a banana
And played the piano
And music came out of her pants.
--- L0701

His burping's a true work of art.
We can't say as much for his fart.
It sounds very flat,
Down where it's at,
But at least it isn't B sharp.
--- Marilyn

A habit of Rene Descartes
Was to eat very large baked bean tarts.
He became quite a cult,
With the melodious result,
That is now number eight on the charts.
--- Bill Wall

Her farting has even been known
To shatter a porcelain throne!
And now on the net,
You're able to get
Her fart as you mobile's ringtone.
--- David Miller

A musical girl from Rangoon
Had beans on one fine afternoon.
When she played in the band,
She had volume so grand,
But her farting was way out of tune.
--- Albin Chaplin

I can play the old trumpet invol-
untary, sometimes a kettle-drum roll;
But those symphonies great
Of old Mozart and Beet-
hoven? Shit! They need perfect control.
--- Peter Wilkins

Some folk confuse farts with methane;
That results from a bad anal strain.
Though both can be deadly,
Only one plays a medley,
Especially after beans and champagne.
--- S C Saint

A certain young soldier named Schwartz
Sounds reveille using loud farts.
But rejoices far more
When the ladies adore
The charms of his buck-private parts.
--- Armand Singer

If you ask of the average anus
To carry a tune, it would pain us.
But insert a reed,
With a dash of your seed,
And the pooting is quite far from heinous.
--- Toots

A habit of Rene Descartes,
Was to eat very large baked bean tarts.
He became quite a cult,
With the melodious result,
That is now number eight in the charts.
--- Kevin Hale Q

To write about farts I've been busting,
As they make a nice change from lusting.
But my efforts at wit
Produce nothing but shit,
And a rhyme about slime is disgusting.
--- Prof

Then I tried once again to extrude
Some noises melodic but rude.
As a single loud trump
Came forth from my rump,
I sang words about turds that were crude.
--- Prof

A melodious old maid from Lorain
Couldn't crap without getting a pain.
She started a fast but that didn't last,
So alack and alas, she changed it to gas
And went rooty toot toot in the rain.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a cop named Lance,
Who was cocky and walked with a prance.
While boasting the art
Of the musical fart,
He saddened whilst filling his pants.
--- Anon

A horny marine, Sergeant Ellis,
With esprit de corps much too zealous,
Drilled his yard to stand stiff,
At the whiff of a quiff,
While his asshole blew Semper Fidelis.
--- Anon

A flatulent fellow named Bart
Consumed beans for the sake of his art.
And his silent-but-deadlies
Played beautiful medleys
That plucked at the strings of one's heart.
--- Peter Wilkins

The great music agent named Tanner
Described his new group in this manner:
"They all beat their meat
To the Nutcracker Suite,
While farting The Star Spangled Banner."
--- David Miller

There was a young girl from Savannah,
Who had a peculiar manner.
She stood on her head
In the middle of the bed
And farted the Star Spangled Banner.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a man from Montana,
Patriotic in a very strange manner.
When he picked up his flute,
His cock would salute,
And he farted the Star Spangled Banner.
--- Practical Press

I've taken the day off in lieu,
But of what? Well, I haven't a clue.
Thought I'd master the art
Of the musical fart,
But I cheated and used a Kazoo.
--- Peter Wilkins

An upstart who gained notoriety
Is shunned by the cream of society,
For his foul ventral breezes.
He voids as he pleases,
In tones of fantastic variety.
--- G1433

While musicians have battled for years,
Over which are the best symphoneers,
They agree from the start,
That a 'Whistling Fart'
Is great music to all of their rears. (their ears?)
--- Anon

An overweight lady named Tammy
Fell in the orchestra pit in Miami.
All of the brass
Went straight up her ass;
She farted and she won a Grammy!
--- Anon

The farter from Sparta had class,
And many awards did amass,
But a fellow named Carter
Was a much better farter,
Who could whistle a tune with his ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1197

A flatulent crooner named Swartz,
A loser with almost no smarts,
At last honed an act
Worth millions in fact:
Pop music from nothing but farts.
--- Armand E Singer 591

There once was a young man from Sparta,
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean,
He'd fart God Save The Queen,
And Bethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
--- L0740q

He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.
--- L0741q

This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart, for no money could barter.
He could roar from his rear,
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.
--- L0742q

He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus,
The Coriolanus:
Er-tum-too, er-tum, tootle, hum tah-dah!
--- L0743q

He was great on the Christmas Cantata.
He could double-stop fart the Toccata.
Brahm's B-Minor Mass,
Would boom from his ass,
And he'd finish with La Traviata.
--- L0744q

His repertoire, classics to jazz,
New effects using bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts,
He could whistle a waltz,
Or swing it in razzamatazz.
--- L0746q

His basso profundo, so rare,
He rendered with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the March Militaire.
--- L0747q

This is file edm

He could whistle, could warble, could hum;
By constricting the hole in his bum.
And make animal sounds,
Or fire artillery rounds
With the force of a field cannon gun.
--- llewtraH q

The fabbulous farter from Sparta,
Performed by command Royal Charter.
Did Brahms, Grieg, and Mozart,
For 'Piano and Fart,'
And for encore he did Bach's Tocccata.
--- llewtraH q

He'd accompanied Oasis and Blur,
And done backing music for Cher.
Though his style was obscene,
It's used on the big screen,
And is found in the movie, Ben Hur.
--- llewtraH q

When his farter was truly on form,
His asshole outplayed a French horn.
He'd give all day recitals
With the air from his vitals.
After a large plate of leeks and some corn.
--- llewtraH q

No one could play classics much finer,
As he showed me one day in a diner.
I had bagels with lox,
While from his buttocks,
He played Choin's Etude 12 in C-minor.
--- Anon

He could imitate jets supersonic,
Or play compositions symphonic.
For Handel's Messiah,
He reached top C and higher,
Only after a mammoth colonic.
--- llewtraH q

A family size can of baked beans,
Could fuel for thee main movie themes;
Star Wars and some westerns,
Were often requested,
Though odors were somewhat obscene.
--- llewtraH q

He could play Holst's Mars and Uranus,
By expelling the air from his anus.
He did Copacabana,
But his Carmina Burana
Was proclaimed a cantus profanus.
--- llewtraH q

This man with the musical asshole,
Was asked to perform in a castle.
He ignited his gas,
Near exploded his ass,
And the Count cried "Once more, you rascal!"
--- llewtraH q

One day he was asked to perform,
The William Tell Overture Storm.
But naught could dishearten
Our flatulent Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.
--- L0748q

The Count hosted the concert in style,
And the queue to get in was a mile.
The farter ate leeks,
Lived on beans for two weeks,
Knowing his farts were on trial.
--- llewtraH q

He practiced by farting some tunes,
Till his arsehole made sounds like bassoons;
Symphonies, sonatas,
Serenades and contatas,
And the theme from 'The Mouse On The Moon.'
--- llewtraH q

He played 'The Ride Of The Valkyries,
And brought the whole crowd to its knees.
Women fainted and screamed,
At the Dambuster's Theme,
And the Flight of the Bumblebee.
--- llewtraH q

He farted on feeling quite merry;
Did the Dance Of The Sugarplum Fairies.
Farts echoed and swelled,
(And so did the smell)
And his face went as red as a cherry.
--- llewtraH q

With a smell like a heap of manure,
He began the William Tell Overture.
They gasped as it started,
Cheered the Farter from Sparta,
And soon they were screaming for more.
--- llewtraH q

It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile.
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.
--- L0749q

The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
With his head held aloft,
He suddenly coughed,
And collapsed in a mountain of shit.

(But it daunted our Spartan no whit)
--- L0750q

One mammoth turd blocked up his ass;
Around it no fart could be passed.
His bowel filled with farts,
From his ass to his heart,
And inflated his belly with gas.
--- llewtraH q

All at once, the poor farter exploded;
His expanding bowel overloaded.
The room filled with screams,
As gas-filled intestines
Rose up to the ceiling and floated.
--- llewtraH q

Like a string of long brown balloons,
His innards were strung 'round the room.
The odor was ripe,
So the Count lit his pipe,
And the whole place went up with a boom.
--- llewtraH q

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter.
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words,
To the Fine Art of Farting, a Martyr."
--- L0751q

He could blow stately themes in organlike styles,
Such as "Ein Fest Burg," with his sphincter in smiles;
He could fart "Dulciana"
Or a soft vox humana,
With tremolo stops from his piles.
--- G1460q

You've heard of that fellow from Sparta,
Renowned as musician and farter;
He could fart pizzicata,
With flute obbligata,
And boom out the bass of Bach's B-flat toccata.
--- G1459q

I know this should probably rhyme,
But I really haven't much time.
Just for a starta,
The Farter from Sparta,
Is an epic, and truly sublime.
--- Q

Said a gaseous old laddie named Carter,
Well known as a helluva farter:
"It's that bad sauerkraut
That I've eaten, no doubt,
So here goes a blast for a starter!"
--- G1366

So glib with his asshole was Carter,
No man with his mouth appeared smarter.
But what issued ethereal
From that venthole sphinctereal
Transcended the Farter From Sparta.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1367

Your limerick, written on Elliot,
Was so poorly constructed and smelly, it
Made me queasy, old dove,
And reminded me of
A bistro I puked vermicelli at.
--- Ward Hardman

That unfortunate young lad named Elliot
Had such a large flatulent belly, it
Played a tune at the Proms.
By next june, the great Brahms
Had rescored for some violincelli it.
--- Ward Hardman

There once was a man of Rangoon
Who treated each fart as a boon.
He'd warm up the house,
Or scare off a mouse,
Or blow a riff on his bassoon.
--- H Welchel

This tuneful fart from Rangoon
Met an equally flatulent goon.
Whose cool thirds and fifths
Completed his riffs,
But the smell would wipe out a platoon.
--- Lucy

A fart is a wonderful thing;
One should let go with fervor and zing.
One can even blow jazz,
Anal razz-a-ma-tazz,
But I ain't heard one yet that can sing.
--- Anon

Till now, there's been none to aspire
To take anal music much higher.
So lets give our congratulence
To the orchestral flatulence,
Of the More Mung Crapper Flapper Choir!
--- Anon

The first "movement" filled the room.
The gases began to loom.
The groupies all raved,
But the lighters they waved,
Caused the whole venue to go BOOM!
--- Anon

Mr Sullivan, one of the few
Survivors that actually knew
The cause of the blast,
And when he was asked;
"Tonight was a really big blew."
--- Anon


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