A crafty old bugler of Rheims, There was a young lady of France, His burping's a true work of art. A habit of Rene Descartes Her farting has even been known A musical girl from Rangoon I can play the old trumpet invol- Some folk confuse farts with methane; A certain young soldier named Schwartz If you ask of the average anus A habit of Rene Descartes, To write about farts I've been busting, Then I tried once again to extrude A melodious old maid from Lorain There once was a cop named Lance, A horny marine, Sergeant Ellis, A flatulent fellow named Bart The great music agent named Tanner There was a young girl from Savannah, There once was a man from Montana, I've taken the day off in lieu, An upstart who gained notoriety While musicians have battled for years, An overweight lady named Tammy The farter from Sparta had class, A flatulent crooner named Swartz, There once was a young man from Sparta, He could vary, with proper persuasion, This sparkling young farter from Sparta, He'd fart a gavotte for a starter, He was great on the Christmas Cantata. His repertoire, classics to jazz, His basso profundo, so rare,
This is file edm
He could whistle, could warble, could hum; The fabbulous farter from Sparta, He'd accompanied Oasis and Blur, When his farter was truly on form, No one could play classics much finer, He could imitate jets supersonic, A family size can of baked beans, He could play Holst's Mars and Uranus, This man with the musical asshole, One day he was asked to perform, The Count hosted the concert in style, He practiced by farting some tunes, He played 'The Ride Of The Valkyries, He farted on feeling quite merry; With a smell like a heap of manure, It went off in capital style, The selection was tough, I admit, (But it daunted our Spartan no whit)
One mammoth turd blocked up his ass; All at once, the poor farter exploded; Like a string of long brown balloons, His bunghole was blown back to Sparta, He could blow stately themes in organlike styles, You've heard of that fellow from Sparta, I know this should probably rhyme, Said a gaseous old laddie named Carter, So glib with his asshole was Carter, Your limerick, written on Elliot, That unfortunate young lad named Elliot There once was a man of Rangoon This tuneful fart from Rangoon A fart is a wonderful thing; Till now, there's been none to aspire The first "movement" filled the room. Mr Sullivan, one of the few
Would feast upon coconut creams,
And fart a toccata,
Or a Mozart sonata,
On seventeenth-century themes.
--- G1441
Supposed to play at a dance.
She ate a banana
And played the piano
And music came out of her pants.
--- L0701
We can't say as much for his fart.
It sounds very flat,
Down where it's at,
But at least it isn't B sharp.
--- Marilyn
Was to eat very large baked bean tarts.
He became quite a cult,
With the melodious result,
That is now number eight on the charts.
--- Bill Wall
To shatter a porcelain throne!
And now on the net,
You're able to get
Her fart as you mobile's ringtone.
--- David Miller
Had beans on one fine afternoon.
When she played in the band,
She had volume so grand,
But her farting was way out of tune.
--- Albin Chaplin
untary, sometimes a kettle-drum roll;
But those symphonies great
Of old Mozart and Beet-
hoven? Shit! They need perfect control.
--- Peter Wilkins
That results from a bad anal strain.
Though both can be deadly,
Only one plays a medley,
Especially after beans and champagne.
--- S C Saint
Sounds reveille using loud farts.
But rejoices far more
When the ladies adore
The charms of his buck-private parts.
--- Armand Singer
To carry a tune, it would pain us.
But insert a reed,
With a dash of your seed,
And the pooting is quite far from heinous.
--- Toots
Was to eat very large baked bean tarts.
He became quite a cult,
With the melodious result,
That is now number eight in the charts.
--- Kevin Hale Q
As they make a nice change from lusting.
But my efforts at wit
Produce nothing but shit,
And a rhyme about slime is disgusting.
--- Prof
Some noises melodic but rude.
As a single loud trump
Came forth from my rump,
I sang words about turds that were crude.
--- Prof
Couldn't crap without getting a pain.
She started a fast but that didn't last,
So alack and alas, she changed it to gas
And went rooty toot toot in the rain.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was cocky and walked with a prance.
While boasting the art
Of the musical fart,
He saddened whilst filling his pants.
--- Anon
With esprit de corps much too zealous,
Drilled his yard to stand stiff,
At the whiff of a quiff,
While his asshole blew Semper Fidelis.
--- Anon
Consumed beans for the sake of his art.
And his silent-but-deadlies
Played beautiful medleys
That plucked at the strings of one's heart.
--- Peter Wilkins
Described his new group in this manner:
"They all beat their meat
To the Nutcracker Suite,
While farting The Star Spangled Banner."
--- David Miller
Who had a peculiar manner.
She stood on her head
In the middle of the bed
And farted the Star Spangled Banner.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Patriotic in a very strange manner.
When he picked up his flute,
His cock would salute,
And he farted the Star Spangled Banner.
--- Practical Press
But of what? Well, I haven't a clue.
Thought I'd master the art
Of the musical fart,
But I cheated and used a Kazoo.
--- Peter Wilkins
Is shunned by the cream of society,
For his foul ventral breezes.
He voids as he pleases,
In tones of fantastic variety.
--- G1433
Over which are the best symphoneers,
They agree from the start,
That a 'Whistling Fart'
Is great music to all of their rears. (their ears?)
--- Anon
Fell in the orchestra pit in Miami.
All of the brass
Went straight up her ass;
She farted and she won a Grammy!
--- Anon
And many awards did amass,
But a fellow named Carter
Was a much better farter,
Who could whistle a tune with his ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1197
A loser with almost no smarts,
At last honed an act
Worth millions in fact:
Pop music from nothing but farts.
--- Armand E Singer 591
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean,
He'd fart God Save The Queen,
And Bethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
--- L0740q
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.
--- L0741q
His fart, for no money could barter.
He could roar from his rear,
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.
--- L0742q
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus,
The Coriolanus:
Er-tum-too, er-tum, tootle, hum tah-dah!
--- L0743q
He could double-stop fart the Toccata.
Brahm's B-Minor Mass,
Would boom from his ass,
And he'd finish with La Traviata.
--- L0744q
New effects using bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts,
He could whistle a waltz,
Or swing it in razzamatazz.
--- L0746q
He rendered with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the March Militaire.
--- L0747q
By constricting the hole in his bum.
And make animal sounds,
Or fire artillery rounds
With the force of a field cannon gun.
--- llewtraH q
Performed by command Royal Charter.
Did Brahms, Grieg, and Mozart,
For 'Piano and Fart,'
And for encore he did Bach's Tocccata.
--- llewtraH q
And done backing music for Cher.
Though his style was obscene,
It's used on the big screen,
And is found in the movie, Ben Hur.
--- llewtraH q
His asshole outplayed a French horn.
He'd give all day recitals
With the air from his vitals.
After a large plate of leeks and some corn.
--- llewtraH q
As he showed me one day in a diner.
I had bagels with lox,
While from his buttocks,
He played Choin's Etude 12 in C-minor.
--- Anon
Or play compositions symphonic.
For Handel's Messiah,
He reached top C and higher,
Only after a mammoth colonic.
--- llewtraH q
Could fuel for thee main movie themes;
Star Wars and some westerns,
Were often requested,
Though odors were somewhat obscene.
--- llewtraH q
By expelling the air from his anus.
He did Copacabana,
But his Carmina Burana
Was proclaimed a cantus profanus.
--- llewtraH q
Was asked to perform in a castle.
He ignited his gas,
Near exploded his ass,
And the Count cried "Once more, you rascal!"
--- llewtraH q
The William Tell Overture Storm.
But naught could dishearten
Our flatulent Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.
--- L0748q
And the queue to get in was a mile.
The farter ate leeks,
Lived on beans for two weeks,
Knowing his farts were on trial.
--- llewtraH q
Till his arsehole made sounds like bassoons;
Symphonies, sonatas,
Serenades and contatas,
And the theme from 'The Mouse On The Moon.'
--- llewtraH q
And brought the whole crowd to its knees.
Women fainted and screamed,
At the Dambuster's Theme,
And the Flight of the Bumblebee.
--- llewtraH q
Did the Dance Of The Sugarplum Fairies.
Farts echoed and swelled,
(And so did the smell)
And his face went as red as a cherry.
--- llewtraH q
He began the William Tell Overture.
They gasped as it started,
Cheered the Farter from Sparta,
And soon they were screaming for more.
--- llewtraH q
And he farted it through with a smile.
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.
--- L0749q
But it did not dismay him one bit,
With his head held aloft,
He suddenly coughed,
And collapsed in a mountain of shit.
--- L0750q
Around it no fart could be passed.
His bowel filled with farts,
From his ass to his heart,
And inflated his belly with gas.
--- llewtraH q
His expanding bowel overloaded.
The room filled with screams,
As gas-filled intestines
Rose up to the ceiling and floated.
--- llewtraH q
His innards were strung 'round the room.
The odor was ripe,
So the Count lit his pipe,
And the whole place went up with a boom.
--- llewtraH q
Where they buried the rest of our farter.
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words,
To the Fine Art of Farting, a Martyr."
--- L0751q
Such as "Ein Fest Burg," with his sphincter in smiles;
He could fart "Dulciana"
Or a soft vox humana,
With tremolo stops from his piles.
--- G1460q
Renowned as musician and farter;
He could fart pizzicata,
With flute obbligata,
And boom out the bass of Bach's B-flat toccata.
--- G1459q
But I really haven't much time.
Just for a starta,
The Farter from Sparta,
Is an epic, and truly sublime.
--- Q
Well known as a helluva farter:
"It's that bad sauerkraut
That I've eaten, no doubt,
So here goes a blast for a starter!"
--- G1366
No man with his mouth appeared smarter.
But what issued ethereal
From that venthole sphinctereal
Transcended the Farter From Sparta.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1367
Was so poorly constructed and smelly, it
Made me queasy, old dove,
And reminded me of
A bistro I puked vermicelli at.
--- Ward Hardman
Had such a large flatulent belly, it
Played a tune at the Proms.
By next june, the great Brahms
Had rescored for some violincelli it.
--- Ward Hardman
Who treated each fart as a boon.
He'd warm up the house,
Or scare off a mouse,
Or blow a riff on his bassoon.
--- H Welchel
Met an equally flatulent goon.
Whose cool thirds and fifths
Completed his riffs,
But the smell would wipe out a platoon.
--- Lucy
One should let go with fervor and zing.
One can even blow jazz,
Anal razz-a-ma-tazz,
But I ain't heard one yet that can sing.
--- Anon
To take anal music much higher.
So lets give our congratulence
To the orchestral flatulence,
Of the More Mung Crapper Flapper Choir!
--- Anon
The gases began to loom.
The groupies all raved,
But the lighters they waved,
Caused the whole venue to go BOOM!
--- Anon
Survivors that actually knew
The cause of the blast,
And when he was asked;
"Tonight was a really big blew."
--- Anon