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Alas for a preacher named Hoke, An unfortunate lass named Louise, (Lets a vast ventral blast with each sneeze.)
There was a young fellow from Braithwaite, A hooker who was plying her wares, While reading the Exchange and Mart, Once a young Swiss lad named Giles A debased sort of fellow, a Grecian, A glorious pant-rending blast The bed manners of Mrs. McCart There once was a grandiose fart, I hope that she's up to the part, She may not fart now but she will; A baker who made kidney tarts, My gas I improve and refine There was a young man from Belize My own farts, they bring me great smiles; Sperm and virus were pushing apart, Old ladies would keep a small tin If people got drunk on their poots, She pulls on my finger, just so. There was an old codger named Graft, 'Twas sad when we finally parted, Seems asses are your favorite part, Yes, flatulence sometimes occurs, Hail the wonderful world of the fart, An ingenious inventor named Hume The contraption which Hume has invented, Although some might think it too crass, Sis cut her a fart that was ripe. My dear, may the poop of a pigeon When feeling the rumblings acutely, A young lad by the name of Spence A man who perpetually farted, A wise crack's a butt full of wit, There once was a man from the Cape, There once was a soldier named Brylent Whilst dining with friends ostentatious, In his lab sits old scientist Boyes, It's but one of life's little enigmas There was a young schoolboy named Bart "My farts have no odor, Doc Shearing. A farmer in Southern Belize, A flatulent tight Tilly Tweek Her countenance earnest, not bright; It's carefully, slowly output... In the pew the old Duchess of Corning A fatty sometimes has the knack It all seems really quite silly; I once knew a woman quite well, There's Master at golf and Dutch art, The fastidious Mrs Sue Singer There was a young man named O'Malley Young Bertie was busting his gut Have you seen the new rectal appliance? A fellow named Larry LaRue There was an old bey of Calcutta, At a theatre play, very boring, When I think of you now as we pass, There was an old salt known as Bart This guy would wear warmup suits, I've terrible wind in my gut. Oh bugger! Just that? Just a phut!? A bad indescretion: the "farties", Farting's a stinky sweet joy, There was a young lady whose joys I could never refuse you, my heart,
Whose shit was all stuck in his poke.
He farted a blast
That left hearers aghast,
But nothing emerged but some smoke.
--- L0704
Unlooses huge farts with each sneeze.
She attracts quite a crowd
When they rip out so loud,
That she blushes clear down to her knees.
--- G1412
Who only peas, beans and green sprouts ate.
His sphincter did fail,
And the sound of the gale,
Was heard way up the valley in Seathwaite.
--- Anon
Was offended by prissy ladies' stares;
To get even, the tart
Let out a loud fart
Turning all those rude stares into glares.
--- Anon
A terrible noise made me start.
But I didn't worry --
'Twas only Bill Murray.
And with him, it's not rude, it's an art!
--- Bill Wall
Had farts that would echo for miles.
While neighbors compete
With their horns on the peaks,
Mighty Giles thunders back with a smile.
--- Anon
And his sidekick, a low down Venetian,
Ate tons of brown beans
To give them the means
Just to squeeze off the loudest excretion.
--- Armand Singer
Left most in the metro aghast.
But there in the station
I heard one ovation:
A crazy bum screamed "Unsurpassed!"
--- Anon
I find more offensive than smart,
For each time I come,
She arches her bum,
And lets fly with a wall-shaking fart!
--- G1415
That got off to a bellicose start.
'Twas disturbingly sweet
Among the elite,
And got bottled and labeled as Art!
--- Lindon Stone
This cutie that's captured his heart.
If she makes the cut,
That's really great, but
The real question is - can she fart?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She'll want to give H a big thrill.
The sound and the smell
Go together so well;
It's all in the food she'll distill.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Would eat them with fish sauce and warts.
The stray cats would beg
And sniff at his leg,
And drool at the smell of his farts.
--- H Welchel
With whiskey and fruit of the vine.
It's in what you swaller
That earns you top dollar,
And lets you outsell crude Holstein.
--- Anon
Who just loved to fart in a breeze.
"I know there's a cost --
The aroma is lost --
But it's better than sucking my knees!"
--- Anon
Whether in cars, restaurants, grocery isles;
So feel free to break-wind;
After all it's no sin,
And it keeps you from getting the piles.
--- Anon
But virus it was pretty smart.
Sperm got tough;
"Enough is enough!
I'll get out by catching the five o'clock fart!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With freezer-dried stud-gas within.
The punks like it strong --
They'd saw off a bong,
And huff it direct from the bin.
--- H Welchel
Then most would turn into fart snoots.
They'd cock up a brow
And say stuff like "Wow!
Oak-woody with slight hits of fruits!"
--- H Welchel
I kiss her in thanks as I blow.
Yes, love can be smelly.
She farts on my belly
In time with the strokes of my schmoe.
--- Anon
Who became exceedingly daft.
He shared dirty jokes,
With nursing home folks,
And always broke wind when he laughed!
--- Anon
And tears pricked her eyes as she started
To sob, till I said
"Love, I'll miss you in bed,
For you kept me quite warm when you farted."
--- Peter Wilkins
Of a woman, you treat them like art,
For love and adorning.
But hon, heed my warning;
The cutest of asses still fart.
--- Anon
But seldom, if ever, deters
Me from nearing that cavity
Of back door depravity,
Ensuring great pleasure is hers.
--- Anon
And those who would make it an art.
As our culture regresses,
Let's all relieve stresses,
And contribute our own little part.
--- John Miller
Made it pleasant for crowds in a room.
At an imminent fart,
His invention would start
To release a delightful perfume.
--- Al Chaplin P9902
That will make a room pleasantly scented,
When a fart comes about,
I would like to try out;
By perchance, would he let it be rented?
--- Cap'n Bean
To smell what emerged from his ass,
She gave it some tries,
And found to her surprise,
"'Twas a pleasant and savory gas!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It stunk of fresh chitlins and tripe.
My pop whupped her ass,
But I whiffed her gas,
And wondered, "Could I pork her pipe?"
--- Anon
Fall square in your eye, just a smidgeon.
The sacrosanct poot
Is great for a hoot;
Don't you dare to offend my religion.
--- H Welchel
(And his shorts getting stained, though minutely)
He thought of his lunch;
It was more than a hunch:
"No more beans!", Tom decided, astutely. (ass tootly)
--- Hugh Clary
Would eat flowers out by the fence.
That was only a start;
When he let a fart,
It was better than burning incense.
--- Puff Adder
Met his wife when she clearly imparted
That she hated perfumes,
But was fond of his fumes,
And that's how their romance got started.
--- Cap'n Bean P0607
This is file eam
A joke and a laugh as you sit.
Just doing a fart
Brings warmth to your heart,
Especially with pants of tight fit.
--- Jayne
Whose fly was always agape.
He walked along the dunes
Singing some tunes,
Letting his flatulence escape.
--- McThin
Who fought in a battle so violent,
That his ass was struck dumb
By the bombs that had come,
And henceforth his farting was silent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2861
I exuded a fumer most gracious.
But I broke loose all hell
With a full-bodied yell!
It nipped me, the thing was CRUSTACEOUS.
--- Friar T9801
And his knowledge and skill he deploys,
To reduce wear and tear
On the asshole so fair,
By extracting from farts all the noise.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1961A
That we're left with their scurrilous stigmas:
Though no odor escapes,
When we've finished the crepes,
They glower at faint borborygmus.
--- Hugh Clary
Who silently squeezed out a fart.
The smell of his gas
Filled the entire Math class,
Then drifted to Music and Art.
--- Jim Madigan
And they do not make noise, I am fearing."
Your sinus was tricky,
But I fixed it, Micky.
And now I will work on your hearing."
--- Al Willis a
Invented a new kind of cheese.
By a curious suction,
Flatulence production
Is discharged as inaudible breeze.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Kept a cork in her rear for a week.
Counting on an A-blast,
But when the time passed,
Could manage no more than a leak.
--- Grand Prix Lim 598
Please meditate well on her plight:
As the laughing crowd snickers,
At the smell from her knickers,
Should she run, or just think it's alright?
--- Anon
So thickly, it slithers afoot.
Potentially violent,
Yet, trod on, it's silent,
And leaves not a trace of brown soot.
--- H Welchel
Let a fart, without noises adorning.
Said the bishop, with poise,
Please incorporate noise --
It would help if you gave us a warning."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1198
Of farting with nary a quack.
The reason it's mute?
It wanders en route
And never departs from the crack.
When you cut one loose, it is a dilly.
Olfactory violence
In shameful silence,
Yet again you swear off the chili.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And thought of her body as swell.
She was such a sweetheart,
She could slide by a fart,
With nary a sound nor a smell.
--- Bob Birch P0302
Master sailors who ken every chart.
The true master it seems
Is the one who eats beans,
Then while voiding can piss and not fart.
--- Dick Buenger P9006a
Taught manners that somehow still linger.
She taught her son, Bart,
Whenever you fart
Say, "Excuse me," dont say, "Pull my finger."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0407
Who was fucking his gal in the alley,
When right at the start
She let a small fart;
Said O'Malley to Sally, "Now r'ally!"
--- L1682
In the bathroom last Saturday, but
Despite roughage and bran,
When he went to the can,
Produced naught but a gaseous "phut".
--- Peter Wilkins
It's a muffler that fits even giants;
It will stamp out the art
Of the whistling fart--
A new triumph for medical science!
--- Norm Storer
Did something no Christian should do.
In church he passed air,
And thought, "I don't care",
But then had to sit in his pew.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501
Who greased up his asshole with butter.
Instead of the roar
That came there before,
Was a soft oleagenous mutter.
--- Anon
To his young date, said old Mister Goring,
"My butt's gone to sleep."
To which, answered Miss Kneip,
"I know dear, I just heard it snoring!"
--- Observer
A person who really has class,
I have to confide
Something stirs deep inside.
I sort of suspect that it's gas.
--- A N Wilkins P8612
Who wanted to screw a young tart.
He ate a whole bunch
Of beans for his lunch,
Don't far, Bart, the tart will depart.
--- Julia Strawn P8804
But they imprisoned his really gross poots.
So he runs a hose
From his butt, through his clothes,
To vents he has hid in his boots.
--- John Chastaine
I'm spreading the cheeks of my butt.
I hope I can fart
Before bursting apart,
For it's brewing. I'll concentrate ..... (phut!)
--- Anon
I've still got that wind in my gut.
On the brink of delight
With relief outasight,
My sphincter decided to shut.
--- Anon
The wind that comes out as half-hearties.
In silence begotten,
Not only are rotten,
You don't know whose guilty at parties.
--- Irving Superior P9804
Yet silently do we deploy.
We get indigestion
Without that expression;
So why do we try to be coy?
--- Anon
Were achieved with comparable poise.
She could have an orgasm
With never a spasm --
She could fart without making a noise.
--- L1451
So extend me your fuse and I'll start
To electrify you
With a not-distant view,
For combusting your Priapus' dart.
--- Lucy
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