In Sydney an old man named Stu
Passed gas like a didgeridoo.
No amount of heaving,
Nor circular breathing,
Could help him while taking a poo.
--- Ralphiod

There was a young man from Montmartre,
Who was famed far and wide for his fart.
When they said, "What a noise!"
He replied with great poise,
When I fart, sir, I fart from the heart."
--- L1681

There once was a man with a bowel
Which would rumble and emit a loud growl.
Though as much as he tried
His symptoms to hide,
His neighbors would twitter and howl.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

An eccentric old coot from Bel Air
Was accused of passing hot air.
Said he, "It's right smart
To fire off a fine fart.
'Twould be louder if my ass were bare."
--- G1354

A cabman who drove in Biarritz,
Once frightened a fare into fits.
When reproved for a fart,
He said, "Bless your heart,
When I break wind, I usually shits."
--- L0673

Down in biology class,
Young Bill made a sound from his ass.
"Now William, explain
How you made that methane."
Said Willy, "That gas? Sir, I pass!"
--- Peter Wilkins

There once was a lad from Encino,
Who ate beans, but refused to take Beano.
The result was: He gassed!
Firing blast after blast!
Why, he passed it more times than Marino!

(Marino - all-pro quarterback for Miami Dolphins)
--- Rowdy Jack

In her lover's bed, Edna was spread
As in went his pecker's red head!
Did the long diddling-bone
Make the girl moan and groan?
No, the bitch farted loudly instead.
--- G1462

If you fart, then it's best in a crowd;
When you do it, just don't laugh out loud.
Just a quiet little snigger
For small ones or bigger;
To do that is fully allowed.
--- Richard Jean

A bouncy young damsel, Miss Hart,
Whenever you fucked her, she'd fart.
She'd scream (brraap), "Give me more!
Fuck me (brrap) till I'm sore!"
She can fuck her own self, for my part.
--- Anon

I'm sorry, I'll just have to carp;
It's a skill needing reflexes sharp.
Let it boil, let it stew,
Let it bubble and brew,
'Til it's ripe and it's ready ... then PPPAAARRRRPPP!!
--- Anon

Sir Reginald Barrington Bart,
Went to a masked ball as a fart.
He had painted his face
Like a more private place,
But his voice made the dowagers start.
--- L0670

'Tis rare that I have this occasion
To display my great flair for oration.
I sputter and spume;
Out comes naught but perfume,
Then at once a most loud flatulation!
--- Steve Thompson

A vessel has sailed from Chicago
With barrels of pork for a cargo.
For Boston she's bound,
Preceded, I've found,
By another with beans from near Fargo.
--- Anon

Way back in my hometown of Kent,
Aromatherapy just meant
We'd pull Grampa's finger
And the scent would linger.
Then we'd all feel good when it went.
--- Anon

There was an old lady of art,
Who had a husband named Bart.
That night she had heard
Something quite absurd,
Which happened to be Bart's loud fart.
--- Mark M

The Maestro had held such a flatus
For so long inside of his fatus,
He let loose the gas noxious,
And it blew off his soxious,
And he said, "Oh well, Quo Vatus".
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There's always some one around,
Who'd object if I riffed it with sound.
But out in the park,
At least after dark,
I can make the welkin resound.

(welkin - the heavens, celestial globe)
--- L1676

If you give my finger a pull,
I will fill both your nostrils full,
Of cabbage and beans,
Strained through my jeans,
Sounding like the roar of a bull.
--- Jim Weaver TP9802

The foible of Frimbleton Hake
Of farting at fish in a lake,
Seems rather far-fetched,
And though several fish retched,
It is fart too much trouble to take!
--- G1398

There was a young man of Penn State
Who could fart at a terrible rate.
Rips, rattles, and growls
Came forth from his bowels.
He maintained it was something he ate.

(but Daniel slipped on a wet lion turd and came fifth..-McW)
--- G1436

An obscene Argentine named Matanzas,
From one bean rendered eight hundred stanzas.
Once before a large crowd,
He blew one note so loud,
That it spawned a tornado in Kansas.
--- Pierce Evans

When you fart in church, it can suck.
But there's no need to look like a schmuck.
Just glance all around,
Then say with a frown,
"Did somebody step on a duck?"
--- Michael Weinstein P9804

Played a beautiful piece on the harp;
It was soft, it was sweet, in C#.
And with rapture my love
Was in heaven above,
Until I gave a terrible FARRP!
--- Peter Wilkins

Ever noticed how folks from down South,
Always talk with food in their mouth.
One day they will find
That their beloved behind
Can too, and they they will pass out!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Embarrassed, a lover named Lynd
Admitted, "I fear I have sinned.
Dearest, what you just heard
Was no carolling bird;
I squeezed off three farts to the wind."
--- Armand E Singer 354

A ten would I rate Barbara Bass,
But one thing detracts from her class:
She cannot restrain
Great burst of butane
That thunder from out of her ass.
--- Armand E Singer 156

The Lady bent over, spread wide,
So his Lordship could fit deep inside.
He withdrew with a start
When she let out a fart
Which completely unraveled his tie.
--- Actaeon

The monks passed the word, though not spoken,
'Twas scratched on the back of a token:
Bean-O prevents gas.
They agreed en-mass;
Their vow of silence won't be broken.
--- Anon

I'm afraid Beano, I won't be using
For I find the sound quite amusing.
Like a slide trombone,
Eat some kraut to add tone;
Sounds great... no need for excusing.
--- Anon

They're the musical fruit, so some say;
You will toot and drive hucksters away;
When the Watch Tower ladies
Hear your bugle from Hades,
While they flee, for your soul they will pray!
--- Anon

There was an old maid from Bruton,
Who had the bad habit of pootin'.
Her sphincter was weak,
Her wind couldn't keep,
This old spinster from Bruton was tootin'.
--- L1678

In the medical world it is known
That not passing gas makes one groan.
You must have a sound
Heard rumbling around,
Like a FLATULENT note, quite well known.
--- Maggie

This is file ebm

There's a flatulent actor named Bart
(I would claim he's not overly smart)
Who thinks, in a car
With some movie star,
She won't know who just let a big fart.
--- Armand E Singer 772

A sports-loving couple, the Bakers,
Are famed for their special wind breakers;
Not the kind that are sold
To ward of the cold,
But crude, noisy, stinky fart makers.
--- Armand Singer

There was a young lady named Hartz,
Well-known for her wind-breaking arts.
She produced such a noise
That she won, with great poise,
An Olympic medallion for farts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1204

One gal I was truly adoring,
Confirmed my love-making was boring.
The thrust of my schlong,
Did move her to song,
But drowned out by her loud anal snoring.
--- SFA

The wind in the desert is strong;
The breeze on the sea moves along,
But the anal snore
Can knock down a door,
And rip the balls off of your dong.
--- Anon

An observant old codger named Browder
Said, "Now, between bean soup and chowder,
You'll find, my good friend,
That bean soup--in the end--
Will prove to be several times LOUDER.
--- Grand Prix Lim 746 G1359

When younger my nickname was "Beerfart",
Because ale helped me perfect my art.
I have always been proud
Of the smelly and loud
Bellowings that come from my heart.
--- Anon

Big Bertha's a fine piece of crumpet,
A massively mountainous strumpet;
Her arse unsurpassed,
So enormously vast,
That she farts like an elephants trumpet.
--- Anon

If amusing - laugh on by all means!
Farting well's not the light task it seems:
For performing the arts
Of resounding loud farts,
It takes mountains of lentils and beans!
--- Anon

Said a fart smeller living in Snell:
"I judge a fart's power by smell.
A small, scentless popper
Ain't really improper--
It's the big greasy blasts that raise hell!"
--- G1458

So loud was the farting of Scheering
That he had to fart in a clearing.
As he phoned in Duluth
He did fart in a booth,
And he never recovered his hearing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1229

In a pungent and loud social blunder,
Her flatulence blasted from under
The skirt of Aunt Sage,
As she stood on the stage,
With the volume of deafening thunder.
--- Cap'n Bean P0604

I was staggered right off of my feet,
When a lady I happened to meet
Cut a fart, though a shorty,
With a sound like a forty
Pound pumpkin that fell to the street.
--- Hugh Clary

There was an old man from Durane,
Who released great volumes of methane.
He would start with a snort,
Followed by a report,
That could be heard way up in Maine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a man from down under,
Whose farts were much louder than thunder.
He cut one near Perth
That rattled the Earth,
And Skylab went falling asunder.
--- David Miller

A cop stopped me at Barnet fair,
He said "You've no horn button there."
"I've another device,
Twice as good, if not thrice"...
And an ear-splitting fart rent the air.
--- Anon

There was a young lady from Bristol,
Who went to the Palace called Crystal.
Said she, "It's all glass,
And as round as my ass."
And she farted as loud as a pistol.
--- Anon

Couch-potatoes and overweight queens,
Whose beer-guts spill over their jeans,
Should get on a diet.
Just once did I try it...
Of stewed prunes, Exlax, and baked beans.
--- David Miller

Hey man, you don't know what your's startin',
When fat, sweaty cheeks get to partin'.
The thunderous roar
Is worse than a snore,
And quite reminiscent of fartin'...
--- SFA

I cut me a sweet one last morn...
'Twas quite long, loud, low, and forlorn.
Five ships in the bay
Went grounded, they say,
Assuming they heard a fog-horn.
--- Anon

Her DULCET voice got me down under
And I hoped to pry her thighs asunder,
But she was not meek,
As she raised on one cheek,
And let go a ripper like thunder!
--- Phil Kinay

In Birmingham I bought a tart;
It wasn't too bad at the start;
Beautifully sweet,
Good enough to eat,
So I did...(lets out a loud fart!)
--- David Miller

I once owned a pig that could fly;
I fed him on baked beans and rye.
He developed the art
Of a thunderous fart,
That propelled him up into the sky!
--- Anon

There was a young lady of Tooting
Who farted and said shw was pooting.
Then next to her snatch
Some guy lit a match
And silenced her anal sharp-shooting.
--- SFA

A young Scot named Finn Barr MacMartin
A tart-eatin' party took part in.
After snarfing ten tart, Finn
Was heartily smartin',
And startin' to fart in his tartan.
--- Anon

I think I shall send a vibration:
A fart-shock to rattle the nation!
With ear to the ground
You'll hear it resound,
And birds will reverse their migration.
--- Anon

I'll then save a gut-stretching blast.
When springtime comes 'round, then, at last,
I'll add some propane
And extra profane,
And rrrrip 'till even you are aghast!
--- Anon

A sound engineer by name Bart
At beans till he started to fart,
A cacophonous roar
Like a fatulent boar --
His needle went clear off the chart.
--- Armand E Singer 693

Alas for a statesman named Smuts,
Whose shit was all stuck in his guts.
He farted a blast;
Left his hearers aghast;
Yet nothing emerged but some nuts.
--- G1456

Reno to Clinton: "Bill don't linger;
Just reach over and pull my finger.
My cheeks will part,
With a thunderous fart,
And you'll enjoy a real wing dinger!"
--- Anon

It takes little strain and no art
To bang out an echoing fart.
The reaction is hearty
When you fart at a party,
But the sensitive persons depart.
--- G1350

When my dove, Marylou, passes gas,
It's more than a poof from her ass;
There's a thunderous din
Plus a shredding of skin,
And a settling of dust in your glass.
--- Anon

My Captain, of thee I was thinking;
I thought that the ship, it was sinking.
The blast was so loud,
That me and the crowd
Were amazed that it simply was stinking.
--- The Cabinboy

I wish I could credit my pit
For that thunderously putrid emit.
But spammers who spyed us
Were sailing beside us,
And I'd loaded the cannon with shit.
--- Capt H