MORE
A woman I know, eighty-three, Said the doc to incontinent Schwartz, Twenty thousand leages under the sea, There was an old fellow named Kibble I live on a mountain; don't miss It's sunset! There's evening's bright star! There once was a man from Cape Breton, My Vanessa was famed for bed-wetting; When we necked, I thought, "My, how she's sweating." A Rochester lass named Karen There was a young lady of Ealing, The little old men of Fort Bragg There was a young lady of Ealing, Ladies compete while reclining One time when I was just three, There was a young girl from Ohia, "But surely it can't be that drastic", Wibbley, wobbley, wub; He was pitifully shy, and what's more, A young lady of fair Aberdeen, In the lad of Pisuerga, they sing A young hippy from Oshawa, Ont., (Vermont) I had warned "It wouldn't be nice", Persona non grata is Doug... When an Englishman introduced tea One part of New York is called Flushing; There once was a lass from Tralee, There once lived Kieth and Darlee; The Great Lakes are the world's largest source Through sunshine and cloudy day sprinkle, My armchair it rocked to and fro A safari leader named Smith A bashful young patient named Ord One day when she was still little, As she squatted to ease by the sea, If your aim is as bad as you say, There once was a canine named Mo; An astronaut pilot named Chris, A musician who worked for "Les Miz", (Les Miz - broadway musical Les Miserables)
The neighbors have ostracized Tish, There once was a man from South Wheeling, Irving Stone wrote of Martin Van Buren, To live in the country is bliss. There once was a lad from Tralee, A funny old woman named Lottie To a humorous showdown in Taos, As Old Father William has said, Ms Pamela Anderson Lee The girls in the street leave me be Said the guard to the man on the dock, A young steeplejack named Gower, From that roadhouse, I left, hot and sore, There was a tight person named Ted When I'd forget to leave the seat down, When an old astonaut, Spacey Norbitt, The current New Scientist issue It happened one night in Paris, I've said this before; I should think Said an elegant widow named Chase, When I piss I go to the toilet; The day that he crossed her, he'll rue; A nasty old drunk in Carmel, At the zoo when the kids laughed out loud A beat schizophrenic said, "Me? There was a young lady from Sweden, The young private said of his first chance -- A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux, ('Pissing In The Snow' - classic collection of folklore)
Related as follows to me:
"Even now, when I'm hot,
I get wet in the twat;
But only," she said, "when I pee!"
--- John Miller
"I've mislaid one of your lab reports.
Give urine, a sample,
Six ounces is ample.
The best way is to wring out your shorts."
--- Tom Patton P9606A
I had to take a big pee.
Since the ocean is green,
My pee won't be seen.
I think it's okay; you agree?
--- Anon
Who sighed and admitted "Why quibble?
Yellow stains on one's pants
Spell the death of romance,
But guys of my age always dribble."
--- Armand E Singer 398
Not having close neighbors; it's bliss!
In daytime or night,
Whenever I might,
I'm free to stand outside and piss!
--- Anon
No moaning while I leave the bar...
I just have to pee
A clear call for me...
I'll bring it all back in a jar.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose wife, once a year, he would threaten.
"My Dear, I believe
That next year I will leave,
If you don't stop your fucking bed-wettin'"
--- Ryan Deschamps
It was something she found most upsetting.
She felt so immature
Until I found the cure...
It's to screw her without heavy petting.
--- Anon
But her warmth and her zeal were offsetting.
Then, at the splashdown,
It was then that I found,
That she had a big problem -- bedwetting!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Found toiletry choices quite barren.
When she wanted to pee,
She'd go down on one knee
Behind bushes just barely apparent.
--- Jessie Gunnard
Endowed with delicate feeling, (Devoid of all...)
When she read on the door:
"Don't piss on the floor!" (...shit...)
She lay down and pissed on the ceiling. (...shat...)
--- L0697
Have all, sadly, started to sag.
Their balls hang down low,
It hurts when they go --
They carry their piss in a bag.
--- Anon
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She lay on her back,
And tickled her crack,
And pissed from the floor to the ceiling.
--- Norman Douglas L0762
(Being ladies, their cheeks with pink shining)
The Jades do it standing
Up there on the landing,
So the gents use umbrellas while dining.
--- Lucy
I bent over to watch myself pee.
It went in my eye
(My aim was too high)
And therefore, I just could not see!
--- Annette Funicello
Whose baptismal name was Mariah.
She would put on airs
And pee on the stairs,
If she thought that no one was nigh 'er.
--- L0728
I said. She said, "Don't be sarcastic;
I'm walking like this
'Cause I'm desperate to piss,
And I've broken my panty elastic."
--- Peter Wilkins
My legs have gone down to the pub.
I wish they'd took me,
For I have to pee,
So I'll just do it here in the tub.
--- Anon
A truly conversational boor.
To his hostess at lunch
He explained: "I've a hunch
That I've peed a few drops on the floor."
--- John E Mayhood
Drank gallons of boiling caffeine.
Kept going to the 'loo
Oh! What a to do!
Inspired, dug a handy latrine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of how their beloved late King
Would step right up and pee,
If caught short, on a tree,
And the hell with exposing his thing!
--- G1453
When arrested for filling the font,
To the magistrate said,
"The old values are dead!
We are free now to piss where we want!"
--- Keith MacMillan 56d
He had argued "Urgency, not any vice".
Armstrong and bladder weak,
He had to take that leak,
"So don't read much into finding ice!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
At the Jones he got in the jug (drunk)
And became so elated
That he micturated
All over their fine Persian rug.
--- Grand Prix Lim 693 P9802
To a friendly Chief of Pawnee,
The Indian drank
Till he very near sank
And drowned in his flooding tea-pee.
--- Allan Ottley P8209
Now I don't hear everyone rushing
To joke about this,
But it does smell like piss,
And things I can't say without blushing.
--- John Miller
Who always would stand up to pee.
Her water, it worked,
But what really irked
Was that she pissed farther than me!
--- Anon
A couple they would try to be.
She'd suck on his dick,
He'd give her a lick,
Then all over both they would pee!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of fresh water -- assuming of course
That fresh you define
As a sea of urine,
All awash with green algae - or worse.
--- Hugh Oliver 119b
I've carried you through every wrinkle;
And as the years mount,
On this you can count:
I'll carry your old ass to tinkle!
--- Anon
As deep in and out, he did go
I was reaching the peak
I just could not speak,
When he said "For a pee I must go!"
--- Anon
Had a client with a terrible lisp.
Smith's head was soaked
When the poor confused bloke
Urinated in the helmet called pith.
--- Puff Adder a
Blushed pink when the doctor explored.
She tried to look dead-pan
But pissed in the bed pan --
The tinkle raised howls in the ward
--- Armand E Singer 425
This is file dvm
My sister in her pants did piddle.
Mama said, "Anna Lee,
Where did you pee-pee?"
Anna looked and said, "Right in the middle!
--- Kaylin
A micturant maiden named Bee
Said, "I don't have a notion
To compete with the ocean,
But still, a lot runs out of me!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 476
And you're hitting the sink with your spray,
Don't do me the favor
Of this kind behavior --
I'm hiding my toothbrush away!
--- Anon
Guess what he did in the snow.
I'll give you a hint:
It gives yellowish tint
And happens after a beer or so.
--- Phil Solesky
In space, had to take him a piss,
So he opened his suit,
And he whipped out his root,
And he tinkled into the abyss.
--- Cap'n Bean
Tried to exit the pit for a whiz.
But was stopped ere he could;
So he pissed where he stood,
In a cup, as he crooned, "That's Show Biz!"
--- The Fuzbear
The nurse who served red wine with fish.
"White wines," the nurse said,
"Are not white. Instead
It looks like a specimen, PISH."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who tried to piss on the ceiling.
His stream it was clear,
Though he'd been drinking beer,
And now the paint it is peeling.
--- Anon
And his cure by a full-blooded Huron,
Of a kidney malfunction:
Rarely hence did compunction
Leave him standing in puddles of urine.
--- John Dunning P0605
At night shooting stars I can't miss;
I stand on my deck
And lean back my neck,
And watch stars shoot 'cross while I piss.
--- Travis Brasell
Who was doubled up, from wanting to pee.
He moaned, "Oh my Gosh;
My bladders awash,"
As he dashed for the nearest tree.
--- Bill Daking
Is more than a little bit dotty.
When she pees in the night,
Whether sober or tight,
She never lets go in the potty.
--- Armand E Singer 408
A man took his amorous spouse.
Laughed to beat the band
And peed in his hand!
Not a dry handkerchief in the house.
--- Jane D Hughes P9009
As he stood (dripping wet) on his head,
"Though it's good for the brain,
I suggest you refrain
When you pee. Do it upright instead."
--- Anon
Hunted high and low for a tree.
But out on the beach
Trees are out of reach.
(One never thinks stars have to pee.)
--- Daniel
But it's not 'cause I'm lacking their fee.
Nope, word's got around
That I'm somewhat unsound,
And, rather than come, I just pee!
--- Anon
"I find your behavior a shock.
Pee once more in my lake,
It would be a mistake
'Cause I'd tie a tight knot in your cock!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410
Needed relief high on top of a tower.
A co-worker said, "Friend,
Don't piss into the wind,
Or we'll receive an unwelcome shower."
--- Lims For Year - 01
Sought to court her, real quiet, no roar;
My heat-rash, I thought,
Called for for love on the spot;
So I pissed on my sweeties' front door!
--- Anon
Who wanted a cheap water-bed.
But none could be found
Costing less than a pound,
So he peed on his mattress instead.
--- Chris Young
My sweetheart wore a permanent frown.
I found a solution;
No more revolution;
I just go and piss on the ground.
--- Puff Adder
Peed his pants while he flew in Earth's orbit,
He said, "In my defense
I claim incontinence,
And my trusty Depends will absorb it."
--- William N Nesbit P9702
(Not printed on pieces of tissue)
Not being uncouth,
This IS wholly truth --
Tells how we'll know who can out-piss you!
--- Anon
That a model let boys watch her pee.
She said, "Let me tease ya,
Though I'm not Mona Lisa,
You'll remember this night, au oui oui!"
--- Bob Birch
It's polite (after plenty to drink)
For a gent (such as I)
When unzipping his fly,
('Cause of splashes) to pee in the sink.
--- Anon
As she peed in a squat Thracian vase,
"The heat of the museum
Titillates my perineum,
And it looks like my late husband's face."
--- Anon
I wee in a pan and then boil it.
The smell was quite nice,
So I then did it twice.
Once more and that would of spoiled it
--- Anon
He gave her the clap with a screw.
So the lady named Peg
Glued his dick to his leg,
So the poor guy now pees in his shoe.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0302
Thinks it funny to piss in the well.
He says, "Some don't favor
That unusual flavor,
But I don't drink the stuff, What the hell!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 557 G1491
At a sensitive mandrill named Dowd,
He just didn't spit
To make the kids quit.
He'd step up and piss on the crowd.
--- A N Wilkins P8408
I am not I, I am a tree."
But another, more sane,
Shouted, "I'm a great dane."
And covered his pants leg with pee.
--- Forbidden Limericks
Who went by slow train to Weedon;
When they cried, "Weedon Station!"
She was filled with elation --
So excited that Weedon got peed on.
--- Edwardian Leer 003 P9306
Real combat, Iraqi advance --
"I wouldn't have cared,
'Cause I knew I'd be scared,
I just wish I had not pissed my pants."
--- A N Wilkins P9103
Fell in love with a dashing young beau.
To arrest his regard
She would squat in his yard,
And appealingly piss in the snow.
--- G1435
MORE