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Queen Elizabeth's amorous beau.
In order his love for to show,
He stood on one leg,
Guzzled down half a keg,
And wrote "God Save The Queen" in the snow.

(With apologies to Vance Randolf - McW)
--- Jonathan G

There was a young lady of Thrace
Who was woefully lacking in grace.
In the midst of a kiss,
She'd start in to piss,
Which was neither the time nor the place.
--- G1472

A young Dutchman, a hewer of logs,
Went to fancy-dress do's without clogs.
Disguised as a tree,
He'd mistakenly be
Abused by drunk dolts and rude dogs.
--- David A Brooks Q

In the woodlands around Maple Creek
A troop of boy scouts took a leak,
Which intrusion of waste
Almost ruined the taste
Of the sugaring-off for a week.
--- Hugh Oliver 87a

My boss is a fellow named Sid,
With the mind of an eight-year-old kid.
Just outside his door,
As sign said, "Wet Floor,"
Sid saw it, and read it...and did!
--- John Miller 0086 a

A bullfighter whose name was Juan
Was desperately seeking a john.
The valiant torero
Went in his sombrero,
So now he's not going -- he's gone!
--- Anon

A Canadian lady named Florence,
When she peed, the pee came out in torrents.
Next edition, perhaps,
She'll be listed on maps
As a tributary of the St. Lawrence.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310

A country club lifeguard named Ford,
Was fired for actions abhorred.
'Twas not that the fool
Took a pee in the pool,
But he did it from off the high board!
--- Thomas Henry

A well-known young doctor in Wales,
Prescribed pissing on the third rails.
His colleages may deem
His methods extreme,
But his patients complain of no ails.
--- Phil T

The Marquesa de Excusador,
Used to pee on the drawing room floor.
For the can was so cold,
And when one grows old,
To be much alone is a bore.
--- L0698

There once was a man from Dundee
Who tried to pee up a tree.
He peed so high,
He pissed in his eye;
And now the old bugger can't see.
--- Anon

A stingy old lady in Weed
Collected each drop that she peed,
To be stored in a rack
On the roof of her shack.
Are visitors nervous? Indeed!
--- Chuck Davis

As you guys never sit down anyway
For to pee (yes, not even the gay!).
It seems best for your friend
That you grab its loose end,
And then over the brim let it sway...
--- Anon

A janitor whose name was McGee,
Had a peep hole so that he could see
Through the wall
In the toilet stall.
He got off watching young ladies pee.
--- FB

To green up his lawn, Mr. Winkler
Would never make use of a sprinkler.
He'd drink gallons of juice,
Then he'd let himself loose,
And he'd water the grass with his tinkler.
--- Cap'n Bean P9809

The gravesite of Oliver Grey
Showed a vibrant and lovely display.
For his widow named Joan
Planted bulbs at his stone,
Then she watered the spot every day.
--- Cap'n Bean P0310

There was a young lady from Turin
Who found swimmin' very allurin'.
She jumped in the pool,
Splashed around like a fool,
After fillin' it up with her urine.
--- Chairman Steve

When Dad ambled home, he was drunk.
Now some would say "drunk as a skunk..
And it has been stated
That he micturated
In bed, but that's not what he thunk.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My daughter's in diapers and so,
Can sympathize your clean up woe.
When diaper comes off,
She runs with a scoff
At my yells as she squats to go.
--- Bonnie

As you sit there, looking around,
Trying hard not to make a sound,
Just remember this:
We all let a hiss
Now and then, when we're squatting down.
--- Anon

I crouched in the woods for a pee
On an ant nest of all things (poor me!).
They crawled past my knees,
Up my thighs, if you please,
And wriggled and tickled. Tee hee!
--- Michelle

O women, please listen to me:
Beware the misogynist bee!
Have well-founded fears
On vulnerable rears,
Should you crouch in the woods for a pee.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Young Myrtle was having a pee,
When a squirrel, (short sighted, you see),
Dived into her gash,
With some nuts for to cache;
He thought 'twas a hole in a tree!
--- Tiddy Ogg

I once took a whiz in the woods,
And got poison oak on the goods.
The whole thing turned red;
Calamine it was fed;
And it bled every time it up-stood.
--- Coolbreeze

Once I squat in the woods for a break,
When along came a wriggley grass snake.
It was quite uncanny,
But he went up my fanny,
And that was his biggest mistake!
--- Michelle

I once squat in the woods for a piss,
When I heard a snake's venomous hiss.
I tripped over some plants
While grabbing my pants;
I've never weed faster than this!
--- Anon

A shaky old drunkard named Drew
Stopped off to make pee in the loo;
He opened his pants,
He attempted the stance,
And he piddled all over his shoe.
--- Cap'n Bean P0103

I once crouched in the woods for a pee
And was joined by a huge bumble bee.
He buzzed round my twat,
So I aimed and I shot
And drowned that poor bee with my wee
--- Anon

There was a young fellow, a Greek,
Whose bladder control was weak.
It began as a whistle,
Went on with a 'ssissssle'
And then ended up with a squeak.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

With foresight it would have been better,
To admit of my plight when I met her.
Our very first night
She woke with a fright,
For I'm a nocturnal bedwetter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I have been this way since a child;
It's because my dreams are so wild.
As excitement increases,
My bladder releases,
And those near and dear feel defiled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Oh! I would be ever so happy
To stay for one night a dry chappy.
Is there a trick for
An arid dick, or
Must I each morn wash my nappy?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Our schoolteacher drank so much tea,
She went to the can for to pee.
When she jerked on the chain
She was flushed down the drain,
And by now she's ten miles out to sea.
--- G1470

This is file dum

An Indian Farmer called Singh
Was known as the high-pissing king,
But a lady called Lee
Could much higher pee,
By performing an impromptu handspring.

A high-pissing man called Rand
Could out-pee all men in the land,
But a lady called Lee
Could much higher pee,
By performing an impromptu handstand.

If all of these glitter like gold,
Yours truly is showered quite bold.
The micturial power
Of this golden shower,
Is something I like to be told.

The lady from Ealing's demise
Should've come as no great surprise.
When pissing while kneeling,
Her head hit the ceiling;
'Twas something she drank I surmise.

The lady from Ealing's called Bright
And you know how she travelled one night.
The micturial power
Of her golden shower,
Let her travel much faster than light

Nothing could make a man madder,
Than losing to some woman's bladder.
I see them some nights
All hitting the heights,
That no man could reach with a ladder.

She always performed with great zeal,
With a grace that seemed almost unreal.
The display was most grand
When she did a handstand,
And superb when she did a cartwheel.

She always performed with great grace,
With a zeal that seemed quite out of place,.
Until on that day,
She capped her display
By putting it right in my face.

Said Sally, "You boys can't be wronger
Than peeing to see who is stronger!"
Then laughed with a lilt,
Gave her pelvis a tilt.
And pissed a yard higher and longer!

"There's gold in your hair, pretty miss.
Do please let me give it a kiss?
Spit! Gee, that tastes bad!"
She said: "Sorry lad,
To get gold, I wash it in piss."
--- Anon

If I did a handstand, indeed,
I fear that I'd only succeed,
In wetting the tip
Of my nose with a drip
Or a splash from the puddle I peed.
--- Anon

But if I could stand on one hand,
The other'd be free for my gland,
To aim it and pee
With some accuracy,
Over walls as I can when I stand.
--- Anon

Seven miles high in a plane,
The passengers thought they felt rain.
It was only my Dad,
Who was really quite mad,
Thought he was a fountain again!
--- Anon

He lay in the gutter, that place
Well-known in his drunken disgrace;
He looked up the skirt
Of knickerless Gert
With glee, till she pissed in his face.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The charming but odd Mr Powers
Enjoys her particular showers.
"Especially the taste,"
He says, adding in haste,
"If she hasn't drunk Fosters for hours."
--- Peter Wilkins

On the other hand, take Mr Wren:
A traditional sort of a man.
With him, naught goes to waste.
He likes second-hand taste --
Bishop's Finger and Old Speckled Hen.
--- Ulla

A certain old fellow named Hadder
Long suffered from bugs in his bladder;
This caused him to pee
Incontinently,
And left him no wiser but sadder.
--- Armand E Singer 677

There once was a fellow from Reading,
Who was always wetting the bedding.
His poor wife would say:
"I don't mind the spray.
It's the stench in the morning I'm dreading."
--- G1598a

There was an old man of Port Sydney
With a most undependable kidney.
Thus enhancing the chance
He would pee in his pants --
So he should have worn diapers, didney?
--- Keith MacMillan 70c

The groom of Miss Suzy, named Fred,
Since a kid, he peed in his bed.
But incredibly true,
And a good thing for Sue,
It desisted the day they were wed.
--- Cap'n Bean P2005

A young lass from years of long yore,
Had beer and then a lot more.
In the middle of passion,
For the loo she went dashin',
But too late, she pissed on the floor.
--- Anon

Said the lecher to job-hunting Gloria,
"To be hired, you must show me much more o' ya."
So the confident lass
Presented her ass,
And then peed all over his flooria.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501

Fido is sniffing my leg;
He belongs to my neighbour, Old Peg.
And although he's quite cute,
He's gone peed on my boot...
Does this count as 'enthrallment', I beg?
--- Anon

A very blind bishop name Stu
Thought he'd entered the gentlemen's loo;
Whipped it out, he took aim,
Then he whizzed without shame,
But, in fact, he had peed in the pew.
--- Cap'n Bean P0409

My Granddad is so proud of me --
I don't wet my diapers, you see.
(I wait a few secs
'Til he comes and checks,
Then I pee all over his knee!)
--- Anon

Just be glad that the babe's not a guy.
'Cause nappy-change time's fun, and here's why:
When his "bit" feels the air,
And he feels cold "down there",
He's real apt to just piss in your eye!
--- Anon

Tarzan roared as he soared and swung free,
After dumping cross Jane in the tree.
But the hollering fellow
Had good cause to bellow:
He desperately needed to pee.
--- David A Brooks Q

A woman I knew, indeed,
Who would orgasm each time that she pee'd.
On her haunches she'd squat,
Exposing her twat
To the world whenever she felt the need.
--- Anon

The guards of the Queen suffer rain
Without twitching for eye-blinding pain.
Yet despite wide exposure,
They lose their composure
When pissed on by dachshund or Dane.
--- David A Brooks Q

'Twas a dirty old man, this old coot,
To fuck without giving a hoot.
The girl was dismayed
And contempt she displayed,
When she squatted and pissed in his boot.
--- Bob Birch

There once was a fellow named Sidney
Who had a remarkable kidney.
'Twas a sight to be seen;
He could pee red or green,
And it tasted like spearmint from Wrigley.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310

For men, cups are easy to fill;
They don't need a particular skill.
But the girls filling up
The specimen cup,
May leave spots on the floor from a spill.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

I once knew a lush name of Harald,
Who drank in the pubs and then caroled.
He sang with such glee,
He'd forget to go pee;
At night's end he was wetly appareled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection


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