Queen Elizabeth's amorous beau.
In order his love for to show,
He stood on one leg,
Guzzled down half a keg,
And wrote "God Save The Queen" in the snow.
(With apologies to Vance Randolf - McW)
There was a young lady of Thrace A young Dutchman, a hewer of logs, In the woodlands around Maple Creek My boss is a fellow named Sid, A bullfighter whose name was Juan A Canadian lady named Florence, A country club lifeguard named Ford, A well-known young doctor in Wales, The Marquesa de Excusador, There once was a man from Dundee A stingy old lady in Weed As you guys never sit down anyway A janitor whose name was McGee, To green up his lawn, Mr. Winkler The gravesite of Oliver Grey There was a young lady from Turin When Dad ambled home, he was drunk. My daughter's in diapers and so, As you sit there, looking around, I crouched in the woods for a pee O women, please listen to me: Young Myrtle was having a pee, I once took a whiz in the woods, Once I squat in the woods for a break, I once squat in the woods for a piss, A shaky old drunkard named Drew I once crouched in the woods for a pee There was a young fellow, a Greek, With foresight it would have been better, I have been this way since a child; Oh! I would be ever so happy Our schoolteacher drank so much tea,
This is file dum
An Indian Farmer called Singh A high-pissing man called Rand If all of these glitter like gold, The lady from Ealing's demise The lady from Ealing's called Bright Nothing could make a man madder, She always performed with great zeal, She always performed with great grace, Said Sally, "You boys can't be wronger "There's gold in your hair, pretty miss. If I did a handstand, indeed, But if I could stand on one hand, Seven miles high in a plane, He lay in the gutter, that place The charming but odd Mr Powers On the other hand, take Mr Wren: A certain old fellow named Hadder There once was a fellow from Reading, There was an old man of Port Sydney The groom of Miss Suzy, named Fred, A young lass from years of long yore, Said the lecher to job-hunting Gloria, Fido is sniffing my leg; A very blind bishop name Stu My Granddad is so proud of me -- Just be glad that the babe's not a guy. Tarzan roared as he soared and swung free, A woman I knew, indeed, The guards of the Queen suffer rain 'Twas a dirty old man, this old coot, There once was a fellow named Sidney For men, cups are easy to fill; I once knew a lush name of Harald,
--- Jonathan G
Who was woefully lacking in grace.
In the midst of a kiss,
She'd start in to piss,
Which was neither the time nor the place.
--- G1472
Went to fancy-dress do's without clogs.
Disguised as a tree,
He'd mistakenly be
Abused by drunk dolts and rude dogs.
--- David A Brooks Q
A troop of boy scouts took a leak,
Which intrusion of waste
Almost ruined the taste
Of the sugaring-off for a week.
--- Hugh Oliver 87a
With the mind of an eight-year-old kid.
Just outside his door,
As sign said, "Wet Floor,"
Sid saw it, and read it...and did!
--- John Miller 0086 a
Was desperately seeking a john.
The valiant torero
Went in his sombrero,
So now he's not going -- he's gone!
--- Anon
When she peed, the pee came out in torrents.
Next edition, perhaps,
She'll be listed on maps
As a tributary of the St. Lawrence.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
Was fired for actions abhorred.
'Twas not that the fool
Took a pee in the pool,
But he did it from off the high board!
--- Thomas Henry
Prescribed pissing on the third rails.
His colleages may deem
His methods extreme,
But his patients complain of no ails.
--- Phil T
Used to pee on the drawing room floor.
For the can was so cold,
And when one grows old,
To be much alone is a bore.
--- L0698
Who tried to pee up a tree.
He peed so high,
He pissed in his eye;
And now the old bugger can't see.
--- Anon
Collected each drop that she peed,
To be stored in a rack
On the roof of her shack.
Are visitors nervous? Indeed!
--- Chuck Davis
For to pee (yes, not even the gay!).
It seems best for your friend
That you grab its loose end,
And then over the brim let it sway...
--- Anon
Had a peep hole so that he could see
Through the wall
In the toilet stall.
He got off watching young ladies pee.
--- FB
Would never make use of a sprinkler.
He'd drink gallons of juice,
Then he'd let himself loose,
And he'd water the grass with his tinkler.
--- Cap'n Bean P9809
Showed a vibrant and lovely display.
For his widow named Joan
Planted bulbs at his stone,
Then she watered the spot every day.
--- Cap'n Bean P0310
Who found swimmin' very allurin'.
She jumped in the pool,
Splashed around like a fool,
After fillin' it up with her urine.
--- Chairman Steve
Now some would say "drunk as a skunk..
And it has been stated
That he micturated
In bed, but that's not what he thunk.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Can sympathize your clean up woe.
When diaper comes off,
She runs with a scoff
At my yells as she squats to go.
--- Bonnie
Trying hard not to make a sound,
Just remember this:
We all let a hiss
Now and then, when we're squatting down.
--- Anon
On an ant nest of all things (poor me!).
They crawled past my knees,
Up my thighs, if you please,
And wriggled and tickled. Tee hee!
--- Michelle
Beware the misogynist bee!
Have well-founded fears
On vulnerable rears,
Should you crouch in the woods for a pee.
--- Tiddy Ogg
When a squirrel, (short sighted, you see),
Dived into her gash,
With some nuts for to cache;
He thought 'twas a hole in a tree!
--- Tiddy Ogg
And got poison oak on the goods.
The whole thing turned red;
Calamine it was fed;
And it bled every time it up-stood.
--- Coolbreeze
When along came a wriggley grass snake.
It was quite uncanny,
But he went up my fanny,
And that was his biggest mistake!
--- Michelle
When I heard a snake's venomous hiss.
I tripped over some plants
While grabbing my pants;
I've never weed faster than this!
--- Anon
Stopped off to make pee in the loo;
He opened his pants,
He attempted the stance,
And he piddled all over his shoe.
--- Cap'n Bean P0103
And was joined by a huge bumble bee.
He buzzed round my twat,
So I aimed and I shot
And drowned that poor bee with my wee
--- Anon
Whose bladder control was weak.
It began as a whistle,
Went on with a 'ssissssle'
And then ended up with a squeak.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To admit of my plight when I met her.
Our very first night
She woke with a fright,
For I'm a nocturnal bedwetter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's because my dreams are so wild.
As excitement increases,
My bladder releases,
And those near and dear feel defiled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To stay for one night a dry chappy.
Is there a trick for
An arid dick, or
Must I each morn wash my nappy?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She went to the can for to pee.
When she jerked on the chain
She was flushed down the drain,
And by now she's ten miles out to sea.
--- G1470
Was known as the high-pissing king,
But a lady called Lee
Could much higher pee,
By performing an impromptu handspring.
Could out-pee all men in the land,
But a lady called Lee
Could much higher pee,
By performing an impromptu handstand.
Yours truly is showered quite bold.
The micturial power
Of this golden shower,
Is something I like to be told.
Should've come as no great surprise.
When pissing while kneeling,
Her head hit the ceiling;
'Twas something she drank I surmise.
And you know how she travelled one night.
The micturial power
Of her golden shower,
Let her travel much faster than light
Than losing to some woman's bladder.
I see them some nights
All hitting the heights,
That no man could reach with a ladder.
With a grace that seemed almost unreal.
The display was most grand
When she did a handstand,
And superb when she did a cartwheel.
With a zeal that seemed quite out of place,.
Until on that day,
She capped her display
By putting it right in my face.
Than peeing to see who is stronger!"
Then laughed with a lilt,
Gave her pelvis a tilt.
And pissed a yard higher and longer!
Do please let me give it a kiss?
Spit! Gee, that tastes bad!"
She said: "Sorry lad,
To get gold, I wash it in piss."
--- Anon
I fear that I'd only succeed,
In wetting the tip
Of my nose with a drip
Or a splash from the puddle I peed.
--- Anon
The other'd be free for my gland,
To aim it and pee
With some accuracy,
Over walls as I can when I stand.
--- Anon
The passengers thought they felt rain.
It was only my Dad,
Who was really quite mad,
Thought he was a fountain again!
--- Anon
Well-known in his drunken disgrace;
He looked up the skirt
Of knickerless Gert
With glee, till she pissed in his face.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Enjoys her particular showers.
"Especially the taste,"
He says, adding in haste,
"If she hasn't drunk Fosters for hours."
--- Peter Wilkins
A traditional sort of a man.
With him, naught goes to waste.
He likes second-hand taste --
Bishop's Finger and Old Speckled Hen.
--- Ulla
Long suffered from bugs in his bladder;
This caused him to pee
Incontinently,
And left him no wiser but sadder.
--- Armand E Singer 677
Who was always wetting the bedding.
His poor wife would say:
"I don't mind the spray.
It's the stench in the morning I'm dreading."
--- G1598a
With a most undependable kidney.
Thus enhancing the chance
He would pee in his pants --
So he should have worn diapers, didney?
--- Keith MacMillan 70c
Since a kid, he peed in his bed.
But incredibly true,
And a good thing for Sue,
It desisted the day they were wed.
--- Cap'n Bean P2005
Had beer and then a lot more.
In the middle of passion,
For the loo she went dashin',
But too late, she pissed on the floor.
--- Anon
"To be hired, you must show me much more o' ya."
So the confident lass
Presented her ass,
And then peed all over his flooria.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501
He belongs to my neighbour, Old Peg.
And although he's quite cute,
He's gone peed on my boot...
Does this count as 'enthrallment', I beg?
--- Anon
Thought he'd entered the gentlemen's loo;
Whipped it out, he took aim,
Then he whizzed without shame,
But, in fact, he had peed in the pew.
--- Cap'n Bean P0409
I don't wet my diapers, you see.
(I wait a few secs
'Til he comes and checks,
Then I pee all over his knee!)
--- Anon
'Cause nappy-change time's fun, and here's why:
When his "bit" feels the air,
And he feels cold "down there",
He's real apt to just piss in your eye!
--- Anon
After dumping cross Jane in the tree.
But the hollering fellow
Had good cause to bellow:
He desperately needed to pee.
--- David A Brooks Q
Who would orgasm each time that she pee'd.
On her haunches she'd squat,
Exposing her twat
To the world whenever she felt the need.
--- Anon
Without twitching for eye-blinding pain.
Yet despite wide exposure,
They lose their composure
When pissed on by dachshund or Dane.
--- David A Brooks Q
To fuck without giving a hoot.
The girl was dismayed
And contempt she displayed,
When she squatted and pissed in his boot.
--- Bob Birch
Who had a remarkable kidney.
'Twas a sight to be seen;
He could pee red or green,
And it tasted like spearmint from Wrigley.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
They don't need a particular skill.
But the girls filling up
The specimen cup,
May leave spots on the floor from a spill.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Who drank in the pubs and then caroled.
He sang with such glee,
He'd forget to go pee;
At night's end he was wetly appareled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection