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A jolly young chemistry tough, She wore, not a Dutch cap, but Russian. There once was a man in a fit There once was a young Boy Scout troop, Of course our friend Rocky knew that, "What d'ya know, it finally worked," A combustible woman from Thang There was a young student of Queens, A hapless old fellow named Dwight But Dwight didn't mind it, ol' chum, A fireworks launcher named Bloom There once was a maiden named Rhoda, I said to the judge, "This is crap! A new servant maid named Maria, A careless young lady named Bess, There once was a man from Rome, A short-sighted housewife named Jean While the jack-booters watched, Farmer Fred (ammonium nitrate fertilizer and diesel fuel)
A vain-glorious lady named Greta Now Greta, it then came to pass There once was a Chief of the Sioux, There was a young man of Herne Bay, There was a young woman named Vivian, Guy pleaded, "There's really no plot... My search for a limerick muse With nitro inside his sombrero, The lord of the manor, Sir Stoat, A young man known only as Brown There was a rash man in old Edo, An ambitious girl in Kilskire, It sure is a hell of a note, In a conference, lonely Fred posted A nearsighted cleric from Queens Young Chuck and his old uncle Jake They drove it right out on the ice, With a match the fuse was alight, The dog being taught to retrieve, His shotgun was now grabbed by Chuck; So at last young Chuck and old Jake Chuck claimed for his lost Cherokee, You may think this story absurd, Innocent Elliot Pitts A young science student named Rube There once was a man named Turner, A brash Japaneses pyromantic, An old electrician named Sy, A curious lad in Milnocket, Fertilizer and fuel that he ships A careless young chemist called Corbett A professor with high mental strife, A young terrorist from Belfast A little boy way down in Natchez There once was a fellow named Bill A hapless young man from Girard In their eyes they begin to feel tears; An ambitious young girl in Kilkyre, We need Patriots, yes we do! A very old man from the Nile A rather large missle or bomb Sam micro'd his bluebird one day, At the store of a storekeeper, Moore, A fellow once from the Bosphorous A patient young Girl Scout named Hayes, He applied a plethora of heat A pyrotechnician named Murray A man with a criminal past
While making a compound of stuff,
Dropped a match in the vial
And after a while,
They found his false teeth and one cuff.
--- Foolish Limericks P0406
She's dead now, her mate had concussion.
She'd live life idyllic,
If she'd read cyrillic,
Which said that the cap was percussion.
--- Anon
Who just wasn't able to shit.
He struggled and cursed,
But he swelled up and burst--
A hell of a fate, you'll admit.
--- G1383
Who lit off their farts in a group.
The critical mass
Of their unit ass,
Reacted and blew out their poop.
--- H Welchel
Bullwinkle's trick would fall flat.
"But this time will be cool,
Now watch while I pull,
A cruise missile out of my hat."
--- Anon
And the missile took off with a lurch.
Headed straight for Kosavo,
Amid much bravado,
Up the ass of their number one jerk.
--- Anon
Exploded one day with a BANG!
The maid then rushed in
And said with a grin,
"Pardon me, madam -- you rang?"
--- Spike Milligan
Who was fond of explosive machines.
He once blew up a door
But he'll do it no more,
For it chanced that the door was the Dean's.
--- Arthur C Hilton
Went to string up his frayed Christmas lights.
Alas, they were DC;
His outlet was AC;
And Dwight, when last seen, was in flight.
--- Q
As he came crashing down on his bum,
"This is ecstasy!"
(He shouted with glee)
"It feels just like this when I come!"
--- Q
Kept rockets inside of his room,
Till a fellow named Art
Sparked a fire, with a fart,
And the whole fucking place went KABOOM!
--- Cap'n Bean
Who drank many bottles of soda,
She slurped so much fizz--
Well, it's none of my biz--
But one day she's gonna explode-a.
--- Anon
I shouldn't be taking this rap!
Twelve bucks for a steak
Was too much to take,
So I blew the food joint off the map!"
--- Anon
Had trouble lighting the fire.
The wood it was green,
So she used gasoline;
Now she's gone where the fuel is much dryer.
--- Anon
Bought her gasoline Monday at Hess.
While filling her tank
Used her cell to call Frank;
A spark caused a terrible mess.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
Who was cleaning his pants in his home.
He used gasoline,
'Twas the last ever seen
Of him or his pants or his home.
--- Wayne F Barney
Read: "A quick way to melt gelatine".
She applied a fierce light
To some raw gelignite...
Since that moment she hasn't been seen.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Made two trips, but stored all in one shed.
So the two parts, alas,
Achieved critical mass,
Atomizing both Farmer and Fed.
--- William N Nesbit P9704
Used candles to see herself better.
But a buildup of gas
While she gazed at her ass..
Poor Greta! We'll never forget her!
--- Arden
Was really flamed up the ass.
Now when she farts,
Throughout all her parts,
It really is quite a blast.
--- Arden
Who into a gun-barrel blew,
To see if 'twas loaded;
The rifle exploded--
As he should have known it would do.
--- Michael Kilgarriff P9309
Who was making explosives one day;
He dropped his cigar
In the gunpowder jar.
There WAS a young man of Herne Bay.
--- Langford Reed
Who had a dear friend, a Bolivian,
Who dropped his cigar
In a gunpowder jar--
His spirit is now in oblivion.
--- Langford Reed
The powder?...You say quite a lot?
Well, I did put some there,
But beheading's unfair!
I stored some away, then forgot..."
--- TuttaGioia
Has led to a rude curbside cruise.
A well-stacked young shacker
Gave me a real cracker
But I found she had lighted the fuse...
--- Archie
A hat dancer did the bolero.
He fell on his hat
And the burst blew his pratt
And his cod to Rio De Janeiro.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8806
Suffered from terminal bloat;
He exploded one day;
They found balls in the hay,
And part of his scrote in the moat.
--- Tutta Gioia
Wished to be a man of renown;
He wandered, one night,
Through a blasting site;
Now he's known as a man about town.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8402
Who swallowed one day a torpedo.
He fell off a cart
And the folks heard him fart,
Just a mile and a half from Toledo.
--- G1474
Used gasoline lighting a fire.
She soared into the sky,
Without even "Goodbye!"
Now her place in the world is much higher.
--- Anon
You can't even get on a boat,
Without some damn weird
Asshole with a beard,
Who uses explosives to vote.
--- Larry Davis P8511
His plea for a friendly young co-ed.
The response was frenetic
From gals energetic,
But he died when his modem exploded.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Tossed their "toy" right back to some teens.
It was a homemade
Pipe bomb or grenade.
It blew them all to smithereens!
--- Marty TP9807
This is file dsm
Decided one day they would take
Their Cherokee Jeep,
(Brand new and not cheap)
And go fish on the big frozen lake.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Then hunted a useful device
To make an ice hole,
And thought, on the whole,
A dynamite stick would suffice.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So they threw it with all of their might.
Their dog thought, game on,
They've tossed me a bone,
And scampered away in full flight.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Grabbed the stick and although told to leave,
Came back at full run,
Enjoying the fun,
The two men now started to grieve.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He fired; the poor dog was struck.
"Hey, this ain't much fun",
Thinks the dog and now runs
Sore and bleeding right under the truck.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Have decided they made a mistake.
They can only swear,
Shake their fists in the air,
With the Jeep on the bed of the lake.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But the insurance firm would not agree.
They showed him the clause,
Excluding the cause --
Misuse of explosives, you see...
--- Tiddy Ogg
But I will stand by every word.
All of those claims,
Apart from the names,
I spotted in "Land Rover World."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was casually picking his zits,
When one he eroded
Abruptly exploded,
And blew the poor fellow to bits.
--- Nick D Kim
Mixed some chemicals in a test tube.
The resulting explosion
Caused quite a commotion,
In a blast like a giant flash-cube!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Considered a very slow learner.
He drank a gallon of gas,
Put a match to his ass,
And ignited his own afterburner.
--- Puff Adder
Did his thing on a tanker gigantic.
With emotions achurn,
He ignited his stern;
'Twas the first man to fry the Atrantic.
--- Pierce Evans
While working one night in July,
He fingered a socket,
Flew up like a rocket,
And lit up the indigo sky.
--- Cap'n Bean
Went to bed with a solid-fuel rocket.
As he tossed in his sleep,
He ignited the heap,
Now he's worn by his girl in a locket.
--- Anon
Need to be done, in separate trips.
Brown sure lit up the gloom
When his pickup went BOOM!
So now he's looking for landing strips.
--- Tom Patton P9705
Spilled nitro and tried to absorb it.
He used glycerine
And was recently seen
Completing his twentieth orbit.
--- Odd Bodkins P0107
Decided to murder his wife.
A bomb sent through the mail
Her long life did curtail;
He was arrested and sentenced to life.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was killed by crossed wires, in a shell blast.
As a dire consequence,
He's now in the past tense,
As he met with his friends in hellfast!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Sat down upon powder and matches.
For the seat of war
He hankers no more,
Though re-inforced well with patches.
--- Anon
Who swallowed a nuclear pill.
When the doctor said "Cough!"
The damn thing went off,
And his head was picked up in Brazil.
--- Dave Kone
Found a dynamite stick in his yard;
When it blew him sky-high,
His friends heard him cry,
"I am hoist by another's petard!"
--- Lims Unlimited
They smelt gas! In their minds they had fears.
With a blast and a whoof,
They went out through the roof;
Their first time, out together in years!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Used paraffin lighting a fire.
She soared in the sky,
Without even "Good-bye;"
Now her place in the world is much higher.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
But flesh and blood heroes won't do.
When unrest keeps growing,
Some smart missle-stowing
Could blow up a tyrant or two!
--- Ann Gasser P9501
Was tossing grenades in a pile,
And he said to his spouse,
"If you stay in this house,
You will shortly take off for a mile."
--- Limber Limericks
Is heading for bad General Som.
He's got ten seconds to lunge
Or be mopped up with a sponge.
KABOOM! I miss-timed the bomb.
--- Anon
An upstarty preener named Kay.
Her guts they exploded;
Sam cried, "Well Ho Ho! Did
You hear? I've a REAL popinjay!"
--- Tutta Gioia
His friend dropped a bomb on the floor,
And that was the end
Of ol' Moore and his friend,
And was also the end of the store.
--- Cap'n Bean
Loved to meddle around with phosphorous.
He set fire to a dame;
To himself did the same;
A lighting form both thought preposterous.
--- Feldspar D Milano
Rubbed two faggots together for days.
'Till she happened to pass
A portion of gas,
Which kindled a wonderful blaze.
--- Frank Richards
To a gasoline can (indescreet),
Then he sat on the can.
(A very odd man)
And the dummy blew off half his seat!
--- Al Willis
Was killed in a violent fury;
His fingers were found
Out on Long Island Sound,
And his feet, in the hills of Missouri.
--- Cap'n Bean P0106
Was killed in a violent blaast;
His organs and bones
Were scattered like stones;
The expanse that they covered was vast.
--- Cap'n Bean P0204
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