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Cigars that have won major prizes, Once her humidor has been inspected All day he sat in his room, In Medellin they watch in surprise On the day Cuba loses Fidel, Her humidor'd never been moldy When asked, "What is with that blister?" She claimed his stogie to adore, I was smoking a Punch by Fidel When you give a cigar to Rose, To gents concerned about pox, Those little green boogers from Mars Find worldly smoker and date her -- "You can fuck from behind," said Miss Snood. "Quit cigars," his physicians would say, There once was a fellow named Shanken She returned from Cuba overweight. Her humidor was rather small, An unending smoker was Drew There was a young man of good note Riley smoked like there was no tomorrow, "This Cuban mystique is all hooey!" Tarzan jumped but could not find his line, Her smuggled cigars Customs took The men of the Via Veneto A really great cigar, insists Merl, There was a young man of Madras On Saturday night, up on Mars, There was a young fellow named Fripp Your stogie I simply adore, I have kicked cigarettes, Hip Hooray! A bright young lad who needed a smoke, Tobacco, tobacco; I hate you; I do. Some say a bad habit you broke, The crone finally bothered to listen It's sad but it has come to pass: In Ireland that law's been in for In Pigalle the studs claimed the protection Said a cigarette smoker named Kit, If my writing's a little bit jerky, Since Bush felt that sex was no joke, I started when I was 18, At first he was quite hard to leave. Man's ego may be very small, I'm normally good fun, love a joke, My usual response with civility "Tobacco's a curse in this town," I have quit, there is no turning back! A woman whom smoking had hooked A man in the midst of a crowd, "Cold turkey," a farmer named Snout, His flu left him feeling quite rough. "Once I lost every job I acquired," His deftly blown smoke rings in air Now this is as good as it gets! For a smoker there's no use denying Since smoking a terrible habit, Cigarettes are now for me verboten. I don't think it has ever been spoken To quit, first a stogie puff-puff. To smoke it or chew it or sniff it "I have given up smoking," said Dagg, Together we laugh, cry, and joke, There one was a fellow named Green Lawmakers in town have avowed Your comments are all welcome here, You smokers, take note what I say.
Are rolled on a Cuban girl's thighses.
But what they don't tell us,
Is some's done by fellas,
Who've used them as ass wipe devices.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And no mold or bugs are detected,
There's no other place
That can with such grace
Keep your cigar moist and protected.
--- Paul B Harris
Refusing to bathe or to groom.
When he finally died,
They could not decide,
"Is that mold or is it just bloom?"
--- Anon
As their empires are quickly outsized.
Cigars, they complain,
Cost more than cocaine,
And a new cartel is holding the prize.
--- J Eubanks and S Martin
And Habanas are legal to sell,
We'll all make a toast
To his pitiful ghost,
'Cause there ain't no Cohibas in Hell.
--- J Eubanks and S Martin
Till she inserted a gentleman's stogie.
By dawn the next day,
She had plenty to say
On the topic of getting to know me.
--- Robert M Pultz
I replied, "I'll tell you what, mister.
At our next evening smoker,
We should stick with poker,
'Cause cigars don't go well with "Twister"!
--- J Eubanks and S Martin
And alone it graced her humidor.
Till late last spring,
She hit on this thing
Of smoking one aft and one fore.
--- Robert M Pultz
In the bar of a well-known hotel.
I received a sour look,
From a old bat who took
It quite badly when I said "Go to Hell!"
--- Russ McDermott
Into her left nostril it goes;
While most get their kicks
From an oral-type fix,
She prefers a good Punch in the nose.
--- J Eubanks and S Martin
Try rubbing your face in her box.
For if she is blighted,
You'll no longer be sighted,
But your stogie'll be spared such rude shocks.
--- Robert M Pultz
Shit tobacco in neighborhood bars.
Right there in the crapper,
They put on the wrapper--
And that's how we get cheap cigars!
--- Grand Prix Lim 701 G2630
No lover on Earth could be greater;
When your stogie comes forth
She may smoke it up north,
Or stow it south of the equator.
--- Paul B Harris
Said her man, "I don't wish to be rude,
Can you please tell me why?"
Said Miss Snood, "Please comply --
I can smoke a cigar while I'm screwed."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0759
"You'll die young at a dozen a day."
George smoked them, I'm told, (George Burns - centanarain)
Till one hundred years old,
While his doctors had all passed away!
--- J Eubanks and S Martin
Whose mag featured much cigar rankin'.
But he upset the prudes
With cigar-smoking nudes,
That got many mens' Cohibas crankin'.
--- Anon
She could barely get through the gate.
A cigar CORNUCOPIA,
A smoker's utopia,
Had been strapped to her waist by her mate.
--- Norm Brust
With room for big ones, not at all.
But when she's open,
Here is for hopin'
Your stogie's not too thick or tall.
--- Robert M Pultz
Who had trouble trying to screw.
What stoked his desire
When starting to tire?
On stogies unlit he would chew.
--- Julia Strawn P8808
Who bleated at times like a goat.
Though it sounded bizarre,
They found a cigar --
The damn thing was stuck in his throat.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
On cigars that were dark as sorrow.
But on St Paddy's each year,
With a glass of green beer,
He switched over to a claro claro.
--- J Eubanks and S Martin
(Said a long-winded guy they call Louie.)
"This here Tampo Rico
Is all you should seek." (Though
He also will answer to 'Sooooey'!"
--- Jim Ryan
So he fell and he damaged his spine.
Earlier that day,
The apes smoked away,
On cigars that were simply de vine.
--- J Eubanks and S Martin
From her purse, her bags, and her book.
But although they did try,
One cigar did get by,
Hidden where no one could look.
--- Paul
Smoke stogies they call Rigoletto
They're funny cheroots;
Black and twisted as roots,
Which I wouldn't touch on a bet-o.
--- Anon
Is just like a beautiful girl.
Well, what can I say?
When I smoke I don't pray
For the wrapper to break and unfurl!
--- J Eubanks and S Martin
Who smoked such a terrible mass,
There was not room enough
In his mouth more to stuff,
So he shoved a cigar up his ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2684
We sing and we play our guitars.
No different from Earth
Except there's a dearth
Of our favorite Cuban cigars!
--- Ystap
Who once, on a seagoing trip,
Lit a second cigar
At the liners vast bar,
But was told: "It's a one-Uppman ship."
--- Richard Nick
So luscious and so hard to score.
But unless that fellow
Is wrapped in cello,
It is barred from my humidor.
--- Paul B Harris
I have given them all away;
And if I don't die
From the lack of a high,
In five hours it will be a whole day!
--- Ann Gasser P8808
Took a puff and then started to choke.
He said he was glad
That he listened to dad,
For to smoke, and then choke is no joke!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Like Venus I'd look if it wasn't for you.
But I'll give up the habit
I will even yet...
When I've had just one more Menthol Kool.
--- Anon P0401
This is file dnl
Deciding no longer to smoke.
By the sound of your cough,
You'll be soon taking off;
A polite way of saying "You'll croak!"
--- Gifford Wherry
To her boyfriend's complaints about kissin'.
She's quit smoking two weeks;
Her breath no longer reeks,
But some parts of her brain are now missin'.
--- Anon
Some towns have banned smoking. Alas!
It's just the position
Of a politician,
Who's blowing his smoke up your ass.
--- Anon
A while; Britain soon, too, what's more.
Believe what you've read:
No smoking in bed,
At least in the house of a whore.
--- Anon
Of their sex life required the rejection
Of tobacco. "No joking,"
They said, "because smoking
Makes it hard to sustain an erection."
--- A N Wilkins P9202
"I have finally decided to quit.
I'll do --heaven knows what--
Probably sit on my butt,
Which is fine if the damned things not lit."
--- Russ Barton P9112a
And my thinking's a little bit murky,
I am feeling the nix
Of my nicotine fix,
And I've flipped out from going cold turkey.
--- Ann Gasser P8808
His new Surgeon General spoke
In language arcane:
"It's best to abstain--
But afterwards, folks, please don't smoke!"
--- Norm Storer P9202
An affair with good old Nicotine.
He lied from the start
But I finally got smart
And left him on April 13.
--- Anon
His efforts to make me believe
That he would be missed
Were hard to resist,
But I pushed him away and I grieved.
--- Anon
But can anyone some one recall
Who's given up smoking
Without them invoking
Any notice from others at all?
--- Laurence Perrine P8808
But now I'm one cranky-assed bloke.
I rant, rave and cuss
And all this because
It's three days since I last had a smoke.
--- Anon
Is replaced with open hostility.
I don't give a fuck,
But cigs I must chuck,
(I fear I don't have the ability).
--- Anon
Said the ad-writing man with a frown.
"Fifty years it kept us
To get dames to accept us;
Now the men are turning us down.
--- Laurence Perrine P8808
Though of self-discipline, there is no lack,
I would barter my soul
For a ten foot pole
For that butt on the subway track.
--- Ann Gasser P8808
With her doctor a visit had booked.
When he asked with perplex
If she smoked after sex,
"I don't know," she said, "I've never looked."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8809a
Yelled out in a voice that was loud.
"You can drink beer and wine
But read the damn sign,
That reads there's No Smoking Allowed."
--- Bob Birch P0301
"Tobacco, you can do without.
Duck cancer," he'd say.
"Cold turkey's the way,"
The henpeck with, "Don't chicken out."
--- Irving Superior P9202
His voice was all gravely and gruff.
He was not in the mood
For liquor or food,
And grandpa was not up to snuff.
--- A N Wilkins P9202
Said a rifle, lean, fit, but retired.
"I'd start coughing and choking;
But then I quit smoking,
And since then I've never been fired."
--- Laurence Perrine P8808
Were applauded by everyone there --
That was back ...'46;
Today for such tricks,
He'd get only a stiff stony stare.
--- Laurence Perrine P8809
I'm collecting on all of my bets!
This cigar that I'm smoking?
You've got to be joking --
I only said CIGARETTES!
--- Ann Gasser P8808
That the one sort of friend who's most trying
Is that cheerful half wit
Who while trying to quit
Does not give up smoking -- just buying.
--- A N Wilkins P8808
(As shown by some tests on a rabbit),
Phillip Morris may mind
If you happen to find
A chance to quit now -- but go grab it!
--- Norm Storer P9202
I've been warned by a strong Minnesotan
To keep it in mind,
That she'll kick my behind
To Duluth if she catches me smokin'.
--- Anon
That it's easy to give up your smokin'.
Nicotine's so compelling,
We find ourselves smelling
Old butts on the sidewalk, no jokin'.
--- Anon
If that doesn't work, sniffle snuff.
If no, chew a chaw,
Then as a last straw,
A doctor who'll DOOMSDAY, "Enough."
--- Irving Superior P9202
Takes the mentality of a nitwit.
Tobacco's its name;
Lung cancer, it's game--
So stop using that stinking shit.
--- Harry Rubin P9202
"On account of my wife who does nag.
But I still am delighted
By a stogie unlighted,
And I'll suck now and then on a fag."
--- Phil Cannibal P9202
But most of us no longer smoke.
Often we're tempted
But none are exempted,
From the risk that just one could provoke.
--- Anon
Who'd been smoking since he was fifteen.
But he joined AS3,
Got himself nico-free,
Now the girls all think him a dream!
--- Taiwan John
To give in to the non-smoking crowd.
So in Calabasas
No noxious gases
From cigarettes will be allowed.
--- Observer
But let's make it perfectly clear,
That smokers, embittered,
Will not be considered,
If they come to blow smoke, I fear.
--- Observer
If you want to get cancer, okay.
But here is my fight:
You don't have the right
To make the whole world your ash tray.
--- Bluebird
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