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Few GI's who survived can forget
The Omaho Beach landings yet,
And least of all those
Who, as casualties rose,
That day smoked their first cigarette.
--- A N Wilkins P9202

In every execution scene,
Before the blindfold, nicotine
Is offered to the man.
But with a smoking ban,
Just smoking rifles can be seen.
--- Irving Superior P8808

Let's hear it for those who still smoke!
(Tobacco or merely a toke)
Every puff that you blow
Just goes to show
How much smarter us non-smoking folk!
--- John Miller 0094

"Your smoke is polluting the air,"
Said a wife to her mate standing there.
"Your smoking's not nice.
You must give up this vice
Lest it poison our son and your heir."
--- Laurence Perrine P8808

While protesting the snubs and the slights
To smokers, a fellow named Seitz
Claims he's waging a war,
Like our fathers of yore,
To protect constitutional rights.
--- A N Wilkins P8808

In the Guinness Book place number one
Of mass killers was once the dread Hun.
But the new all time wacko
Is Reynolds Tobacco --
They've been caught with the old smoking gun.
--- Arthur Deex P8806a

A cigarette junkie named Spink
Has trouble inflating his dink;
The vice of this smoker
Has loused up his poker
And caused it to dangle and shrink.

(tobacco inhibits erections - CBS 8 Nov 1998)
--- Armand E Singer P9812

His cock in her mouth he'd been jammin';
Cigars in her twat he'd been slammin'.
Later while smokin',
Overheard to have spoken,
Arafat said, "That smells like smoked salmon".
--- MrMalo a

A tapstress who served in the buff
Forbad any taking of snuff.
When the old geezers wheezed
And then forcefully sneezed,
The spray would end up in her muff.
--- Ogni Gioia

If you puff on those fags by the pack,
Your lungs their pink color will lack.
The demented don't mind
For they say, you will find
That a beautiful color is black.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2733

There once was a place called GO FISH
Whose menu was missing one dish.
It was called "Free of Smoke"
And it isn't a joke
To say it is my ultimate wish!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Some Arabs puffed on a nargileh,
Which made them all stoned and quite silly;
They molested a camel,
A small desert mammal,
Three postmen, and one male gorilly.

(nargileh - water pipe like a hookah)
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407

The War of smoking versus non....
"...And then all men must gas masks don.
With gas masks everywhere,
A world deep in despair.
No more my face to look upon."
--- Irving Superior P8808

As the cigarette camps they were known,
Near Yvetot in the rear staging zone--
Old Glory, Lucky Strike,
Chesterfield and the like,
And guys claimed there was Camp Roll Your Own.
--- A N Wilkins P9202

There once was a fellow named Rex
Whose behavior was kind of reflex.
For a thrill that was big, he
Reclined with a ciggy.
It was afterwards that he'd have sex.
--- Don Moore P9202

As for cigarette smokers in bars,
With their nasty pollutants and tars,
We should tell them with tact,
It's a medical fact,
They'd be much better off with cigars.
--- Russ Burton P9202

The smokes that they sent us that year
At the front--Wings and Chelseaas--made clear
That the Luckys and Camels
Went to those scurvy mammals,
The ball-bearing WACs in the rear.
--- A N Wilkins P9202

As cigarettes do take their toll,
We've five million bucks as the goal
For sales of our brands
To developing lands.
This is called population control.
--- A N Wilkins P9202

There was a young smoker named Moffin,
Who smoked very early and often.
He saved coupons in sacks,
Out of ten thousand packs,
And his gift was a beautiful coffin.
--- Albin Chaplin

Has anyone here got a cig?
A roll up will do if it's big.
I ache for a puff
Of that nicotine stuff;
I'll swap for a jig-a-jig-jig!
--- Anon

I'm gasping now for a butt;
Will anyone swUp for a rut?
Post fags to ;
Please don't delay;
Without 'em I'm losing my nut!
--- Anon

I ain't doing well with these words,
'Cause fags on my brain, it's absurd.
Damn this sweet sucking!
Lets do some fucking;
A good substitute, so I've heard.
--- Anon

Without nicotine I'm so blue;
Boiled sweets I devour and chew.
Donate to this bag
A fulfilling drag,
And I'll shag you for free, in the loo.
--- Anon

Without nicotine, it is true,
You start off feeling so blue.
But give it a while,
Then you will smile,
For it is better for you.
--- Anon

Says the leather-faced lady, "Hey you!
Can you lend me a spare Winnie Blue?"
Yes, there's nothing that Madge
Likes to do more than cadge
From a stranger, a ciggie or two.
--- Anon

In a humidor they laid him to rest
With his cigars spread out on his chest.
This was a mistake,
Because at the wake,
The mourners smoked all of his best.
--- J Eubanks and S Martin

Some people don't like a cigar,
But to me they smell better by far,
Than some cheap old perfume,
Which will stink up a room,
And should not be allowed in a bar.
--- Russ Burton P9202

A Norwegian footballer named Lars
Had a passion for Cuban cigars.
Three or four every day,
Affects his stylish play.
"They're better than women or bars!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A wide path the cigar lover cuts
Wherever he swaggers and struts;
Folks have to stand clear
When he comes quite near,
'Cause cigar lovers have bigger butts!
--- J Eubanks and S Martin

Old Bobby wasn't the marrying kind,
Till the perfect match he did find,
Since both love the leaf,
Cigar breath is no grief,
When they kiss, neither will mind!
--- Anon

There once was a man named Marcusto,
Who gnawed his cigars with such gusto,
In a minute or two,
He could easily chew
A Churchill into a Robusto.
--- Paul

A girl that smoked heavy, Miss Stott,
Went out on a date with a Scot.
"I don't mind," he said, "Grace,
If you smoke with your face,
But remove that cigar from your twat."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2321

There was a young hippy named Tamar,
Who smoked not cigarettes, but cigars.
Her father, from Cuba,
In a band played the tuba,
While Tamar learned to play the sitar.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

This is file dol

And there is the Yuppie who'd spend
A hundred a week on a trend;
He'd smoked for a year,
When a friend made it clear,
That you first must clip off the end.
--- J Eubanks and S Martin

I overheard two ladies one night,
And prayed that cigars were their fight.
For what came to my ear
Fill me with fear,
"Is it better to clip or to bite?"
--- Paul

The tobacconist Habana Royal
Was located next door to a moyel.
A dazed patron said, "Friend,
"Would you please clip the end?"
In the wrong shop -- he now is a goyl.
--- Anon

Letterman, in his quest for perfection,
Smokes only a Cohiba selection.
With embargo in force,
What is his source?
Is Paul his Canadian Connection?

(Letterman - American late night TV host)
--- J Eubanks and S Martin

Marv, that romantic old fox,
Cashed in some bonds and some stocks,
Took the money and bought
Part of Camelot --
A bit of old Jack-in-the-Box.
--- Jon Eubanks

With his treasure, he pictures a scene,
Imagines how things might have been --
Like the sweet aroma
Of a Petit Corona
And the perfume of Norma Jean. (Marilyn Monroe)
--- Jon Eubanks

The value of objects when old
Is in the memories they hold;
The hopes and the fears
Of the JFK years,
Fighting a war that was "cold."
--- Jon Eubanks

It's a memory that's fresh to most;
The victory was ours, so we boast.
But is the war done?
What have we won,
From that isle off the Florida coast?
--- Jon Eubanks

So Marvin, if you would condescend
To heed some advice from a friend,
That box that you chose
Should stay empty and closed,
Until Cuba is open again.
--- Jon Eubanks

Never mind where that cigar did go,
Starr should now be wanting to know
Was it a Havana,
Coming from Cubana?
Did Clinton defy the embargo?
--- Karen

There was a young lady of Oakham,
Who would steal your cigars and then soak 'em
In treacle and rum
And then smear them with gum,
So it wasn't a pleasure to smoke 'em.
--- Punch 1863 (Bibby)

Bob loved an Oscuro cigar;
They were his favorite, by far.
When all he could find
Were the claro kind,
He bought them and dipped them in tar.
--- J Eubanks and S Martin

Columbus could not understand,
If the world was so very grand,
Why he could not find
Some way to unwind;
Why there wasn't a smoke in the land.
--- J Eubanks

So Chris says to Queen Isabella,
"Want a new thrill? I'm the fella --
Just buy me a boat
And set me afloat
In search of a sweet Panatela!
--- J Eubanks

Convinced that the world must be round,
With no edges for ships to fall down,
Chris set off with speed
To find the new weed,
Sailing west to where it was found.
--- J Eubanks

After traveling both long and far,
Guided only by wind and by star,
They sited dry land
And, there on the sand,
A native puffed a cigar.
--- J Eubanks

Forget trade routes, that was a joke,
Something Chris told the financing folk;
The story was a cover
For a cigar lover,
In search of a quality smoke.
--- J Eubanks

There was a short man from Pomona,
Who hooked up with a whore named Ramona.
"From such a small fella,
I expect Panatella,
Instead look at that Double Corona!"
--- Sam Alfano

I caught him on Easter, it's true;
Hiding candy and good cigars, too.
The smokes that he brought,
They sure hit the spot,
Along with eggs and the rabbit stew.
--- J Eubanks and S Martin

Yes, I sampled her humidor,
And I'll sample from there nevermore.
For I sit on needles
With a bad case of beetles,
From all those who sampled before.
--- Paul B Harris

There was a small boy who was proud
And smoked where he wasn't allowed
Till a java cigar
Lit the bestest sofar
And he quit -- in a Pillar of Cloud.

(sofar - triangulation of an explosion)
--- Rudyard Kipling P8903

"I bundle cats," said the happy Honduran,
"In the halls where the good leaf is curin'.
It keeps rats away,
But I've heard people say
Our cigars are often heard purrin'."
--- J Eubanks and S Martin

Miguelito told his sweet young amor,
"I have a cigar you'll adore."
"I refuse," she cried.
Until you have tried
To humidify my humidor!"
--- Paul

Her credo was very wet,
For the stogies inside, they did sweat.
The larvae were dropping
As she was a-popping.
Infested stogies? You bet!
--- TommyJT

A maniacal fellow named Vito
Once put TNT in his Credo.
He lit up, it went BOOM.
Stogies zinged 'round the room,
And in this way was born the torpedo!
--- Steve Masticola

Miguelito was one nasty dude,
Who would flick his cigars in his food.
"I don't mind a stub,
When I'm eating my grub,
At least I know it's been chewed!"
--- Paul

When my heart was youthful and light,
I frequently had the insight
That seegars and stogies
Were strictly for fogies.
(The mirror reveals I was right.)
--- Jim Ryan

A cigarette fiend from Bryn Mawr
Declined an expensive cigar.
"Tobacco," said she,
"Means nothing to me.
I smoke cigarettes for the tar."
--- Ogden Nash P9602

A sweet senorita named Anna
Had eyes for a guy from Montana.
Said Anna, "Que pasa?
Come round to mi casa.
I'll show you La Gloria Cubana."
--- Richard Nick

So young men, with your cello stand firm.
Or your stogies will squiggle and squirm.
An unclean box
Can bring on the pox --
The plague of the lacioderm. (incised leaf)
--- Paul B Harris

Wrapper shortages and no relief,
We used leather in place of a leaf;
The CA review
Rated it 92,
For a delightful hint of roast beef!
--- J Eubanks and S Martin

A cigar-smoking fellow named Fox
Would puff on cigars by the box.
When asked how he started,
He said, as he farted,
"I started by sucking on cocks."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0811

A rapacious old rasal of Kars,
Frequented a great many bars;
Said he, "You may think
I am after the drink,
But I'm after the ends of cigars!"
--- Indiscreet Lim Book P9303


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