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She skied beautifully down the steep slope; A young ski instructor named Amos A Squaw Valley gal named Louise Albert Schweizer, he made quite a row There once was a skier from Aspen, A nubile young Finn on her skis A dashing young skier named Robby, A lovely young Finn who went skiing, (piste - hard packed ski trail)
Michael K., that famous tree-hitter, Among the young men who go skiing, I once knew a skiier named Chris I once had a friend who ate strudel; After winning the downhill event, Gone are the old days of leather, A lovely young Finn who went skiing A jaded downhilling lass There once was a seamstress named Dee, To ski down the snowy Laurentians A ski-jumping champion named Blanding, Summer rates "B" as a season, At the lodge a young skier named Kroozians Her man found her certainly striking; A lady called Marie-Christine On the ski slopes, young Dr. McPrutt, A nubile young Finn who went skiing A lady, an expert on skis, Through the air Hermann flew at high speed, The famous got hit hard this week; Congressmen do as they please, It started with Chris Farley Sonny Bono, on hitting that tree, The headlines were plain to see -- Strom Thurmond's the one I am cussing, There once was a man known as Mitch, When Telemark skiing in fluff, As if to atone for their sins, There once was a skier from Oz A French artist, a skier named Beck She fancied herself as a skier, A nubile young Finn who went skiing I'd like a young woman with me "A fellow has sought girls who ski," The hobbyists find that the pros A fellow named Minton kept hintin', While out for a game of badminton, A progressive young lass from Great Britain A hardworking mohel named Schmock, Tour de France went through La Grand Ville; Our hometown hero named Lance When he suffered that cancer attack, Armstrong's clean and he's brave, not a saint. Lance is quick as he rolls on his way, Can a bicyclist riding through France or Bicyclists who fall down on their journeys Lance's team, they surely went "postal" One more thing that has old Lance vexed, Kay met with the girls in the quad, Kay's talent for cheering was hot, A Chinese gent was playing croquet; I only once dabbled in croquet -- Poor Sue. whose young urges were wicked, There was a young lady named Rose, A visiting guy from Detroit There's a game in a lot of brave hearts; As games made him far from ecstatic, To me it has not yet been made clear
For a medal this was her last hope.
She reached the final gate,
And then in stepped fate;
At the inquest, they blamed it on dope!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
With the passage of time, became famous.
On the steep mountain slopes,
He raised his pupils' hopes.
His favourite -- an Irishman named Seamus!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Broke her wind every time she would sneeze.
The blast from both ends
Pays her big dividends,
For she goes jet-propelled on her skis.
--- Grand Prix Lim 279
When I did the Swiss snow-bunny plow.
He said, "With your skis,
You may do what you please,
But don't stick your pole in my Jungfrau."
--- Tutta Gioia
Who was seen going down in a fast spin.
He careened out of sight,
Screaming, "Track, on your right!"
Now it's "Hold the door; let my cast in."
--- Anon
Shouted out: "Look at me! Look at these!"
As she sped down the switchback,
Dressed only in pitch black,
Nipple caps and a see-through chemise!
--- Anon
On the slope met a ski-bunny, Bobbi.
He said: "Why don't we
Meet for tea apres-ski?
I'll meet you at six in the lobby.
--- Tom Ratliff P0303
Was in love, and her boyfriend was seeing.
They met in the piste
For their secretive tryst,
And in no time their lips they were sealing.
--- Watto
Who came off the slopes on a litter,
Moaned: "Life just wan't fair;
That shrimp Bono got Cher,
And I ended up bonking the sitter!"
--- CB T9801
There is talk of good health and well-being,
But everyone knows
Such talk is a pose,
For most of them really go she-ing.
--- Limber Limericks
Who could drink many beers and not piss.
He'd drink gluwein at night
And feel a bit tight,
But not a day on the slopes would he miss!!
--- Suzi Higman
He married a girl with a poodle.
At his bachelor party,
In the nude we did ski;
I still have some pics of his noodle.
--- Anon
I taped flowers to my gold, for the scent.
I'm the guy the coach said'll
Go "petal-to-metal",
But this isn't quite what he meant.
--- Larry Hollister
Which some folks still think is much better.
But I'll take my plastic
'Cause it skis so fantastic,
And I float down the fall like a feather.
--- Anon
Raced boyfriends downhill ere agreeing
To any proposin'.
Now dozens lie frozen,
While she's still an unattached being!
--- Prof M-G
Looked into skiing's past.
She revived the t-turn,
That made her thighs burn,
And found a new way to pass gas.
--- Anon
Who tried to stitch when she'd ski.
Her needle would go,
As she flew 'cross the snow,
Until she (of course) hit a tree.
--- Anon
Went a girl with the best of intentions;
But her skiing instructor
Downed ski poles and fucked her,
And other things nobody mentions.
--- Keith MacMillan 50d
Who was asked how he ended up standing,
Replied "Big-bosomed Belle
Always hugs me farewell,
And I make a superb three-point landing."
--- Lims For The John P0201
And in this brief rhyme is the reason:
All that water and sun
Can't compete with the fun
Of dashing down hills with your skis on.
--- Brian Ryan P9308
Was known for his childish illusions.
"His skiing," said Brad,
"Like his logic, is bad --
For he frequently jumps to contusions!"
--- P8306
The thought was indeed to his liking;
But then he just said;
"Let's go skiing instead"
(For he was a typical Viking).
--- Sandy Lunoe P8405
One day on the ski-slopes was seen.
Lift fees were so high
That she said with a sigh,
"By the evening, I hadn't a bean."
--- James Bryant Collection
Hit an ice slick and lit on his butt,
On a jagged rock shelf,
Thus divesting himself,
Of what laymen would call his left nut.
--- John Ciardi
Stark naked, has courts disagreeing.
One judge is for jail,
But another, a male,
Is for crime reconstruction, then seeing.
--- Anon
Went out with a man who said, "Please
On the next precipice
Will you give me a kiss?"
She said, "Quick, before somebody sees."
--- Anon
Having lost all control as he skied.
He should never have tried
After getting so fried,
On Canadian snowboarder weed!
--- Larry Hollister
You've got to admit they have cheek.
Some think life's a bash
With plenty of cash,
But there's no way but DOWN from a peak!
--- Annie Jay
But they ought to stay off of the skis.
They've never been known
To know where they goin',
And they can't see the forest for the trees.
--- MrMalo
Who was fond of drinking some barley.
Then Sonny and Mike,
Both skiing alike,
Hit a tree and ended up gnarley.
--- Chris Peterson
And proving that White Men Can't Ski,
Cried, "I've done show biz,
And to Congressman riz...
Now I want to be a Kennedy!"
--- CB T9801
CONGRESSMAN SLAMS INTO TREE!!!
So I sat there and pondered,
The money they squandered,
We should teach all those bastards to ski!
--- MrMalo a
Spent the week in the hospital fussing.
And we get the bill;
He's a hard one to kill;
Ought to take the old bastard out schussing.
--- MrMalo a
This is file dil
Who started a forum so rich,
Skiers free at the heel,
Writing all that they feel
About skiing, their favorite niche.
--- Kokotele
The turning can be somewhat tough.
But once you get going
With the powder snow flowing,
Everything else is just stuff.
--- Anon
My buddies swapped bindings for pins.
"Free the heel; free the mind!"
With those words you will find
Where the real skiing ends and begins.
--- Anon
Who had telemarkers at odds.
He skied so very cool,
Even planed 'cross their pool;
In the end they all just said "Good God!"
--- Anon
Did not lace his boots, made by Trek.
As he skied down the hill
He took quite a spill;
Now they all call him Toulous Lautrec.
--- Thomas Patton P0306
Her actions could not have been freer.
A bad fall in a groove
Left her unable to move.
Her teacher said don't do that here!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Could not find a good place for peeing.
The ski slopes were so bare,
If she dropped her pant there,
Her butt everyone would be seeing.
--- Marty and Croc
In Davos, for lust apre-ski.
Who's up for a screw,
Some snowballing too?
I'll pay for the week, if you're free.
--- Confused
Said Ms Ariana, "but Gee!
I'm more used to dicks
Than curvy ski-sticks.
And snow balls? No, never. Not me!"
--- Confused
Will sometimes look down by their nose.
"You shouldn't be playing,
When they will be paying,"
But what can you do about those?
--- Anon
In talkin', in writin', in printin',
At all his virility;
But his real inability
Made the women all call him "bad Minton."
--- Isaac Asimov
I asked a young pro for a hint on
Care of my shuttlecock.
He said: "One - an old sock,
Or Two: less weekends in Frinton."
--- Bill Wall
Devised some new rules for badminton.
She required every jock
To shuttle his cock
To the place it was made to be fit in.
--- David Finely
Snipped the prepuce from a boy-cock.
Then to that ringlet,
He'd attach a plumed thinglet
And have a brand-new shuttlecock.
--- Anon
Nose to nose, knee to knee and wheel to wheel.
At the end of the day,
The competitors say,
My ass, I'm not able to feel!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Kicks ass on his grand Tour de France.
He had cancer testicular
But we ain't particular;
Who cares what goes on in his pants.
--- Gary Hallock
Who would dream than young Lance could come back?
But in bicycle sports
If you're light in the shorts,
You can just gonad of the pack
--- Gary Hallock
Just a good old boy. Now ain't that quaint?
He can out-ride most Frogs
And he says "No" to drugs,
And a better 'roll' model, there ain't.
--- Gary Hallock
Though not finishing first every day.
But in all the races,
He's setting the paces.
You can say our champs are lazy.
--- Gary Hallock
Any place else conquer cancer?
It's an uphill climb, sure,
Before there's a cure,
But I think our boy Lance has the answer.
--- Gary Hallock
Suffer sprains and may also injure knees.
But if you win the race
With style and the grace
Of our Lance, you may go and tour Nice.
--- Gary Hallock
But one city they missed; it is coastal.
Now that he's finished posting,
He spend some time coasting
And have a Nice day, as we most'll.
--- Gary Hallock
And is likely to leave him perplexed.
It's tougher than cancer
The the whole Tour de France, sir,
That 'parenthood' thing's coming next.
--- Gary Hallock
To try for the cheerleading squad.
Swished her dress, passed the test,
Waved her arms, bounced her breast,
As she jumped up and down on the sod.
--- Anon
She outdid them all in the squat;
What she did was amazing,
She kept the crowd gazing,
At the pompoms she held in her twat!
--- Anon
Asked his name, he said Hoquet Poquet.
When invited to the hall,
Even took his own ball.
For the hostess he took a bouquet.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
My psychiatrist gave the okay.
I spent happy hours
Whacking balls into flowers,
Which made an unusual bouquet.
--- Bill Wall
Said wryly, "Your game makes me sick, Ed.
I wait hours each day
While you're playing croquet
And aim your hard balls at a wicket."
--- Tucker D Ott P9003
Who fainted whenever she chose.
She did so one day
While playing croquet,
But was quickly revived with a hose.
--- Edward Gorey
Was socially most maladroit.
When asked to play croquet,
He said, "Okey dokey,
But who's pinched de lines off the coit?"
--- John Dole P9705
It's the old English pub game of darts.
With a lot of beer swallowing,
It has a large following.
Players think it as one of the arts!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
A boy pleaded he was rheumatic.
But his teacher, heart sick,
Waved a very large stick...
The recovery was truly dramatic!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
And the logic escapes me I fear.
Why are Jocks lionized
And their incomes outsized,
When they work only part of each year?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0900
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