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There once was a juggler named Drops, "Your honor, my scheme is star-crossed There was a young fellow named Gump A mere average Jock, "Pete the Treat," All sports broadcasters are just absurd. At pinball machines I would stare, I've always been awed by your pole There was an Old Man in a casement, My pole hits your box and bends back An oversexed man from St. Paul There was a pole vaulter from France, A reckless young blade from Orlando A Polish pole vaulter named Pete Said a clever young pole-vaulter, "One day, Frustrated? Need relief? Then please call Masochistic endeavor? Perhaps... So with balls that are yellow or blue, Nearly all families envy the Slades. A Portuguese goer from Chile Our David's a grumpy young bugger, So it's England versus Australia. So what will be the last score? You watch out for the referee, You think you're so big and strong? Those Frenchies were crying for Mum, With Aussies, it's more of the same; There was a young laddie named Leigh Our folks love to shoot and to bet, Cried a skateboarding lady named Dilys: Some redheads are known to be brassy, When challenged on Monday to squash, The laws of Sir Isaac were found I'm sure of this lass he's quite fond, Remember the two at the bar? There was a young man from Aberdeen, There was a weightlifter named Kerr Said the weightlifting champion named Fitz, There once was a fellow from Brussels, A weightlifting woman called Vlach, A weightlifting woman's a catch, Observing those girls I can vouch A weight-lifting lady named Hatch A biology teacher, Tom Maloney, No penguins reside in Rangoon, A hermaphrodite and a gnu Two biologists, Hansen and Babbit, From the scientist's ivory tower Polluted Lake Eire is grim One night while we're drinking a keg, Crossing onions with donkeys implies There once was a lady from Niger, Hats off to the orthodox flea An alien rake on the loose Later the goose showed distaste Swiftly, the Goose filed suit, An unemployed teenage Rhinoceros, No zebras did board Noah's ark, There's a farmer Down Under named Neap A cross between loon and baboon, A cootie once live in a bed Genetically engineered, maybe. Biological tester, Doc Lanny A pretty young vet, named of Annie, A turtle was finally fertile, The parakeeturtle's biology, (turtle is not an anphibian - McW)
A geneticist Dr. Hal Louth, A homing-pigeon said "I adore
Who couldn't hold on to his props.
He tossed them and heaved them,
Then dropped and retrieved them,
Till the audience told him to stop.
--- VOL 10
And my chance of big bucks is now lost.
Mike Nifong's been reelected
And I'm really dejected.
I think I've been double lacrossed."
--- Martin Wellborn P0607
Whose girl had a beautiful rump.
He once asked her to play
The game "Leapfrog" one day,
But he never completed the jump.
--- Albin Chaplin
Made demands owners rushed in to meet.
Accepting their onus,
He got his huge bonus
Based on his lengthy, detailed rap sheet.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0900
Those presenters prate on and are heard
To reveal endlessly,
That they surely must be,
Just as Dickens was, paid by the word.
--- L C Fitzhugh P0111
When young, then to play them I'd dare.
Got hooked, that's no joke,
And soon I was broke,
But in pinball scores, I'm a millionaire.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Vaulting skills - Your height! Your long roll!
That pause at the peak
Makes my knees go weak,
And my thighs lose all sense of control.
--- Anon
Who held up his hands in amazement;
When they said, "Sir, you'll fall!"
He replied, "Not at all!
I've pole vaulted up from the basement!"
--- Edwardian Leer 039
Near double. My! That's a small crack!
I'm shooting ten feet!
A record for this meet!
I love to compete on your track.
--- H Welchel
Had a cock as long as he was tall.
When he had a wet dream,
He awoke with a scream,
As he pole-vaulted into the hall.
--- G0442
Who used penis instead of a lance.
To help him jump higher,
Girl's breasts he'd admire,
For he'd rise at the very first glance.
--- Bob Mornington
Was wild, and his wang was a jumbo.
He lept from the bed
But missed, and instead,
He pole-vaulted out of the window.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Cleared a bar set at twenty-two feet!
A sports writer poll
Called this feat by a Pole
With a pole, the year's foremost sports feat.
--- Laurence Perrine P8911
I'll beat all the champs." Then on Monday,
With a yell of delight,
He jumped right out of sight...
He still isn't down, though it's Sunday.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Or come to the racquet ball hall.
Your balls my be blue,
But with follow-through,
It feels good to smash them on a wall.
--- Stephen Ross
But it beats escorts and dancers on laps.
The only drip that you get
Is a good healthy sweat,
And only the audience "claps".
--- Stephen Ross
In clean whites, I'll be waiting for you.
(Though my mind may be dirty)
On the court at 5:30
For a good game of squash for two.
--- Stephen Ross
They've a skill on which each member trades.
The Slades couldn't care less
About togetherness.
They all share a love for roller blades.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0007
Once met a young hooker named Willie.
He started to hug her;
She said, "Let's play rugger."
Half time score: Chile-three; Willie-nillie.
--- Bill Wall
And maybe not be much of a rugger,
Though when not at work,
Which he'll never shirk,
I think he's a secret tree-hugger!
--- Anon
With all the paraphernalia.
This game of rugger
Is really a bugger,
If you end up the failia!
--- Michelle
A hundred for us? Maybe more?
You hide your asses;
We'll fill our glasses,
For England will win. That's for sure!
--- Michelle
'Cause that is gonna be me.
Throw in the towel,
'Cause I'll call a foul
And we'll all sit down for tea!
--- Michelle
Well I'll tell you, it won't be long
Till we show you up,
And hold up the cup.
We're mightier than old King Kong!
--- Michelle
When grabbed by the balls in the Scrum.
With Wilkinson's kicks,
We humbled their dicks
And waited...but they could not Cum.
--- SFA
We'll teach 'em to fuck with our game.
No messing about;
Straight from the line-out,
They all will be pulling up lame.
--- SFA
Who playing rugby, damaged his knee.
When hurt in the scrum,
He also damaged his tum;
He now coaches the team for a fee.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
But there's one plan that's not been tried yet.
It could raise mean IQ
And increease funding too,
If it sponsored some Russian Roulette.
--- Graham Lester
"I can do pirouettes -- watch me, Phyllis!"
But, alas, just her luck,
All her trucks came unstuck,
And she ended up totally wheel-less.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
But she plays her squash really classy.
On court she's the master
As she blasts them right past ya',
But her dropshots can be a bit assy.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I said Yes, without thinking, to Josh.
But he blasted the ball
With such force off the wall,
That it felt I'd been hit with a cosh.
--- Peter Wilkins
To bring Megan so fast toward the ground.
Yet she's not smithereens,
Since on all trampolines,
What goes down, must go up, then go down.
--- Kevin Ahern
They must have a very strong bond.
But she's a "real bummer,"
Can't get much more dumber,
I'll bet her hair color is blonde!
--- Anon
This is file dhl
It seemed like they wouldn't get far,
But now they are married.
Their life is quite harried;
Twelve kids, all in sports, and one car!
--- Chris Anton
Who as a cool dude tried to be seen.
He walked the tight-wire,
Juggling golf clubs of fire;
Retired a frustrated has-been.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who looked like a large shaggy bear.
When he's not lifting weights
It is hard to get dates;
Like Sampson his strength's in his hair.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
"I'm about at the end of my wits.
I think I'm at my peak.
I stopped lifting a week,
And my pectorals turned into tits."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412
Who lifted to blow up his muscles.
But one day he tried
To blow up his pride
With too much and blew out his russels. (cloth)
--- Anon
Few men could ever quite match.
But they'd all watch her work
At the clean and the jerk,
And admire her magnificent snatch.
--- Donald McGill
That few other females can match,
Providing a perk
With the clean and the jerk,
And of course a magnificent snatch.
--- SFA
That seen from behind as they crouch.
Those quivering butts
Could crack a man's nuts,
But still cause a stir in my pouch.
--- SFA
Told newsmen before a big match,
"I press twice my weight,
Clean and jerk simply great,
But wait till you guys see my snatch."
--- David Miller
Mixed crocodiles with abalone.
United, my friend,
And then at the end,
It gave him a "Crock-a-balone."
--- Joseph N Hankin P9101
Though the zoo has a flippered raccoon
And a guy in Toledo
Can provide a tuxedo
That will fit their fish-eating baboon.
--- Cyber Geezer
Gave birth to something quite new;
Had a tail like a donkey
And a bipolar monkey;
The rest was quite horrible too.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Crossed a camel one time with a rabbit.
The offspring was jumpy,
And frightfully humpy,
And had a lascivious habit.
--- G2249A
Came the word that was news of the hour.
They had crossed some young cattle
With blooms from Seattle,
And made the world's first cowiflower.
--- Paul Lusch P9403
And ichthyologists slave on its rim.
COho salmon are husky,
Crossed with WALLeye and muSKY --
But CO-WALL-SKY knows not how to swim.
--- Arthur Deex P8908
It was reckoned by my buddy, Greg,
That if his dog, Quicken,
Could marry my chicken,
Their offspring would be a pooched egg.
--- Ron Sartain
You'll get onions with long ears, Suprise!
Though your chances decrease
If you try for a piece
Of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9011a
Who had an affair with a tiger.
The result was a fuck
With a baldheaded duck,
Two gnats and a circumcised spider.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who attempted to bugger a bee,
But emerged from the fray
In a family way...
Which is why we do thing so fee-bly.
--- G1237
Made love to a Canada Goose.
The offspring of the two
Had a lavender hue,
With shadings of brown, grey, and puce.
--- John Miller 0352
For the alien's amorous haste.
"My cherry intact,"
She angrily quacked.
(She's clearly a riled goose, chaste.)
--- Delurk
And the trial, she thought was a hoot.
The Alien was in jail
With no chance of bail;
The Goose got away with much loot!
--- Delurk
Was arrested while swimming the Bosphorus.
A hippo he'd dated
Had announced, "We've created
The world's very first hippopoceros."
--- Cyber Geezer
Just horses, two white and two dark.
But for forty black nights,
There were no bedroom lights,
Which caused zebras galore to disbark.
--- Prof M-G
Who breeds kangaroos and some sheep.
All of which, when turned loose,
Intermix and produce
Wooly jumpers, which bleat as they leap!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
He made no woman swoon for the moon
With him as a mate.
It made him irate
Till he managed to croon a lampoon.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8409
With a louse and a flea who had bred.
Their offspring of six
Knew all kinds of tricks,
That would make the poor cootie blush red!
--- ROE
But soon in the future we may see
Some strange yellow brute,
Half dog and half fruit --
A real melon-collie pup/baby.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Did experiments that were uncanny;
He mated, we note,
An owl with a goat,
Which resulted in a hootenanny.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8811
Once told me, "I think it's uncanny!
Cross an owl with a goat,
Then stand back and take note.
They call this a real hootenanny!"
--- John Dohner P8812
When he met a bird named of Myrtle.
He took her to bed --
'Twas there that they bred
The very first Parakeeturtle!
--- Archie
As studied in Perth's famous collegey,
Is given the name,
For which Archie's to blame,
Amphibi-psittacocology.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Crossed a rooster with peanuts, down South.
His friends did query,
"What did you get, Harry?"
A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
--- Henry Mucha
A Wood-pecker, and what is more,
Our offspring will roam
But always come home,
And be able to knock on the door.
--- David Miller
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