With Jamie Sale', I am struck;
My passions have all run amuck.
I think every hour
About that cute flower,
And how I would pluck a Canuck.
--- Travis Brasell

But you've never seen me on skates.
My lutz has sparked many debates.
My axels are triples --
Yes, just like my nipples --
The Russian judge gave me all eights.
--- Ericka

Well, put on your skates (nothing more)
And show me your Salchow galore.
Then spiral and spin
And you'll have the win
From 'ten' that I'll give for the score!
--- Travis Brasell

A recruited athletic Saluki
Was a Japanese rookie named Tsuyki;
But they punctured his dream
For a berth on the team...
He was playing, not hockey, but hookey.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

An attractive young Olympic Ice skater
Craved a man, but he wouldn't date her.
She loved a gay blade,
Thus she never got laid,
And that's why she's a skilled masturbator!
--- Bob Birch P9803

A sweet young ice skater, N. Kerrigan,
Was caught in publicity's glare again.
She said, "My poor knee
Has brought riches to me,
But please, please don't hit me there again."
--- Satori

Said Nancy to Tonya, "You sleaze!
Your true love, (that puddle of grease!)
Gilooley (that putz!)
Ruined my triple lutz!
I'd like to break both of his knees!"
--- Sylvie

When the Jewish boys took to the ice,
Their mothers said it was not nice,
To make a fast buck,
Chasing after the puck.
They'd make more if they gambled with dice!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The abductor of Tonya's no lecher,
But a fine young fellow named Fletcher.
The people's selection
At the last election
As the local county dog catcher.
--- Tom Patton P9704

In Utah, a mystery beckoned:
How Russia by judges was reckoned
To lose in the skating,
But earn the gold rating,
While Canada won but came second.
--- Peter Wilkins

The infusion of NHL players
Was the answer to hockey fans' prayers.
But before they could savor it,
The gold medal favorites
Were sitting at home, taking Bayers.
--- Larry Hollister

With the stars from the great NHL,
USA was prepared to do well.
But these men turned to mice
When their skates hit the ice,
And they played like their sticks were Mattel.

(Mattel is a toy manufacturer in the US - McW)
--- Larry Hollister

Did the hockey team suffer bad luck,
Reaching none of its goals with the puck?
Should we blame preparation
Or poor motivation?
Or maybe they just really suck!
--- Larry Hollister

Though her drive home was just a few blocks,
Oskana'd swilled Scotch on the Rocks.
After her M. Benz coupe
Did a Triple Tire Loop.
She said, "I'm immune, like all jocks."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9703

It's not my intention to knock her
But I must say her act is a shocker.
She looked pretty and pert
In her short skater's skirt,
But her panties were back in her locker.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209

Christina's been hired by some jocks
From that ice hockey team, Frozen Socks;
Now players caught fighting,
Or kicking or biting,
Will be sent to her penalty box.
--- Anon

Employing habitual vices,
Nun Sister Christina entices
Her team of Canucks
To score points with their pucks,
Right before she zambonis their ices.
--- Anon

Snarls a hockey defenseman named Cox,
Who's contracted a case of the pox:
"When you're offered a bod,
Body-checking, by God,
Keeps you out of the penalty box!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

The Spring thawed me down 'til I'm bony.
I miss how my blue lips were stony.
And now that they're pink,
It's some lonely rink
Where once I did ride a zamboni.
--- Anon

The olympic ice dancing event
Made the Russian mob members incensed.
They bet their own team;
It was like a bad dream;
They turned millions of bucks into cents.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209

ln Russia skating judges are news.
The mobsters have them paying their dues.
They decide in advance
The best skaters who dance.
Each had offers they couldn't refuse.
--- Tom Patton P0209

The Russian bent noses are cross;
Their ice dancers suffered a loss.
They asked judges to fudge,
But the score didn't budge;
The mafia bet the wrong horse.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209

The star Russian dancer was scored
For appearance and height that she soared.
She got credit, we hear
For her lovely round rear,
But in front she was as flat as a board
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209

There was a young lady named Ciss,
Who said, "I think skating a bliss."
But she'll never restat,
For a wheel off her skate
.siht ekil gnihtemos pu hsinif reh edaM
--- Anon

The Olympics attract the masses
Who all came to see skating lasses.
The rink's periphery
Was oh so slippery;
The stars ended up on their asses.
--- Tom Patton P0604

A showoff, while skating on ice,
Turned a back somersault -- twice.
He bounced on his head,
Spat six teeth out and said,
"I must try that again -- it was nice!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

With a score of 4 out of 10,
He decided to try it again.
With a yell of despair,
He destroyed the judges chair,
And never competed again.
--- Anon

Tonya Harding, not in the best graces,
Earned some medals to show where her place is.
When she fell on her ass
She was given the brass,
But the gold was for tying her laces.
--- Al Chaplin P9404

Tonia Harding, alas and alack,
In ice skating, she dared to come back.
Read a skating alert,
"You might never get hurt,
If you keep your eyes peeled for the whack."
--- Tom Patton

To the judge Tonya made her sad plea,
"My shoelace is broke, can't you see?"
He was moved by her fate
And said, "Fix it, we'll wait."
But the judge should have busted her knee.
--- Al Chaplin P9404

A tough young ice skater named Tonya
Has told us, "I never would con ya.
I did her no wrong,
But you best get along,
Or else I may lay something on ya."
--- Satori Press

Figure skater, Rosita Los Koosa,
Skated to music by Sousa.
The "Gold" she didn't win
With her lightning sit-spin,
But she did with her triple chalupa.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0207

One day while skating, Dick Button,
Saw a young butt he'd like ruttin'.
But his next Triple Lutz,
Just mangled his nuts.
Now Button will be ruttin' nuttin'.
--- Mustafa X A

This is file cjl

Of course, with the snow comes the Ice
Which can turn the boldest to mice.
I'll just put on my skates!
Who needs all those weights?
A Yankee makes virtue of vice!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a skier named Brett,
Who skiied of a cliff on a bet.
So then off he went,
And made a big dent,
Where the road and his head had met.
--- Anon

Michael and Sonny on skis;
My question for you, if you please,
Who will be next?
What politico hexed?
'Cause accidents happen in trees!
--- Chris Peterson

On the slopes of the French Pyrenees,
Jack did six spinning back-flips with ease.
To the chilled cheering crowd,
He just sniffed, "I'm not proud,
For my jump was made good by a sneeze."
--- David A Brooks

"A punter has sought girls who ski,"
Said Ms. Ariana, "But, Gee!
I'm more used to dicks,
Than curvy ski-sticks.
And Snowballs? No, never. Not me."
--- Anon

It started with overmuch grace,
And an effortless feverish pace.
Then a tree and a rock...
Lost a boot and a sock
And I slid down the rest on my face.
--- Anon

Sir Lord High Mountain Skier's my name,
Best Powder skier in the world is my game.
I can do nothing wrong;
I'm curously strong,
And I'm humble and shy with my fame.
--- Anon

A big-footed girl from Dunfries,
Was spotted and Darwin said, "Jeez,
When snow's on the ground,
She still gets around
Those mountains without using skis.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I was wondering which new skis to buy,
But my girlfriend could only say why.
Do you need one more pair.
I will go fix my hair
And find a completely new guy.
--- Anon

Once a girl had a skiing instructor,
But she fell down everywhere he'd conduct 'er.
Since she couldn't say "No"
With her mouth full of snow,
The instructor quite frequently fucked 'er.
--- G0621

An unfortunate man, Stanley Hope,
Started to ski down a slope.
The slope was so steep;
The snow was so deep.
Did Stanley make it? Nope!
--- Anon

Days on snow when my spirit is free,
Skiing high up on Mount Sunapee;
In the crisp mountain air,
Thrilling speed without care,
Apogee of New Hampshire for me.
--- Joel D Ash P0402

To the top of the chair lift I ride,
Contemplation of trails one can glide;
At a glade near the top,
There's a heart stopping drop,
Further down it is all pretty wide.
--- Joel D Ash P0402

Leaving worries and cares far behind,
I am ready in body and mind;
Beauty there up on high,
Sunny peaks and blue sky,
All the glory of nature enshrined.
--- Joel D Ash P0402

Plunging down with a step off the lip,
Wondrous powder, no ice and no slip;
A chute made for flying,
The trail satisfying,
Good start for a snow pleasure trip.
--- Joel D Ash P0402

Intermediate signs mark the way;
Without stress, so relaxed, come what may;
The schussing so grand,
In this north Promised Land;
Powdered plumes trailing back in a spray.
--- Joel D Ash P0402

As I carve a wide turn past a tree,
Not a thought in my head but to ski;
Ultimate in distraction,
Such deep satisfaction,
The joy of a day skiing free.
--- Joel D Ash P0402

There once was a girl from Lancaster,
Whose goal was to always ski faster.
Caught a tree with her butt,
And the branch it did cut.
You might say that it was dis-assed-her.
--- Anon

Winter does, I must say, have its charms.
A warm fire, warmer girl in your arms --
"I skied," (show the miss)
"Down the slope just like this..."
Without setting off any alarms.
--- John Miller 0139

There once was a talented elephant
Who schussed to the base for the hell of it.
There, he tried the gluwein,
Then left sitzmarks behind,
That makes your and mine look irrevalent.
--- Anon

A nubile young Finn who went skiing --
His penis, he was frequently freeing...
When girls would ski by,
He'd unzip his fly,
And show them a sight well worth seeing!
--- Anon

There's a high class resort up at Lech. (Austria)
Where skiing well avoids a sore neck.
A fast run down the slopes
May raise up your hopes,
That you'll get home without being a wreck!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young lady from Barriere,
Whose voice was as clear as the very air.
She tried a High C
While attempting to ski,
And ended up flat on her derriere.
--- John E Mayhood P0011

They said it's fun to learn to ski;
I went and plowed into a tree.
'Twas an accident;
Spinal chord got bent;
Give new meaning to "I got a woody!"
--- Debnric

I met my new lover, Louise,
In Andorra while trying on skis.
I said, "What did you see
To attract you to me?"
And she laughed and said, "Great Pyrenees!"
--- Peter Wilkins

A lovely young Finn who went skiing
Could not believe what she was seeing:
From under the snow
Came a spooky green glow,
Which sent all her chalet-mates fleeing.
--- Beelzebub

A lovely young Finn who went skiing,
And saw all her ski buddies fleeing,
'Cause of something aglow,
Buried down in the snow,
Thought, "This might be an alien being."
--- Observer

The news media didn't know squat,
So experts were called to the spot.
The scientists now know,
That the "spooky green glow",
Was just petrified dinosaur snot!
--- Observer

A nubile young Finn who went skiing,
Saw her dear friend just a-peeing.
She turned up her head
But hit a tree center dead,
And now she's in Heaven a-singing.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Coming down from a peak, you see,
Is the purpose in trying to ski,
And life is a bash
Till the instant of crash,
But the cheek now belongs to the tree.
--- MrMalo

While skiing, a harlot named Kay
Her leg broke in a very bad way;
But could still fuck as fast
With her leg in a cast,
As the girls they are hiring today.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1558

Sonny Bono went out for a ski,
But was tragically hit by a tree.
A nurse asked with a purr,
Was it Pine or a Fir?
"I go Yew babe," he sang mournfully.
--- CyberCelt T9801a

El Nino stirs up the weather,
Sends snow birds flocking together.
But skiiers know Spring
Is time for a fling,
With slightly clad girls named Heather.
--- Daniel Ford

Jack and Jill had a risky attraction
To Sunday adventure and action;
They ended up fleeing
The church to go skiing.
This breakaway faction's in traction.
--- Rory Ewins