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On the court with the Swede, Mats Wilander, There was a young fellow called Dennis On TV, it should not come to pass One of Monica Seles ploys is, A shapely young lady named Glennis There was a tennis player named Bob There was a young Tennis Pro named Terry, The girls tennis team has new coaches Consider the sportsman named Dennis, An athletic fellow in Venice, A spritely old bugger named Hacket Nervous Neville was frightened of falls, A tennis player named Joanne Mallory, None play tennis like Pistol Pete; (Sampras) In tennis when Polacks will play, The wild serve of "Slammer" McSput, So where did he find this cohort, A monkey whose nicknamed was Dennis "How the days of our Youth hurry by" In a nice tennis match, I did curse, There was a young fellow of Ennis, The storm wasn't bad in Glen Burnie, Our tennis pro, Patrick McGirty, Russian tennis is in super-nova; Arantxa Sanchez Vicario That extraordinary grunting of Seles, The Williams, Serena and Venus, When Wee Willie served up an ace, The ace that I'm facing serves aces Tennis? No, not in this dress. The girls who play netball at school And speaking of netball and passions, (Serena William in US Tennis Open)
Young Katie plays tennis with power; A tennis instructor named Rawls In Australia, the country down under, A kangaroo from down under The tennis player, McEnroe, He walked to the court with his balls, At tennis, when playing Miss Pict, Tennis elbow was painful to Fred, There was a young lady of Venice Oh lithe, supple, sweet, Venus Williams; My dream is elopement with Venus Your penis, it looks like a peach? It's more like 'a peach of a gland'; I do try to keep my balls deep; The way that he handled her racket, I enjoy watching good tennis play; Two weeks of net-balls and line calls, But what about sister Serena? No doubt she is fairer of face; With fantasies I have watched Wimbledon; There's a rumor about Yannick Noah: There was a young fellow named Ray There was a young bowler named Motch A man of refinement was Motch; When he bowled, a young fellow named Fritz A gal who taught techniques of bowling A girl who bowls nightly, sweet Sally, A Scotsman when tossing the caber, A caber's my favourite to toss -- A young discus-thrower called Earl A famed discus thrower named Molder In the hammer event, a guy's throw An impetuous Welshman named Caine There once was a girl named DeWitt, I'm wanted! Though not that it matters.
I couldn't help taking a gander.
His shorts were so tight,
Oh my word! What a sight!
No wonder his grips a two-hander.
--- Bill Wall
Who thought he could play regal tennis.
He shot his first ball
Through a hole in the wall,
And everyone thought him a menace.
--- Kevin Hammond
That a player's face down on the grass.
Swiping at a lob,
Cost her trainer his job.
For the U.S. she's been lowered a class!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
(And something she really enjoys, is):
Loud grunting whilst serving;
Her opponent un-nerving,
By making obscene "camel" noises.
--- David Bourke
Developed a passion for tennis.
For the serves she did dance,
And showed off her pants,
Attracting a knickers-starved menace!
--- Anon
Who never had had a hand job.
One day with his racket,
He decided to whack it,
And his come-shot was a right proper lob.
--- Tom Simon
While on court saw something quite scary.
It had a gross hairy gut,
And wore sunglasses on its butt....
Dear God! It was Nick Bollettieri !
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who teach all the new net approaches.
And when they're not teaching,
The coaches are preaching:
"You girls keep your cunts free of roaches!"
--- Travis Brasell
Who in foreplay appeared such a menace.
In a love match, his stroke
Was no more than a joke,
And his balls were good only for tennis.
--- Pierce Evans
Got the stones from straining at tennis.
When his jock wouldn't stand,
She who had it in hand,
Said, "These outdoor sports are a menace."
--- L1229
Had a cock shaped like a tennis racket,
And one testical only;
When e'er he got lonly,
He could toss in the air and then whack it.
--- Gilded Codpiece
And he shook at the thought of bad calls,
And of missing, through nerves,
Even one of his serves,
For, of course, he had only two balls.
--- David A Brooks
Received oohs and ahs from the gallery.
I remember one day,
She received as her pay,
Three oohs and two ahs as her salary.
--- Jim Loy
This week he was sharp; he was neat.
But he just blew it
Against Leighton Hewitt;
He must have had clay on his feet.
--- Tony Burrell
No net 'cause it gets in the way.
And each player calls
A can of three balls
Unmanly and throws one away.
--- Irving Superior P8909
Hit his partner smack in her butt.
So she signaled for time,
Marched to colleague in crime,
And quick-kicked him in his left nut.
--- Al Kracht
Who seems to be such a poor sport?
'Twas excessively cruel
To kick this man's jewel,
And I think he should take her to court!
--- Bob Birch
Was surprisingly good playing tennis.
The girls praised the monk
For his techique and spunk,
But on dates he's a positive menace.
--- Neal Wilgus P8307
Are the words that the young tennis pros cry,
As they practice all day
And accept for their pay
The cheers, and Ferraris they buy.
--- Irving Superior P9607
And of course I then played even worse.
I then tightened my noose
With some racquet abuse --
Now I'm 200 bucks out of purse!
--- Mike Dale
Who was very effective at tennis;
The way he said, "Love!"
Made each turtle dove
Think the racquet more mighty than pen is. (penis?)
--- Anon Punch 1920 (Bibby)
Though it did kinda mess up my tourney
Of tennis that day,
When I tried to go play,
But wasted my time with the journey.
--- Anon
Clocked his serve at one hundred and thirty.
His lob was so lazy,
It drove his foes crazy.
If he fell, he didn't get dirty.
--- William K Alsop Jr
As Maria has shown since she wove a
Fine Wimbledon spell,
But in doubles, it's hell.
She's un-partnered and needs a Legova!
--- Doug Harris P0507
Wins third French Open scenario
From Monica Seles --
She's tennis's zealous
New queen, and court impresario!
--- Prof M-G TP9806
Her opponents describe as quite hellish.
The noise she is making
You'd swear she was faking,
But it's something the gentlemen relish.
--- Bill Wall
Do more than just play at teeness,
'Cause while they are servin',
I sit here, just pervin',
And the next stroke will be on my penis!
--- Anon
He laughed at the servee's disgrace.
But the servee, big Boomer,
With no sense of humor,
Served Willie a fist in the face.
--- William N Nesbit P9511
To all the unlikeliest places,
Near the edge of the court,
but my arms are too short,
So my swing only hits empty spaces.
--- Meg Beagle
My contacts could fall out, I guess.
These high heels won't pack it;
I've broken my racket.
So wouldn't you rather undress?
--- Poet Lariat T9707
Have sweet little tits as a rule;
And up their wee gym
Suits, the flashes of quim
Make it awfully hard...to keep cool.
--- Peter Wilkins
Serena's now wearing hot fashions,
While playing the Open,
And I am still hopin'
To see a bunch more of her flashions.
--- Travis Brasell
When we're playing, I quiver and cower,
For her serves, aimed at me,
Have been measured at three
Hundred thousand or so miles per hour.
--- Peter Wilkins
This is file cnl
Was telling a couple of dolls,
"Today we'll wear jackets
And use Cindy's rackets,
And Susie can play with my balls."
--- P8306
There is plenty of volleying thunder;
There tennis is won
As ten is to one;
How they win quite so often's a wonder!
--- Laurence Perrine P8611
Plays tenns with scarcely a blunder.
His service is forceful,
His net play resourceful --
At leaping the net, he's a wonder!
--- Bob Maximoff P9011
To help deconcentrate his foe,
He swears. He snits.
And "You are the pits."
He'll nearby objects overthrow.
--- Irving Superior P9511
Then he threw them against the hard walls;
And when they'd bounce back,
He would give them a smack,
And his groans could be heard down the halls.
--- Anon
All men were outsmarted and tricked.
Though she won every day,
Yet in truth she did say,
At the end of the day she was licked.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0866
So they screwed off the top of his head;
Then to deaden the pain
They removed half his brain.
Now he's taken up golfing instead.
--- William N Nesbit P9511 a
Who used hard-boiled eggs to play tennis.
People said, "That is wrong."
She replied, "Go along!
You don't know how prolific my hen is."
--- Linda Marsh Coll P0608
I want you as surely do millions.
And if sis Serena's
Young form comes between us,
I'll fuck her while suckling her hilliams.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To where none can say that they've seen us.
Then I'd play my love game
Till she calls out my name,
Saying "GOD, what a peach of a penis!"
--- Anon
It just wouldn't do, wouldn't reach
Into Venus's deep.
'Stead she'd fall fast asleep,
Dreaming of her sweet tennis teach. (er)
--- Anon
When sucked it will quickly expand.
Then she'd find my serve
Would soon hit a nerve,
And wish she had played her back-hand.
--- Anon
My angle of serve is quite steep.
If no ball of mine
Can hit her baseline,
I'll bow to that tennis coach creep.
--- Anon
Could have got the poor teacher the sack, yet
She did moan and implore,
"Got the balls for one more?"
Said the ball boy, "Open up a new packet!"
--- Anon
Those young girls round and 'round, a 'soiree',
Make me scream, "Oh Anna"
"Oh Martina", the humana!
And give me dreams of a French buffet!
--- Anon
I find that this really appals.
So here I lay stiff
And wondering if
That Venus would like some new balls.
--- SFA
I think that on her I am keena.
For all of my faults,
I'm hoping she vaults
The net and she lands on my weena.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Her talents just light up the place.
Do float your balls out
But I truly doubt
She'd stand for being served by an Ace.
--- SFA
Good Gracious! Those girls are so nimbledon.
Their powerful serves
Show off their nice curves,
And skimpy suits show off their quimbledon!
--- Travis Brasell
In the showers, he's a bit of a goer!
He pretends he's an owl,
With the aid of a towel,
Two balls and a pink feather boa.
--- Bill Wall
Who got a new boom'rang one day.
The unfortunate youth
Broke his nose and a tooth
While throwing his old one away.
--- Observer TP9901
Whose grip was amazing to watch.
The girls were dismayed
At the time he displayed
His bowling ball grip on their crotch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2198
No date with his girl would he botch.
When he noticed her plight
From her panties too tight,
He would pull them with grace from her crotch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2199
Gave his team a bad case of the fits.
For he left ten and four
Standing up on the floor;
"I'm accustomed," he said, "to bad splits."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2074
Had a strange way of getting things rolling.
When she wanted to dally,
She'd lay in the alley...
Summer classes will soon be enrolling.
--- Neal Wilgus P8307
With boys on the team loves to dally.
She commits many sins,
'Midst the balls and the pins,
And explains, "This is right up my alley!"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511A
Was told that his wife was in labor.
He got rid of the log,
Which struck a poor dog,
And 22 lambs of his neighbour!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I like 'em with quarts of cream sauce.
Here's my billet-doux:
They remind me of you --
So upright. (And hung like a hoss!)
--- Anon
Could not take his eyes off a girl,
Which is rather bad luck --
With them hopelessly stuck,
He can no longer see where to hurl.
--- Michael Palin
Attempted to toss a small boulder,
But he slipped on a cob
And he grasped his own knob,
And he threw himself over his shoulder.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2194
Gave his fans a fine aerial show.
His shrill screams rent the air
As it howled through his hair,
But the tosser just wouldn't let go.
--- David A Brooks
Threw some half-eaten fish from a train.
It struck an MP
Which, I'm sure you'll agree,
Showed a truly impeccable aim.
--- Michael Palin
Whose breast a thrown horseshoe had hit.
Said one of the gawkers,
"It lodged in her knockers -
A ringer got caught in her tit!"
--- David Miller P8208
My athletic life is in tatters.
My javelin flew...
Hit a starter -- oh, pooh!
Amazing how human blood spatters!
--- Anon
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