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A javelin thrower called Vicky An athlete who lived in Detroit An addled shot-putter, half-lit, My girlfriend is ever so fickle; An unemployed dentist named Hodge, (wodge - bulky bulging object)
There once was a soldier named Art -- Some unseemly snorkelers from Wales Said the dowager, "Fundy's the Bay, While surfing, I once breached a peach. If you still feel all quivery inside, I am going to sing you all a ditty, And a beautiful titty it was; If her titty was covered in fuzz, There was a young swimmer called Ivor, One summer, a man from Tashkent You pull your boat up to the shore, Through the trees you can see a small glade, She turns and her arms open wide, A kiss from the depths of a dream, Fond hours of pleasure ensue, The water and love timeless spilling, The story of lovely Miss Jane The parts that she began to rub, It seems, upon some folks reflection, One lad in particular who- He quickly created a path Now Jane's eyes were open quite wide A daring young stunt-man named Jack At his shoe repair shop, Jim McGrath, My bathroom looks just like a shed; In summer I love to go swimmin' It just takes a minute or so Those succulent wetbacks, the Nereids, A lovely young maiden named Carol Here, it's all humid and hot. A young man in diving apparel, He was always the beau at the pool; A long-distance runner named Fane A sly young skin diver named Potter There's a club for snorkeling in Dorking, Out of fear if the waves you evade Let the amateurs scream themselves frantic, A chap of the surfing persuasion Archimedes was truly no fool. A Frenchman by name of Quinet, (Keenay) A lecherous fellow, Bill James, It's been said that Miss Kitty O'Hare, A certain young lady from Twickers This weekend, escaping the noise, A woman, a novice to crew, There's a sports-minded coed named Sue, Henley's a special regatta, As a freshman at college McGoo A reckless young sculler named Box, A gigantic young crewman named Tate, Two men rowed a rowboat, aflitting, At the Henley regatta they spoke Young Jenny once peeked at the Ox- A student enrolled at Cornell, A well-known young rower called Trigger With dumbness that's known but to few, I entered the kayaking team The rowing eight came to the docks, A seeker of dalliance named Broozes A man wore his lycra quite tight, There once was a sculler from Thames,
Found the grip on her javelin sticky.
When it came to the throw,
She just couldn't let go --
Making judging the distance quite tricky.
--- Michael Palin
Was adept at throwing the quoit.
When they cried, "You're so clever!"
He replied, "Hardly ever!
It's practice that makes me adroit!"
--- Joe Ricketar
Tripped and fell near the shot-putting pit.
Then while clutcheing his head,
He befuddedly said,
"I feel that I'm really shot hit."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9602
Competes for the hammer and sickle.
She's huge and she's hot;
Great at putting the shot,
And she'll punch out your lights for a nickel.
--- Anon
Rolled used cotton wool in a wodge,
Which he fired with some force,
From the back of a horse,
Causing elderly people to dodge.
--- Michael Palin
Every time he ate Spam, he would fart.
Using a blowpipe he stole
Whilst on jungle patrol,
He's now company champion at darts!
--- Dr Feelgood
Were arrested and sent off to jails,
For acts most immoral
Among the reefs coral,
Such as writing graffiti on snails.
--- Anon
I can revel my future away;
For I'm longing to ride
On the strength of the tide,
And the Fundy comes twice every day.
--- Hugh Oliver 28a
A flock of gulls fell with a screech.
And too, a small pod
Of whales, and some cod,
Went throwing themselves on the beach.
--- Anon
But your partner rolled over and died --
A warm shower massage
Will your passion assuage --
Leaving you very well satisfied!
--- Anon
About a small girl from the city.
She went down the water slide
With her bikini open wide,
And you could see the end of her titty.
--- Anon
All soft and covered with fuzz.
But where one hangs out,
The other's about,
And the pair gives the boys a buzz.
--- Anon
Not a girl, but a boy he was;
Just a man dressed in drag
And probably a fag.
His friend in the back's who he does!
--- Anon
Who wanted to be a high diver.
He dived with a twist;
The deep water he missed.
He was lucky to be a survivor!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Diving into the water he went.
But that sun in the sky
Caused the pool to go dry.
So now in his head there's a dent.
--- Geoff Geduld P9308
Then quickly head off to explore;
Your mind is afire,
With hope and desire;
Love fantasies now lie in store.
--- Joel D Ash P9811
Swirling pool where a maid starts to wade;
Water falling on boulders,
Sun gleaming on shoulders,
Sweet beauty amidst the cascade.
--- Joel D Ash P9811
All clothing and cares cast aside;
Delighted, you sought her,
A rush in the water,
Embrace with the urge at floodtide.
--- Joel D Ash P9811
Emotions beyond all extreme;
Lips loving caress,
Ardent throes of excess,
With enchanted affections supreme.
--- Joel D Ash P9811
With nothing the two do not do;
Their passion runs wild;
All the senses beguiled;
Tender ecstasy never quite through.
--- Joel D Ash P9811
Endless moments the partners are willing;
Endearments and zeal,
The imagined seems real,
With seduction of thought so fulfilling.
--- Joel D Ash P9811
Who drove all the laddies insane,
When she got in the tub
To fondle her nub,
Is told in a language quite plain.
--- Anon
Each time that she started to scrub,
Caused the lads to inspect
Those nips, so erect,
Resulting in a massive hub-bub.
--- Anon
Those lads, with their penile erection,
Had to endure
Conditions, I'm sure,
Quite crowded, upon further inspection.
--- Anon
-Se zipper was hard to undo,
Knew that his treasure
Would equal the measure
Of two or more others, it's true.
--- Anon
Towards Miss Jane inside of her bath,
Swinging to and fro
His member, to show
Exactly just how much he hath.
--- Anon
At the sight of what she would soon ride,
So she lifted her rump
And began to hump;
It created the latest high tide.
--- Anon
Dove three hundred feet in a sack.
But when half way down,
He feared he would drown,
She just changed his mind and went back.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Got an order for a long leather lath,
For a dismembered Joe
Who'd left his in Tokyo,
Boiled off in a Japanese bath.
--- Grand Prix Lim 948
Each time I bathe in there I dread
A sheetrocker hug,
Or bite from a bug.
I would rather shower instead.
--- Anon
And lazin' on beaches; they're brimmin'
With beautiful virgins
Just surgin' with urgin's,
Like normal and natural women.
--- Anon
To relax 'em and give 'em a glow
Down below; then at night,
They succumb with delight,
To their very first masculine hoe.
--- Anon
Abstained from all sex during periods;
They put on bikinis
To ward off male weenies,
A source of frustration for myriads.
--- Armand E Singer 740
This is file cml
At Niagara donned swimming apparel.
We heard from the shore,
"Oh, swimming's a bore!",
She went down the falls in a barrel!
--- Charles Barsotti
Not a drop of rain have we got.
But outside in my pool,
It's always nice and cool,
For water sports, and the lot!
--- Anon
Went over the falls in a barrel.
He said "This Niagara
Is as good as Viagra;
I'm just off to roger young Carol."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He thought that the girls he could fool.
He found some of the gals,
Had well-built male pals;
He felt he'd been kicked by a mule!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Said, laying his girl in the rain,
"It's wet and it's sticky,
The balance is tricky,
But hell, there's no gain without pain."
--- Armand E Singer 714
Said, "I don't do my diving in water!
I learned with regret
Water's cold and it's wet...
I go for BABES, Pet...they're much hotter."
--- Grand Prix Lim 766
Who watch crabs that're side-ways walking;
But they're wrinkly and fat
And so it's tit-for-tat,
As snorkelers and crabs are both gawking.
--- David Miller
And to hang ten will make you afraid,
Keep your feet on the beach
And those swells out of reach.
They surf too who just sand and wade.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8811
About sharks with incisors gigantic.
We'll keep this pipeline
'Till "hang ten" is "hang nine",
And we take back this stretch of Atlantic.
--- Dr Limerick
Discovered one painful occasion
His penis was red,
All tattered and shred
From sand on his board and abrasion
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He invented the screw in the pool!
Just stick it right in
And give it a spin;
A good man will have the right tool.
--- Anon
Athwart his own girlfriend's bidet,
Let the hot water stream;
Cause his privates to cream --
He did like his pleasures 'outre'.
--- Armand E Singer 636
Is hooked on erotical games,
Like steaming Jacuzzies
With big-breasted floozies
And sex under myriad names.
--- Armand E Singer 232 332a
Once swam nude in a pond on a dare.
How it happened's not clear.
She scraped on the pond's weir
And the weir left her worse for the wear.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
When asked why she never wore knickers,
Said, "Rowing's no fun
When they ride up my bum.
This makes my technique a bit slicker.
--- Anon
I went boating; it's one of my joys.
But what should appear?
It was like being here:
There were plenty of gulls riding buoys.
--- Anon
Was attacked by a crab while at 2. (rowing position?)
As the blade passed her seat,
It pulled out both her feet,
And ejected her into the blue.
--- Anon
Who's been screwing the varsity crew.
In the shell, Sue is great,
But her boyfriend's irate,
When she calls out the stroke as they screw.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Where the girls have their annual natter.
And puce-faced old chaps,
Wear striped blazers and caps,
And the rowing just doesn't matter.
--- Jim Anthony
Was a 90-lb. weakling who knew
If he wanted to grow,
He should probably row,
So he lettered in crew, and it grew.
--- Frances D Sails P8311
Forced the Oxford Eight onto the rocks.
The crew shouted, "Bollocks!
You've ripped off our rowlocks,
And horribly injured our cox."
--- G2742a
Has a pecker whose weight is so great,
That his dates fear to screw.
What's a stroke oar to do?
He's reduced to pulling his weight.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Each rowed with an effort befitting.
One stood as he rowed,
One sat as they flowed;
For one of them couldn't stand sitting!
--- Collins
Of a girl who was hot for a poke.
When the news got around,
Several crews went aground.
She was then carried off by a stroke.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9211
Ford boat race crew, dressed just in socks.
She told her pal, Nancy,
"Gee, I didn't fancy
Those eight men and their tiny cox."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who rowed first oar on a shell,
He rowed at first light,
All day and at night,
So he never has learned how to spell.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Was proud of his tall and thin figure.
That might have been so
But he started to grow,
And soon became bigger and bigger.
--- Anon
Two kayakers in cold canoe,
A small fire tend,
To warm their rear end;
"Can't have kayak, and heat it, too"
--- Chris Papa
Olympics -- my old childhood dream.
It turned out so bad;
Them buggers are mad!
Spent half the time rowing upstream!
--- Anon
Clear winners, such muscular jocks.
They'd rowed such a pace,
Took their medals with grace,
And then the Mayor's wife kissed their cox.
--- Anon
Took one of those amorous cruises,
Where eveyone diddles;
The captain just fiddles,
And no one, but no one, refuses.
--- Armand E Singer 637
'Cause he thought if he did, that it might
Show the girls what to touch,
But it was a bit much,
And they all ran away in a fright.
--- Anon
Who's boat held a mirror and lens.
This curious contraption
Required technique adaption,
But at least he could see 'round the bends.
--- Anon
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