A short sighted sculler from Quintin
On the cost of his glasses was stintin'.
But girls won't make passes
At men who wear glasses,
So he'd rather appear to be squintin'.
--- Anon

A four that was racing ahead,
Discovered their cox'n was dead.
So to speed up their ride,
Dumped him over the side,
And finished it coxless, instead.
--- Anon

A TRC coach dismissed grace
And was interested only in pace.
Though not in a boat,
It was ergo "by rote,"
For he thought it could win him a race.
--- Anon

While the paddlers assembled at dawn,
We ran into Mickey D John.
We took a quick pee
Then ran out to see
The others had already gone.
--- Topper

Our mood began quickly to sink,
As we looked everywhere we could think.
They had left without us.
Oh man, did we cuss.
'Twas the pits and they started to stink.
--- Topper

We returned to the scene of the crime
And waited for quite a long time.
We were 'bout out of luck
When we spotted the truck
With a driver just grinning sublime.
--- Topper

With a face all embarrassed and red,
An apology, humbly was said.
We were glad he returned
And the lesson we learned
Was to piss in the water, instead.
--- Topper

All our arms were beginning to ache
As we strained at the oars on the lake.
But we felt it too petty
To mention the jetty,
Still dragging along in our wake.
--- David A Brooks

The stroke of a men's coxless four
Found low rating a bit of a bore.
But by losing the slide
He could rate eighty-five
And on good days a little bit more.
--- Anon

Some rowers who row in a scull,
Find the task exceedingly dull.
They can't see the scene,
Just where they have been,
And they risk getting pooped by a gull.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A cox's approached LRC (London Rowing Club?)
And enquired of their membership fee.
"All this money you ask
Just to sit on my ass?
I'd be better off back at the lea."
--- Anon

A sculler who rowed out of Vesper,
Had been seen in the showers with chest hair.
"The steroids, you see,
Just took 'hold of me."
So the police just came to arrest her.
--- Anon

There was a math student named Katie
Who sits through her classes sedately.
But out with the crew
She rows 'til she's blue.
Someday they will end up in Haiti.
--- M Hale

There was a young student from Yale,
Who took his girl for a sail,
When up sprang a breeze
That ruffled the seas,
Turning the sailors exceedingly pale.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Vibrator-less, Ellen's frustration
Excited a lonely Cetacean;
Her ship nearly sunk
In a sea of spunk,
From her Sperm whale fornication.
--- David Miller

Resulting from Ellen's flirtation,
She's caught a bad case of crustacean;
And'll soon have for sale
A baby Sperm whale,
After sixty-four weeks gestation.
--- David Miller

There once was a boy from Vail,
Who decided to go for a sail.
But the waves were quit thick
And that sure made him sick,
So he spent his sail over the rail.
--- Wayne F Barney

Through mist that was viscous as pea soup,
Sailed a plucky albeit a wee sloop.
Said the skipper to mate,
"With great care navigate;
This haze is so thick you can't see poop."
--- Bob Giandomenico P0507

I once knew a lass, broad of beam,
Whose keel could displace the gulf stream.
A truly fine ketch,
A-top me she'd fetch.
As she came about we'd both scream.
--- Anon

A cutter may look like a sloop
But if you go forward and snoop,
Between jib and main,
A staysail will reign.
Then no one can call you a dupe.
--- Larry Davis P8712

There was a young sailor named Vetch
Who took his girl out on his ketch.
She did learn in a thrice
How the main brace to splice,
And came out very well in the stretch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0370

An animal lover called Cilla
Went sailing with her pet gorilla.
They took several knocks
And landed on rocks
When he pushed the wrong way on the tiller.
--- Funfax Limericks

There's a lot of small boats down at Hayling,
Where they really enjoy going sailing.
But sometimes there's bailing
If the wind is not tailing,
Or the skills of the skipper are failing.
--- Dick Hedger

I float down a river of gas --
Drift left-right-up-down as I pass
Past schools of wise fish,
And dumb farts boorish.
Thank God none have yet bit my ass.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Around-the-world yachtswoman Ellen,
A frustrating tale has been tellin';
"I lost my vibrator
While near the equator,
And can't wait to jump on Ogg's swellin'."
--- Anon

Ah, Oggy, you're telling tall tales!
Torn sails, horny whales and brisk gales,
Have wrung this gal out.
You're well-hung, no doubt,
But any comparison fails.
--- Anon

An Intrepid crew of relations
Took part in a boat race of nations.
They crossed the line first,
And are ready to burst.
Your Claire should get all her rations!
--- Anon

An athletic young schoolgirl named Sue
Lives next to a river near Crewe.
She can sail, she can skate --
In the water she's great!
She can't row a boat though. Canoe?
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

In Paris a food connoisseur
Bought a boat with the name "Immature."
Decided to change it
And so did arrange it:
Sailing away on the "Sloop du Jour."
--- Tom Patton P0209

With his feet on his board tightly locked
Through the waves a young wind-surfer rocked.
As he leaned to the lee,
A shark surged from the sea,
And the wind-surfer went off half-cocked.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9206

Once a young swimmer named Jewel,
So fat her friends called her a fool,
Who went for a swim,
But when she jumped in,
She heard "Everybody out of the pool!"
--- His Peace

A popular speed-swimming lass
Contested the pond with a bass.
The fish, being thinner
Was easily the winner.
Nothing adds to the drag like an ass.
--- Anon

There was a young swimmer named Jake,
Who lived on the shore of a lake.
Each morning he swam
Right up to the dam,
Then swam home to eat a hot cake.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401

This is file cll

There was a great swimmer named Hidges
Whose 'bottle' was bitten by midges. (bottle & glass = ass)
To avoid this attack
He swam on his back,
But his Hampton got bashed on the bridges.

(Hampton Wick = prick)
--- G2734b

A skin diving couple named Creel
Found marine life had special appeal.
His dick he would show fish,
Till blown by a blow fish,
While she got it on with an eel!
--- Rowdy Jack

A swimming instructor from Poole,
Met a pleasant young lady from Goole.
His breast stroke empressed her,
So having undressed her,
He plunged in his Olympic sized tool.
--- Professor

The lifeguards all set off alarms
When a blonde swimmer, despite all her charms,
In the breast stroke swim meet,
Said the other girls cheat:
"The other girls all used their arms!"
--- Res Ipsa

There was a young man called Jim
Who thought he would go for a swim.
He jumped in the pool,
But felt such a fool,
Because there was no water within.
--- Susan Leigh

There was a young man of Cache Creek,
Whose girl-friend described him as weak.
He tried to amaze her
By swimming the Fraser...
There WAS a young man of Cache Creek.
--- John E Mayhood P0800

There once was a diver named Jim,
Who didn't quite know how to swim.
Out of his gourd,
He jumped off the board.
And now his prognosis is grim.
--- David McCarty

The girl lost her earmuffs while driving;
They blew in the lake, but surviving,
A young man dove in
With snorkel and fin;
Certified in the job of muff diving.
--- Anon

The illustrious Lighthill, Sir Jim,
Pioneered math for how creatures swim,
Which he used to swim 'round
Sark. But sadly, he drowned
From his circum-natational whim.
--- Prof M-G TP9807

There was a boy-wonder from Grath,
Who embraced the Olympian path.
He swam three times a day
Across four miles of bay,
And then drowned at age five in his bath.
--- David A Brooks

Team Captain was young swimmer Restoke.
He practiced before all the rest woke.
He practiced the crawl,
The backstroke and all,
And at night he perfected his breast stroke.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8306

Now breast-stroke's my favourite style.
(No surprise? Yes, I thought you might smile.)
But I've every intention
(I thought I'd just mention)
Of swimming today for a mile.
--- Anon

I ain't done it yet, I admit,
For my eyes get distracted by tit
And the wobble and bounce
Of those girlies who flounce;
It's no wonder my swim-trunks don't fit.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Jim,
Who liked to get naked and swim
With plastic sex toys,
Shaped like pubescent boys,
'Cause he'd rather be gay than grim.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Instead of just sittin' here limmin'
'Bout gorgeous young girlies and women,
I'll go to the beach,
(It's quite easy to reach)
And indulge in a smidgeon of swimmin'.
--- Anon

For swimming, my niece has the knack --
It's her brains where there is some slack.
She swam half the lake,
And said, "I'll never make
it." And so turned around and came back.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Now eatin' a lot tends to bloat 'em,
But I don't mind coz I can tote 'em.
Large wimmin are dandy;
They sure come in handy,
In swimmin'; they're great for a float 'em.
--- Anon

For training, a lesbian swimmer
Will sit in a sauna and simmer,
Then get in the pool,
Where she starts to drool,
When paced by another girl's quimmer.
--- Anon

At Scout Camp, a counselor named Jim
Had a choice of duties that was grim.
He could be a life guard,
Which was very hard,
Or wash dishes; it was sink or swim.
--- Tom Patton P9902

I'm always real nice to young women,
And never say they're needing slimmin';
I never ignore 'em,
I truly adore 'em,
Especially when nude they are swimmin'.
--- Anon

A lovely girl swimmer named Sive,
Was swingy, tough, eager, alive.
"I keep my head above water,"
She said, "As I oughter,
But I like best of all a low dive."
--- Anon

There was a young bather named Mark,
Who once saw the fin of a shark.
He said, "The deep sea
Is no place for me.
I'll swim in the lake in the park."
--- Anon

There was a young woman in Duncan
About the same shape as a punkin;
To get herself cool
She jumped in a pool,
And when I last looked, she had sunken.
--- Limber Limericks

Although my friends think me a flake,
On New Year's, a swim I do take.
And now, I have found
That dear Puget Sound
Is colder, by far, than a lake.
--- Anon

A fetching young lady from Potter
Could swim like a fish or an otter;
One day for a lark
She was racing a shark,
But she wasn't that good, and he got her.
--- Lims Unlimited

Our daughter's gone way off to school;
She learning and that's really cool!
She says she will pass
And her favorite class
Is located down deep in a pool!
--- Anon

Her boyfriend's a guy with no fear;
A brave guy with great scuba gear.
No water's too cold
For this guy, we're told;
Dives in with a smile ear to ear!
--- Anon

They put all their hearts in their learnin',
As well as the money they're earnin'.
When they get through with college,
They'll have all the best knowledge
To find fish where the deep water's churnin'!
--- Anon

A young scuba diver called Jeff
Was so good at holding his breff,
He could swim anywhere
On a lungful of air,
Which scared his poor muvver to deff.
--- Michael Palin

There once was a girl so lovely,
Who wanted to make love in the bubbly.
She strapped on her tanks,
And started her pranks,
But the lobsters all thought she was ugly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A long distance swimmer named May,
When crossing the Channel one day,
For a bit of a lark,
Got a lift from a shark...
What became of her no one can say.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

In summer the grass was so sweet,
Lying together under this tree in the heat,
Bereft of our clothes
Because we chose
Skinny dipping in the stream as a treat.
--- Azul

Remember that ol' swimmin' hole,
Skinny dippin' it was our main goal.
Often each summer
It was a bummer,
When you started hidin' your pole.
--- Anon

You suddenly seemed so shy.
I had to, of course, find out why.
Oh what a surprise!
Just look at their size!
To think of it still makes me sigh.
--- Anon