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The water was cold on our skin We enjoyed a new game that year A graduate student named Brown In a hand-crocheted swim suit, form fitting, There's a standout young swimmer named Bard, There was a young lady named Lee, A strange man called Ron made a bet: The swim team at Anthony's Cleft When the pretty breast-stroker from Butte (MT) A certain young man of Ariminium, Full make-up, athletically slim -- There was a young fellow named Tim There was a young fellow named Kimmen Jimmy Jones drove fast down the Shore A well-endowed swimmer nameed Whipple There once was a chick named Longet, Watching taped competition in Curling, 'Tis true, friend, you can curl your toes, In school, I'd a friend, Mad Bob Ray, The hockey team's burly Canuck, A sporting old whore of Milwaukee A sporting old harlot named Bates, But hooray! for our girl named Louise, Those Japanese ladies are neat, (1998 Olympic medalists)
A new "double" Olympic event, A kinky old pervert from Bruges A snowfall out here is a treat; A chilly gal from Kokomo Oh, ladies and gents, my advice: The snow's not that big of a problem. Cows take grass all day long; An Olympic yachtsman from Lester, There's a girl in the South Okanagan Two queer winter sports freaks named Groggins Ho ho, Ohno, oh, ho ho. (commemorating Apolo Ohno's crash and Olympic silver medal)
Ho ho, Ohno, oh, ho ho. The skater, Barbara Ann Scott, When the ice skaters presented their show, All the speed skaters think it's enthralling, With this new-fangled skate, it's a snap There was a young lady named Kate, A truly intrepid young skater There was a young girl, an ice-skater, The bosom on lovely Miss Hamill A cute hockey player named Sherry She sped round the rink at a pace, Glide like a cloud on a breeze. Glide as a flying squirrel will. (seasick?)
An ice hockey star named Gilpatrick On the ice with the U.S.S.R. The hockey star melted in tears Many teams who play hockey on ice, To our past hockey greats, drink a toast, Of greatness this world has its store -- A pastrycook down on his luck The hockey team, Calgary Flames, The Leafs had a goalie named Eddie; The pro hockey player named Chuck His team-mate , a fellow named Rick, Hockey's a game that is rough; On an ice rink, six slick cocky picks, One night, a girl fulfilled her dream A dumb country girl, Millie Moo, A well-hung ice skater named Weiss A champion as news item digger Said Gilooly, "We'll shoot for the moon.
But I warmed quickly to your caress libertine.
Then you carried me here
And we made love sincere;
Now we lie here wearing only our grin.
--- Azul
With fun, sun and lots of good cheer.
But you moved away
And I had to stay.
That memory now is still clear.
--- Anon
Wouldn't swim out of fear he might drown.
But apprenticed at Diving,
When he heard, on arriving,
He could start at the top and work down.
--- Hugh Clary
To the waves she gaily went flitting;
Then emerged soaking wet
Leaving men in a sweat,
When they saw how she stuck to her knitting.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8906a
With a style he's been told to discard.
His backstroke's the topic:
He swims periscopic,
And competes, say officials, too hard.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who swam all alone in the sea.
People said, "You'll be drowned,"
But she sniffed and she frowned,
And said, "Pish-stosh and fiddle-de-dee!"
--- Anon
Three lengths of the pool and not wet.
With commendable cool
He emptied the pool,
Dived in, and has not come to yet.
--- Michael Palin
Of its one female member was reft.
Stripped, dripping, and mute,
She turned in her suit.
All members stood up when she left!
--- Lance Payne P8306
Was ordered to turn in her suit,
For acts causing shame
On the swimming team's name.
Our members all rose in salute!
--- Lance Payne P8805
Who would jump into rivers and swim in 'em.
When his friends said, "You fish!"
He would answer "Oh Pish!
Fish can't swim like me, they've no vim in 'em."
--- P G Woodhouse P9212
The swimming team, lengthy in limb,
Glides into the pool.
(No splashing, you fool!)
Don't make waves now, it's true sync or swim.
--- Doug Harris P0608
Who, naked, went in for a swim.
A fellow named Bolling
Thought he was trolling.
He bit, and the outcome was grim.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Who had a great way with the women.
He would fuck them in cars
And in parks and in bars,
And he fucked them when he took them swimmin'.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0717
Along with his pet Labrador.
They love to go swimmin'
With half-naked women.
It beats sitting home; that's a bore.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Just won her third race for a triple.
The crawl was no cinch --
She won by an inch --
The breast stroke she won by a nipple.
--- P8306a
Who went out to Aspen to play.
Along came a Spyder,
And sat down beside her,
And she blew the poor bastard away.
--- Anon A
Makes me feel, rather bluntly, like hurling.
Toss this hubcap, real slow.
Sweep in front! Watch it go!
How exciting! My senses are whirling!
--- Larry Hollister
Or your hair, or your lip, or your pose.
But stones on the ice?
That doesn't sound nice.
I suppose they could make you curl those!
--- Theater Gypsy
Who slid down a long hill on a tray.
He lost all control,
Hit a rather deep hole,
Ta ra ra ra ra bum de ay!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Through opponent's defense ran amuck,
Amid deafening roars,
Making three rapid scores,
Was awarded the game trick up puck.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9812
Thought athletes knew best how to jockey.
When a Black Hawk, a runt,
Rammed a puck up her cunt,
She said, "I do not go for this hockey!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1609
For athletes devalued her rates.
She took on the team manly,
Who had won the Cup Stanley,
But asked them to take off their skates.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1439
Who broke wind every time she would sneeze;
The blast from her ass
Is all high-octane gas,
And she goes jet-propelled on her skis!
--- G1413
But our U.S. girls have them beat!
I could spend time on
That cute Michelle Kwan
Or live on Picabo Street.
--- Wildman TP9802
The "mixed" luge has made its advent.
They come down the line
In form sixty-nine;
The finish is when both are spent.
--- Dick Buenger P8302
Loves painting his privates with rouge.
In itself, not so odd,
But come winter, by God,
He coasts around nude on his luge.
--- Armand Singer
The neighbors who live on this street,
Saw a man with a beard,
And his wife, who is weird,
Run around in it, in their bare feet.
--- Anon
Said, "I hate a quick lay in the snow.
While I'm normally hot,
In this spot I am not...
So as soon as you come, Man, let's go!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 43
Sans britches, go slide on the ice;
Who was it first said it?
Dunno, but I'll bet it
Was Groucho, who thought it looked nice!
--- Anon
Just make a few snow balls and lob 'em.
You can aim toward you boss
If you don't fear job loss.
When you score in his mouth, there's less pablum.
--- Anon
Snowboarders drink milk to stay strong.
Should a tiny grass trace
In his sample efface
Ross won the Olympic gold gong?
--- Prof M-G TP9802
Capsized in a gale-force sou-wester,
Cried, "I'll forego all these chills
And henceforth seek my thrills
Down that icy run called the Cresta.
--- Herkin
Who hasn't a brain in her noggin.
Her favorite thrill
Is racing downhill
Making love on a two-man toboggan.
--- John E Mayhood P0800
This is file ckl
And Smith had gone out of their noggins.
For they each liked to lick
The other one's dick;
And that's awfully hard in toboggans.
--- Michael Weinstein P8306
Oh no, Ohno, no, oh no!
Ohno, no, oh no!
Oh, Ohno no no.
No Ohno on no. Oh no!
--- Arthur Deex
Oh oh, Ohno, ho, ho!
Ohno, oh, ho ho!
Oh, Ohno, ho ho!
Oh Ohno on no. ono!
--- Arthur Deex
Is so fuckingly 'winsome' a snot,
That when posed on her toes,
She elaborately shows
Teeth, fat ass, titties, and twat.
--- L0229A
At first I did not want to go.
With their actions precise
As their skates cut the ice,
At the end, hands, cheeks and heart were aglow!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
How with clap skates, the records are falling.
But their ads are a waste,
And in really bad taste --
I think "Clap on, clap off" is appalling!
--- Larry Hollister
To wipe previous times off the map.
But the name's not so great
'Cause the press can now state
That the speed skaters all have the clap.
--- Larry Hollister a
Who wanted to learn how to skate.
So she bundled up nice
To go out on the ice,
To be coached by Wilbur, her date.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Once practiced a figure-of-eighter.
But his blades were so keen
That he sank form the scene;
They recovered his body much later.
--- John Dole Odd BodkinP0302
Who fell for a handsome spectator.
A bad fall on her rear,
To her eyes brought a tear,
There was damage below her equator!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
No bra will, I'm sure, ever trammel.
I forget woe and care
When I leer at her pair--
Thank God that I am a mammal!
--- Grand Prix Lim 652 G0352
Was hit in a spot rather scary.
When they dug out the puck
From where it was stuck,
She yelled, "That damn thing got my cherry!"
--- David Miller
Full of hope, full of poise, full of grace.
A double triple was tried,
And her hopes all but died;
Judges saw her slide past on her face!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Glide like a snake slides through trees.
Glide down your nape;
Glide for escape.
Glide on skates, slick on lakes' freeze.
--- Karen
Glide a sled smoothly downhill.
Glide drifting boat.
Glide note to note.
Glide away, I need a pill.
--- Karen
Set his sights on scoring a "hat trick."
He went into the stands
And clobbered three fans
With the end of his stick... Now how's that trick!
--- Anon
Team Canada's better by far.
Because views au contraiare
Are too heavy to bear --
They must, and therefore they are.
--- Hugh Oliver 117c
When the ref gave him twenty-five years,
For boarding and necking,
Rough play and cross-checking
And hooking spectators brassieres.
--- Hugh Oliver 117b
Use tactics that aren't very nice.
They don't go for the puck,
(If they hit it, that's luck!)
It's a game that sorts men from the mice.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
For their names are forgotten -- almost;
Save their glories of old
Which in stories are told
Every Saturday night, ghost to ghost.
--- Hugh Oliver 117d
Leonardo and Shakespeare and Shaw,
Voltaire, Joan of Arc,
Mendeleev and Bach,
Bobby Hull, Esposito, and Orr.
--- Hugh Oliver 121b
Became a Vancouver Canuck.
Though he wasn't so hot
When he slapped in a shot,
He was dandy at icing the puck.
--- Hugh Oliver 106a
Has plenty of prominent names.
Their defense gains renown
For defeating the Crown
In lawsuits by puck-injured dames.
--- John E Maywood P9912
Little dim, kind of slow, not too steady.
"I don't have no luck,
When they slapshot the puck.
They shoot but don't wait 'till I'm ready."
--- Eric
Lost teeth to a wild flying puck.
Said his wife with a grin,
As she kissed his bruised chin,
"He can't chew, but boy, how he can suck!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0312
Was hit by a poorly aimed stick.
Now if he wants to see 'em,
He goes to sports museum,
To visit his balls and his dick.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0312
The men who play it are tough.
And if you can't duck,
You'll get hit by a puck,
And will land KABOOM! On your duff!
--- William K Alsop Jr
Faced a sextet of Swiss stocky hicks,
Who first drank sticky Hock,
From their wine's hicky stock;
Alpenstocks were their trick, hockey sticks.
--- Bob Giandomenico P2005
Of laying the whole hockey team;
Which was really nice
Till they fell through the ice,
Which was weakened, I guess, by the steam.
--- John Miller
Had a dumb sister called Silly Sue.
Millie's dumb, that is true
But not just like Sue.
She thought ice hockey was frozen cow-doo.
--- Clarence E Boyle P9003
Had a program he thought was quite nice.
But his first double Lutz
Landed right on his putz
And left a large hole in the ice.
--- Michael Weinstein P9402
Once managed to trigger a snigger;
"If you skate on thin ice,
Then a fall won't be nice--
You really won't cut a good figure."
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9403
A gold medal would be quite a boon.
Her routines will be new
So our task will be to
See that Tonya does not pique too soon.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9402
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