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Oh Boy! Do I really stink Through the air, I'm off to Ayr, After landing, the time really lags. The airport crowd all stood stock still, The gathered crowd, how they all cheered. Carried off in the throes of passion The Judge saw much more that he ought The Jury, eight boys and four girls - The Bailiff, he calls for more order; And through all of this, my hard shaft For days the whole Court was kept closed, The wise men were brought in to find It's influence is felt far away And that's why, beneath the full moon, There once was a girl of Rangoon "This weightlessness lark's just the job," There was a young spaceman named Joe I should never have trusted that elf The astronaut, Captain Martinez, As Apollo descended from space, On one of the Space Shuttle Missions, A spinster in old Wingohocking The new astronaut thought it hot NASA found itself square in the middle There was a huge spaceman from Venus The Galactic Patrol in Convention As advances in space get bolder, When circling high over the Earth, An astronaut, lonely in space, A vacuum was not the best place, Houston, this is a disgrace! An old NASA pilot named Green An astronaut couple named Pace An astronaut that some had called Ace, A sign on the capsule implied, He thought he was just being cute I know Ace, his last name is Boblem. "My mind", said the astronaut, "whirled A zero-G, sex can be tricky, There once was a robot called Rob No hermit, the newest android An android for sex is fantastic! The android would not be amused Said the android who found Pioneer, I know a sweet android named Dan; An over-sexed robot named Hank 'Till lately our guys had to suffer There once was a woman, bionic, There was an old man of Lugano, If I am a purpose built clone, There once was a hacker named Ken, There was a young android called "Chip" There was an inventor named Lloyd They thought him quite clever, this Lloyd Too bad that Lloyd learned of, too late, If bonking a droid's middle section But blow-up dolls are just as poor, And then there's the one about Freud There once was a smug CPU Said a mellow old robot named Newman, The Laws for us robots are three: (Isaac Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics)
The robot that just shined my shoes I bought a new kit at the store An impotent robot named Jack The robots in a perfume factory, These robots are amongst those,
And my skin has now gone very pink.
I've been far too long
Where sunlights not strong;
So maybe a bath first I think!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
While holding the Green Cheese with care.
Though wrapped, it still shows
In the dark how it glows,
And people just stop and they stare!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's such a bore, waiting for bags
To come through the door.
So Jayne, here on the floor -
The first of our hot sweaty shags!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And watched as your quim you did fill.
I lay on my back
As you lowered your crack
On my pole, sticking up like a quill!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
They watched as you bucked and you reared!
But that copper has come
Before we've half come;
We're arrested, just as I feared!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We may have now set a new fashion!
And while stuck together
In Court we're still tethered.
Our rudest bits we are still flashin'!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And he waved at Clerk of the Court,
Who then stuck his head
Neath robes of bright red
And showed how this judge could be bought!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
(A quadruple menage de triols)
With a cock in each mouth
And one further South -
And quims each with two tongues atwirl!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The Prosecuter's right on the border.
But when she bent over -
The bailiffs own Rover
Leapt out and began to deep sword 'er.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Continued to pleasure your deft,
And wet little crack.
Your bum I did smack,
And you ground away with much craft!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And Parliament had questions posed!
Finally exhausted,
Our tenseness de-tauted,
We stopped and then put on our clothes
--- Jim Weaver Collection
What caused this tale and in their mind
It is the Green Cheese
Which from Luna I seized.
A psycho-erotical kind.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
No wonder our privates did stray
And Lunatics made
(Watch morality fade)
This Green Cheese - Oh, please take away!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
All Lovers are inclined to spoon.
The moist bits get wetter;
And hard bits unfetter,
As seen on a beach close to Troon!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who wanted to go to the moon.
A spaceman called Ron
Said, "Right, girl, you're on,"
And they flew through the midnight of noon.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Thought the astronaut, stroking his knob.
But he came with such haste,
That he shot into space,
Leaving only a sticky white blob.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who was making a space girl too slow.
She said, "Don't be morbid;
Eject into orbit,
Because all of my systems are 'Go!'
--- B Mandrovsky G2605
With his Time Machine there on my shelf.
He sent me so fast
Back into my past,
I ended up screwing myself.
--- Neal Wilgus P8810
Lost part of his dick while on Venus.
The doctors conferred
And the verdict I heard -
They've ordered a bionic penis.
--- P8208
Sue was giving a blow job to Mace.
Then the drag chutes unbunched
With a seven G punch,
Her eyes bulged right out of her face.
--- C P Mariner
A virgin lost all inhibitions.
With reckless abandon,
She shagged every gland in
The vessel in spaced-out positions.
--- Randog
Thought spacecraft were sinful and shocking,
But she sat up at night
With the TV on bright,
To catch them undocking and docking.
--- Limber Limericks
To be picked as a crew for the shot,
But alas she was pissed off
To learn during lift-off,
That "G"s are a force, not a spot.
--- C P Mariner
Of what may be the ultimate riddle.
No one likes "outercourse"
"Spatial relations" is worse --
So they've settled on "High Diddle Diddle".
--- Arthur Deex P8211A
Who boasted a fourteen inch penis.
With a bimbo named Schwartz,
He shot nearly two quarts;
You can't guess how much his wet dream is.
--- Clifford M Christ P8211 V
Called all the recruits to attention
And thanked Dr. Bean
For his jack-off machine --
A hell of a handy invention.
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
Emotions will begin to smolder.
With sex, there's a tradition
To hold your position;
You will need a friendly ball holder.
--- Tom Patton P0501
A woody of quim-stretching girth,
Though weightless, will pack
A punch in the sack,
For girls who have booked a space berth.
--- Randog
Would fondly caress and embrace
His want of wankism
'Til pearls of hot jism
Were floating all over the place.
--- Randog
For George's erotic embrace.
'Cause on the first try
When he unzipped his fly,
His poor pecker was sucked into space.
--- C P Mariner
See the crew's Dionysian embrace?
The ship's called Apollo!
But that seems to ring hollow;
They took pregnancy tests out to space.
--- Wait Don't Tell Me P0411
In a far, far out orbit was seen
Space walking in May
With a well known young gay.
Since then he's been know as Queen Green.
--- Calvin R Openshaw P8211
Could scarce hide a grin on their face:
"It's great," they agreed,
"For NASA's decreed
We're doing it weightless in space."
--- Armand E Singer 672
This is file bwl
Had a permanent smile on his face.
With his hand in his pocket,
He'd play with his rocket,
But he wasn't thinking of space.
--- Puff Adder
Weightless jacking off was denied.
Ejaculation of gentry
Would cause the re-entry;
Newtons Third Law still applied.
--- Irish
Inside his little space suit.
He moved his hands down
To his bulging mound,
While fondling his balls, to boot.
--- Arden
He would stroke it from AM to PM.
But one day he found
It wouldn't come round;
Ahhhh...Houston, we have a problem.
--- Puff Adder
While joy currents eddied and swirled!
There was great copulation
At that stellar space station!
It was sex that was out of this world."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
But major Tom needed a quickie.
His payload was stirring
When Specialist Scheuring
Warned, "Dock in my twat with that dickie!"
--- Randog
Who was such a rediculous snob,
He refused to be seen
With the washing machine,
Because it had only one knob.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Gave pleasure with an easy sang-froid.
And would freely relate
That its celibate fate
Was a droll but mistaken FACTOID.
--- J'Carlin
Beats all solo games onanastic,
And sounds more yummy
Than a life sized dummy,
Make out of latex or plastic.
--- Chris Papa
By the assumption that the plan used
Was mainly for sex.
It's really complex,
And does many things well when enthused
--- J'Carlin
"I'm afraid we had better stay clear
Of Earth's fierce, potent men.
They enjoy sex with 'Ten',
Who strips teeth from my genital gear."
--- Melvin B Lewis P8312
A construct the government would ban.
His technique is fantastic
For a man of plastic --
Please don't outlaw my bionic man!
--- Karen B
Made a play for a twenty-ton tank.
His ardor was futile,
The result was quite brutal,
For his nuts hit the floor with a clank.
--- Anon
Grave errors and luck even tougher.
Now those days are over,
We have us a Rover.
And "Beagle has landed" -- but rougher!
--- Anon
Whose story was rather ironic;
Her counterpart kissed her;
She blew a transistor.
Now relations are strictly platonic!
--- Emis
Who constructed a boy of Meccano,
Which sharpened his wits
And aided his shits,
Mens sana in corpore sano.
--- Victor Gray
Then Mom, will you build in a phone,
A free credit card
And brother Bernard;
The man with the permanent bone.
--- Anon
Who inherited truckloads of Yen.
So he built him some chicks,
Of silicon chips,
And hasn't been heard from since then.
--- Anon
Whose programmer shot from the hip
With strong verbal commands
To ignore word demands,
So that Chip wouldn't take any lip.
--- D A Marker P8211
Who created a feminine 'droid;
He gave her a slot
To be used as a twat,
And shot a great load in her void.
And the technical skill he employed.
'Till one day his nuts
Were sucked into the guts
Of his android and therein destroyed.
The dolls you can buy that inflate,
Which are cheaper to own
And (programmed to moan)
Okay if you MUST masturbate.
Is what gives Mr Lloyd an erection,
Then his painful castration
Was no abberation,
It's part of natural selection!
Who'd use such a synthetic whore?
Finer by any measure
is manual self-pleasure.
That's what the other hand is for!
Who fell for a lady android.
She was built much like Venus
And she envied his penis,
But her libido was totally void.
--- Neal Wilgus P8205
That figured it was human, too.
Because it used hex
To talk about sex,
And expanded itself from base two.
--- D A Marker P8211
"When a man does not act with acumen,
But is clumsy and coarse,
I consider the source,
And remember that he's only human."
--- Gloria Maxon P8402
I'll not hurt mankind, I agree.
I'll do what a human
Says. That number two, man.
Only then must I look after me.
--- Tony Davie P9704
Seems to think it has nothing to lose,
But it soon better learn
When my shoes start to burn
That I'll knock off its nuts and its screws.
--- Neal Wilgus P8810
To build a man right from the core.
Could not animate
My new model date;
He turned out to be a dead bore.
--- Anon
Had a brain like a cool Univac.
But not handy for sex,
Just this dandy cortex--
He hadn't been tooled for dual-sack.
--- G2604
Have love lives described as unsatisfactory.
Where you would expect
To find organs of sex,
They have an appendage, it olfactory.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For whom human sympathy flows.
When asked how they manage
While sustaining no damage,
Despondent, they just say, "Fuck nose".
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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