I've heard of a sex number four, There once was a Hiftlorss named Xit Let's now introduce the Lorss Xint. Unlike the Troggs, with their smell, To Earthfolk they look quite a fright Their skin-glands emit a sweet tune Now, mostly Xints do this alone He stalked the Xints into their lair, Humbly, he spoke to the crowd, They looked at Xit, kind of like sheep, Further, if flow they don't stem, An alien came down here from Venus. He landed at old Johnson's farm. Now our alien wasn't too bright. Now things didn't turn out like they aughter "My Dear you have beautiful eyes!" From behind the clouds came the moon, The alien was wearing no frock And so to the steps she alighted. She ran through the field up to him. "I'm sorry deary, but right now Now Kim was determined as ever She was sure he'd see Bess was a dud. But it was the last thing that she saw Oh Bessie my dear let's make haste Into the welkin they shot, The moon that I surveyed last week 'Bout ten virgin pig-thingys sat For dildoes proceeded to spin Such terrible cruel sacrifice! The priestess, who called herself Xarbs, The alien Sporch from the rim, In cities with high stony dikes,
This is file bxl
It's so damn pitch-dark all the time, Then as they proceed to caress, Their organs have special by-passes Usually, when they're on the verge The pressure at one hundred feet Now last year, in some shallow brook, Some aliens abducted a slew Even those most accustomed to grue That horrible alien crew They finished their meal with a brew, To the aliens we're incomprehensible. But after regarding our "King", A populous species, the Xaist, Along with some spores, small and round, Now once when I happened to pass A Xaist-orb was spotted to port. Its tiny tight hole, but a blip, Now, no one knew how to deduce Unsure how Xaist generate germ Now add to this mystery this thing: Then there in the void we beheld We scanned the whole quadrant for queer E, us, Excited by ventures anew, Now back to the story at hand -- The Star of the Dog, bright and bold, We quietly lurked for awhile We found that in throes of desire, Where's he gone? We need him on hand. On Regulus we found the xeggs; The Regulan spring drove us batty; When moms to the nest would return, With instruments from our valise, Floated free with meteors, see Of course! I have promised to get
With more freaky habits in store
For spacemen like me
To marvel and see.
So hurry! I'm sealing the door!
--- Anon
Who had a strange thing for the pit.
(Not the cunt-charm,
The one under arm.)
This Xit was a pervert and twit.
--- Anon
(The fourth sex of Hiftlorss, a gent.)
Although Xints are male,
They cannot impale
Unless they shore up with the splint.
--- Anon
The Xints only broadcast a knell.
They rise with the moons,
And fart like bassoons,
In chorus and rhythm, as well.
--- Anon
A-spin under moons with strange light.
They dervishly dance
(Don't wear any pants)
With cocks flapping free in the night.
--- Anon
That wafts over desert and dune
And softly does stun
The sex two and one,
Who dream of their last honeymoon.
--- Anon
('Cause most Lorsses like a stiff bone).
But Xit was a peeker,
Not much of a feeker,
And fancied the pit of the drone.
--- Anon
And drooled at their fine armpit hair,
Which hung in soft locks.
Old Xits fifty cocks
Were swollen, and dripping, and bare.
--- Anon
And begged them to fart really loud,
While he just would flit
From pit to sweet pit,
And take a quick whiff, if allowed.
--- Anon
And said softly, "Go back to sleep.
We know we're quite smashing,
But some hopes need dashing.
Our duty is only skin-beep."
--- Anon
The outcome is quite often grim.
The rushing come-drain
Can implode the brain,
And leave it unconscious and slim.
--- Anon
Not a girl, but a guy (had a penis).
With three eyes in between,
Pointed ears that were green,
He was obviously not of our Genus.
--- Anon
An arrival that caused some alarm
To old Johnson's daughter,
Who thought if he caught her,
He might want to cause her some harm.
--- Anon
He forgot to bring something to light
The night and his way
Through the field filled with hay
Took a left instead of a right.
--- Anon
He did not meet up with the daughter
Instead he found Bessie
And now things get messy.
He not only found her but caught her.
--- Anon
"Big and brown like Venutian Creme Pies"
"I can't wait to show mother
Your soft silky utter."
(You're going to be such a surprise.)
--- Anon
As the alien continued to spoon.
And old Johnson's girl
Let the curtains unfurl
To a scene that made her heart swoon.
--- Anon
And Ms. Johnson was given a shock
She believed not her eyes
For there 'tween his thighs
Was an 18 inch glowing green cock.
--- Anon
There were things she just knew must be righted
Tell this guy with the cow
Just exactly how
With her he'd be truly delighted.
--- Anon
Stuck her hand out and said "My name's Kim"
And you sir are hot
Look here what I got
For you. It's a seldom used quim.
--- Anon
I am currently courting this cow."
The alien said,
Then Kim nearly dropped dead
(Oh my god he just licked his eye brow)
--- Anon
To succeed in this lustful endeavor
And spend the whole night
In the blissful delight.
She was sure the alien would deliver.
--- Anon
Just standing there chewing her cud.
It soon became plain
His lust she'd not gain.
Cause he started in pounding his pud.
--- Anon
That for Kim was the camel's last straw
The alien's tongue
Licked Bess's bung
And a smile split the alien's maw.
--- Anon
To Venus there's no time to waste
That taste oh..oh my!
Venutian creme pie!
And to the space ship the two raced.
--- Anon
Leaving poor Kim really hot
For an eighteen inch dick,
And a tongue oh so quick,
So she laid down and played with her twat.
--- Anon
Had little pig creatures that speak.
They led me to shrines,
Through fields sown with mines,
And let me at rituals peek.
--- H Welchel
On lingams, each big as a bat.
Each blue steely tower
Had black holes for power.
And then my young rookie crew shat!
--- H Welchel
And plunge and gyrate deep within,
And vibrate so hard,
The smell of burnt lard
Soon sickened them, as did the din.
--- H Welchel
Then each massive evil device
Exploded with lasers
That chopped them like razors,
Leaving all crispy and diced.
--- H Welchel
Confirmed (as we cleaned up our garbs):
These dildoes of doom
(As you may assume)
Are know as the pork Cube-B-Barbs.
--- H Welchel
Where starlight is milky and dim,
Have juices that glow,
And jeez, can they flow!
For afterglow, take a bright swim!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
They raise up their yeast crops and tikes.
The sewers are huge --
But sex? A deluge.
The law requires countryside hikes.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Sporch search out their mates with a chime.
But as they draw near,
A green glowing smear
Lights up the paths taken, with slime.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And special sex-buttons depress,
Their phosphorus juice
Bursts forth in a sluice!
The landscape lights up with their mess!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Between the sweet parts and their asses.
If not for these holes
They'd blow out their poles,
And rupture the cunts of the lasses.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of climax, the Sporch will submerge
Themselves in a lake.
(The pressure's a brake
Which lengthens the time of their surge.)
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is found to be luscious and sweet.
It's pretty, you know;
A deep greenish glow,
Diffuse in the depths. Really neat!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Two Sporch College kids blew their gook.
Their minds are now toast.
Thus quoth the provost,
appendwaters stun deep!" What a schnook!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of young virgins, but not for a screw:
"We won't risk E. coli,
Hepatitis, Eboli;
We'll see they're well done in a stew."
--- John Miller 0072
Were shocked when an alien guru
Deftly made gourmet fare,
Wasting only the hair,
While converting the gristle to glue.
--- John Miller 0072a
Started eating on some unseen cue.
Did they truly not care
'Bout our horrified stare?
To this question they left not a clue.
--- John Miller 0O72b
Then before anyone could say "Boo!"
They wiped off their chins,
Gave us hidious grins,
And blasted off into the blue.
--- John Miller 0072c
When they asked me, I said, "That's not sensible --
Taking you to our King --
We don't have such a thing --
What we do have is downright reprehensible!"
--- John Miller 0344
Taking tribute from lords in Beijing,
And creating a specter
With his wayward scepter,
They agreed it was much the same thing.
--- Irish
Just float around, orb-like, in space.
Their bods have one hole
With many a role --
Known functions: sex, smelling and waste.
--- Anon
It's known that, included, is sound.
The theory goes so:
They preggers their beaux
With stinky sweet tunes. How profound!
--- Anon
An intergalactic gas-mass,
My sensors played scales
Like those of Earth-whales,
But timbred like woodwinds and brass.
--- Anon
It turned, and began to distort.
First it grew wavy,
Emitting some "gravy",
And then it grew flattened and short.
--- Anon
That opened and let something rip.
The space-phones recorded
A dissonance sordid.
I think it had wanked on my ship.
--- Anon
Just how all these Xaist reproduce.
But this, though, we knew:
The farts that they blew
Were complex, diverse, and effuse.
--- Anon
(And what we know's smoke more than sperm),
Our word-smiths were stuck --
'Twas not quite a fuck,
So smokeoffs exobios new term.
--- Anon
The male of this species was missing.
Although we'd found spore
Of smoke, nothing more.
The riddle, in whole, was quite pissing.
--- Anon
No Xaist. Had it also propelled
Itself into warp?
A brief stench of carp
Was all that the gas sensors smelled.
--- Anon
And tracked a fresh wormhole to Sirius
And as we warped off
I called for a boff
And soon had Lieutenant delerious.
--- Anon
I gave a short break to the crew
(Them horny-assed fuckers
Can shure shoot some Smuckers),
And soon they were sticky with spew.
--- Anon
(Lieutenant, please stow my fine gland)
From warp-speed we jumped,
And wow, were we pumped!
A zillion fine Xaist! The home-land!
--- Anon
Illumined Xaist secrets untold!
The musical gas
From Xaist ass to ass ---
A beautiful web to behold!
--- Anon
And shook our heads slow with a smile;
For once we'd translated
The farts generated,
The words weren't all Lesbian style!
--- Anon
One partner, the one who got higher,
Would briefly turn male
And thus ends my tale.
Yes, where there is fmoke there's a sire.
--- Anon
This "no farts" is more'n I can stand.
It's quiet in here.
Bring cabbage and beer!
And Xanth who fart best in the land!
--- Anon
They raise up their children from eggs.
Each little germ
Has ciliate worms --
Like protrusions that fart when it begs.
--- H Welchel
A whistling opus of flati
Was high-pitched and loud,
But Xegg moms weren't cowed --
They'd barf up a pap, green and fatty.
--- H Welchel
We noticed a thing of concern.
The loud ones sometimes
Got no oily slimes,
And silent worms never were spurned.
--- H Welchel
We timed cyclic beg-fart release.
Some wait for a week,
Some always would squeak,
But weekly squeals got all the grease.
--- H Welchel
By myself, alone, was just me.
Now Earth-Moon comes near
Big twin-star from here.
I hope I don't land in the sea!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Green Cheese for Jayne, my sweet pet.
I'll land on the moon
Sometime real soon,
Then down on the Earth I will set.
--- Jim Weaver Collection