An espionage agent named Strode
Had quite an unusual code.
Each message he sent
Was twisted and bent,
Then tattooed on the tongue of a toad.
--- Dean Walley

A CIA agent, Miss Glover,
Could play either harlot or lover.
She would trap with dispatch
A red spy in her snatch,
For she did her best work under cover.
--- Al Chaplin P0011

The CIA, clearly concerned,
Because they've so often been burned,
Have established a cell
In Vienna to tell
What new secrets the Russians have learned.
--- A N Wilkins P8603

A CIA agent named Plame
Was subjected to unwanted fame.
A Bushie, no doubt,
Let her secret out;
They're still looking for which one to blame.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412

A spy from Great Britain named Cole
Had a transmitter up his bung hole.
But one day the poor bloke
Got a short and he broke
The world record in pole vault -- sans pole!
--- Michael Weinstein P8603

The spy who came in from the cold,
His water attempting to hold,
Just outside the door
Could hold it no more --
Morse coding a snowdrift in gold.
--- Irving Superior P8606

The American operative, Claire,
Had dark skin, but had very blond hair.
"She's a bona fide blond",
Said the agent, James Bond.
"I know 'cause I checked her down there."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

He skirted the laurels and thence
Located the hole in the fence.
No enemy seen,
So adrenalin keen,
He slipped through, excitement intense.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Through bushes he creeps, footfalls light,
And gets his objective in sight.
And then a voice booms,
Like a ghost from the tombs,
And he's gripped firm, preventing his flight.
--- Tiddy Ogg

"Ah so," says the man, monstrous tall,
"James Bond, I presume, come to call."
James sobs, starts to cry,
Wipes tears from his eye:
"Please sir, I came after my ball."
--- Tiddy Ogg

As 007 walked by,
He heard a wee spider say "Hi."
But shaken, he shot
It right there on the spot,
As it tried to explain, "I'm a spi..."
--- Peter Wilkins

"Our agent James Blond, M, has died.
Our motto's what killed him," Q sighed.
"`Death To All Spies',
Says James: `Ah, but I's
A spy' and commits suicide."
--- Anon

There once was an agent named Bond;
Of martinis and sex he was fond.
Of women, he said,
"I've had thousands in bed,
With the help of Q's magic sex wand.
--- Anon

There was this voluptuous blonde
Brings back memories of which I am fond.
She replied to my quest,
"Can I spy you undressed?"
"Who are you, goddammit, James Bond?"
--- Dick Slimer T9712

You don't look a bit like James Bond;
You're a 100 pound weakling and blonde.
And you're over the hill
With no licence to thrill,
And young Pussy Galore won't be conned.
--- Peter Wilkins

"What's this?" said James Bond to old Q.
"I don't know James; I haven't a clue.
But it looks rather sweet
And it covers my feet.
Do you think we could call it a shoe?"
--- Peter Wilkins

"What's this?" said James Bond to old Q.
"It's a miniture camera for you.
Before screwing a miss,
Just insert it like this,
And we'll sit here enjoying the view."
--- Peter Wilkins

"What's this?" said James Bond to old Q.
"It's a condom of semtex for you.
Put it on 'fore you bore
Into Pussy Galore,
And you'll blow up her cunt while you screw."
--- Peter Wilkins

"What's this?" said James Bond to old Q.
"It's a mixture of poison and glue.
If you're down on your luck
And that Jaws wants a suck,
Spread it on 'fore he gives you a chew."
--- Peter Wilkins

"What now?" said James Bond to old M.
"It's like this, James, I fear it's -- ahem
Not Her Majesty's whim
To employ you, dear Jim,
If you're -- how shall I say -- one of them."
--- Peter Wilkins

"Outrageous!" said James with some phlegm,
As he desperately tugged at the hem
Of his burgeoning skirt,
Then he whipped off his shirt
And cried, "God, How I've wanted you, M."
--- Peter Wilkins

When Agent 007 heard
He'd be a father, he said, "Absurd!
I've spent all my life
Avoiding such strife."
He was visibly shaken, not stirred.
--- Tom Patton P9608

I proudly announce: last night late
On the shore I caught Jane 008.
With a little persuasion,
She gave in to temptation;
With skill then the agent got ate.
--- Anon

Said James to Miss Moneypenny,
"How long is it since you had any?"
She said "It's too long
Since I had a good schlong."
So he stripped her and fucked her big fanny.
--- Alexander Baron

A spy called Double Oh Seven (007)
Was killed and rose up into heaven,
Where Double Oh Six (006)
Taught him several new tricks,
And he became Zero Eleven. (011)
--- William K Alsop Jr

For me, a perfect techno thriller,
Is when James Bond's at the tiller!
"Sean Connery"? I sigh!
I think he's perfect guy!
I don't give a damn if he's killer.
--- Barb

I know that murder is a sin,
But when he does the bad guys in,
They get what they deserve!
I admire his nerve.
Note: Costumes for gals? Mostly skin!
--- Barb

Now before you go making that leap,
I reckon' that free still beats cheap,
But only James Bond
Gets a free Texas blond,
So I think you should stick to your sheep.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There's one thing that you will discover,
James Bond is a wonderful lover.
It should be no surprise,
He is one of those guys
Who was trained to act undercover.
--- Tom Patton P0308

James Bond drank vodka martinis,
And had numerous girls in bikinis.
But in his spare time,
He would go and fight crime;
So his mind wouldn't dwell on his weenie.
--- Anon

Agent 007, I'm fond
Of the way you attempt to abscond.
Tell me, when's your next try?
Mister Blofeld, a spy,
Never hides, as my word is my bond.
--- Anon

A young polo-player of Berkeley,
Made love to his sweetheart berserkly.
In the midst of each chukker
He would break off and fuck her
Horizontally, laterally, and verkeley.
--- L0271

She mounted the stallion; however,
She feared this bronc-bustin' endeavor.
Can she stay in the saddle?
Her tush that's unclad'll
Be screaming, "Don't gid'yup, please tether!"
--- Anon

This is file bnl

"Hi-Yo Silver!" She's riding away.
Lone Ranger's engaged in the fray.
She bucked and she twisted
And Tonto insisted,
Side-saddle, she came with a "Neigh"!
--- Anon

A dim matador named Jose
Was tossed 'cross the bullring one day.
The remark that he squealed
Can't in print be revealed --
But it certainly wasn't "Ole!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Said cautious old Spaniard Gualtero,
A very reluctant torero,
"Why face a mean steer?
Far safer a deer.
They'll pay me the same green dinero."
--- Armand Singer P0307

A famous bullfighter named Zeke
Pleased the crowds with his casual technique.
Each time he was gored,
He just acted bored,
Pausing only to plug up the leak.
--- Dean Walley P9007

The toreador stoood out in the ring,
For the last time he felt like a king.
With his sword out before him,
The bull he dared gore him.
It did. And he got his last fling.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The Duchess of Shaumberg-Lippay
Rode out with the hounds one fine day.
A quest quite incredible,
For the inedible,
By unspeakable gentry at play.
--- Arthur Deex P8307

The lads liked their day at the races,
Where they saw the mounts go through their paces.
But to their deep shame,
With no cash to their name,
They got home just with trousers and braces.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The dog track at Portsmouth is where
You'll often find sexy young Clare,
Who puts smiles on the faces
Of losers of races,
When they see what she does with the hare.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I'll tell you about my friend Gary:
'Round dog tracks he often would tarry;
The dog that did crap
In the show ring, he'd nap,
On the grounds it had less weight to carry.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A small jockey, about four foot six,
Knew all about horse racing tricks.
Was your horse ever drugged?
His shoulders he shrugged;
"I've only once done it, for kicks."
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young lady from Mounds
Who liked to go riding to hounds.
But her horses defected
Because they detected
A surplus of two hundred pounds.
--- Lims Unlimited

Two sisters were having a chat.
"I'm off to Great Yarmouth", said Pat.
"What to wear on my head
Is the problem." Jill said:
"Great Yarmouth? Gee, wear the fox hat."
--- Anon

An American man who was rich
Had for English fox-hunting an itch.
But he never would know
That one yells "Tallyho!"
Not "There goes the son-of-a-bitch!"
--- Warrick Elrod A

On Friday, we'd spread all the hay 'round,
Then go out after dark to the playground;
And place all our bets,
But leave with regrets,
For choosing the slowest old greyhound.
--- Travis Brasell

The thing, though, that most makes me fuss,
Is not that old greyhound dog, Gus.
But rather the race
(It's more like a chase)
On streets with a slow Greyhound Bus.
--- Travis Brasell

There was an old man with a beard,
Who said, "I should never have feared
That greyhounds would race
In this sanctified place,"
And every good cricketer cheered.
--- Archie

Horse jumping, a contest with thrills;
Quite often there're falls and some spills.
A horse comes to a fence;
The rider feels tense.
To get over, it takes all his skills.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Who do you like in the race
At Melbourne? I think that's the place.
Is there a worry
A Brit horse will scurry
Off with the Cup? A disgrace!
--- Tutta Gioia

There once was a fellow named Ray,
Who was having a wonderful day.
He had a great morning
But then, without warning,
He bet on a horse named No-Way.
--- Anon

Those families that play together
Should also learn to pray together.
'Cause if they horses play,
Together they'll stay
In case they lose their pay together.
--- Irving Superior P0800

Horse racing was what he loved most;
As a tipster he oft liked to boast.
He'll be getting much thinner
Touting for his dinner;
His choices not first past the post!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A jockey, one Genevieve Morse,
Sprang lightly to the back of her horse.
As she found the stirrup,
She uttered a chirrup,
And then trotted off onto the course.
--- William K Alsop Jr

The telegrapher, Samuel Morse,
At the racetrack was not a good source
For an insider tip,
Since he'd frequently quip,
"Always bet the caliginous horse." (misty, dark, obscure)
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0509

My pick in the rain is named "Bud",
Wet tracks seem to course through his blood.
Off his sire's best form,
He can race up a storm...
For his mudder could run in a flood.
--- Barbara Tepper

They're off! and they're galloping round;
It's Big Johnson from Jockey Shorts pound-
ing. In front Merry Cherry,
But Conscience is very
Much lagging; he's dropped to the ground.
--- Anon

As Thighs starts to widen her stride,
Merry Cherry is coming inside,
For the race now is humming --
Big Johnson is coming,
Within barely a length. What a ride!
--- Anon

Silk Panties has fallen, I say;
Heavy Bosom has got in the way.
Now Bare Belly is crashin'
And taking down Passion-
ate Lady; I hope they're OK.
--- Anon

Now Jockey Short's dropping behind,
As big Johnson has made up his mind,
Merry Christmas to chase.
It's a helluva race,
As they come to the end of the line.
--- Peter Wilkins

At the bend it's Big Johnson and Thighs
Neck and neck. (It's Clean Sheets I surmise,
Which has stumbled.) Now Passion-
ate Lady is thrashin'
And whippin' Big Johnson; surprise!
--- Anon

That huge Rock Hard ten prodded madly
But pulled out and fell back quite badly.
When Smarty Jones mounted
A challenge that counted
For naught. Birdstone thrust it home gladly.
--- Randog

There was a young jockey named Moses,
Whose schlong hung right down past his toeses.
As a finish line trick,
He'd whip out his prick,
And win by a length (And two noses)!
--- Rick Limer T9711

My girl has a circular track
And jockeys ride her around and back.
Then put her away,
Right there in the hay --
Forgive them for they have no tack.
--- Travis

There was a young boy from Kildare,
Who went on a ride on a mare.
He said with a frown,
As he bounced up and down:
"I only did this on a dare."
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0305

I know what it means to be tense;
The thought of it still makes me wince;
While riding my horse
I fell with remorse,
And snagged my nuts on a wire fence.
--- Travis Brasell