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A rider called Robert B Morse A lustful horsewoman named Gail, (only a saddlemakers daughter but all the horsemen knew her)
A horsewoman of charm at Eutoxeter, Deer hunting is greatest by far. The holy Theosophist, Leadbeater, (battue - driving or beating game to the shooters)
The countryside isn't too lush; A sled lady in the Iditarod, Well now, Bony Maroney, the pony Also running was Allie, the 'gator, "Environment is much more the issue The Melbourne Cup has been run; Once a year we all stop in our courses A well-hung young jockey named Morse At the racing form page I did glance, Said a very proud farmer of Ryegate, A lewd polo player named Schwartz There was a young man from Molucca, I learned from my old pukka wallah, "It's Pony Express," said Miss Pound, A young woman jockey named Grace They claimed it was horses for courses, A cowboy begat his own drama, There was a young cowgirl, Billy Sue, A stallion up next at a show The Honorable Annie Fitzhorn In Kentucky a gelding did win. The stallions today are released, When the stallions conclude with their core, He's an icon because he can hit, A team playing baseball in Dallas, A young man who threw awesome pitches, Leave it to Bill Veeck to finally fidget, A braves fan whose head had no hair What's baseball without the BRONX CHEER Bull Durham hit home runs in Fuller, In this verse a bunch of Cubs pitchers we're listing. The dude reached out for the foul ball, There's a former ball player named Lou The umpire made three quick calls, The Cubans are coming to play, Our Iron Man number 8, So I just can't find a ticket, For a ticket I tried to phone, A men's baseball team was dismayed, An English professor named Mae Said outfielder "Bedroom Eyes" Lunt, In Los Angeles a lassie named Rogers There was a young lady named Powell A shortstop named McRay, There was a ball-player named Hunt A big baseball star threw a fit, They put on the squeeze play apace, An unpopular star from Tacoma, There once was a batter with clout, While suffering a bad case of ennui My "baseball-dumb" mother had heard, What happened to America's pastime? A major league player named Bird, A young baseball player named Howell, When cow pasture baseball teams vie, There was a first baseman named Hearst Up at the plate I am standing. So I said, "Come over here, hon; In Wrigley Field's ivy-clad walls, The longest struck ball -- lie or truth -- The diamonds on the baseball field
Sat backwards when up on his horse.
He said, "I prefer
To see how things were,
Than to see what's before me, of course.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Whose morals were slipshod and frail,
Went out of her way
For a lay every day,
So all horsemen knew her hot tail...
--- Grand Prix Lim 388
Caused a scene with much shaking of locks at her.
When announcing "Hunt Cup",
The P.A. mixed it up,
And began a stampede by the Jocks at her.
--- R D Condon
It's the one outdoor sport I don't bar.
But that isn't puzzling.
I like all the nuzzling,
Since I spell the word D-E-A-R.
--- Isaac Asimov
At a battue, who said to the head beater:
"Your prick I am crazy
To suck, but I'm lazy--
Just fuck your five fingers instead, beater."
--- G2704
From Fairbanks to Nome, they yell "Mush!"
Ten dogs and a sled;
Snowbanks for a bed;
It's no wonder they're in such a rush.
--- Harry Rubin P9205
Faced cold like the wrath of a bitter god.
But at night she curled up
With those warm husky pups,
And it turned out, they perfectly fit her bod!
--- Lassie's Lover TP9901
Ran the race though he knew it was phoney.
On his right was a goose,
To his left was a moose,
But he runs for his supper now, don't he?
--- Eric Hinds
And a brown and red fox. And then later,
Elephants over there,
And a badger, a hare,
Two toucans. The judge was Ralph Nader.
--- Hilde na Beag
Than the race," lectured Ralph "and I wish you
No uneven start.
We must all do our part,
So don't stop on the way without tissue."
--- Eric Hinds
For most, it's a whole lot of fun.
But Three Crowns leg broke --
They called the gun bloke --
Who said that your life, now is done!
--- Archie
And pay heed to the racing of horses.
It takes two whole minutes
For someone to win it,
Then life resumes with it full forces
--- Dr Limerick 05-05-01
Taught classes in riding a horse.
His fee he discounted
For co-eds he'd mounted,
Who flocked to enroll in his course.
--- Allan R Ottley P8306
And thought that my wealth I'd enhance.
Put my shirt on a horse,
But it came last, of course,
With a name like Norfolk Enchants.
--- Tiddy Ogg a
When the squire rode up to his high gate,
'With your horse and your hound,
You had better go round,
For, I say you shan't jump over my gate.'
--- Pub 1822 J HalliwellP0605
Spied a blonde wearing flesh-colored shorts.
He skipped the next chukker
Expressly to fuck 'er--
That's what's nice about out-of-door sports!
--- G0177
Played polo, but at the first chukka,
He fell from his horse,
And his stick broke of course...
I swear that this story is pukka.
--- Anon
While getting hot under the collah;
Of lingams and yonis,
And men built like ponies,
And gals you could have for a dollah.
--- Anon
"A wonderful game that we've found.
Like Post Office, " she said,
"But you play it in bed,
And there's a little more horsing around."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1593A
Was trying to win, show, or place;
But her frivolous filly
Thought her rider was silly,
And threw her off flat on her face.
--- Limber Limericks
But now they've uncovered dark forces,
Who fix every race,
Be it "win" or "place",
Plus jockeys who jump from their horses.
--- Anon
By being bucked off by a Brahma.
He was hurt and depressed,
And he needed a rest,
And besides that, he wanted his mama.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8308
Who knew how to ride through and through.
She was known as the queen,
On the rodeo scene,
But tobacco she never would chew!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Ran the course with a hard-on below.
He cleared all the jumps
With nary a thump,
But his score in that class was quite low.
--- Actaeon
Attended a meet of the Quorn.
When her horse gave a buck,
She fell into some muck,
And wished she had never been born.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Though never to have next of kin,
A balless endeavor
Swung next to his lever.
A demeanor just like Gentle Ben.
--- Kriss Kraft
And rampantly they'll have a feast
Of those equine cunts,
So in a few months,
My mare-poking duties have ceased.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You'll resume what you did there before.
Some colossal horse-ware
Will have stretched every mare;
You may find it a frictionless bore.
--- Randog
But that's not quite the half of it.
Though his wife's not amused
About being abused,
Were it not for the perks, she would split.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0900
Called the umpire a 'shit', out of malice.
While this worthy had fits,
The team made eight hits,
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
--- L0284
Got a little too big for his britches.
He hit the wrong batter
With a bang and a clatter,
Then his head needed forty-two stitches.
--- Marie Kubina
To get attendance to reach double digits.
Fireworks, Ladies Day,
An organist and half-price pay,
And to bat he would send up a midget.
Said, "This is my plan which I'll share:
When Atlanta's at bat,
I'll just take off my hat,
And I'll blind the defense with my glare."
--- Sally Yocum P9712
This is file bml
Or a cold bottle of Rheingold beer.
A couple of red hots,
Some tequila shots
And wooden seats to callous your rear?
--- Norm Brust
Where he met a petite taffy puller.
He showed her his slugger,
Gave more than a hugger,
And she felt with this Bull so much fuller.
--- Anon
For no particular reason other than reminiscing.
Jim Carleton, Bill Lee, and Claude Passeau,
Hank Wyse, and John Schmitz, the only southpaw.
When Cubs won last flags, strikes they were whistling.
--- Vogt Baseball Hist P8911
And then he felt six inches tall.
Chicago fans wish
Him laid out on a dish,
And his nuts displayed in City Hall.
--- Randog
Whose career in the majors is through;
In the team's dressing room,
On his rigid male plume,
What he rubbed by mistake: Crazy Glue.
--- Armand E Singer 973
On pitches thrown by Lefty Rawls.
Rearing back on his spikes,
He declared they were strikes,
While the crowd in the cheap seats cried, "Balls!"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511
'Gainst the Orioles next Monday.
Sure hope they can win,
It would be a sin,
To hear Fidel cry "Ole!"
--- Anon
Has been disabled as of late,
Let's hope he's not lame,
For this special game,
Or perhaps it's just his fate.
--- Anon
Sure hate to go down there and picket.
For a scalpers' price,
Isn't very nice.
Can anyone out there fix it?
--- Anon
Lines were busy, or no one was home.
Are there any left?
Don't leave me bereft.
Must I go to the "scalp free" zone?
--- Anon
When they lost to a girl's nine they played.
The girls vied with great skill,
And provided a thrill,
With a few cushy bunts softly laid.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9706
Was arrested for stealing away.
As she also stole home,
Asked, "Why do you roam?"
She found very little to say.
--- Cyber Geezer
"There's only one way to get cunt:
Throw them flat on their back
And then press your attack --
You go for home runs, you don't bunt"
--- Armand E Singer 555
Supplies sex free to all of her lodgers,
Plus the cop on the beat,
The street sweeper Pete,
And the batting line-up of the Dodgers.
--- Grand Prix Lim 364
Who played in a ball game in Howell.
As she rounded each base
All the players gave chase;
What they did on home plate was called foul.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0746
Screwed his wife in the usual way.
While in back, he would bugger
With his Louisville Slugger
Thus completing a neat double play.
--- Anon
Who was struck in the face with a bunt.
They managed to save
The poor man from the grave,
But his face ended up like a cunt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2117
Refusing to sign a kid's mitt,
As words went too far.
The kid's dad slugged the star;
Papers said that the fan hit the shit.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0605
But, good for us, I play third base.
I casually prowl
And fart all bunts foul.
Our fans cheer real loud, just in case.
--- H Welchel
Every time that he hammers a homer,
Lets fly at the bleachers,
With asinine features
And highly unpleasant aroma.
--- Hugh Oliver A122A
Whose body was terribly stout.
He took a great stroke,
And his belt buckle broke,
Then the umpire hollered, "Yer out!"
--- Sally Yocum P9712
I started to write you the pennui.
Then the ballgame came on,
And my thoughts were all gone
As I concentrated on Fennui.
--- Tom Patton P0108
That I liked to play second or third.
"Though it's only a game,"
Mom muttered in shame,
`To want less than first is absurd!"
--- Gene Fehler P9208
Games used to be played in a fast time.
Now players have struck.
With fans out of luck;
Has the game been played for the last time?
--- Tom Patton P9504
Whose libido is easily stirred,
With zero remorse,
The girls he will force,
And sometimes a runner on third.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8306 A
His face he did cloud with a scowl.
His swing with great might
Hit a pheasant in flight,
And the umpire stepped back and cried, "Fowl!"
--- Albin Chaplin P8306
The risk of a mishap is high.
Oft times players scatter,
Avoiding the splatter,
When the rival team hits a cow pie.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9711
Who felt that his muscles would burst.
He often perspired
And his arms grew quite tired,
From holding the runners on first.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8306
Don't think that a walk you'll be handing.
Though the size may be small,
I will give it my all,
And a home run I'm sure to be landing.
--- Anon
A baseball game sure to be fun!"
"Batter up", I said,
As we fell into bed --
And he scored the winning home run!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
There a couple who dote on ump's calls.
He hollers "Yikes,"
Kisses her on strikes;
While she kisses him on the balls!
--- Sam Pittman a
Is of course in the records of Ruth.
While batting in Maine
He hit on a train
And it traveled nonstop to Duluth.
--- Hugh Oliver A137A
Are not below ground or concealed.
They're in contracts long,
Where good agent's song,
Will multiply your Midas yield.
--- Chris Papa
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