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FBI, CIA, and the rest
Are they N.F.G. when comes the test?
The U.K., M.I.5,
Is it really alive?
Spokesmen don't know what to say is the best.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A promiscuous lady Miss Bligh
Tried to screw the entire FBI.
But an agent named Ray
Who was really CIA,
Sneaked in and got laid on the sly.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410

The spymaster's plans went awry,
And he said with a tear in his eye,
"I'm sad and distraught,
For all that I caught
Was the cold that came in from the spy."
--- Ed Potts P8603

I've got some secrets to sell
For which someone will pay very well --
The Vice Pres. & the Pope
Run a ring to sell dope,
And Congress is going to Hell.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8607

The MI-6 operative, Flag,
Worked all of his cases in drag.
No fault of his own,
His cover was blown,
As was he in the back of his Jag.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

Our agent in Tokyo town,
Not without undercover renown,
Was on seven December
Geishaing his member
And while up, let his countrymen down.
--- Martin Wellborn P8603

With "Licence to Kill" skills annointed
A gorgeous young spy's been appointed;
Once known in the biz
As Contortionist Liz,
Undercover she's quite Double-Jointed.
--- Anon

Though 007's enthused
With her curves, he's a trifle bemused,
For he can't tell which end
He should shag or upend,
To keep Double-Jointed amused.
--- Anon

To Bondage she felt much attraction,
But poor James's body's reaction,
On trying to compete,
Found his dick twixt his feet,
And now the poor fellow's in traction.
--- Anon

There lived in Ipswich a spy,
Whose standards were terribly high.
He was going one better,
And dropped a letter,
And ended up as a py (pie).
--- Julie Ashton P0900

The FBI spy won't die, I'll bet,
'Cause he's neither black nor a Jew, yet.
Alleged to be worst,
His case is a first;
He and his payer never met.
--- Larry

Alas for the poor Rabbi Ben Harold --
His synagogue's gravely imperiled.
He's sent for George Smiley,
Who's clever and wily,
To seek out a mohel named Gerald.
--- Arthur Deex P8603

The spy who came in from the cold
Was still just as brave and as bold,
But he just could not pass
His days freezing his ass,
Hearing lies that the other spies told.
--- Lims For Erudite P0309

A gator who hijacked a freighter
Was a spy disguised as a waiter.
When his plot was exposed,
He was hanged by his toes;
Then thrown to the sharks was that traitor.
--- Nancy Henry_Kline P9306

The master spy known as George Smiley,
(Of demeanor both humble and wily),
Was so sad and lonely
Confined to "Eyes Only",
This guy's life was no "Life of Riley".
--- Robin K Willoughby P0309

Mata Hari was put on the spot,
Nathan Hale caught his neck in a knot;
Though one was well paid
In this treacherous trade,
I'll be hanged if I want to be shot!
--- Laurence Perrine P8603

There once was a very young spy,
Whom the feds were hoping to fry.
But the store made his day,
On scales, he got a weigh,
And now he gets by on the sly.
--- R G Trepanier

The spy who came in from the cold,
Whose feats were once highly extolled,
In Congo, distraught,
He came in from the hot,
Revealing that he was a mole.
--- Irving Superior P8606

"My spy books will make your hair curl,"
Said Fleming; "Each plot will unfurl --
First Bond kills some guys
Who are nasty Red spies,
Then the climax -- he comes with the girl."
--- Ed Potts P8603

A highly trained old Russian spy
Was caught--so he started to cry.
They said, "You've been a failure
From here to Australia."
He said, "Yes, but I try and I try."
--- Spike Mulligan

In old Russia, a World War I snoop
Was in quest of significant poop,
To find out if the Czar
And some bastard named Tsar,
Were quite one and the same or a group.
--- Don Moore P0011

A confused secret agent named Jack
Hoped he wouldn't be given the sack,
When his raise was denied,
When he said he had spied
On Iran, or perhaps on Iraq.
--- Cyber Geezer

Both Ethel and Julius were viewed,
As being bright Russian red-hued.
It was hard to bear
That Rosenberg pair.
Can you picture them in the nude?
--- Larry Davis P8603

If the Hebrew spies didn't take money
From the real estate sales crew, it's funny
That they claim to have found
Right on that ground,
A land flowing with milk and honey.

(Numbers 13:27)
--- A N Wilkins P8603

"Excuse me; I think you're a spy."
"Vladivostok and Kremlin! But why?"
You drink vodka and borschsh,
Wear a snap-on moustache,
And have 'Lenin' tattooed on your thigh."
--- Peter Wilkins

A backward-type Peeping Tom, Hotches;
At clandestine spying he botches.
He should be, it is said,
A pick-pocket instead
Because he gets off snatching watches.
--- Michael Polo P8603

In World War Two it was scary.
German spies made Washington wary.
Gentle Bess in her bed
Turned to Truman and said,
"Please tell me watsa matta, Harry?"
--- Tom Patton P0012

If you were a dancing Dutch belle,
Named Margaret, and Gertrude, and Zelle,
You'd be Mata Hari,
And I'm very sorry,
French firing squads blew you to Hell.
--- Larry Davis P8603

An autopsy of Mata Hari;
An unborn babe does Mata carry.
Authorities confess,
"If we could second guess,
Not Death but Mata Hari hata marry.
--- Irving Superior P9305

Mata Hari, by threading her spies,
Wove a network of numerous eyes
To snoop on the French,
So they murdered the wench,
But not before spreading her thighs.
--- Anon

Around Mata Hari they'd hover,
An inadequate spy but wild lover;
Or so it was said.
Though perhaps great in bed,
Photos show her round, plump like a Plover.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0309

As an agent of sly enterprise,
Mata Hari turned many men's eyes;
Wove a web of intrigue,
That was in it's own league,
For the artful way she'd thread her spies.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0202

An airport detective naed Scott
Said, "Spies are real easy to spot.
They've all got two or three
Microfilm rolls up the
Ass and they waddle a lot.
--- Michael Weinstein P8603a

This is file bol

There was a young fellow named Kevin
Who made his way quickly to heaven.
He was shot in the ass
When a guy with no class
Mistook him for 007.
--- John Dohner P8603

Mata Hari is my kind of spy;
International secret or guy,
She'd grab, and then run,
'Cause son-of-a-gun! --
Intrigue is more fun on the fly.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8603

I've never belonged to a Party
And am neither scientific nor arty.
Yet I often wish I
Might heroically die
Like Nathan -- that is, Hale and hearty
--- Laurence Perrine P8603

Said Nathan Hale, "My one regret
Is.....(round his neck a noose is set)
That...(a roll of drums)
I......(a sword down comes)
Though free to speak must watch my step."
--- Irving Superior P8406

I'm a coward, confirmed through and through.
Stay away, CIA and G-2.
Oh, I don't give a hoot
For that black parachute
And the bicycle that folds in two.
--- Arthur Deex P8603

Most of the British defections
Were Oxford-Cambridge connections.
Just old college chums,
In each others bums,
Heading in Eastern directions.
--- Larry Davis P8603

Though the KGB works for the proles,
They've discovered in reaching their goals
Of subverting the West,
That when put to the test,
Oxford graduates make the best moles.
--- A N Wilkins P8603

Confederate spies found a ruse
To get hold tof the top secret news,
About Union troop plans,
For they and their fans
Planted wires in the Washington stews.
--- A N Wilkins P8603

Kim Philby, up to his old tricks,
Mixed pleasure with his politics.
McLaine and then Burgess
Succumbed to his urges...
Also stuffed was poor old MI-6.
--- Martin Wellborn P8603

Mata Hari, when hot on the trail
Of a secret, put out for a male,
So that clearly she earned
Everything that she learned.
Was it worth, though, the price of her tail?
--- A N Wilkins P8603

A CIA spy name of Nick
Would not give his girl friend a lick.
He kept his prick hidden
And to look was forbidden,
For he fucked with a classified prick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2211

Sidney Reilly, the true ace of Spies,
Used accents, fake passports, disguise,
To hoodwink the Russians,
The Turks and the Prussians --
Yet pried open his fair share of thighs.
--- Martin Wellborn P8603

Now Rudolph Abel was a mole.
He stayed hidden deep in his hole.
When caught, he was swapped
For ours, that they dropped.
F. Powers was more like a vole.
--- Larry Davis P8603

In the Kremlin a big cloud of dust
Was seen, as the usual 'must'
Was to sack lots of brass
Who discovered their ass
Wore the typical first signs of Rust.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P8804

When 'glasnost' swept in like a gust,
It was found to be flawlessly just.
But a patch did appear
On the central Red Square.
KGB made a check, and found Rust!
--- Karl Ludvig Kjelsen P8804

In a Soviet report from the 'trust'
Security leaks were discussed;
There's a hole we are certain
In the West iron curtain,
And our specialists claim it is Rust.

(Rust landed a light plane in the Kremlin)
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P8804

The official who's major, not minor
Said, "Security couldn't be finer.
I don't want to tempt fate,
But with confidence state
It's as tight as a virgin's vagina.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410

A job for you, Igor, a honey;
Just put on this dress and walk funny.
"But won't he suspect?"
Well, he just might defect;
If he doesn't then bribe him with money.
--- Peter Wilkins

At a diplomat dinner near Rye
He rubbed the inner part of her thigh.
She smiled and said, "Dear
You've got one thing to fear,
When you get to the balls, I'm a spy."
--- Tom Patton P0012

We knew what our agent in Paris meant
When she said she had suffered embarrassment:
Financial disclosure
And sexual exposure.
Parisians all knew what a bare ass meant.
--- Lance Payne P8603

The spy who came in from the cold,
By orders and memos controlled,
Came in over-worked.
Inside found a clerk
To mutilate, spindle and fold.
--- Irving Superior P8606

A scientist stole a disk drive;
The Chinese had bribed him with jive.
They gave him loose cash
In case of backlash,
Like facing a sentence of life.
--- Matthew Montchalin

But then someone noticed disks missing;
Then all started moaning and hissing.
Until in a box
Beneath the Xerox,
They're found. Now security's pissing...
--- Liam na Beag

"I ain't sold no secrets," he cried,
"Not to the Israelis -- besides
Why would they pay me
For stuff they get free? --
After all, ain't those guys on our side?
--- Robin K Willoughby P8607

Our world is infested with spies --
KGB's, CIA's, FBI's --
At whom I would shout,
"Hey guys, cut it out!
Stop bugging me -- all of you guys!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8603

Natasha the spy had to screw
Fifty-six guys to get to
The plans for the sub.
But it turned out a flub;
Ham, salami, and Swiss -- nothing new.

(Sub sandwiches - franchise in the U.S.)
--- Michael Weinstein P8603

To be a good government spy
You need to be able to lie
In four or five languages,
Including their slang, which is
Always for bidding you "Bye!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8603

The President sent out a spy
To find out for him on the sly
What he wanted to know --
How old you must grow
Before people start calling you spry.

(during Reagan's administration)
--- A N Wilkins P8603

A man with a bomb in Bologna
Was detained as an obvious phony,
When he claimed to be Herman,
A businessman, German,
Who lived in the town of Cologne.
--- Cyber Geezer

A pentagon spy named McGoo
Had a transmitter up his wazoo.
When he just had to pass
Some intestinal gas,
Those farts could be heard in Peru.
--- Michael Weinstein P0309

A young spy from Poland named Ritter
Had a transmitter stuffed up his shitter.
A microchip case
Takes up almost no space,
But his was an old tube-type transmitter.
--- Michael Weinstein P8603

A security pilot named Coor,
Carried a bomb while on tour.
The chances, he claimed,
Of two bombs on one plane
Were so rare that he felt quite secure.
--- Laura Schooler

You can tell from their flickering eyes
And their hats pulled down low in disguise;
Their ridiculous wigs
And their Marlboro cigs
And their over-long macs, that they're spies.
--- Peter Wilkins


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