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As he proudly strode to homeplate, Mighty Mikey gave him such a look Mighty Mikey, faked out of his jock As the ball would be struck with a force The catcher returned him the sphere Mighty Mikey again was caught swinging As they popped right out into sight, The fans in the stands were were all struck Somewhere joyous bells may be ringing A buxom young lady from Linz In a Minnesota town called Ball Club, A very small woman, a runt, Baseball, with its grass, dirt, and grime, "The pros who play ball," said whore Kiefer, Hold on! Just don't be too sure. There once was a baseball from Paris, In a world often strange and complex, A country ball player named Lorne The players were irked by Miss Thatcher; "When we win the World Series," said Ray, A Los Angeles pitcher named Powell In the Spring, when young birdies call, The outfield was s'posed to be awesome, There is a ballplayer named Belle Baseball caps are made for clinging, A grim baseball player was Matt. Red Sox fans spend the very long winter (splendid splinter - Ted Williams)
"Wait till next year" has finally arrived, There's a major league pitcher who squalls, At baseball, a lady named Walls A singles-bar hitter named Ford, When dating the pitcher, Miss Vetch The pitcher's young wife likes to holler Jackie Robinson's now up at bat. There once were some major league umps, The umpires resigned, yes quit, In this case the owners look good. This September's a month to dislike, (author is general counsel baseball players union)
"Playing topless", says softball coach Beam, For me, things are proving mysterious; The woman has pantherlike grace; Old Mark McGwire is quite the guy. A stunted baseballer, a runt, A ball player swung his long bat, There once was an umpire whose vision When the Major League shortstop Phil Baines When the baseball team came to Miss Hearst, A left handed batter named Ace We begin the New Year as World Champs, In '04 our team won the big prize, Working hard for the win is laborious, The World Series ends in Miami; In American baseball, it seems A Cubs catcher, Figley revealed, Though I loved seeing the Giants play The boy's look he mistook for awe; On fog-frigid Candlestick nights, It opened in '60, well-dressed, It soon was the host of a Series, Later, the Beatles would play there, The players were listless and dreaded The Catch stalled America's Team, Finally, a new series did bloom, And now it is in its last days, There was more to this park than the wind; The onery Sultan of Swat: (Babe Ruth)
All hail to the Sultan of Swat,
And raised his bat up to wait
On the pitcher's first pitch,
While the pitcher did itch
Himself on his mound of his pate.
--- Anon
That caused him to quiver, how he shook
But the ball left his hand
[With the rest of his gland]
And the pitch he threw took a sharp hook.
--- Anon
Could only stand there and gawk,
As the bat he swung
Made a sound like 'zung'
Instead of its normal 'catock'.
--- Anon
That could quickly fell a large horse
But this time he missed
And was growing quite pissed
And the pitcher grew nervous, of course.
--- Anon
And said, "Come on, hum it in here"
Whiped his sweat-drenched brow
Then threw again, WOW!!
That ball zigged and zagged, highly queer.
--- Anon
At the spot where he thought he was seeing
The ball, but 't was not
He grow even more hot
And the veins in his neck went "ca-teeing"
--- Anon
The pitcher, then, near died from fright.
As he drew back to throw,
He closed his eyes so
He would not have to see the ball's flight.
--- Anon
As they watched Mighty Mikey walk
With his shoulders slumped down
And his face all a frown,
To the showers to deal with the shock
--- Anon
Kids laughing and joking and singing
All signs of sheer joy
But not here, oh boy
Mighty Mikey just struck out swinging
--- Anon
Said, "I like ballplayers for sins.
I like best Minnesota,
They give more than their quota,
And I know why they call them the Twins."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0244
The team is now owned by a pub.
The crowds go there to cheer,
While they're drinking their beer.
Their mascot is a grizzly bear cub.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Played softball and Wow! could she bunt.
But one day she missed
And got pretty pissed,
When the ball smacked her right in the cunt.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is imbued in our every clime.
You can always be sure,
Even in the future,
It will still be our country's pastime.
--- Dick Hull
"I find them, at fucking much briefer."
But a batter named Pat
Gave her such a fuck that
She had to call in a reliefer.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1564
Not every one here is demure.
If her lips will pucker,
The Dodgers will fuck her;
In L.A. ain't nobody pure.
--- J Wease
Made of leather wrapped 'round horse's hairs.
It went over a fence
In a night game and hence,
The baseball nobody know where's.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
These news stories tend to perplex
When they seem to imply
A very big lie:
That baseball is better than sex.
--- Anon
Was awkward from the day he was born.
He was given a trial;
But with his flatfooted style,
He was told to go back and grow corn.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
In yelling, no ball fan could match her.
She was fucked on the mound
By the pitcher renowned,
And again on home plate by the catcher.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0768
"That should really be one gala day."
"And that's just as well,"
Replied his friend Del,
"I can handle just one gal a day."
--- A N Wilkins P8511
Was bothered one day by an owl;
When it sat on his hat,
He shouted, "Who dat?"
And the umpire yelled, "It's a fowl!"
--- Lims Unlimited
And their sweet songs on eager ears fall,
My ears wait around
For a yet sweeter sound;
Those magical spring words, "Play Ball!"
--- Deboruni
With Valentine, Cromartle and Dawson?
Cromartle went Japanese,
Dawson wore out his knees,
And Valentine broke hearts so they tossed him.
--- Bennett Oberfeld
Whose temper has been known to swell.
His demeanor's the pits
Cause he has lots of fits,
And at fans he's been known to yell!
--- Youngbeard
When for a fly ball you are winging.
But are worn indoors
Only by boors,
And those with a poor upbringing.
--- Bob Davies
He scowled at the pitcher and spat,
Then he held his bat high
To prepare for a fly,
And he bashed it to death with his bat.
--- Albin Chaplin P8306
In New England's snow-covered lands hinter;
They recall Lefty Grove
'Round the pot-bellied stove,
And of course, the spendiferous splinter.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Our Red sox no longer deprived;
Proud Yankees defeated,
A sweep then completed,
Long-suffering faithful high-fived.
--- Joel D Ash P0505
And some feel like climbing the walls;
And they have a reason.
Each day of the season,
The umpires rub mud on their balls.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8306
Disturbed all the fans with her calls.
She was fucked in the bleacher
By a chemistry teacher,
Then the man with two strikes and three balls.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0773
Leads off with a girl who is bored,
By advancing his claim
That the name of the game
Comes to this: To have singled and scored.
--- Playboy Mag Jim Weaver
Reduced the poor man to a wretch.
He had heeded her call
And agreed to play ball,
But he needed a sixth inning stretch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0369
From the stands, about matters that gall her --
Like "I really must find
A man more refined,
Because mine is a sloppy, base baller."
--- Brian Belge
This is file bll
I sure hope he'll triple like that.
Off third he'll then dance;
Might as well take a chance,
With the sleek running style of a cat.
--- Naomi J Kahn
Who seemed to be cowardly chumps,
When the owners replied:
Your balls will be fried!
We'll cut off your dicks at the stumps!
--- Anon
Saying their contract was shit.
But some were thin-skinned
And tried to rescind;
The owners would have none of it.
--- Anon
The umpires misunderstood
The owner's prospect:
'Accept or Reject'.
They got rid of lots of dead wood.
--- Anon
What with players still forced out on strike.
Yeah, and if you don't think
That the clubs caused this stink
At the time, you can go take a hike.
--- Gene Orza P9410
"Wins a girls club both fans and esteem.
They're the Baltimore Quails,
But some pun-loving males
Like to call them 'the aurioles' team."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
At times I may seem quite delirious.
Though Clinton beat Dole,
I'm still on a roll;
The Yankees have won the World Serious.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She looks pretty in denim or lace.
She has sparkle and verve,
And a whole lot of nerve,
To beat me at playing third base.
--- Lims Unlimited
While others less wealthy do buy
Fine gifts for their father,
Old Mac doesn't bother.
He just gave his dad a new tie.
--- Rusty Smith
Was always encouraged to bunt.
The reason for that,
A shortness of bat,
Also made for a shortness of cunt.
--- Sumaq
And a gal hollered, "Hey, look at that!
There's two balls on the guy..."
Asked a guy standing by,
"On the scoreboard, or where he just sat?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 876
Was cause for abuse and derision.
He remarked with surprise,
"Why pick on my eyes?
It's my heart that dictates my decision."
--- Ogden Nash P9002
Was told, "Of your speed, little remains."
He replied, "That ain't so.
I ain't slowed down, I know!"
Then he looped on fifteen more gold chains.
--- Anon
She complained, "Though your game is the worst,
I will fuck the whole nine,
If you stand in a line."
But they could not agree who's on first.
--- Albin Chaplin
Did find himself deep in disgrace.
With long triple hit,
He took leave of his wit
And went WIDDERSHINS third to first base.
--- Elois
Once again a collection of scamps;
Training camps are aware,
As they plan and prepare,
That our idiots run on high amps.
--- Joel D Ash P0505
Long home run has replaced alibis;
Emphasize the well done,
A fun era begun,
In '05 they surprise and reprise.
--- Joel D Ash P0505
Heart and soul of a team that's victorious;
To contend to the end,
With so much to defend,
Meritorious effort wax glorious.
--- Joel DAsh P0505
Those Florida Marlins are jammy!
They just squeak to a tie
On a sacrifice fly,
But in OT, sock Cleveland a whammy!
--- Prof M-G T9710
The World Series is grandest of dreams.
But the teams that can play
Are just World USA...
'Cause they'd lose to those Mexican teams.
--- Anon
Cuts and bruises that hardly were healed,
From thos fast-breaking curves,
That played hell on his nerves,
And each time one was thrown, Figley reeled.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9710
At the Park sticking into the Bay,
I never quite learned
That I could get sunburned
And frostbitten both in one day.
--- Anon
He was frozen, his face would not thaw.
"We'll wait for Mike Ivie,"
My dad said beside me,
"Then you can sleep in the car."
--- Carlos Melendez
We'd cuddle up under the brights.
"I am," I once told her
"A Candlestick holder."
She smiled and then punched out my lights.
--- Anon
And Nixon proclaimed it the best.
It was state of the art;
It latched on to your heart,
And our boys would play there with zest.
--- Carlos Melendez
To which there were many full queries.
"Why couldn't it fall?
That line shot of a ball?"
McCovey and Mays had no theories.
--- Carlos Melendez
Then all of our heroes were elsewhere.
Maricahl roamed Fenway?
Old "Say Hey!" at Shea!
It seemed all our cupboards were bare.
--- Carlos Melendez
And Toronto they seemed to be headed.
Then Kezar's team moved in;
Football was its sin;
This team and it's fans were soon wedded.
--- Carlos Melendez
Morgan's shot derailed Tommy's dream.
One team topped the world,
The othere still hurled,
A "Stick fan's" best friend was Jim Beam.
--- Carlos Melendez
Where an earthquake brought many much gloom.
Our old girl showed power;
It was her finest hour,
Yet our rivals still pulled out the broom.
--- Carlos Melendez
Where only the red and gold plays.
The orange and the black
Will now play at the 'Pac,
Forty seasons and now parting ways.
--- Carlos Melendez
By leaving, it seems like we've sinned.
It was always much more
Than what's printed in lore;
It was home; it was heart; it was kin.
--- Carlos Melendez
His harem was laden with twat.
In spite of great batches
Of hair-spangled snatches,
He struck out more often than not.
--- Armand E Singer 58
A rare connoisseur prime twat;
Like any wise student,
Most carefully prudent,
He tried all the foods that he got.
--- Armand E Singer 58A
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