To a man, all the ballplayers state,
That ball scratching they now will abate.
And the same goes for spitting,
A behavior unfitting,
But they'd like to jack off at home plate.
--- Al Chaplin P0900

As I once explained to my Mame,
"Baseball is a strange kind of game.
Most players spit
Or scratch an armpit,
Or scratch something else with no shame."
--- Al Willis P9511

When the homer was caught by fan Pace,
Said the home run king fresh from home base,
"Would you like me to sign
On that game ball of mine?"
Pace said, "No, you may spit in my face."
--- Al Chaplin P0900

The new ballplayer plan is a gem,
Although some may have cause to condem.
On all players who spit
Microphones will be fit
So the fans can all hear them draw phlegm.
--- Al Chaplin P0009

A TV announcer named Moses
Took note of the ballplayers' poses
As their balls they adjusted,
And it left him disgusted
So he taught them to spit and pick noses.
--- Albin Chaplin

Baseball games on the tube are a hit
With a seven-year-old fan named Kit.
He watches TV
In order to see
His favorite athletes spit.
--- Attic Salt P0007

The NBA, for crying out loud,
Is attacking the fans in the crowd.
Ron Artest is saying,
Who cares if they're paying.
The players, with their millions, seem proud.
--- Tom Patton P0502

I bet on the pacers, they lose.
I bet on the Bulls, they snooze.
The system, you see,
Is bet against me.
Who I bet against, will cruise.
--- Les Stewart

In sports, what makes the big headlines;
The contracts Shaquille and Jordan sign.
How oft do you hear
That in a career,
He's a blessing in his hometown confines.
--- Jenni Saqua

The winningest coach, Bobby Bowden
Once drew a ecstatic crowd in...
But now his team's under
So often, fans wonder
If Bowden should still be allowed in!
--- Nov 2005

Bobby Knight is, as everyone knows,
A man possessed by worries and woes.
The chairs aren't the measure
Of Bobby's displeasure.
It is all in the tantrums he throws.
--- Tom Patton P0411

The Terrapins just beat the Hoosiers,
Who lost, but were never the loosers.
That honor, last night
Went to Bobby Knight;
The blowhard, the choker, the bruiser.

(Bobby Knight - ill-mannered coach)
--- Dr Limerick

They've sighed a tall hoopster named Tate.
Just how tall he is, I can't state,
But his mother has sworn
That it's true he was born
On October six, seven, and eight.
--- P8306A

Yes, this young girl was really so hot,
The whole basketball team got a shot.
And after they'd made her,
About nine months later,
A bouncing baby boy now she's got.

(he even dribbles)
--- Kaylin Brandon

The Bulls are a basketball team
With players of which coaches dream.
There was never a doubt
That they would win out;
They have proven that they are the cream.
--- Ron Corlies

I know a young lady named Rose
Who painted the nails of her toes
With black over red;
She fashioned the head
Of a bull with a ring in his nose.

(Chicago Bulls 1997 basketball champs - their mascot)
--- Bob Leclerc

Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack?
I can't jump! All the jocks give me flack!
Won't you listen to me?
I'm too white! Can't you see?
Oh Lord, won't you give me some black!
--- William N Nesbit P0010

Basketball guy's spout MUMBO Jumbo,
Like little girls hoping for some beau.
Offering millions
Before cotillions,
To find a Dikembe Motumbo.
--- Daniel Ford

An N.B.A. groupie named Leaming
Likes two jocks at once and is scheming,
To combine tail and head,
With a duo in bed,
"For I like," so she said, "double teaming."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

If he plays basketball and he's cute,
I advise you girls, "Don't give a hoot.
You should try to abstain
And engage a new swain,
'Cause he dribbles whenever he shoots."
--- Al Willis P9708

A basketball player from Butte
Had a cheerleader feeling his root.
She stroked his big dick,
Then gave it a lick;
He dribbled before he could shoot.
--- P8306

Basketball is an exciting sport;
The players run across the court.
Dribbling and scoring,
It never gets boring,
Unless the game gets cut short!
--- Kathy Arias TP9802

"Go Jazz!" yells my little Nicole,
When Andrei K is on a roll.
She likes basketball
Although she is small;
Just two and she's out of control.
--- Bonnie Lewis

There once was a boy who liked sports;
He was always on basketball courts.
He shot many shots,
And made quite a lot,
When he wore his spiffy blue shorts.
--- Adam

He went to the old NBA.
'Cause he thought that there he could play.
In a league with real men,
He couldn't fit in.
Now he's back on the courts of L.A.
--- Adam

A young man who like round-ball a lot,
Played basketball each chance he got.
When it came time to screw,
He would grab him a 'roo,
And work on his fucking jump shot.
--- Tom Simon

This superstar dunker, Joe Graff,
Stands eight feet from topknot to calf;
And 'mirabile dictu',
Sports ten inches of prick, too!
(His grandaddy fucked a giraffe).
--- Armand E Singer 941a

The talented "Velcro Five" group,
Is the baskeball league's finest troupe.
And their fans always thrill
At their consummate skill,
And how easily they just look and hoop.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9807

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
From his toes to his head measures far.
Did his mother's entreaties
To finish his Wheaties
Make him long as a limousine car?
--- Sally Hoover P9302

In an NBA locker room, Sissy,
A reporter a little bit prissy,
Went straight into shock
When the star dropped his jock.
"Now what have you got to say, Missy?"
--- Anon

It's sad Magic Johnson is sick,
From the virus he caught with his dick.
Don't think me unkind,
But he would be fine
If his Johnson, my friend, was magic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said Magic, "My record's been ripped--
My career with the Laker's been nipped.
I've learned from the guys,
HIV's spread by flies--
How I wish that I'd just kept mine zipped."
--- Martin Wellborn P9112a

A great bunch of guys are the Packers
And their followers, wholehearted backers;
But when they missed a bucket
The fans yelled, "Oh fuck it!"
Like those ill-mannered Georgia Crackers.
--- Martin Wellborn P0501

This is file bjl

I'm watching the basketball game;
My team has the Utah Jazz name.
Don't get the respect
That you might expect,
For guys of Olympic team fame.
--- Anon

If your hoops job is to play pivot, (basketball)
You must know when to shoot or give it.
You make the call,
But don't hog the ball,
Or the coach will get in SWIVET.
--- Norm Brust

There was a young athlete named Tribbling
Whose hobby was basketball dribbling.
But he dribbled on day
On a busy freeway --
Now his sister is missing a sibling!
--- Dean Walley

A basketball player named Munn
Said, "Honey, when all's said and done,
A game is real fine
But truly divine
Is humping you, babe, one on one!"
--- Armand E Singer 828

So do please remember to keep cool,
When facing reporters from the pool.
They're just as flakey,
Achey and breaky,
As you were at their age...and cruel.
--- Daniel Ford

Pippen and Jordan are sweet;
With Rodman, who's tattooed his meat.
Air's (Jordan) waggin' his tongue --
The Hornets got stung.
Rice, Mason, and Curry looked beat.
--- Anon

On this day I really got kicks
As my team delivered some licks.
Oh, it sure was sweet
When my team beat the HEAT.
Congrats to the NEW YORK KNICKS.

(professional basketball teams in the U.S.)
--- Puff Adder

Considered champ by those in the know,
Was a seven three player named Joe.
When he couldn't jump higher,
It was time to retire
To teach some young players to throw.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Dennis Rodman, while visiting Durban,
Was arrested for wearing a turban.
He was swishing 'round town
In a gauzy white gown,
And the Sikhs found his antics perturbin'.
--- Cyber Geezer

A basketball player named Shaq,
Whose girth weighed him down like a sack,
Then said with a thunk
As he fell from a dunk:
"It appears that I've broken my back."
--- Anon

There once was a man named Shaq,
For b-ball he had quite a knack.
He was really tall,
And could palm the ball,
And is young and gifted and black.
--- Sara

The Lakers have made quite a deal
By acquiring the like of Shaquille.
He'll have a seven year stay,
Playing down by the bay;
To those fans, he is bound to appeal.
--- Ron Corlies

With the draft picks the Lakers were hoardin',
And their cash flow, they now are affordin'
Saddam Hussein,
To post in the lane.
They hear he can shoot over Jordan.

(Michael Jordan allstar)
--- Res Ipsa

I saw but I thought I was drunk;
My jaw hit the floor with a clunk.
A Pole who's that tall,
When having the ball,
Always makes a standing slam dunk!
--- Anon

There one was a boy from Montreal
Who loved to play basketball.
For a team he tried out;
If he made it, I doubt;
For you see, he was just three feet tall.
--- Kasia Kowalski

In a move that was truly absurd,
Ron Artest turned his back on the Bird.
But Bird said, "Let him go.
He ain't the whole show.
Besides, you can't polish a turd."
--- Anon

Any one out there a Utah Jazz fan?
It appears to me there's been a plan
To keep the Jazz down,
And the Bulls on the town.
It's hard to root for the also-ran.
--- Marlene Lewis

I kept betting the Jazz'd win the next game;
My bets kept getting shot down in flame.
Jordan ended my hopes
With the Jazz on the ropes.
I hope next year's season's not the same.
--- Marlene Lewis

I like the Jazz, because wherever I go,
If there's a game I can pick up on radio.
"Hot Rod" explains it,
So I don't miss a bit,
'Cause at rules understanding - I'm slow.
--- Marlene Lewis

It took me forever to get "pick and roll",
And to not gasp at "go to the hole."
(Took Hot Rod to explain:
The guy ran down the lane.)
Now I'm working on post-up -- like a pole?
--- Marlene Lewis

Don't tell me what shirts they've got on!
Some games they don't tell me who won,
Until they've explained Rodman's hair,
And Jordan's underwear.
If I can't figure it out, it's no fun.
--- Marlene

Have you all seen Karl Malone?
We claim him as one of our own.
Plays hard for the Jazz;
I think no one has
Such shoulders with great muscle tone.
--- Anon

Karl's the power forward (and hunk).
He can pass, steal, rebound, and dunk.
He can draw a foul;
Has one scary scowl!
And does not have tattoos and junk.
--- Anon

John Stockton is just six foot one,
But he surely gets the job done.
In steals and assists,
He's top of the lists;
Makes watching this game so much fun!
--- Anon

You cannot judge John by his size.
He's one of my favorite guys.
He wears his shorts short,
And I must report
That his shorts show off his nice thighs.
--- Anon

Won't bore you with all of the rest.
They all put my nerves to the test.
Don't care if they win --
But is it a sin,
To keep all my hormones suppressed?
--- Anon

While basketball girls from Slovakia
Were wishing they had a sloclockia,
To give them more time,
Their coach wished for prime
Time on her new boyfriend's slocockia.
--- Anon

The Jazz played so poorly today;
I guess there's not much more to say.
It makes me feel bad,
But what makes me mad
Are those "skorts" that they wear to play.
--- Bonnie Lewis

If their game is going to stink,
The least they could do, you would think
Is to wear some short shorts,
Instead of those skorts.
I want to see more "leg" (wink, wink).
--- Bonnie Lewis

The players complained that Coach Knox
Had a strange way of picking his Hawks.
He never would heed
Their skill or their speed,
But only the size of their cocks.
--- Michael Larson P0312

At bowling, Bud's skill waxed and waned;
Soon all his patience was drained.
"It's not lack of skill
Or a shortage of will;
The alley is bowed," he complained.
--- Ed

There was a young fellow named Pete,
Who had quite a large pair of feet.
Every Sunday at bowling,
He sends those pins rolling.
If I didn't know him, I'd shout "Cheat!".
--- Sir Jaylad

Joe serviced the pins with great care,
Till a rumbling caused him to stare.
He needed to duck
But his head it was struck,
And his false teeth helped pick up the spare.
--- Richard Long

There was a girl bowler named Jane,
Who bowled her ball right down the lane.
When it rolled in the gutter,
She was heard to utter
Words that were quite often profane.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0305