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Now Allie sure thinks Sam is neat; In back of the old bowling alley, A bowling team up in the valley A flatulent bowler named Bartz The game contains all of ten pins; At bowling, Sal's just a beginner, At a championship final in bowls, When he bowls at the Hollywood halls, There was an old bowler from Maine, Another good bowler is Claire; An avid chess player named Lee A chessplayer was known to be great, There once was a player -- Maloney, (sac - sacrifice?)
The computer we know as "Big Blue", A chess playing bishop named Klee This chess playing bishop named Klee The chess playing bishop named Klee Next the chess playing bishop named Klee Then the chess playing bishop named Klee Then the chess playing bishop named Klee A chessboard of a new design, This has happened to you, I will bet. There once was a chessplayer named Flo, A mistress of chess from Quebec He begins to salivate Without chance of escape, CHECKMATE, An Aussie, in tempting his fate, There once was a man named Kasparov, (Big Blue won - 3 1/2 to 2 1/2 1997)
In Kasparov versus Deep Blue, Attorney and gent played some chess, They shouted aloud in hotel, The manager turned to the lawyer, There was an old man of Sheerness, Deep Blue could think longer and faster The machine that they call Deeper Blue, The poor husband's future looked gaunt, When her boyfriend came by to get Bess, Watching a chess match, Miss Bryce, Caissa, Goddess of Chess There once was a Grandmaster named Browne, A young bride said, "I really do hate In order to solve his wife's plight, There was a chess player named Frost, There was a young lady named Bess, Man versus Machine it was billed, The first game proved Gary still king; But then Kasparov resigned in Game 2, "The printouts!" Kasparov cried, Games 3, 4 and 5 were all drawn; Game 6 was the most startling yet; This chess match made world-wide news, No machine had done it 'til now; "I was not in the mood to fight," So in New York, on the eleventh of May, "Rematch" was then heard through the land; We really have nothing to fear; "The printouts", Kasparov cried, The Knight -- that's the one like a horse, Thought I'd learn the game of chess, Though chess gives some people delight, While playing at chess, Mr. Bing Mathematics, of Sciences, Queen, There once was a girl in the nude, There was a chess player named Pete Said the white king in chess, "I suspect In chess, my wife has the ambition
She claims his cold cuts can't be beat.
No one can bowl better.
She'd sure love to get her
Hands on his large balls and his meat.
--- Drayton INC
I'd dally with Sal's hills and valley.
Each time the pins fell
The place shook like hell...
The earth moved for me and for Sally.
--- Anon
Had a young girl to keep the tally.
When the last ball was thrown,
The whole team would get blown;
All that scoring was right up her alley.
--- MrMalo
Distracted his team with his farts.
They sewed up his colon
Which perked up his bowlin',
But was rough on his innermost parts
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Three hundred points maximum wins.
Strike or a spare,
She just doesn't care,
As long as her box, they are in.
--- Arden
But all the boys that she let in her,
Say no problem of course.
She'll get always high scores;
For at handling the balls, she's a winner!
--- Anon
The green was invaded by moles.
They dug up the drains,
Colonel Fawcett's remains,
And some very old British Rail rolls.
--- Bill Wall
His spinning technique just appalls.
With throws apt to see
The side gutter, strikes me,
He should get a good grip on his balls.
--- Val Burns P0608
Who suffered a terrible pain.
When he totaled his score
Of one twenty-four,
The result of this addled his brain.
--- William K Alsop Jr
She and Pete make a pretty good pair.
The scheme and they plot
And they practise a lot.
They're too bloody good. It's not fair!
--- Sir Jaylad
Played chess with his dog with great glee.
But his dog was not smart
For he oft fell apart,
And the dog was beat two out of three.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2666
And was anything but sedate;
When moving to win,
He broadly would grin,
And bellow: "That is check -- and mate!"
--- Bill Wall
Who always played the Benoni.
But his counterattack
Failed to a sac;
And his Benoni was just all baloney.
--- Bill Wall
Was taught what competitors do.
So when Kasparov came near,
It bit off his ear,
And spat it to Queen's Bishop 2.
--- Vertech Limerick Contest A
Would always walk diagonaly.
His church, Gothic style,
But no center aisle.
Two aisles in an inverted V.
--- Irving Superior P9101
Who always walked diagonaly,
Encountered a knight,
First left and then right
Of where he then happened to be.
--- Irving Superior P9101
Who always walked diagonaly,
Encountered a rook
Who after one look,
Took off at a ninety degree.
--- Irving Superior P9101
Who always walked diagonaly,
Encountered a pawn,
"My friends are all gone.
The front line is no place to be."
--- Irving Superior P9101
Who always walks diagonaly,
Encountered the queen.
From where she had been,
In every direction went she.
--- Irving Superior P9101
Who always walked diagonaly,
Encountered the king
Who (friendliest thing)
Said, "Come, stand in this spot next to me."
--- Irving Superior P9101
That prevents an early resign.
With a different king
Out on either wing,
The board must be nine by nine.
--- Bill Wall
You bring your chess set and forget,
For you notice with shock,
You broken your chess clock,
And pieces missing from your best set.
--- Bill Wall
Who liked to mate, you know;
When you castled long,
She helped along,
And would say, "O - O - O."
--- Bill Wall
Wore a blunderbuss strung at her neck.
When a man for a caper
Attempted to rape her,
She blew off his head and said "Check!"
--- Hugh Oliver 43b
While contemplating your fate.
You see your King fall
Hear his triumphant call --
"Checkmate, checkmate, checkmate!"
--- Chris Papa
Unless rules one does abrogate,
Means end of the game
And feeling quite lame,
Like ashes fallen through the grate.
--- Anon
Paid bill for an auto, sum great.
The draft, bank had stopped;
He into jail popped;
"We don't accept rubber CHECK, MATE!"
--- Chris Papa
And a machine with which he could spar off.
Though the machine was much faster,
It was not a grand master,
So it lost whent the novelty wore off.
--- Pietro Michelucci
The machine had an advantage or two.
It knew Gary's old plays,
But was left in a daze,
When he opened with one that was new.
--- Pietro Michelucci
Either of them would confess,
That they were so good,
That nobody should,
With future champs never impress.
--- Chris Papa
Then manager started to yell,
"You two please get out!"
They started to pout,
Asked for explantion as well.
--- Chris Papa
With haughty look of a Boyar,
Explained with a sneer,
So all there would hear,
"No chess nuts boasting in this open foyer!"
--- Chris Papa
Who invited two friends to play chess,
But he'd lent all the pieces
To one of his nieces,
And stupidly lost the address.
--- R Davies
This is file cil
Than Kasparov, Russian Grandmaster.
After looking ahead,
It solemnly said,
"I forsee a Grandmaster disaster!"
--- KJR
Was heard at the after-match do,
To say to young Gary,
"I love you! Let's marry!"
You can flush your Fritz 4 down the loo."
--- M Buckley
So to please the young debutante,
He checked the castle,
Then quick and facile,
Partook of his queen en passant.
--- Mikel Potts
Her father assured him that yes,
She'd be down right away,
But then to his dismay
Asked the guy if he'd like to play chess.
--- A N Wilkins P8502
Was trapped in a chess master's vise.
No one envied her plight --
She was forked by a knight,
And a bishop who mated her twice.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1976
Has this task, no more and no less.
Every game, mate or damn bit,
Sicilian or gambit,
She must ever be ready to bless.
--- Ed Wolfert P8309
Who wore a perpetual frown.
As he played blitz against Dzindzi,
The crowd got all cringy;
He said just one word; that was "DOWN!"
--- Bill Wall
That my husband plays chess very late.
So my only recourse
Is to file for divorce,
On the grounds that I have a stale mate!"
--- Observer TP9901
The husband said, "I'll do what's right.
I'll stay home on Monday,
And also on Sunday,
And play chess on some other night."
--- Travis Brasell
Whose path in the library I crossed;
He played a mean game,
Cold and hard like his name;
But I still am the champ, for he lost.
--- Alexander Baron
Who wore a revealing tight dress.
Though all of the boys
Tried all of their ploys,
All she wanted to do was play chess.
--- CM
And each day the auditorium filled.
An interesting fight
With Gary first to have white.
Can anyone claim they're not thrilled?
--- Anon
Deep Blue hadn't learned anything.
Quickly out of it's book,
It later won Gary's rook.
Does this thing even belong in the ring?
--- Anon
And at that time, nobody knew.
Later shown he could draw,
Did this stick in his craw?
Others may be wondering too!
--- Anon
"Why was I so flatly denied?"
So then they were sealed;
Only later revealed;
One point each -- this match is now tied!
--- Anon
Deep Blue did indeed have some brawn!
It's now winner take all,
So don't fumble the ball.
(Or in our case, don't fumble a pawn.)
--- Anon
I'm sure it cost many a bet.
Deep Blue sacked a knight;
Quickly proved it was right;
And so began all the talk on the Net.
--- Anon
And most thought that Big Blue would lose.
But with three and a half,
If you do the math,
You'll find Gary's the one with the blues!
--- Anon
Bested our champ in match-plaay -- KAPOW!
While few thought it would,
Deep Blue proved it could
And Gary is wondering how?
--- Anon
Said the champ to the press that night.
But let this be clear,
I guarantee -- do you hear? --
I will tear it to pieces." -- he might!
--- Anon
Of '97, the records will say:
A machine, no less,
Sat down to play chess
And proved that it really can play!
--- Anon
It is something we all should demand.
For if Deep Blue will square-off
One more time with Kasparov,
The games would be certainly grand!
--- Anon
Computers can help us, it's clear.
And although Deep Blue won
With its day in the sun,
I think chess was the real winner here.
--- Anon
"Why was I so flatly denied?"
'Cause the answer would show
What you and I know:
That Fischer was really inside!
--- Anon
Is one piece that can jump -- but of course.
The jump's got a twist
'Cause the rider's half-pissed.
No wonder he can't stay on course.
--- Fred
But I never gave it my best.
I knocked over the king,
Held onto my ding,
And ripped off the black queen's dress.
--- Rangoleer
For some it has nothing but fright.
It's for queers advocated,
For the king can be mated
By the bishop, the pawn, or the knight.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1014
Was fondling the knob on his thing.
He displayed such delight
As he checked with his knight,
That he blew as he mated the king.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1952
And the black queen of chess, while unseen,
Swapped their men for affairs,
Which perplexes the heirs,
'Cause a knight's where a count should have been.
--- Prof M-G
Who played chess with some other dude.
She announced to her date,
She was ready to mate,
But her meaning was quite misconstrued.
--- Bill Wall a
Who never went down to defeat.
He put up a great fight
With his rook and his knight,
And he played with his hands and his feet.
--- Albin Chaplin
Some people aren't showing respect.
'Sire' or 'Your Majesty'
Are correct terms for me,
But when someone shouts "Mate", I object.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
To win under any condition.
But to this date,
She has yet to mate;
She just can't find the right position.
--- Bill Wall
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