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The runner who's on second base,
Has a masculine body and face.
But nobody knows
That under his clothes,
He's wearing black panties of lace.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

Though the balls may be foul or be fair,
It's exciting with Bobby Knight there.
It's no laughing matter;
Full count on the batter;
Three balls, two strikes and one chair.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411

There were two ballplayers, Carruther,
Who both of them had the same mother.
They played such a fine game
And they gained so much fame,
That they stood in great awe of each other.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2489

Bud Selig, as owner of Brewers,
Short of cash and in need of rescuer,
Found the Twin's Pohlad willin'
To lend a few million,
In secret, sans outside reviewer.
--- Dr Limerick 01-09-02

John Conyers, a member of Congress
Appalled by his abuse of office
Demands, in frustration,
Selig's resignation,
But no one expects any progress.
--- Dr Limerick 01-09-02

The Cubs, in according to plan
Had won since the games began.
But when chips cashed in,
They failed to win,
By the act of a bungling fan.

(2003 Cubs fan turned an out into a double)
--- The Sailor P0311

Playing 2600 straight games,
Was his mainspring of public acclaim;
This eclipses his stats,
But his glove and his bat
Would, alone, take him to Hall of Fame.

(Cal Ripken - baseball player)
--- Dr Limerick

Cal Ripkin's a class act to watch.
He speaks English well, with no blotch.
And moreover, to wit:
I've not once seen him spit
Or be preoccupied with his crotch.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9511

Tyrus R. to play baseball was born,
Though his path to strong moonshine well worn,
And his deeds off the field,
Awesome stories still yield,
Motivated by Cobb on the corn.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0010

A baseball announcer named Dizzy
Kept etymologically busy
By saying "Spring slud
Into April like mud,"
And the players are all in a tizzy.
--- Robbabe

In Cuba, their leader is nuts;
Fidel, I would say, is a putz.
He could have played ball
Had he the wherewithal,
But he'd never survive all the cuts.

(Castro tried out as a major league pitcher)
--- Al Willis TP9807

Baseball groupies now don't take his calls.
He cries as his batting average falls.
His mates all get nookie,
While girls eschew the rookie,
'Cause they all abhor the kid's foul balls.
--- Parker Waterman P0111

The shortstop who's name is Bill Powell
'Stead of water would wash with his towel.
There's no need to state
As he stood at the plate,
His balls were most certainly foul.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

"Hot dogs at the park could be leaner;
The guy selling them couldn't be keener,"
Say gays in the stands
From various lands;
"We would happily munch on his weiner!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

He steps to the plate! Folks are starin'!
His opponents he surely is scarin'!
He hits balls from a bucket
All the way from Nantucket --
I'm sorry, you did say Hank Aaron?
--- Anon

Replete with both Mantle and Maris
Hitting homers from New York to Paris,
The Yanks own it all
In the classic of Fall.
Who next would the Bombers embarrass?

(El Paso, Texas bank ad honoring 1962 happenings)
--- P8212

STEINFELDT he was taking a CHANCE
Wearing OVERALL instead of short pants.
Since the denim will KLING
When he TINKERS his thing
Which for EVERS like St. Vitus dance.
--- Baseball Hist Lims P9509

So McGwire hit run 62;
Means nothing to me, how 'bout you?
Not being a fan
When those bases he ran,
I yawned and said "What else is new?"
--- Arden

There once was a man named McGwire
Who set his goals higher and higher.
He's reached sixty two,
Broke a record or two,
But Babe didn't need drugs to inspire.
--- John Andrrich

Bubba, a red neck Democrat,
Tries affairs in his truck on a mat.
He'll evermore fail
With every female,
Till he takes off his Braves baseball hat.
--- The Sailor P0311

A base runner we all know, Pete Rose,
Leaned off base in his base runner's pose.
Then he ran with a burst,
And plunged head first;
Then he stood as he dusted his clothes.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401

A lowlife reporter named Gray
At World Series game 2 yesterday,
Showed all of his gall,
Made Rose's heart fall,
Fire him, or at least suspend pay!
--- Anon

The All Century Team stood so proud
At Turner, to the ecstatic crowd.
With cheap shots at Rose,
The fans hearts all froze;
Such bullying should not be allowed!
--- Anon

A Hebrew team had a good chance,
Till their pitcher's inept happenstance
Almost threw it away.
Triple play saved the day,
From Pincus to Revis to Krantz.
--- Island Singer

Ricky Henderson's reaching his twilight,
But he held out for one final highlight.
Walks don't help his average,
But his on-base percentage
Deserves to be lit up in bright lights.
--- Dr Limerick

Sammy, our ball-playing Cub,
Committed a rare double flub.
A solid base hit
Caused his ash bat to split,
Showing cork inside of his club.
--- The Sailor P0307

The fans at the ball park all watch,
As he raises his bat just a notch.
As the home run is hit,
The pitcher says, "Shit!"
And the left fielder scratches his crotch.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

When a new Yankee fielder named Johnny
Left his former lineup quite scrawny,
He said, "Let the fans hoot,
For each team is a suit,
And it's just gone from Sears to Armani.
--- Anon

Baseball ghosts of the past put to rest,
The Bambino no longer distressed;
All signs not adverse,
With the curse in reverse,
Even Steinbrenner has been impressed.
--- Joel D Ash P0505

Apparently, all can aspire
To feats like Bonds, Sosa, McGwire;
Just load up on steroids
And smack the old spheroids
To the stratosphere, if not higher.
--- Dr Limerick 05-30-02

League action beyond a "tsk tsk",
Puts these longball records at risk;
Tell posterity
They were not drug-free,
With a helluva big asterisk.
--- Dr Limerick 05-30-02

Striking it rich, MLB, there's no doubt
That it's time fans exerted some clout.
While you millionaires bicker
Over who got rich quicker;
One more strike and we're calling you out.

(Major League Baseball players threaten strike summer '02)
--- Limerick Savant

A minor league batter named Slate,
Stood wiggling his bat at the plate.
When the pitch came too fast,
The ball flew right past,
As Slate swung at it too late.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401

This is file bkl

At third we sometimes play Al,
Who smiles and is everyone's pal.
He's got a good arm,
But what causes the harm,
Is the fact that he hits like a gal.
--- Anon

He can be a bit of a grouse;
A grumpy Swede -- the ill-mannered louse.
He's blonde, blue-eyed and tall
And he murders the ball.
It can really only be Claus.
--- Anon

Conner's so fast, he's a freak.
He can run from now till next week.
But he busted his eye
When a ball on the fly,
He tried to catch with his cheek.
--- Anon

A switch-hitting first baseman is she,
Whose height is about four foot three.
So when throwing to Dee,
Use high accuracy
Or the runners get bases for free.
--- Anon

Our second base's named Is Gill
Who currently is out ill.
She'd want to get back
And her softball on track,
Before she is over the hill.
--- Anon

He stands six foot two in his socks;
He's big and he's thick like an ox.
And "OUT" cries the ump,
'Cause James, the big lump,
Has again stepped outside of the box.
--- Anon

In matters of suffering and pain
She's never the one to complain.
There's only one bone
That can cause her to moan,
'Cause she's broken the rest, has our Jane.
--- Anon

If you're playing the Blazers today,
Watch out for the guy going grey,
For when running the bags,
He'll give you hard tags,
And he always has something to say.
--- Anon

When the start of the year came along,
We were depending on Limey John,
But he wasn't passed fit,
And is unable to sit,
From the injection he got in his schlong.
--- Anon

Kevin Smithwick's a good man for the beer;
He's willing to lend you an ear.
He speaks with a drawl;
So slow, it's a crawl.
Conversations takes over a year.
--- Anon

He's our Captain and Master Tactician,
Kit manager and pitching magician.
But hitting for height
Was regarded as shite,
So now he's our team statistician.
--- Anon

Martin was safely on second,
When the ball to his nads it did beckon.
A line drive o'er the mound
With a skip on the ground
And he was out, so the ump reckoned.
--- Anon

She comes from the land of the rhino
And Cabernet Sauvignon wino.
But while Nicky is dark,
She goes for a lark
With a Kilkenny Irish albino.
--- Anon

Our left fielder goes by named Noddy,
And his batting is honestly shoddy.
Because drinking by funnel
Makes vision go tunnel,
When you fill it with Red Bull and voddy.
--- Anon

"Hey, You want to make out?"
Quite frankly, the words of a lout.
Handsome and thin
With a big stupid grin,
Then you know that Paddy's about.
--- Anon

On Sundays she likes to do beavers;
Mondays it's Golden Retrievers.
She ripped up her knee
From ankle to gee!
So now gets around using levers.
--- Anon

Swipes hitting is sometimes quite jammy;
He once even hit a grand slammy.
But his fielding is piss
From a spring training miss,
Going home at the weekend to Mammy.
--- Anon

A pitcher who made the fans talk
Was almost to weighty to walk.
When ordered to diet,
He said, "I won't try it.
At giving up eating, I balk."
--- Sally Yocum P9712

A young baseball pitcher named Fedder
Had courted a girl and did wed her.
She approved of the style
Of this man versatile,
Who came through with a big double-header.
--- Albin Chaplin

At the ball park a lady named Kate,
To the pitcher showed curves that were great.
When she fondled his bat,
He responded to that
With two balls and a strike at home plate.
--- Albin Chaplin

A major league pitcher named Gray
Tried to hit all the batters, they say.
Threw high and inside
Till the day that he died,
When they buried him low and away.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8306

In Philly the fans would boo Jesus,
Asking, "What's he done lately to please us?
We've heard all the raves
About how Jesus saves,
So did he blow that late lead to appease us?"
--- Bennett Oberfeld

A pitcher named Michael McTeague
Had hoped to try out for the league.
But he screwed through the night
To his pecker's delight,
And was weak from excessive fatigue.
--- Cap'n Bean

A pitcher just in Spring training,
Discovered his team spirit waning.
The say hope springs eternal,
But just stop this infernal
Unseasonable snow, sleet, and raining.
--- Sheldon321

She pitched with speed faster than sound;
Her throw 'cross the plate would astound.
Then one day she tripped;
The ball it just flipped,
So the coach went to shape up her mound.
--- Travis Brasell

The coach cleaned her mound with his scrubber,
While the umpire looked on then said, "Bubber,
Get on with the game;
She'll pitch just the same!"
"But her mound," coach said, "needs a clean rubber!"
--- Travis Brasell

A young baseball pitcher named Witter,
Made the lady fans giggle and titter.
They would gasp in the stands,
With a stirring of glands,
When he showed them his slider and spitter.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511A

A farm team pitcher, McDowell,
Pitched an egg at a batter named Owl.
They cried, "Get a hit!"
But it hatched in the mitt
And the umpire call it a "fowl!"
--- N M Bodecker P8911

A memo last week was dispatched:
"The new baseball rules are attached.
All flies will be hit
On a field full of spit
And the balls will be already scratched."
--- Al Chaplin P9610

Tobacco juice our catcher spits,
As on his fat haunches he sits.
He hides it so well,
That no one can tell,
His hemmorhoids are giving him fits
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

There once was a ballplayer named Bud
Who puffed up his cheeks with cud.
He never stopped spitting,
While pissing or shitting,
Until he drowned in nicotine mud.
--- W Rollin

A major league rookie named Bart,
Is determined to have a good start.
He's learned how to hit,
Chew tobacco and spit,
And he knows all the bases by heart.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8304

The proposed baseball suit is a jewel;
The spittoon on the neck strap is cool.
It can shift left or right
To the spitter's delight,
And attached is a ball scratching tool.
--- Al Chaplin P0900


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