The runner who's on second base, Though the balls may be foul or be fair, There were two ballplayers, Carruther, Bud Selig, as owner of Brewers, John Conyers, a member of Congress The Cubs, in according to plan (2003 Cubs fan turned an out into a double)
Playing 2600 straight games, (Cal Ripken - baseball player)
Cal Ripkin's a class act to watch. Tyrus R. to play baseball was born, A baseball announcer named Dizzy In Cuba, their leader is nuts; (Castro tried out as a major league pitcher)
Baseball groupies now don't take his calls. The shortstop who's name is Bill Powell "Hot dogs at the park could be leaner; He steps to the plate! Folks are starin'! Replete with both Mantle and Maris (El Paso, Texas bank ad honoring 1962 happenings)
STEINFELDT he was taking a CHANCE So McGwire hit run 62; There once was a man named McGwire Bubba, a red neck Democrat, A base runner we all know, Pete Rose, A lowlife reporter named Gray The All Century Team stood so proud A Hebrew team had a good chance, Ricky Henderson's reaching his twilight, Sammy, our ball-playing Cub, The fans at the ball park all watch, When a new Yankee fielder named Johnny Baseball ghosts of the past put to rest, Apparently, all can aspire League action beyond a "tsk tsk", Striking it rich, MLB, there's no doubt (Major League Baseball players threaten strike summer '02)
A minor league batter named Slate,
This is file bkl
At third we sometimes play Al, He can be a bit of a grouse; Conner's so fast, he's a freak. A switch-hitting first baseman is she, Our second base's named Is Gill He stands six foot two in his socks; In matters of suffering and pain If you're playing the Blazers today, When the start of the year came along, Kevin Smithwick's a good man for the beer; He's our Captain and Master Tactician, Martin was safely on second, She comes from the land of the rhino Our left fielder goes by named Noddy, "Hey, You want to make out?" On Sundays she likes to do beavers; Swipes hitting is sometimes quite jammy; A pitcher who made the fans talk A young baseball pitcher named Fedder At the ball park a lady named Kate, A major league pitcher named Gray In Philly the fans would boo Jesus, A pitcher named Michael McTeague A pitcher just in Spring training, She pitched with speed faster than sound; The coach cleaned her mound with his scrubber, A young baseball pitcher named Witter, A farm team pitcher, McDowell, A memo last week was dispatched: Tobacco juice our catcher spits, There once was a ballplayer named Bud A major league rookie named Bart, The proposed baseball suit is a jewel;
Has a masculine body and face.
But nobody knows
That under his clothes,
He's wearing black panties of lace.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309
It's exciting with Bobby Knight there.
It's no laughing matter;
Full count on the batter;
Three balls, two strikes and one chair.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
Who both of them had the same mother.
They played such a fine game
And they gained so much fame,
That they stood in great awe of each other.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2489
Short of cash and in need of rescuer,
Found the Twin's Pohlad willin'
To lend a few million,
In secret, sans outside reviewer.
--- Dr Limerick 01-09-02
Appalled by his abuse of office
Demands, in frustration,
Selig's resignation,
But no one expects any progress.
--- Dr Limerick 01-09-02
Had won since the games began.
But when chips cashed in,
They failed to win,
By the act of a bungling fan.
--- The Sailor P0311
Was his mainspring of public acclaim;
This eclipses his stats,
But his glove and his bat
Would, alone, take him to Hall of Fame.
--- Dr Limerick
He speaks English well, with no blotch.
And moreover, to wit:
I've not once seen him spit
Or be preoccupied with his crotch.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9511
Though his path to strong moonshine well worn,
And his deeds off the field,
Awesome stories still yield,
Motivated by Cobb on the corn.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0010
Kept etymologically busy
By saying "Spring slud
Into April like mud,"
And the players are all in a tizzy.
--- Robbabe
Fidel, I would say, is a putz.
He could have played ball
Had he the wherewithal,
But he'd never survive all the cuts.
--- Al Willis TP9807
He cries as his batting average falls.
His mates all get nookie,
While girls eschew the rookie,
'Cause they all abhor the kid's foul balls.
--- Parker Waterman P0111
'Stead of water would wash with his towel.
There's no need to state
As he stood at the plate,
His balls were most certainly foul.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309
The guy selling them couldn't be keener,"
Say gays in the stands
From various lands;
"We would happily munch on his weiner!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309
His opponents he surely is scarin'!
He hits balls from a bucket
All the way from Nantucket --
I'm sorry, you did say Hank Aaron?
--- Anon
Hitting homers from New York to Paris,
The Yanks own it all
In the classic of Fall.
Who next would the Bombers embarrass?
--- P8212
Wearing OVERALL instead of short pants.
Since the denim will KLING
When he TINKERS his thing
Which for EVERS like St. Vitus dance.
--- Baseball Hist Lims P9509
Means nothing to me, how 'bout you?
Not being a fan
When those bases he ran,
I yawned and said "What else is new?"
--- Arden
Who set his goals higher and higher.
He's reached sixty two,
Broke a record or two,
But Babe didn't need drugs to inspire.
--- John Andrrich
Tries affairs in his truck on a mat.
He'll evermore fail
With every female,
Till he takes off his Braves baseball hat.
--- The Sailor P0311
Leaned off base in his base runner's pose.
Then he ran with a burst,
And plunged head first;
Then he stood as he dusted his clothes.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
At World Series game 2 yesterday,
Showed all of his gall,
Made Rose's heart fall,
Fire him, or at least suspend pay!
--- Anon
At Turner, to the ecstatic crowd.
With cheap shots at Rose,
The fans hearts all froze;
Such bullying should not be allowed!
--- Anon
Till their pitcher's inept happenstance
Almost threw it away.
Triple play saved the day,
From Pincus to Revis to Krantz.
--- Island Singer
But he held out for one final highlight.
Walks don't help his average,
But his on-base percentage
Deserves to be lit up in bright lights.
--- Dr Limerick
Committed a rare double flub.
A solid base hit
Caused his ash bat to split,
Showing cork inside of his club.
--- The Sailor P0307
As he raises his bat just a notch.
As the home run is hit,
The pitcher says, "Shit!"
And the left fielder scratches his crotch.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309
Left his former lineup quite scrawny,
He said, "Let the fans hoot,
For each team is a suit,
And it's just gone from Sears to Armani.
--- Anon
The Bambino no longer distressed;
All signs not adverse,
With the curse in reverse,
Even Steinbrenner has been impressed.
--- Joel D Ash P0505
To feats like Bonds, Sosa, McGwire;
Just load up on steroids
And smack the old spheroids
To the stratosphere, if not higher.
--- Dr Limerick 05-30-02
Puts these longball records at risk;
Tell posterity
They were not drug-free,
With a helluva big asterisk.
--- Dr Limerick 05-30-02
That it's time fans exerted some clout.
While you millionaires bicker
Over who got rich quicker;
One more strike and we're calling you out.
--- Limerick Savant
Stood wiggling his bat at the plate.
When the pitch came too fast,
The ball flew right past,
As Slate swung at it too late.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
Who smiles and is everyone's pal.
He's got a good arm,
But what causes the harm,
Is the fact that he hits like a gal.
--- Anon
A grumpy Swede -- the ill-mannered louse.
He's blonde, blue-eyed and tall
And he murders the ball.
It can really only be Claus.
--- Anon
He can run from now till next week.
But he busted his eye
When a ball on the fly,
He tried to catch with his cheek.
--- Anon
Whose height is about four foot three.
So when throwing to Dee,
Use high accuracy
Or the runners get bases for free.
--- Anon
Who currently is out ill.
She'd want to get back
And her softball on track,
Before she is over the hill.
--- Anon
He's big and he's thick like an ox.
And "OUT" cries the ump,
'Cause James, the big lump,
Has again stepped outside of the box.
--- Anon
She's never the one to complain.
There's only one bone
That can cause her to moan,
'Cause she's broken the rest, has our Jane.
--- Anon
Watch out for the guy going grey,
For when running the bags,
He'll give you hard tags,
And he always has something to say.
--- Anon
We were depending on Limey John,
But he wasn't passed fit,
And is unable to sit,
From the injection he got in his schlong.
--- Anon
He's willing to lend you an ear.
He speaks with a drawl;
So slow, it's a crawl.
Conversations takes over a year.
--- Anon
Kit manager and pitching magician.
But hitting for height
Was regarded as shite,
So now he's our team statistician.
--- Anon
When the ball to his nads it did beckon.
A line drive o'er the mound
With a skip on the ground
And he was out, so the ump reckoned.
--- Anon
And Cabernet Sauvignon wino.
But while Nicky is dark,
She goes for a lark
With a Kilkenny Irish albino.
--- Anon
And his batting is honestly shoddy.
Because drinking by funnel
Makes vision go tunnel,
When you fill it with Red Bull and voddy.
--- Anon
Quite frankly, the words of a lout.
Handsome and thin
With a big stupid grin,
Then you know that Paddy's about.
--- Anon
Mondays it's Golden Retrievers.
She ripped up her knee
From ankle to gee!
So now gets around using levers.
--- Anon
He once even hit a grand slammy.
But his fielding is piss
From a spring training miss,
Going home at the weekend to Mammy.
--- Anon
Was almost to weighty to walk.
When ordered to diet,
He said, "I won't try it.
At giving up eating, I balk."
--- Sally Yocum P9712
Had courted a girl and did wed her.
She approved of the style
Of this man versatile,
Who came through with a big double-header.
--- Albin Chaplin
To the pitcher showed curves that were great.
When she fondled his bat,
He responded to that
With two balls and a strike at home plate.
--- Albin Chaplin
Tried to hit all the batters, they say.
Threw high and inside
Till the day that he died,
When they buried him low and away.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8306
Asking, "What's he done lately to please us?
We've heard all the raves
About how Jesus saves,
So did he blow that late lead to appease us?"
--- Bennett Oberfeld
Had hoped to try out for the league.
But he screwed through the night
To his pecker's delight,
And was weak from excessive fatigue.
--- Cap'n Bean
Discovered his team spirit waning.
The say hope springs eternal,
But just stop this infernal
Unseasonable snow, sleet, and raining.
--- Sheldon321
Her throw 'cross the plate would astound.
Then one day she tripped;
The ball it just flipped,
So the coach went to shape up her mound.
--- Travis Brasell
While the umpire looked on then said, "Bubber,
Get on with the game;
She'll pitch just the same!"
"But her mound," coach said, "needs a clean rubber!"
--- Travis Brasell
Made the lady fans giggle and titter.
They would gasp in the stands,
With a stirring of glands,
When he showed them his slider and spitter.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511A
Pitched an egg at a batter named Owl.
They cried, "Get a hit!"
But it hatched in the mitt
And the umpire call it a "fowl!"
--- N M Bodecker P8911
"The new baseball rules are attached.
All flies will be hit
On a field full of spit
And the balls will be already scratched."
--- Al Chaplin P9610
As on his fat haunches he sits.
He hides it so well,
That no one can tell,
His hemmorhoids are giving him fits
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309
Who puffed up his cheeks with cud.
He never stopped spitting,
While pissing or shitting,
Until he drowned in nicotine mud.
--- W Rollin
Is determined to have a good start.
He's learned how to hit,
Chew tobacco and spit,
And he knows all the bases by heart.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8304
The spittoon on the neck strap is cool.
It can shift left or right
To the spitter's delight,
And attached is a ball scratching tool.
--- Al Chaplin P0900