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There was a young man named Hatch, A philandering fellow of Pictou Said the hunter of game to Miss Granger, At her husband's relentless insisting, 'Twas a prissy young missy named Laura Best pussy by far is a young 'un, Cried the dumfounded groom in despair, Nope, want to use my own; This poor woman's bane -- vaginismus: (strabismous - squinting)
Cried the virgin who lay on her back, I have fun when I peek through her keyhole "Woman's twat," said a young man named Joe, Away, I was clean as a whistle, Little Emily's blonde and attractive Have you heard that the Lady Ismene Said Mary, while stroking her clit There was a young woman from Deal In Hong Kong, a Texan named Lew There was a young lady whose heinie A girlfriend of mine'd get me hot, Emily, you're the one that I love, I thought she'd be naughty but nice, I never will finish with Mandy, An old electronic designer, Anne was a girl from Des Moines, The crotch of a lady from Trenton Hey, come now, just listen up mister; There was an old lady of Kewry, Lady Reginald Humphries (belie "Oh gosh!" said young Rita from Harrow, A gadget collector named Mantz There was a young fellow named Bream, A clever young man named Eugene, There was a young caveman named Ug, An Oregon logger named Patchett Seven smart men had some wine First was a butcher with wit Second, a carpenter bold Third was a tailor quite thin, Fourth was a hunter quite stout, Fifth was a guy mean as hell, Sixth a mild preacher, McGee, Last came a sailor, a runt, There was an old botanist, Pace, There was a young man of Savannah, A sterling old maid name of Symes, There was a young fellow named Dunn, A moral young girl of Lapeer A Newfoundland lad from Placentia, There was a young fellow named Price, At Sears a young fellow named Jock A nuerotic young man of Kildare, There was a young girl from the Bronix, Marden, in the garden to Knosh A lusty young woodsman of Maine, A worn-out old whore of Mobile Your rapier blade is great, but Step 1 says to insert your blade, Your steel balls collide with my shell My Steel Slut is starting to melt! There was a young man from Bengal, The bridegroom observed his bride dear, On vacation, three men young and bold, There was an inventor named Tucker, The ants in the pants of Miss Morse As for women I'll tell you this, brother, There was a young lady name Janis,
Who thought that he'd made a great catch.
His inducement to flirt,
Was a wee mini-skirt,
But, alas, she'd a wee mini-snatch.
--- G0088
Had no girl he could steadily stick to;
None had ever enough
Of the physical stuff
To encompass his knackers and dick too.
--- Keith MacMillan 28d
"To the feeling of fear I'm no stranger.
I respect the big cat
In his wild habitat,
But a pussy that's small is no danger."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8812
She posted an S&M listing,
Having just one restriction
Regarding the friction,
That disallowed vaginal fisting.
--- Bob Birch P0011
Who was had by a lad from Kenora,
But the fit was so tight
That, though try as he might,
He just couldn't do anything fora.
--- Keith MacMillan 78b
Perfectly ripe for a tonguein'.
No labial distortions
From a wee ones contortions;
No distension from fucking a hung 'un.
--- Anon
"My pecker will never fit there!"
But his bride countered, "Hell,
It should fit very well,
And with plenty left over to spare."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0432
Been doing it since I was grown.
There's nothing finer
Than a nice tight vagina;
I wish I had one of my own!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Guys could poke her 'til they were strabismous,
And not budge the locks
On this baby's toy-box --
It could only be opened at Christmas.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8710
"Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack!
This guy's hung like a horse,
And he wants intercourse,
But I fear he'll get wedged in my crack."
--- Bob Birch P0010
And watch my girl play with her peehole.
I would willingly screw her,
But I can't get in to her,
She has such an incredibly wee hole!
--- G0373
"Is the size of her mouth, don't you know."
An old gal standing by,
Gave forth a big sigh,
The pursed her lips, "Is that so?"
--- Clarence E Boyle P8807a
But now like a heat-seeking missile,
I find myself here,
And it's just as I fear;
There is little but pussy and gristle.
--- Anon
And extremely sexually proactive.
Her tight little twat
Has grown so red hot
That the damn thing is radioactive.
--- MrMalo
Has a quim that is terribly teeny?
But to her surprise,
It is just the right size
For His Majesty's quite teeny weenie.
--- Mike Tice
"It's a really nice little slit,
But unlike my behind,
Will I ever find
Some one to fit snugly in it?"
--- Tony Burrell
For whom every fellow would kneel,
To revere her small pussy,
As fresh as a sushi,
And to relish the scent of an eel.
--- Marnix van Winkelen
Was looking for ladies to screw.
Said the madam, Miss Chang,
After feeling his whang,
"My girls have small cunts, so take two."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1583
Was round, pretty, pink, soft, and shiny.
But she took all her joys
With immature boys,
As her twat was so terribly tiny.
--- G0357
But, glory! she had such a wee twat;
She straddled my log,
When in ran her dog,
Then she started screaming, "Oh, Gee! Spot!"
--- Anon
You sweet little blonde turtle dove.
I don't give a snort
If you are a bit short,
'Cause your pussy's as tight as a glove.
--- Mike H
And she proved to be cheap at the price,
With big hairy legs,
And teats like fired eggs,
And a twat that was tight as a vice.
--- Michael Horgan
She's sweeter than apricot brandy.
Her tight little crack
Means I cannot hold back;
No, I never will finish with Mandy.
--- Anon
Had designs on a minor named Dinah.
He couldn't carry them out
For his prick was too stout,
And too small was the minor's vagina.
--- G1540
Whose cunt was the size of a coin.
Her sex was so wussy,
Tom Jones liked her pussy,
But she went to fuck Johnny Burgoyne.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was too tight to make much of a dent on.
The fellows who tried
Spread the news far and wide
That she made of a hardon, a bent-un.
--- Isaac Asimov
You can't screw such a virginal sister.
I'd rather watch the fight
'Cause the hole is too tight.
Your dick'll swell up to a blister.
--- Anon
Whose cunt was a 'lusus naturae'.
The 'introitus vaginae'
Was unnaturally tiny,
And the thought of it filled her with fury.
--- L0181
-ve it or don't) had a vulva so wee,
She disposed of the sexual
Need of Lord Rex through a l-
audibly disciplined flea.
--- G0249
"Your penis is huge like a barrow."
"Not quite", said her school
Teacher, wielding his tool,
"It's your cunt that's exceedingly narrow."
--- Peter Wilkins
Brought home a machine made in France.
Now, this is no snow job --
It gives you a blow job,
And stuffs your dick back in your pants.
--- Steve
Who never had had a wet dream.
For when lacking a whore,
He'd just bore out the core
Of an apple, and fuck it through cream.
--- L1248
Invented a jack-off machine.
On the twenty-third strike,
The fucking thing broke,
And beat both his balls into cream.
--- Anon
This is file bfl
Who stuck his plug in a jug.
Said Ug with a shrug,
As he gave it a tug,
"Now ain't this a hell of a fug."
--- L1708
Lopped off his love log with a hatchet.
Then he sent it by mailer
To Morris, the tailor,
Who made him a small snatch to match it.
--- Larry Wilde
Then said, "It would really be fine
To have for our bone,
Just a pussy alone..."
So they built one per their own design.
--- Anon
Who took a sharp knife from his kit,
Then with stylish precision
He made an incision
And gave it a vertical slit.
--- Anon
Said, "Well, it's going to be polled..."
So he took out his gimlet
And to a depth preset,
Made sure it was beautifully holed.
--- Anon
Who said, "It would be such a sin
If it tended to scratch
While using this snatch.."
So he lined it with velvet within.
--- Anon
Home from the hunt with a shout:
"I've got some fox-fur
Just perfect for her!"
And lined it all softly without.
--- Anon
An angler not thinking too well,
He said, "Well I like it!
So I'll just spike it
With a fish to endow with that smell."
--- Anon
Said, "For my usual fee
I'll touch it and bless it
(Might even caress it)
Then send it forth able to pee."
--- Anon
Who took it out in a punt...
Firstly he sucked it
Then of course fucked it,
And afterwards coined the name "cunt."
--- Anon
Who grew cunts in a pot at his place.
When they'd ripen, he'd pluck them,
And eat them or fuck them --
They were simpler to grow than to chase.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2217A
Met his end in a curious manner.
He diddled a hole
In a telegraph pole,
And electrified his banana.
--- L1346
With her counterfeit cunt, had good times.
She cashed in on the porters
Whom she conned in her quarters,
And she fucked them for nickels and dimes.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1823
Who dated a nun just for fun.
But in bed, she was dead,
So he tried screwing bread,
And found half a loaf better than nun.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0690
Held righeous behavior so dear,
That she made her a shunt
That would bypass her cunt --
Now she fucks throgh a hole in her ear.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1876
Was in love to the point of dementia.
But his love didn't burgeon
With this touch-me-not virgin
'Til he screwed her by hand, in absentia.
--- L0888
Who dabbled in all sorts of vice.
He had virgins and boys,
And mechanical toys,
And on Mondays, he meddled with mice!
--- L1527
Bought a foam rubber cunt for his cock.
It was easy to wash it,
In a sink he would slosh it --
No expenses, complaints, stink or schlock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1869
Drilled a hole in the seat of a chair.
He fucked it all night,
Then died of the fright
That maybe he wasn't "all there."
--- L1281
Who had a vagina of onyx.
She had so much tsoris
With her clitoris,
She traded it in for a Packard.
--- L0135
On a radish, there spied a fine squash.
He thought, while he ate,
He just might copulate;
Found veggies good screwing, by gosh!
--- Frank Fazed
For years with no woman had lain,
But he found sublimation
At a high elevation
In the crotch of a pine -- God, the pain!
--- L1301
Installed a new cunt made of steel.
Now her fucking was painless,
But it should have been stainless,
For rust ran in streaks to her heel.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1610
Does it match my Stainless Steel Slut?
Lets us compare fits
And size up cockpits...
(I see you opted for uncut!)
--- Anon
Choose a scene. How 'bout Woodland Glade?
Step 2 says divest
Our clothes for the test.
Step 3 says we now can get laid!
--- Anon
And ring like the clock tower bell!
My scabbard of steel
Is starring to feel
Quite warm.... Ooh! Now it's hot as hell!
--- Anon
It seems our parts south of the belt
Have now gotten fused!
We should have used
Those water-cooled condoms, "No Smelt"!
--- Anon
Who got in a hole in the wall.
"Oh," he said, "It's a pity
This hole is so shitty,
But it's better than nothing at all."
--- L1243
Remove her fake tits, teeth, and gear.
So he said with a grunt,
"When you get to the cunt,
You can toss the damn thing over here."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1771
Left their wives to go hunting, I'm told.
They could not sleep at night,
But their guide set them right,
When he gave each a hairbrush to hold.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1959
Who built a vagina of yucca,
But his words were obscene,
When the fractious machine,
Got a grip and refused to unpucker.
--- G2222
Would dance with such passion and force,
That when in southern France,
She just left off her pants,
And let nature take its own course.
--- G0665
Your girlfriend, your sister, your mother,
Every dog, every cutie,
When they bunk up that booty,
You can't tell a one from the t'other.
--- Anon
Who said, "What a wonder my fan is.
If I draw the lips back,
I've a hole, not a crack
Into which pricks seemingly vanis'.
--- Paul Westwood P9607
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