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There was a young girl at the front, Old Rosie, a spinster from Ottery, There was a young girl named Dalrymple, I've heard that when clogging a dyke, A sexual cripple and spastic The thing that she likes about boys is Sometimes she just can't get enough, "I'll admit", said a lady named Starr, Today, girls, I met with a snake. No mere foot, but a full yard in size; Well, I think that I'd like to grasp There once was a sliding glass door There was a mortician named Hyde A mason named Fred with no dick I saw this and went out to check In the Isles, an American Dick After climbing the Hamilton Mountain There was a young man named Neal A long time, I guess it's been years, I'm hoping that this is a joke But as for my virginal rear, My days of doomsaying are past; Johnny Q., he worked for the Law, AIDS like a biblical curse, A cocky fag freshman named Pease To the doc, said a young girl most fair, There was an old Bishop of Charing HIV is a nasty infection The answer to AIDS is now clear. The Bureau of Customs has moot Sally May is just the town whore! I tried it again; no protection There was a bloke called Dick A friend of mine from Saskatoon That a seeker of passion named Dee That those with AIDS will be tripped, The toilet invented by Pete There once was a man named Fred, I once had a very fine friend This is how AIDS really starts -- I sing of two fairies, the Glades, A million medics I hear, Says a sleep-around cockster named Heald, There was a young gay from Madras, As you reap them, you sow them; Dating's different for men and for maids; Said a flippant young faggot named Percy, I caught AIDS so I knelt and did pray A good year was 1984, Since many who suffer from AIDS Beware of the disease called AIDS; To add to the two -- Death and Taxes -- Steer clear from that Lady from Spain! There once was a doctor named Glades, To keep AIDS from being contracted, Smirked HIV positive Sloane, A rosy-cheeked fellow from Cork (in reply to a sexist limerick of female VD carrier)
Hickory Dickery Dock, Samantha, a STRUTHIOUS dame, The principal finally dissuades The impetuous man was caught In South Africa, most of the jades, Disposable condoms? Not me! Did his brain take a sudden vacation? Keep your hands to yourself, now Miss Finn, Gorbachev, in a moving address, The Assyrians sharpened their blades (II Kings, 19:35)
Who stuck her pen up her cunt.
The reason why:
Her pen had run dry,
And all of her pencils were blunt.
--- Dominic Barrington
Late last year she won the lottery.
She now spends her days
In a lust-induced haze,
Making ornaments phallic of pottery.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who sexual needs were so simple.
She enjoyed the full spasm,
Of a perfect orgasm,
By frigging herself on a pimple
--- L1702
She'll scream an abusive dislike.
To oversized dicks.
They like plastic pricks,
That plunge with two twists and a pike.
--- Anon
Has a prosthetic penis of plastic.
He could twirl it and spin it,
And reload in one minute --
It performed in a manner fantastic!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2207
Their grunting and snuffling noises.
Though chauvinist pigs,
These small Mr Bigs
Are better than those plastic toyses.
--- SFA
Nurse Nympho, who screws in the buff;
Salamis and corn
She strokes them till worn.
My God, what she puts in her muff!
--- Mark Levy P9603
"That a phallus is like a cigar.
But to most common people
A phallic church steeple
Is stretching the matter to far."
--- L1543
Boy! Could he wiggle and shake!
Put him in your fuzz
And let that guy buzz --
What a hell of a dildo he'd make!
--- John Miller 0318a
Just think how he'd feel 'twixt your thighs.
If you man got too antsy
To get in your pants, he
Might slow down a bit in surprise.
--- John Miller 0318b
That wriggling three-foot-plus asp.
I'd part my legs wide
And let it inside,
And let out one hell of a gasp!
--- Arden
At a party, which was quite a bore.
With a suction cup dick,
(Vaseline made it slick),
I mounted myself and cried "More!"
--- Anon
Who had a neat deal on the side.
He sold rubber dicks
And vibrating pricks
To the widows of those who had died.
--- David Miller
Invented a new way to fick --
When the girls in the garden
Demanded a hard-on,
He'd batter their twats with a brick!
--- Brian Belge
Slang lexicons, found by the peck.
With all in accordance
That proper avoidence,
Euphemistically speaking is, feck.
--- Brian Belge
Propositioned a street corner chick.
She answered "No, holler!
For chust twenty doller --
I geev you one hell of a fick!"
--- Brian Belge
The broad cools herself in the fountain.
With a high-pressure spout
While she works in and out,
As she murmurs, ecstatic, "Who's countin'!"
--- Keith MacMillan 63a
Who used to have fun in Brazil.
The switch was his trick;
Instead of his prick
He worked his thumbs with great zeal.
--- Mac McKinney
I've been a pariah 'mongst peers,
For daring to say
AIDS still is today
A disease of drug addicts and queers.
--- John Miller
Else you are the worst type of bloke.
It is perfectly clear
What you want in your rear;
Come on out, the closet's for cloaks.
Let me be perfectly clear:
Excluding a hen
Or a corpse now and then,
I'm not and I've never been queer.
--- John Miller
There'll be room on the earth here at last.
What with famines and wars
And infected whores,
Looks like Africas emptying fast.
--- Anon
And with them he had a ball,
With the whore named Felice,
In the back lots and streets;
Now AIDS has infected them all.
--- Joe Zanchi
Is getting progressively worse.
The cause? Lack of soap,
Assholes into dope,
And (pardon the pun) the reverse.
--- Martin Wellborn B
Ignores all the medical pleas;
He cuts most his classes,
Is deep into asses,
And sure to get Backdoor Disease.
--- Armand E Singer 385
"I have crab lice in my maiden hair."
"You are very attractive,
And sexually active.
Use this condom, of AIDS please beware."
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9405
Who bragged of his Creed of Sharing.
"I've given them lice,
And the herpes is nice,
But my AIDS is a little too daring.
--- Dennis M Hammes
Most readily spread by injection.
It's spread could be foiled
If injectors were boiled,
But the queers seem to have some objection.
--- John Miller
Hetros have little to fear!
It's now become cool,
With your limber tool,
To bugger yourself, if you're queer!
--- Larry J Davis P9312
Rules for entry that one can dispute,
As you breach their blockades,
If afflicted with AIDS,
But not if you're carrying fruit.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9405
She did everyone and the guy next door.
From her sex charades,
She caught HIV-AIDS,
Now they will fuck her no more.
--- Kaylin Brandon
Resulting in a nasty infection.
Through tears blurred with pain,
I've caught AIDS again;
Must rely on my daily injection.
--- Percy Longprong
Who shagged until he was sick.
He'd not use a Rubber
When he went with a scrubber
And caught AIDS while having a lick.
--- Anon
This is file arm
Was always out looking for poon.
He found some for free
But she had H.I.V.
So his dick shriveled up like a prune.
--- Roy Gateley
Is too choosy, is easy to see.
She is dumber than dirt,
For she'll open her skirt,
But just if you have HIV.
--- Armand Singer
The curse of AIDS is well quipped.
For prevention effectual
In activities sexual,
Flies spread disease, keep yours zipped.
--- Roy Shaw P8807B
All comfort conditions did meet.
In contained an encrustment
Which with proper adjustment
Would spread AIDS if you sat on the seat.
--- Phil Cannibal P9001
Who liked to fuck men in his bed.
He picked up some gay blades
Who were infected with AIDS,
Now Fred isn't fucking, he's dead.
--- Anon
Who turned out to be, with his end,
The source of the AIDS
That traversed social grades,
Giving some of the gay blades the bends.
--- Fred Cohen P8512
Not from buggery, kid-bites, or darts --
You must induce a need
In a gay Haitian bleed-
er to weep on your sexual parts.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8512
Who life style rates no accolades;
They daren't whisper, those queers,
Into each other's ears,
For fear they'll contract hearing AIDS.
--- Armand E Singer 36
Get needle "sticks" every year.
But with hepatitis C
And of course HIV,
I'm sticking as an engineer.
--- Tiddy Ogg B
"I'm advised to stop playing the field;
I'll admit I feel scared
And I'm fully prepared
To hold back till the AIDS bug's repealed."
--- Armand E Singer 948
Who often took cock up the ass.
Before he was through
With an unprotected screw,
He said, "I hope HIV doesn't pass."
--- Larry Farrell
And as Debbie can show them,
All these young maids
Will have come down with aids,
When Dave tries to biblically know them.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Not harmless are sex escapades.
It's no mystery
How this came to be;
It's silly when one might get aids.
--- Esther Koch P0201
Contemplating the AIDS controversy,
"If I had sat on my butt
And kept my mouth shut,
I wouldn't be pleading for mercy."
--- Frank Ward P9401
To my Lord to send help right away.
I received his reply
In the blink of an eye;
He would pray for my corpse every day.
--- Albin Chaplin P0212
With Bhopal, Ethiopia, and more.
Like miners and strikes,
The gay men and dykes,
Both dying of AIDS by the score.
--- Alexander Baron
Are men who like men over maids,
They, as a result,
Have formed a new cult
Of Homos they call the afrAIDS.
--- Irving Superior P8512
Be cautious and do not get laid.
If you catch it, you'll die;
Your mother will cry;
As she looks at you in your grave.
--- Cheeks
With AIDS everywhere -- Prophylaxis.
As sure as is breathing,
No sex without sheathing;
Death/Taxes and now no bare access.
--- Irving Superior P8704a
In my todger, there's nothing but pain!
And I've had second thoughts
'Bout those genital warts;
And I don't want to catch AIDS again!
--- Percy Longprong
Who advised, "To avoid getting AIDS,
Sit on your butt,
Keep your mouth shut,
And get your blood only from maids."
--- Ed Potts P8503
A senator sought it enacted
That the only safe screws
Could be had at the zoos.
His words, though, were quickly retracted.
--- Actaeon
"Docs say it is deep in the bone.
Well, old generous me,
I must share it, you see;
I'll call some hot date on the phone.
--- Armand Singer
Whom the Hoboken sailors call Dork,
In his role as donee,
Spread HIV
From Algiers to the Port of New York.
--- Arthur Deex P9409N
Some whore was riding my cock.
After I paid,
She said she had AIDS,
So I strangled the bitch with a sock!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Played the bold casual sex game.
And condoms she'd spurn,
Unwilling to learn.
She got deaded AIDS all the same.
--- Chris Papa
The parents from violent tirades,
Saying kids, as they would,
Had misunderstood,
And that two of his teachers had aides.
--- A N Wilkins P8608
When unsheathed coitus he sought.
Pursued sex with a tart
And got AIDS a la carte --
Result: he is now most distraught.
--- Terry
Are afflicted with cases of AIDS.
The prudent man figures,
"Avoid those damned niggers;
Use gorillas for your escapades."
--- Ward Hardman
The Navy uses thick ones, you see.
When hiding the sausage,
Up some sailor's passage,
You don't want to get HIV!
--- Moony TP9802
Did Jeffrey succumb to temptation?
Do we wish him the best?
Will he pass his AIDS test?
Was it worth it for naked sensation?
--- Ann Gasser P8709
Lest you wash them real well in chlorine.
Or perhaps DDT,
You might have HIV,
As nobody here knows where you've been.
--- Par Svensson
To all sexual freedom said, "Yes!"
But, shame to endure, oh,
The whole Politburo
In two years died of A-I-D-S!
--- Vassar Smith P9403
And the troops vowed to rape Hebrew maids,
But Jaweh was stirred
And had the last word.
The next morning the bastards had AIDS.
--- A N Wilkins P8512
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