Gays got the message, my dear, A wealthy old woman in Ash A gorgeous young creature from Ider There once was a fellow named Todd "Oh Bugger!" said Tim, "I forgot There was a young gallant named Sax Mother nature is wonderful to see: Though the pollen that's borne on the breeze Sinuses scream, then you sneeze; Allergic, a lassie named Todd The crocuses happily blooming "If allergies plague you a lot, He's a sensitive youngster and how, Complained an old codger named Rick, Fundamentalist Elmer P. Titus, There once was a conduit plasma There was a young lady with asthma A man who lived in Alberquerque, A sensitive man used to sing, A tissue I'll hand you with ease, There was a young girl from Tyne Tees, The girl was a nine, simply stunning "Your plight," said the beauty, un-stripping, The doctor, a suave little runt An allergy specialist, Benny, "Then maybe I still can go there To add to my sexual Hell, I tried it, but that didn't work To add to my sexual Hell So sadly I reached in my shorts ... As a final resort, I confess, So I'm locked in my personal Hell You dear, that's a terrible problem,
This is file aqm
Oh dear, John, that sure is no joke; By the shore of the lake GoomieGitchie A dismal young man who would sneeze For this secret is concealed by high rankers: The symptoms are really quite rare A literary genius I'm not A young man near the Bridge of Blackwater, We all have those little brain cramps, It was more like a major brain fart; This headache I've had for five days, Spending almost a fortnight of days This wintery coughing and sneezing A study the government staked, This man was a really bad bloke; A comical actor named Kane A poet with M.D. diploma Too bad for my poor brother Steve; My girlfriend is bald as an egg, Tobacco, a main cause of cancer. It took three score and two, There once was a fellow named Gus, Cigarette makers under the gun, A city's decay we invision -- The up-to-date baby boomer, Thanks to cancer esophageal, The gall bladder rarely has cancer; Five years with a malignant tumor, In a clinic for better or worse, Said the oncologist at the 'C' clinic, A clever young fellow named Bricker Since cancer, I'm feeling quite saggy; My plastic breasts will outlive me, Where's my libido that used to burn?
It's the young hetero's I do fear,
That still take the chance
On unprotected romance,
Be it frontways or sideways or rear.
--- John Miller
Developed a curious rash;
Her allergist said,
"Use wampum instead,
You're highly allergic to cash."
--- Limericks Unlimited P2005
Remarked as I sat down beside her,
"From my toes to my chin
I'm allergic to sin."
And so I gave in and untied her.
--- Alsops Foibles
Whose nose was as long as his rod.
His violent hayfever
At the sight of a beaver,
Made some women think he was God.
--- Lloyd Rawley
I'm allergic...Atchoo!...to twat.
So sorry, Louise,"
He said down on his knees,
As he cleaned up his glutinous snot.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who is prone to hayfever attacks
For the prime of the year
To Cupid so dear
Stretches maidens--and men!--on their backs.
--- James Joyce P9007
The flower, the plant, and the tree.
It all makes me shiver,
As I have hayfever,
And it's the last place that I want to be.
--- Anon
In the outback, brings pleasure to bees.
It's the principle reason
That the allergy season
Brings Australia at large to its sneeze.
--- A N Wilkins P8611
Closing windows won't avert allergies.
How, in a drought,
Can pollen be about?
It's too hot now for even the bees.
--- Jenni Saqua
Bewails, "I must guard against cod,
All fish, and clam chowder,"
But adds even louder,
I'M ESPECIALLY SCARED I'LL GET SCROD!"
--- Armand E Singer 32
Are a drummer that summertime's looming.
But we're the folks of the faction
With allergic reaction,
Hoping crocuses croak without pluming.
--- H Kleidman
And your sinuses clog up with snot,
Then get fast relief
From all of that grief,
By sticking your nose up my twat."
--- Travis Brasell
When he's stung by a wasp! Holy cow!
So allergic was he,
The he died, almost...See?
He's in anaphylactic shock now.
--- Anon
"Arthritis is making me sick;
My back gives me hell,
My joints always swell,
Most everything's stiff 'cept my dick."
--- Armand Singer P0101
Could worship despite his nephritis,
But he shrieked in alarm.
He could not raise his arms,
Due to his painful, chronic arthritis.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0103
Which emitted a toxic miasma.
The gas was so strong
With such a great pong,
That soon it gave everyone asthma.
--- Sasscat Butory
Who drank a whole bottle of plasma;
It cleared up her chest
And gave her some rest,
But made her see purple phantasma.
--- Limber Limericks
Was allergic to eating cold turkey.
One slice on his plate
Caused him to gyrate,
And his movements grew terribly jerky.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I'm allergic to 'most everything.
When my skin isn't itchin',
My nostrils are twitchin'.
I can't wait for new pollens this spring.
--- Sam Chen
Since always you must chooses to sneeze.
So wipe up your snot;
You've got such a lot,
And try to be more clean, if you please.
--- Wersh
When with boys, would develop a sneeze.
Her problem allergy
Caused loss of energy;
The boys thought that she had a disease,
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Her legs opened wide to my cunning
But on the first sniff
Instead of a stiff
I'd watery eyes and nose running
--- Anon
"Is sad if not utterly gripping.
You must see a doc
On the state of your cock:
It's the wrong stupid head I see dripping!"
--- Anon
Was expensive and terribly blunt:
"You're strangely afflicted,
Instead of ADDICTED
You're HIGHLY ALLERGIC to cunt!"
--- Anon
Offered his thoughts for my penny:
"The problem's the thatch
On the hatch of the snatch:
Pussy dander's a problem for many."
--- Anon
If I have the girls shave off the hair?"
He said, "The mere stubble
Will still give you trouble;
Perhaps you should sell them on Nair."
--- Anon
I leaned when I set out to quell
My immoderate urgin'
With an underage virgin,
I'm allergin to cherry, as well.
--- John Miller
The problem just drove me berserk
'Cause when I went there
With my bottle of Nair
The ladies all thought me a jerk
--- Anon
I learned when I set out to quell
My immoderate urgin'
With underage virgin:
-- I'm allergic to cherry as well!
--- Anon
Though the first time I got off in quarts
Even that route is banned;
When I took things in hand
I broke out in genital warts
--- Anon
I tried a liaison with Bess
But that wise old cow
Raised her tail up and now
My bollocks are one shitty mess ...
--- Anon
Both driven and kept out as well
Soon I'll sleep with the dead
Or screw them instead
If there's some way to get past the smell ...
--- Anon
If you truly can't wobble or gobble 'em.
But be happy on Valentine's
When you're drinkin' your Ballantines,
You won't have to squabble or bauble 'em.
--- Hugh Clary
I told Dr Wang, and the bloke
Said: if all else fails,
Try lifing the tails
Of shirts, and give nancies a poke.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Sat Hiawatha, allergic and itchy.
"The pollen is bad,
But what makes me feel 'had'
Is my wife is all stuffed up and bitchy!"
--- Anon
So hard, he'd fall on his knees.
He knew what was wrong;
He just didn't belong
Near pollen that came from the trees.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Politicians, and even some bankers!
They don't want you to know
How the brain rot does grow;
You'll know when you first get brain cankers!
--- Anon
Only 1 in 10 million needs despair.
If you catch this disease
Just put your mind at ease
'Cause soon you won't have one to even care!
--- Anon
This is evident because of brain rot
But my mind has been spoken.
But as a small token
In regards to your comments: Thanks a lot!
--- Anon
Who daily got shorter and shorter,
"The reason," he said,
"Is the brains in me head
Get so heavy that I fear a disorder."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
And need some more bulbs in our lamps.
It's mushy and slick,
And nothing will stick,
Like needing more glue on some stamps.
--- Anon
Now these I have raised to an art.
Inside my big head
Many brain cells are dead,
But I still have a very strong heart!
--- Anon
Is made by some gremlin who plays
With his TNT.
Brain hurts; I can't see
Too much but this gray-purple haze.
--- Anon
Sick in bed from a winter malaise,
Full strength dishing flack;
I hope soon I'll be back.
Teaching others that rhyme never pays.
--- Anon
Is something I find quite displeasing.
But so far -- touch wood --
My breathing's been good,
And my rod is responding to teasing.
--- Anon
The following finding did make:
Coffee -- drink up tons.
Avoid Parkinsons!
One way or the other, you'll shake.
--- Tom Myers
Always trying to sell a pig in a poke.
Cheating and stealing,
Wheeling and dealing,
People laughed when the guy had a stroke.
--- John Chastaine
Much fame on TV did attain.
His renowned sense of humor
Was induced by a tumor,
Which affected the back of his brain.
--- Albin Chaplin
Liked words with a pleasant aroma.
When pressed for an answer,
He never said "Cancer!"
But instead, "You've a cute carcinoma."
--- Laurence Perrine P8802
His tough news is hard to believe.
His motto to beat
Was once: "All you can eat"
Alas, now it's all you can heave!
--- Anon
(No I wouldn't be pulling you leg)
With her cancerous condition
For now, in remission,
We'll enjoy to the very last dreg.
--- John Miller 0124
With all of us praying an answer.
2000 AD,
In Webster's shall we
Discover that glorious canswer?
--- Irving Superior P9202
To learn not to offend all of you.
But now without warning,
My stomach is storming,
And BELCHING right out of the blue.
--- Anon
With a stomach as his esophagus.
After chemo and rad,
(That's the best that they had.)
He never regretted the fuss.
--- Anon
Explains an old adman named Dunn,
Have begun a campaign
To say, in the main,
"Chemothereapy really is fun."
--- A N Wilkins P8512B
The time is now ripe for decision.
It appears that the answer
Is the same as for cancer,
And cancer is cured by incision.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2561
When faced with a cancerous tumor,
Eats raw shark and green tea,
Grape seed, vitamin C,
And develops a dark sense of humor.
--- Anon
Now I can see the whole deal.
To be born is to die,
And to laugh is to cry,
The life's point is to keep down a meal.
--- Anon
For this we do not have an answer.
But when tumors are found,
There are stones all around;
It is cause and effect or a chancer.
--- L H Sobin P9003
Jack's death is no longer a rumor;
No larynx or tongue,
A great actor, stung
By a random act of God's humor.
--- David Miller
With a cancer and an empty purse,
With the grave calling,
And the scene appalling,
I took a breath and jumped on the nurse.
--- Anon
Said, "Dear, it will not be a picnic.
But if you pay each bill,
I'll have dough in the till,
To send my kids to Cal Polytechnic."
--- Anon
Made cigarettes longer and thicker.
His improved filter pore
Gave enjoyment to more,
And the cancer was king-sized and quicker.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2469B
It calls for a wardrobe that baggy.
When Hubby cried FRUMP,
I replied with HARRUMPH.
You can sleep in the doghouse with Maggie.
--- Karen Amstutz
Even if I die at sea.
Even sharks won't eat
This man-made treat;
Two orbs surface, now floating free.
--- Karen Amstutz
What will it take to make it return?
Try the cream, spread the gel,
Olive oil? Kiss and tell.
I feel sexy as a potted fern.
--- Karen Amstutz