MORE

Gays got the message, my dear,
It's the young hetero's I do fear,
That still take the chance
On unprotected romance,
Be it frontways or sideways or rear.
--- John Miller

A wealthy old woman in Ash
Developed a curious rash;
Her allergist said,
"Use wampum instead,
You're highly allergic to cash."
--- Limericks Unlimited P2005

A gorgeous young creature from Ider
Remarked as I sat down beside her,
"From my toes to my chin
I'm allergic to sin."
And so I gave in and untied her.
--- Alsops Foibles

There once was a fellow named Todd
Whose nose was as long as his rod.
His violent hayfever
At the sight of a beaver,
Made some women think he was God.
--- Lloyd Rawley

"Oh Bugger!" said Tim, "I forgot
I'm allergic...Atchoo!...to twat.
So sorry, Louise,"
He said down on his knees,
As he cleaned up his glutinous snot.
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a young gallant named Sax
Who is prone to hayfever attacks
For the prime of the year
To Cupid so dear
Stretches maidens--and men!--on their backs.
--- James Joyce P9007

Mother nature is wonderful to see:
The flower, the plant, and the tree.
It all makes me shiver,
As I have hayfever,
And it's the last place that I want to be.
--- Anon

Though the pollen that's borne on the breeze
In the outback, brings pleasure to bees.
It's the principle reason
That the allergy season
Brings Australia at large to its sneeze.
--- A N Wilkins P8611

Sinuses scream, then you sneeze;
Closing windows won't avert allergies.
How, in a drought,
Can pollen be about?
It's too hot now for even the bees.
--- Jenni Saqua

Allergic, a lassie named Todd
Bewails, "I must guard against cod,
All fish, and clam chowder,"
But adds even louder,
I'M ESPECIALLY SCARED I'LL GET SCROD!"
--- Armand E Singer 32

The crocuses happily blooming
Are a drummer that summertime's looming.
But we're the folks of the faction
With allergic reaction,
Hoping crocuses croak without pluming.
--- H Kleidman

"If allergies plague you a lot,
And your sinuses clog up with snot,
Then get fast relief
From all of that grief,
By sticking your nose up my twat."
--- Travis Brasell

He's a sensitive youngster and how,
When he's stung by a wasp! Holy cow!
So allergic was he,
The he died, almost...See?
He's in anaphylactic shock now.
--- Anon

Complained an old codger named Rick,
"Arthritis is making me sick;
My back gives me hell,
My joints always swell,
Most everything's stiff 'cept my dick."
--- Armand Singer P0101

Fundamentalist Elmer P. Titus,
Could worship despite his nephritis,
But he shrieked in alarm.
He could not raise his arms,
Due to his painful, chronic arthritis.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0103

There once was a conduit plasma
Which emitted a toxic miasma.
The gas was so strong
With such a great pong,
That soon it gave everyone asthma.
--- Sasscat Butory

There was a young lady with asthma
Who drank a whole bottle of plasma;
It cleared up her chest
And gave her some rest,
But made her see purple phantasma.
--- Limber Limericks

A man who lived in Alberquerque,
Was allergic to eating cold turkey.
One slice on his plate
Caused him to gyrate,
And his movements grew terribly jerky.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A sensitive man used to sing,
I'm allergic to 'most everything.
When my skin isn't itchin',
My nostrils are twitchin'.
I can't wait for new pollens this spring.
--- Sam Chen

A tissue I'll hand you with ease,
Since always you must chooses to sneeze.
So wipe up your snot;
You've got such a lot,
And try to be more clean, if you please.
--- Wersh

There was a young girl from Tyne Tees,
When with boys, would develop a sneeze.
Her problem allergy
Caused loss of energy;
The boys thought that she had a disease,
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The girl was a nine, simply stunning
Her legs opened wide to my cunning
But on the first sniff
Instead of a stiff
I'd watery eyes and nose running
--- Anon

"Your plight," said the beauty, un-stripping,
"Is sad if not utterly gripping.
You must see a doc
On the state of your cock:
It's the wrong stupid head I see dripping!"
--- Anon

The doctor, a suave little runt
Was expensive and terribly blunt:
"You're strangely afflicted,
Instead of ADDICTED
You're HIGHLY ALLERGIC to cunt!"
--- Anon

An allergy specialist, Benny,
Offered his thoughts for my penny:
"The problem's the thatch
On the hatch of the snatch:
Pussy dander's a problem for many."
--- Anon

"Then maybe I still can go there
If I have the girls shave off the hair?"
He said, "The mere stubble
Will still give you trouble;
Perhaps you should sell them on Nair."
--- Anon

To add to my sexual Hell,
I leaned when I set out to quell
My immoderate urgin'
With an underage virgin,
I'm allergin to cherry, as well.
--- John Miller

I tried it, but that didn't work
The problem just drove me berserk
'Cause when I went there
With my bottle of Nair
The ladies all thought me a jerk
--- Anon

To add to my sexual Hell
I learned when I set out to quell
My immoderate urgin'
With underage virgin:
-- I'm allergic to cherry as well!
--- Anon

So sadly I reached in my shorts ...
Though the first time I got off in quarts
Even that route is banned;
When I took things in hand
I broke out in genital warts
--- Anon

As a final resort, I confess,
I tried a liaison with Bess
But that wise old cow
Raised her tail up and now
My bollocks are one shitty mess ...
--- Anon

So I'm locked in my personal Hell
Both driven and kept out as well
Soon I'll sleep with the dead
Or screw them instead
If there's some way to get past the smell ...
--- Anon

You dear, that's a terrible problem,
If you truly can't wobble or gobble 'em.
But be happy on Valentine's
When you're drinkin' your Ballantines,
You won't have to squabble or bauble 'em.
--- Hugh Clary

This is file aqm

Oh dear, John, that sure is no joke;
I told Dr Wang, and the bloke
Said: if all else fails,
Try lifing the tails
Of shirts, and give nancies a poke.
--- Tiddy Ogg

By the shore of the lake GoomieGitchie
Sat Hiawatha, allergic and itchy.
"The pollen is bad,
But what makes me feel 'had'
Is my wife is all stuffed up and bitchy!"
--- Anon

A dismal young man who would sneeze
So hard, he'd fall on his knees.
He knew what was wrong;
He just didn't belong
Near pollen that came from the trees.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

For this secret is concealed by high rankers:
Politicians, and even some bankers!
They don't want you to know
How the brain rot does grow;
You'll know when you first get brain cankers!
--- Anon

The symptoms are really quite rare
Only 1 in 10 million needs despair.
If you catch this disease
Just put your mind at ease
'Cause soon you won't have one to even care!
--- Anon

A literary genius I'm not
This is evident because of brain rot
But my mind has been spoken.
But as a small token
In regards to your comments: Thanks a lot!
--- Anon

A young man near the Bridge of Blackwater,
Who daily got shorter and shorter,
"The reason," he said,
"Is the brains in me head
Get so heavy that I fear a disorder."
--- Linda Marsh Coll

We all have those little brain cramps,
And need some more bulbs in our lamps.
It's mushy and slick,
And nothing will stick,
Like needing more glue on some stamps.
--- Anon

It was more like a major brain fart;
Now these I have raised to an art.
Inside my big head
Many brain cells are dead,
But I still have a very strong heart!
--- Anon

This headache I've had for five days,
Is made by some gremlin who plays
With his TNT.
Brain hurts; I can't see
Too much but this gray-purple haze.
--- Anon

Spending almost a fortnight of days
Sick in bed from a winter malaise,
Full strength dishing flack;
I hope soon I'll be back.
Teaching others that rhyme never pays.
--- Anon

This wintery coughing and sneezing
Is something I find quite displeasing.
But so far -- touch wood --
My breathing's been good,
And my rod is responding to teasing.
--- Anon

A study the government staked,
The following finding did make:
Coffee -- drink up tons.
Avoid Parkinsons!
One way or the other, you'll shake.
--- Tom Myers

This man was a really bad bloke;
Always trying to sell a pig in a poke.
Cheating and stealing,
Wheeling and dealing,
People laughed when the guy had a stroke.
--- John Chastaine

A comical actor named Kane
Much fame on TV did attain.
His renowned sense of humor
Was induced by a tumor,
Which affected the back of his brain.
--- Albin Chaplin

A poet with M.D. diploma
Liked words with a pleasant aroma.
When pressed for an answer,
He never said "Cancer!"
But instead, "You've a cute carcinoma."
--- Laurence Perrine P8802

Too bad for my poor brother Steve;
His tough news is hard to believe.
His motto to beat
Was once: "All you can eat"
Alas, now it's all you can heave!
--- Anon

My girlfriend is bald as an egg,
(No I wouldn't be pulling you leg)
With her cancerous condition
For now, in remission,
We'll enjoy to the very last dreg.
--- John Miller 0124

Tobacco, a main cause of cancer.
With all of us praying an answer.
2000 AD,
In Webster's shall we
Discover that glorious canswer?
--- Irving Superior P9202

It took three score and two,
To learn not to offend all of you.
But now without warning,
My stomach is storming,
And BELCHING right out of the blue.
--- Anon

There once was a fellow named Gus,
With a stomach as his esophagus.
After chemo and rad,
(That's the best that they had.)
He never regretted the fuss.
--- Anon

Cigarette makers under the gun,
Explains an old adman named Dunn,
Have begun a campaign
To say, in the main,
"Chemothereapy really is fun."
--- A N Wilkins P8512B

A city's decay we invision --
The time is now ripe for decision.
It appears that the answer
Is the same as for cancer,
And cancer is cured by incision.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2561

The up-to-date baby boomer,
When faced with a cancerous tumor,
Eats raw shark and green tea,
Grape seed, vitamin C,
And develops a dark sense of humor.
--- Anon

Thanks to cancer esophageal,
Now I can see the whole deal.
To be born is to die,
And to laugh is to cry,
The life's point is to keep down a meal.
--- Anon

The gall bladder rarely has cancer;
For this we do not have an answer.
But when tumors are found,
There are stones all around;
It is cause and effect or a chancer.
--- L H Sobin P9003

Five years with a malignant tumor,
Jack's death is no longer a rumor;
No larynx or tongue,
A great actor, stung
By a random act of God's humor.
--- David Miller

In a clinic for better or worse,
With a cancer and an empty purse,
With the grave calling,
And the scene appalling,
I took a breath and jumped on the nurse.
--- Anon

Said the oncologist at the 'C' clinic,
Said, "Dear, it will not be a picnic.
But if you pay each bill,
I'll have dough in the till,
To send my kids to Cal Polytechnic."
--- Anon

A clever young fellow named Bricker
Made cigarettes longer and thicker.
His improved filter pore
Gave enjoyment to more,
And the cancer was king-sized and quicker.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2469B

Since cancer, I'm feeling quite saggy;
It calls for a wardrobe that baggy.
When Hubby cried FRUMP,
I replied with HARRUMPH.
You can sleep in the doghouse with Maggie.
--- Karen Amstutz

My plastic breasts will outlive me,
Even if I die at sea.
Even sharks won't eat
This man-made treat;
Two orbs surface, now floating free.
--- Karen Amstutz

Where's my libido that used to burn?
What will it take to make it return?
Try the cream, spread the gel,
Olive oil? Kiss and tell.
I feel sexy as a potted fern.
--- Karen Amstutz


MORE