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A fellow from Ruff and named Stickley If Death is just a long night, We're missing a Miss from Decatur, The trouble with cancer, says Erving, (his last written words, died Oct 11, 2000)
The dark Stygian ferry to Hades, As the poets have mournfully sung, We all are sprung forth from the womb, There was a young person of Perth, Reflect on the fate of poor Ned An elderly fellow named Berms The choices you made are just fine; The will of a lecher named Gore, "He was such a nice guy," remarked Ray A sturdy young fellow named Kell Being last to survive his tontine, A commonplace fellow named Sy There was an old man in a hearse, I knew he was waiting for me. There once was a woman named Christy, There was an old maid of Genoa, My best friend just died Saturday; There was an old person of Persia, Said a learned philosopher, Kurtz, Momentos are priceless they say, A weird quirk of mine, you may say, My dear, good buddy has died; There once was a fellow who died, Today, politics is not so great. There was a young lady of Clyde, The medical doctors are great! Morticians attracted by mention, An elderly woman named Faye, Though sick and diseased was old Shrife; Neptune Society members can't win; Your coffin lies open, agape, "Once you're sixty," a patriarch said, An old Democrat politician A survey of diners in Kent There was a young woman from Kent, Grandpa got his heavenly reward. To Necropolis, City of Death, I'd like to go out in a jiff My grand pop dug gold in CA, On Monday, a fellow named Grundy The highest praise, somebody said, An ominous fellow named Sy A lady who was very distressed On his death bed, Sheik Abdul ben Phools The cadaver of Jenny-Lee Joan A porno book writer named Bell Birdsong trills up from the bed Gordon Dorris was one of the best, (In Remembrance)
A man with a terrible cough And elderly fellow named Fred, Here lies an old stinker from Stoneham. (de mortuis etc - ?? probably don't speak ill of the dead)
There was a young lady of Nimes, We hope when your numbers come up An odd fellow in old Marblehead A man called Carrington Bride, In the States, if you die of a seizure, The lodgings of cowboys are humble. A hefty young lady from Perkins Avoid costly funeral debt; A royal person walked through the town. A woman named Eleanor Weep, As we ponder the ethical scope There once was a girl named Millie,
Was found to be terribly sickly;
His progressive disease
Made him wobble and wheeze,
And his passing occurred rather quickly.
--- Cap'n Bean P0202
Then I think it is only right
To do more than sleep,
Or count bloody sheep,
But do as a living man might.
--- Phil T
Who was shaped rather like a potater;
And it's whispered around
That she'll never be found--
It's likely the tater-bugs ate her!
--- Norm Storer
The slowness is very un-nerving.
Though one knows one hasta,
A train wreck is fasta,
Or hitting an upright when swerving.
--- Irving Superior P0011
Is for newly dead men and/or ladies;
All are welcomed the same,
Howsoever they came,
If by foot, or by beast, or Mercedes.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Death takes the innocent young,
The rolling in money.
The screamingly funny,
And those folks who are very well hung.
--- W H Auden
As the journey begins to our tomb;
From the moment of birth,
We inhabit the earth,
On the pathway that leads to our doom.
--- Cap'n Bean
Who was born on the day of his birth.
He was married, they say,
On his wife's wedding day,
And died when he quitted this earth.
--- L Untermeyer
Who never is life, (it is said)
Indulged in lewd practice;
However, the fact is
He's got his hole, now that he's dead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was obsessive-compulsive with germs,
'Till he died in his sleep
And they buried him deep,
And now he's just food for the worms.
--- Cap'n Bean
They're not the same choices as mine.
But, if you've been just,
When you turn to dust,
Then for your soul, your family won't pine.
--- Anon
Revealed a cremation in store:
Bedeviled by lust, he
Had named a whore trustee
To haul his old ashes once more.
--- Anon
Of his boss, who had just passed away.
But in an aside,
Ray explained to his bride,
"That's 'nice guy' spelled P-R-I-C-K."
--- Michael Weinstein P8702
When born, had a bad sickly spell.
He improved right along
To be robust and strong;
When he died, he was healthy as hell.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2637
All the spoils and booze came to Joe Green.
He swilled down the champagne,
Spoke of crushing chest pain.
Then combusting, was never more seen.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0301
To life on this earth said goodbye.
When they buried his bones,
There were moanings and groans,
On account of the cost, which was high.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2810
Who murmured, "This might have been worse.
Of course, the expense
Is simply immense,
But it doesn't come out of my purse."
--- Anon
Our lives are aligned -- meant to be.
Alas! I found out
And I now have no doubt,
He died in 1863.
--- Marlene Lewis
Who died while the air was quite misty,
In a manner quite harsh,
By the edge of the marsh,
Where the maples grew crooked and twisty.
--- Cap'n Bean
I blush when I think what I owe her.
She's gone to her rest,
And it's all for the best;
Otherwise I would borrow Samoa.
--- Anon
It's left me is such a bad way.
I must leave awhile;
I've nary a smile.
Thank you for the laughs and the play.
--- Bridget
Who called two nasturtium 'nasturtia'.
How precious! What pedantry!
A Pedant and sedentary!
He died of progressive inertia.
--- William Plomer
Atheism is something that hurts;
I'd like to live forever.
Alas, I will never;
Death is everyman's just desserts.
--- Alexander Baron
Because memories oft fade away;
That's the reason that Sue
Kept the body of Lou
Her husband who'd long passed away.
--- Cap'n Bean P0202
I still lay a rose every day,
(And my May is to blame
For the girl played a game),
At the place where my love died in May.
--- Anon
He ate too much food that was fried.
He loved fish and chips,
Fried chicken and dips
And for that his grave is occupied.
--- Bill Wall
His beautiful wife at his side;
And once he was dead,
She took hold of his head,
And she cried and she cried and she cried.
--- Cap'n Bean P0011
Questions of honesty won't abate.
When the governor died,
The media decried;
He was attacked for lying in state.
--- Tom Patton P0609
Who lost young McBryde when he died.
Not too long did she tarry
And Mcbryde's maid did marry --
So McBrydesmaid she was, not McBryde.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2505
They believe in "statistical fate,"
And have proven this way,
There are more dead today
Than there were back in old sixty-eight.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P9306
Should learn how to use some discretion.
When "lifting the palls"
And "cooling the balls",
They'd best "pay respects" to secretion.
--- Anon
Whose skin became moldy and gray;
She was teeming with germs,
And infested with worms,
And she perished of nasty decay.
--- Cap'n Bean P0409
He lived ninety years with this strife.
When he dropped dead from dropsy,
They performed an autopsy
To determine the cause of his life.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2792
This is file adm
All of them must take it on the chin.
Their rules will not bend;
You must live until the end;
Why are members dieing to get in?
--- Tom Patton P0408
All lined with a velvety drape,
Awaiting the day
It will cart you away;
From death you can never escape.
--- Cap'n Bean P0309
"If you wake up one morning in bed
With no aches and pains
Or similar banes,
You can be pretty sure that you're dead."
--- A N Wilkins P8509
Sat for days without changing position.
When the roll-call was read,
Someone cried, "This one's dead!"
So the speaker said, "Call a mortician!"
--- Don Mulford
Gives cause for extensive lament;
The number who die
After eating goose pie
Is precisely one hundred percent.
--- Laurence Perrine P9306
Who thought death an unlikely event.
"Not so!" I told her,
'Cause as we grow older,
The chance is one hundred percent.
--- Richard Long
He slept driving a crowded Ford.
When it's my fateful day
Let me go the same way
With a window sign, "ONE ON BOARD."
--- Tom Patton P9504
A classical philosopher saith,
"All reluctantly go;
Yet no matter how slow,
On arrival, they're all out of breath."
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim
Like my Grandfather did, lucky stiff!
He died while a-dreamin,
And missed his friends' screaming--
As his car hurtled over the cliff.
--- Norm Storer P9504
Came back and had roll in the hay,
And started the thread
And now he's dead,
And I'm here in Castletown Bay.
--- Anon
Was born and got christened. But one day
After that, He soon married,
Fell ill, then mis-carried;
Sadly died and was buried on Sunday.
--- Doug Harris
Is reserved until after you're dead.
But Kenneth B. Lane
Says this is insane,
When your fan club resides in your head.
--- Bob Seigler
Predicted the moment he'd die,
And he proved to be right;
It was seven at night,
On the thirty-first day of July.
--- Cap'n Bean P0012
That animals never got dressed,
Once diapered a horse
And a bull, and of course,
Prematurely she was laid to her rest.
--- Anon
Exhorted his sons with these rules:
"Avoid camel dung
And men better hung,
Protect your own family jewels!"
--- Mark Levy P9401
Was displayed, at her wake, on a stone;
She was draped in a sheet,
With a rose by her feet,
And was sprayed with a dainty cologne.
--- Cap'n Bean P0401
Wrote strokebooks that sold very well.
One day he dropped dead
And his publisher said,
"He raised more meat than Swift or Hormel."
--- Michael Weinstein P8702
Of a man fully certified dead;
Expressing elation
As reincarnation
Recycles what used to be Fred.
--- Chris Woodger P0411
And now he has been put to rest.
We were in the same squad;
Now he's marchig with God.
His wife and his children were blest.
--- Al Willis P9601
Decided on Christmas to doff
His warm woolen socks;
He was put in a box
And the black buggy carried him off.
--- Agusta Wind P0604
In the middle of winter, went dead;
His widow named Flo,
Took him out in the snow,
And she pulled him about on a sled.
--- Cap'n Bean P0302
I can't say I'm glad to have known 'im.
He was filthy, a cheat,
A rat-fink, a dead-beat,
But 'de mortuis nil nisi bonum.'
--- John Ciardi
Who murdered herself in a dream.
Since then she repeats
To all that she meets,
"I am much more defunct than I seem."
--- Little Billie
You'll gather us up in a truck
And take us with you,
And whatever you do,
Be sure to show us your D cups!
--- Anon
Spent his life just sleeping in bed.
Then one night he awoke
And thought it a bad joke,
When St Peter told him he was dead.
--- Warrick Elrod P0209
Cared not if he lived or he died.
But when he was dead
He lay on his bed,
And he cried, and he cried, and he cried.
--- Spike Milligan
Cryogenecists rapidly freeze yer
To preserve your last breath
Until science cures death;
Then they'll melt you again at their leisure.
--- John Dole P9705
They live in a terrible jumble;
But they thrive on the dirt,
And unless they get hurt,
Old cowboys don't die, they just crumble.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Drank barrels of wine with her gherkins;
It wasn't her size
That caused her demise,
But too many pickles and firkins.
--- Lims Unlimited
Be buried without all that regret;
An affordable plan
For woman or man,
Costs only five bucks at the vet.
--- Travis Brasell
He said, "Why, the flags are all down.
That means somebody's dead."
"Yes you," someone said.
Obediently, he lay down.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
She died overnight, in her sleep;
Her husband, Charest,
Was denied his request,
When he asked for her body, to keep.
--- Cap'n Bean
Of a death, be it Schiavo or Pope,
That the pontiff may choose,
While another refuse,
Is the concept that gives us all hope.
--- Limerick Savant
Who danced until she was silly.
Her head in a whirl,
She died. The poor girl.
The buried her, holding a lily.
--- Mehitable TP9804
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