MORE
Gracious How this bizarre sequence grew! Though the customs men had quite a start As the terminus of her design, Now Miss Gift's in a jail in Back Bay Had I shot her in ninety and one, But since you are not very rich, When your family does get on your nerve, I agree, your suggestion's a comer; They sleep every day until noon, Us country boy teens couldn't swoon Miranda, remember an inn, In that inn, Miranda, do you And now Miranda, remember, You've freely given your quim, The most blackmailable man on the hill, She had her brief uses, it's true, And shaking my head, I just sigh; Oh woe; for impending is doom. So dingy you wouldn't believe; And that means each fractional cent Or a small cardboard box and a mat, So off I shall go very soon, Mrs Jones was suspected of killing On searching the garden they found They raided her larder that night (These verses I've tried to keep clean With evidence mounting, she said, I said to him, "Why can't you play "I'll do what I like, you old bat." "You bastard!" I said, and I tore His soft fleshy pieces I charred on At her trial the psychiatrist said Joe found a cure for headache pain, What Joe did not know was his bitch, The witch (the ex-bitch) was wee miffed, The witch (the ex-bitch) was now happy. The witch (the ex-bitch) was then falling; The moral, this story proclaims Big Brother now wants to relate Let's say my next victim is gay; At the same time, I mustn't be slack My head I'll bow low if I choose Also Squareheads, and Froggies, and Poles, So next time I'm offing some slob, The couple next door had a daughter, I read this and thought, "What a peasant!" Incompetent circus star Clive's Then one of the wives got away Though Clive is inept tossing sabers, I have gotten out my big saber There once was a sailor named May, A purchaser once was inspired Golden lads, and girls all must, "There's a lump in your mattress", said Fred. At the funeral service for Jude, Beneath his piano young Deever Old Johnson despised all hilarity; I don't think I'll conquer dysfunction A TV fanatic named Mariel A precious young baby named Faye, A elderly fellow named Zeke There was a young lady named Ruth, Death and taxes remain the twin curse While his duchess lay practically dead, An old fart in high eighties can't write; An explorer in search of great treasure,
When from love nest our murderess withdrew,
For with passport in hand
(In her luggage, his gland)
On a jet down to Rio she flew.
--- G1983
On discovering his eerie spare part,
She excused its appearance,
And gained rapid clearance
By declaring it: "Gift--Work of Art."
--- G1984
She, in action uniquely benign,
Gave the latin pretender
Their dead sweetheart's pudenda,
Saying, "Here dear, you left this behind!"
--- G1985
Where she'll languish for many a day.
You see, morally, Bean Town
Is a dreadfully clean town,
In which crime of this sort doesn't pay.
--- G1986
When I caught her with Steve and his son,
She'd be dead for more years;
I'd be quaffing my beers,
'Cause parole I'd already have won.
--- Eugene L
If you went and shot up the bitch,
You would not get parole.
You'd be stuck in a hole
Being raped by some fellow named Mitch.
--- Eugene L
Don't you want to give what they deserve?
Not content with o-pax,
Just relax with an axe,
And behead them with just one smooth serve.
--- Ulla
As we are right in the middle of summer,
Because school is out,
Most days I want to shout
'Cause I'm trapped with three teens -- what a bummer!
--- Jeanie
Then they shower until they're a prune.
Dirty glasses and plates,
Odd socks and free weights,
In my living room, these are all strewn.
--- Jeanie
Past four a.m.! Heck babe, by noon
I'd milked the damn cow,
Fetched eggs, fed the sow,
And screwed me a barnyard of poon.
--- Travis Brasell
Where you had them all in a spin?
When the chandelier broke
And you thought it a joke,
And your twat landed in that fellow's gin.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Remember you swore to be true?
Then fellated the waiter,
Blew the old undertaker,
And boffed the ferry boat's crew.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
What I told you last December.
You've been such a tart,
I'll tear you apart;
I'm going to have you dismembered.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To him, and to him, and to him.
They all wanted you,
Now their dreams will come true;
I'm sending to them each a limb.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Might think he might do what he will,
And sit on committees
And ponder the titties,
Of the girl that he told thugs to kill;
--- Anon
But then when it's best that she flew,
She's taken, erased;
All done in hot haste,
With hardly a moment to rue;
--- Anon
A pity, this girl had to die.
For power corrupts,
And bucks upon bucks,
Tempt that elected official to lie.
--- Anon
A week in a far away room;
A small taste of hell
In some dingy hotel,
In a city renowned for its gloom.
--- Anon
Especially selected by Steve,
My boss, who is raving
And nuts about saving
Expenses which cause him to grieve.
--- Anon
Which might be, for comfort's sake, spent,
Is carefully weighed
And dismissed I'm afraid.
Why he's even suggested a tent.
--- Anon
A spade or a shovel (for that
Which one has to do
On occasions) and two
Cents a meal which just might feed a gnat.
--- Anon
Some three or so hours after noon,
To work yet again.
(Maybe ill I should feign
And phone Doctor Petunia Swoon.)
--- Anon
Her husband to use as a filling
In pastries and pies,
So the cops thought it wise
To arrest her and give her a grilling.
--- Peter W
A disturbed patch of earth and a mound
Where she'd buried the bones
Of the late Mr. Jones,
Just a yard and a half underground.
--- Peter W
And were shocked at the horrible sight
Of some twenty-four dozen
Meat pies which were buzzin'
With flies in the vanishing light.
--- Peter W
But the rest of the story's obscene.
If you really don't feel ya
Can take zoophilia,
Stop reading; you know what I mean.)
--- Peter W
"I confess that I wanted him dead,
'Cause I viewed with revulsion
His sexual compulsion
For jacking-off donkeys in bed.
--- Peter W
With your donkeys's dongs out in the hay,
'Cause I'm fed up with cleaning
And washing machining
Our bedsheets and blankets all day."
--- Peter W
Said my husband while screwing the cat.
"And I'll take up with dogs,
Armadillos and hogs,
Even elephants; how about that?"
--- Peter W
At his balls as we fell to the floor.
With a knife in my hand,
Which I swear wasn't planned,
I just stabbed him and mopped up the gore.
--- Peter W
The griddle while digging my garden.
And yes, I admit,
That I fondled my clit
As I pickled the bugger's last hard on.
--- Peter W
That she wasn't quite right in the head.
So they took her away
Without further delay
Firmly strapped to a hospital bed.
--- Peter W
And now he is happy again;
He took a late flight
With his wife one night,
And dropped the bitch out of the plane.
--- Travis Brasell
This is file aem
Indeed was naught but a witch.
A broom pulled out, she
For her man to see,
That she can fully fly with no hitch.
--- R Rezel
'Cause her man had set her adrift.
A spell she did caste,
And they heard a blast;
The crash of the plane was quite swift.
--- R Rezel
She had got rid of her ex-chappie.
Burst was her big bubble;
Her broom gave her trouble,
'Cause the engine on it was so scrappy.
--- R Rezel
Her screaming was simply appalling.
The witch was a bitch
Which is something which
Did not stop her destiny's calling.
--- R Rezel
That whenever bitches play games,
It's they who will suffer,
'Cause life's a lot tougher
For bitches who think they are dames.
--- R Rezel
Brutal actions to -- would you guess? -- Hate!
So before my next killing,
I have to be willing
To wipe all ill will off my slate.
--- John Miller
Why then, I must carefully say
Where it's sure to be heard,
"Hating queers is absurd,
Why, I've ALWAYS loved people that way!"
--- John Miller
To renounce, if the victim is black,
All my old negro jokes
"'Cause I do love those folks!"
Or the court will be taken aback.
--- John Miller
Some priest to blow out of his shoes.
And don't be surprised
If I get circumsized
To prove brotherhood with the Jews.
--- John Miller
I love all those clods, bless their souls.
I love all persuasions
(Even Germans and Asians)
While I fill up their bodies with holes.
--- John Miller
I'll declare for the witnessing mob,
As I'm twisting the knife,
"I'm not taking your life
'Cause I HATE you -- It's part of my job."
--- John Miller
Who was doing what she hadn't oughter.
She asked me my name,
And I said, "Are you game?"
She replied, "Yes I am," so I shot her.
--- Aussie Owl
Then read it again and thought, "Pheasant!"
If freshly deceased
And internally greased,
There is nothing for fucking so pleasant.
--- Peter Wilkins
Performance involves throwing knives.
This not-quite-great star gets
Cash, using as targets,
Unhappily married men's wives.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And tied poor old Clive to a tray.
She snatched up his dirk,
Cropped his dick with a jerk,
And gave it to children for play
--- Brian Belge
He's worth what he's earned for his labors.
And skills of poor aim
(At least that's the claim
Of widowers -- my happy neighbors.)
--- Travis Brasell
And peek at my sunbathing neighbor,
And get a good rhythm
To pump out some jithm --
The joy of just tossin my caber.
--- Archie
Who maintained his right of way.
He was right all along,
As he sailed straight and strong,
And he's now in his grave to this day.
--- Anon
To purchase until he'd acquired
All he could as a buyer.
He was quite the acquirer,
Acquiring until he expired.
--- Rory Ewins
Like chimney sweepers come to dust.
Heat from passion,
Right from the fun,
Must all one day come to bust.
--- Anon
"Yes I know; it's my husband -- he's dead.
A voyeur to the last,
He said, when he passed,
'Will you bury me here in the bed.'"
--- Peter Wilkins
Pandemonium quickly ensued;
The mourners all shrieked,
And the husband, he freaked
At her body - displayed in the nude!
--- Cap'n Bean P0102
Discovered his dying retriever.
Sometime later that day,
He met greater dismay --
'Neath his organ he found a dead beaver.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8812
To Scrooge he bore geat similarity.
When he died, in defiance,
His wife gave him to science,
For he'd never been given to charity.
--- Graham Lester
Until after I've had extreme unction;
Maybe peace can be found
When my bod's underground,
And my soul's at some faraway juction.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9306
Died but was not boxed for burial.
Instead she was aired,
But the Networks declared
That the broad cast a stench too malarial.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9401
She lived but for only a day;
She was buried in lace,
With a sad little face,
On a morning all chilly and gray.
--- Cap'n Bean P0312
Was known very seldom to speak;
They nudged him one day,
Just to see what he'd say,
And they found he'd been dead for a week.
--- Cap'n Bean P0111
Who had a great passion for truth.
She said she would die
Before she would lie,
But she died in the prime of her youth.
--- Anon
Of civilized men's universe.
But though taxes, we know,
Incessantly grow;
Death, at least never grows worse.
--- A N Wilkins P8704
The Duke of Daguerrodargue said:
"Can it be this is all?
How puny! How small!
It destroyed this disgrace to my bed."
--- Edward Gorey
A fact which causes delight.
A nasty old fellow,
I wish he would mellow,
And drift peacefully off into the night.
--- Jeffrey Beeton
Found he had little time for his leisure.
Quite in vain he pursueth
The Fountain Of Youth
And eventually died of old ageure.
--- Ryan Waldron
MORE