There once was a fellow named Harms,
Who was smitten with his own charms.
He said, "I've postponed
My death 'til I'm cloned,
So I can die in my own arms!"
--- Observer

A scientist, brilliant but poor,
Said "I'll clone myself once, but no more."
But each clone he did clone,
Cloned a clone of its own --
Now he can't even get to the door.
--- Joe Thompson

A cloning researcher named Debra
Mixed French DNA with a zebra,
Producing a foal,
That resembled DeGaulle,
A stripey bereted cause celebre.
--- Graham Lester

Said MarySue White cheerfully,
"There's a kink in my family tree.
Like Dolly the sheep,
I was cloned in my sleep,
And my mother and father are me."
--- Lynn Mostafa

True believers protest not, bemoan
The fact the man above on the throne
Started this image thing
By deciding to bring
Forth His son as the very first clone.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0110

You boffins have just cloned a cat;
Now what do you think about that?
I am not woosey,
But I like my pussy
To be warm, and furry, and fat.
--- Tony Burrell

Now, why do we choose what we do?
We cloned a cat, you a ewe.
To say "pussy" of cat
Is mere vulgar chat;
But to some, sheep's a substitute screw.
--- Dr Limerick

Though not in a funhouse, I found
Some 59 like me around
The laboratory
And the Doctor, said he,
"Oh, I was just cloning around."
--- Anon

Regarded with darkened perception,
Cloning's been thought of since its inception,
By many as evil,
The source of upheaval
And as immaculate misconception.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0110

Employers all thought they could own me
And relatives all wanted to stone me.
Life's a bitch as they say,
And I found it that way.
Still you have my permission to clone me.
--- Graham Lester

That wonderful telescope, Hubble,
Has spotted a planet, a double
Of ours, but the data,
(So says its translator,)
Suggest that the world is in trouble.

(predicion in 10 million years, no more human males)
--- Tiddy Ogg

It seems that that faraway zone
Is peopled by women alone,
And blokes are extincter
Than a dinosaur sphincter,
And all reproduction's by clone.
--- Tiddy Ogg

But now the whole place is in Hell,
From what NASA scientists tell.
You may think it's bosh,
But these tarts can't wash,
And they're getting oppressed by the smell.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So can we please send them a man,
And get him there quick as we can,
And rid their oppression,
Then they can refreshen,
Once bath spiders flush down the pan.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I'm sure that this group can provide,
A man who is willing to ride,
A million light years,
For these smelly dears,
And stay on the up windward side.
--- Carol

It's about time I too a bride,
So I'll volunteer for this ride,
'Cause I've no sense of smell
As long as she is well,
And gives me a bit on the side.
--- David Miller

Why did you send this just to me
Instead of the whole group? You see,
Although I am hot,
A virgin I'm not,
And don't give it away for free.
--- Carol

For punishment I am a glutton,
I simply just pushed the wrong button.
The fault is all mine,
Let's make up and dine,
On veggies and roast leg of mutton.
--- David Miller

For those folks who feel quite alone,
They might make their own friendly clone,
Except others say
"Though it's your DNA,
It's not an act we could CONDONE."
--- Chris Papa

"Shall we stop?" said Bill Clinton on cloning.
"Ethics, morals are out in the gloaming.
We've got to decide
If we can abide
With the questions now rampantly roaming."
--- Anon

Her brown eyes do not match her green.
Her legs? Two are large, one is lean.
Her fur is a shade
Of bright bluish-jade --
They call her Recombinant Jean.
--- Anon

Oh, give me a clone of my own flesh and bone;
The Y chromosome changed to an X.
And when she is grown,
My very own clone,
We will be of the opposite sex.
--- Anon

A Parisian mineral master
Discovered about alabaster,
That translucent lime
When ground is sublime
For mixing a castable plaster.
--- Rory Ewins Q

Take a silicate, then add some water;
Leave it millions of years (maybe shorter);
Keep it dripping or just
Let it slowly encrust;
You've got allophane. Sort of mortar.
--- David Morin

Any jeweler would make enough room in a
Setting for these, I presume in a
Crystalline form.
I'd say ruby's the norm,
Or else sapphire: two types of alumina.
--- David Morin

I said to my sister, "Now really, Kate,
You should know the answer, or nearly, Kate.
It's as easy as can be:
It's a silicate, see?
With the prefix alumino-, silly Kate.
--- David Morin

I'm sure it won't come as a shock,
That small bubbles appear in a flock,
Filled with stuff of all sorts,
Such as calcite and quartz;
They're amygdules igneous rock.
--- Shelia B

For all of us who had been forming
Denials about global warming,
We ought to think twice;
A Rhode Island of ice
Is collapsing. It might be a warning.
--- Dr Limerick 03-19-02

In Appalachia, love is like coal,
When the union of two is the goal.
At first it's bituminous,
And then it seems luminous,
And then anthracite fills up the hole.
--- Tom Patton P0105

It isn't without trepidation
That I go to New York on vacation,
Where the buildings, they say,
Are so tall they sway!
Do these stories have any foundation?
--- Laurence Perrine P9410

When the watera are wavy and bluey,
They find 'em a shoreline that's chewy,
Taking bites with their motion,
Digest in the ocean,
And spit up a barrier. Ptoeey!
--- Rory Ewins

The ground opened up a great fissure,
Expanding itself at it's lissure.
I tumbled and roled
As I fell through the hole,
While trying to measure it's missure.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It is nice that the world is so luminous,
For it helps chase away the dark gloom in us;
But just think how 'twould be
If we didn't have the
Very dirty old stuff called bituminous.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

This is file zxl

At his lectures on earth crust exploring,
I frequently find myself snoring.
I know it is crude
And I hate to be rude,
But I find that his content is boring.
--- Sheila B

Brecciation's the breaking apart
Of a rock into fragments, the start
Of a new brecciation
Through sedimentation.
It'd break a geologist's heart!
--- Rory Ewins

How Afganistan's recent earth quake
In a cross-border bomb-trial's wake,
Makes one ask if land slide
And blasts just coincide --
Or if cause and effect are at stake.
--- Prof M-G TP9806

The rising seas of EUSTACY
Will bring to surfers ecstacy,
For beaches they'll like
On a Sierra hike,
'Mid Redwood slalom fantasy.
--- Daniel Ford

What causes the mountains to lift?
What causes a fissure to rift?
What makes the ground shake
During an earthquake?
The answer is continental drift!
--- Chris Matthews

There was a geologist Jack
Who placed his dear wife on her back.
Then he lifted her gown
With a manifest frown,
And he studied the growth of her crack.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0484

A geologist searching the West
Met a whore whom he tackled with zest.
Every year with his staff
He showed plots on his graph,
To observe how her crack had progressed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1695

An Irish pawnbroker named Brock
Collapsed and was treated for shock
When the diamond he took
In good faith from a crook
Was discovered to be a sham rock.

(in Ellery Queen magazine)
--- William F Smith P9108 a

In Italy's mountains, one night,
I met a young girl said she might.
"A lira," she said,
"Won't get me into bed,
But then perhaps a Dolomite."
--- Anon

The Earth flat? Nay! I disagree!
An oblate spheroid it must be.
For if it were flat,
One couldn't say that;
We stick here from sheer gravity.
--- Friar TP9804

The earth must be flat, seems to me,
'Cause otherwise how could the sea
Which contains only water
Stay put, when it oughter,
Flow south, which is downwards. Agree?
--- Peter Wilkins TP9804

To her horrified teacher our Joan
Brought a blush and an audible groan,
When she said to Miss Worth,
"To the zones of the earth,
They should add the Erogenous Zone!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 252

Results of Earth-warming will be
The oceans rise with EUSTASY.
Our houses it'll reach
Instead of the beach,
No longer sight we use to see.
--- Chris Papa

Said a rock fan at school, while depressed:
"Rock formations are what I know best,
And the Stones are my band.
So I don't understand
How I failed this geology test!"
--- Prof M-G

At the whorehouse, geologist Max
The patience of harlots did tax.
Every crotch he laid bare
And examined with care,
Then rejected for faults in their cracks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1599

A feldspar is amazonite;
A green one, apparently, right?
No, no, no; it's a stone
Not the person you phone
At some mammonish book-selling site.
--- David Morin

Digging for fossils, old Ned
A geologist, sadly is dead.
His shovel hit bone;
"You leave that alone!"
Said a dinosaur, biting his head.
--- Anon

To fix all a boat's broken gear
Requires more than one engineer.
But for ID-ing schist
A geologist
Like Barbara, is great to have here.
--- Anon

The simpleton rockhound was told
Of the wonderful mine he had sold.
Simple said, "Wanted stones,
Or some fossilized bones.
But the mine had nothing but gold."
--- Cindy Lind

This takes some crust, and I should halt,
And not expose another fault.
Since I've a tin ear,
And very much fear,
Geology's not my gestalt.
--- Chris Papa

Not me, I've been hunting for rocks,
And stones and boulders and big blocks,
For almost a week,
Now some fun I seek,
So I'm going a-hunting for cocks.
--- Anon

The contentious Geologist, Schmaltz,
Knew his igneous rocks and basalts.
He then took a degree
In Seismology,
Succeeding in spite of his faults.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712 A

It may come somewhat as a blow,
But when in geology's show,
A tyro am I,
Abashedly shy,
And can't tell my KARST from elbow.
--- Chris Papa

A valley, in case you have doubt,
Like a mounbtain has rocks strewn about.
Though it's built of same stuff,
There is difference enough --
It's a mountain that's turned inside out.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2551

To add to my long list of fears,
Niagara Falls, it appears,
Is slowly receding;
A caution I'm heeding;
They'll be gone in just twelve thousand years.
--- Travis Brasell

There once was a little round rock
Who secretly wished for a cock
And this hidden vice
Shows she was not gneiss.
She settled for some granite block.
--- Anon

My geology job hit the boil.
Whilst prospecting for Texas oil,
The brilliant gusher
Was a sewerage flusher;
The landscape for miles I did spoil!
--- Anon

A beachcomber, finding an opal,
Found a buyer in Constantinople;
When he said to the buyer,
"Won't you go any higher?"
The buyer said, "No, but the Pope'll."
--- Lims Unlimited

The world's land masses in PANGAEA
Is attractive as an idea.
But this enthraller
Requires Earth smaller,
Hardly an easy panacea.
--- Daniel Ford

Set in the ancient seas foam,
PANGAEA, our early land home,
Was continent wide,
With mammoths beside
The places the dinosaurs roam.
--- Chris Papa

Said the old archaeologist Vince,
"All the skeptics we now shall convince.
For what lies here between us,
Is the petrified penis
Of a Persian, a prosperous prince."
--- Albin Chaplin

Said his cohort, "This stone nondescript
Is not what you think, you have slipped.
Your conclusion's absurd
It's a fossilized turd
Where a cat crept and crapped in the crypt."
--- Albin Chaplin

There once was a young English miner,
Who prospected a bit in North China.
He described a crevasse, in an igneous mass,
That ran horizontal, and sparkled like glass,
As a petrified Chinese vagina.
--- L1481

Quicksands burp and bubble;
Better cross them at the double.
If not, you see,
You soon will be
Up to your neck in trouble.
--- Anon